Yes I Can!

[bob]

Just to say I am here and that I continue to work on the process of eliminating this long time habit and embracing my wife. Its not easy but it is possible and I will succeed.

I wrote out a long explanation previous to this but my computer died and I lost it. I will return with more info later.

Peace my friends. We can and will do this.

[Wasted years]

Your doing good Bob. One day at a time.

[Wasted years]

Hey Bob,  how are things going? You get me nervous when we don't hear from you. Stay strong.  You know the routine.

[bob]

Wasted,

I'm still here. Working on focusing on my wife and the connection she deserves. My thought is that she should be the recipient of my love and affection. To concentrate on my "desires" doesn't honor her and the love she has for me. It's difficult at times but well worth it in the end.

Don't get on here that often so please don't worry. However, I do appreciate the thoughts.

Thanks

Peace

[bob]

One thing I am trying to do is redirect myself.

There is a line from an advertisement that states, "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, ...it is connection." The point is we need to reinvent ourselves. We have to get away from counting days away from porn and come up with new activities that take the place of this compulsive behavior. Its not easy. At times it seems like; "if I can just get to 45, 90, 120 days I will be over this."

Don't think that is the complete answer. Will think further about this and try to get back with some additional thoughts.

Peace.

[bob]

Just heard a statement on a pod cast...

Finite time. Infinite choice.

While not directly related to compulsive sexual behavior, it is something to think about.

[Gracie]

Bob,
Good to see you work on this.  Connection is the key!  Connection results in being able to listen.  Listen to your partner who then can listen to you.  I still stand by couples in this should read Love You Hate the Porn.  How we did this was I read it and highlighted and made notes in the margin where I identified being.  Then he read it and did the same.  We then went through it together.  The other book was Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson.  We read this one out loud chapter by chapter first me then him and stopped and discussed things along the way.  It is great help in communicating.  And seeing what the goal really is as we talk or argue in our relationship.   

Look forward to your progress.

[Phineas 808]

Hi, Bob. Wanted to comment on something you say above...

We have to get away from counting days away from porn and come up with new activities that take the place of this compulsive behavior. Its not easy. At times it seems like; "if I can just get to 45, 90, 120 days I will be over this."

Don't think that is the complete answer...

Counting days is not the complete answer, you're right. Our recovery/reboot needs to go a lot deeper to heal the underlying reasons why we came to this addiction.

But what needn't wait is breaking the habit, breaking the addiction to the behaviors. As part of this, counting days is very important to so many.

Counting days helps us to be accountable to ourselves and/or others. It helps us to measure whether we're progressing or regressing in these behaviors. And it helps us to focus on a realistic and measurable goal. Also, counting days helps us to string together lengthier and lengthier streaks away from these habits. This disrupts habit-patterns that have been ingrained in our brain, and promotes realistic change.

Counting days should be temporary, training wheels to help us live life without these unwanted habits. I know it's discouraging to 'reset to 0', but if we're honestly trying to change- it's never really 0, but our overall progress that we look at. If there's no habit, no need to count days. But if one exists when we honestly assess ourselves, then we need to challenge ourselves to go X amount of days without it.

Wishing you well.