Author Topic: I'M ADDICTED & I NEED HELP  (Read 1403 times)


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« on: March 05, 2015, 04:13:39 AM »
I would proudly like to say that I have come to the consensus that 'I am addicted to porn and masturbation'. All this time I actually thought I was not addicted or this is very normal. So have a quick read to the little story I am about to say and please!!! help me out and give me your opinions, whatever it is you would like to say I really want to hear all you guys!
Please Dont Judge Me For What I May Say, I Am Super Happy To Be Here , and By Explaining Myself My Brain Feels Releaved :)

I am a 19 yr old male, and what even got me into learning about dopamine and discovering this great site WAS this... I have been with a lot of females but my very first time was when I was 16. It was in high school and I was very low confidence shy person. One time while in summer school (not my home school), I met someone from my home school. General conversations occured, which later became sexual as I was/am a very Horny dude BUT she was one hell of a horny girl too.
Time flew by summer school ended... Back to school. Over time we had discussed and agreed on becoming FWB, and I was real excited. One school lunch time I took her to my place, and we planned on having sex. She was not a virgin, I was but I lied that I wasn't. So we got going ... Starting with putting on Condom .. my penis which was a little erected maybe flopped on me. I thought since its my first time, its normal. After many tries I said to hell with this, Ill just try w/o. Trying missionary my penis would not go in (NOT STIFF ENOUGH), okay... well I thought to myself why not try Doggy .. no good there... Then i thought if she goes on top itll be easier right.. we tried that. I think maybe I was at maybe 60%--70% erect and she went on top. She was doing her thing, but I could barely feels anything and after maybe 10--20 seconds she had cramps in her stomach and this scared the crap outta me I insisted we stopped thought she wanted to keep going. But I stopped.
And That friends.. was my first encounter.
So it was my first time, I am 16. I need practice BLAH BLA Bl... Those were my thoughts.

Long story short I have been in contact with maybe 10 girls, tried to have sex with 4. All the times i tried having sex with those girls my penis would be fine i can feel it down there though only at maybe 70% erection until I had to put on condom. AND everytime I tried putting it on.... My penis flopped COMPLETELY! I mean once.. Twice its fine. But EVERYTIME.
I thought I just dont know how to put it on, or next time rush it so my penis stays stiff. Still no luck... I thought maybe my penis is a bit too long in width .. so a larger size... but no!!

So one time I requested my partner (My AGE 18) if I can do w/o it... before I penetrate her my penis is DEAD. This repeated  every single time. I am okay with blowjobs, thought I dont feel like they are super sensitive (I never finish). I received alot of them but its never a super amazin feel like masterbating, though my dick is 80--90% erected tduring blowj. But before penetration ... DEADDDD.

(AGE 19) I am talking to this girl, I am at her place and I have told her about my Penis problems thinking i would feel more comfortable with her and maybe that'll help.. I am OLD now.. But same thing... When putting on Condom it flopped. When I tried w/o it it woulndt go in.. (Not Hard Enough) at this point she was dying for me to fuck her... BUT my dick bailed on me again right before penetration.

Now I relaized after all this time... MANNN somethings up, and I need to get checked. I went to see a doctor. Very awkward never had a convo like this, never thought would have to... I explain her the situation, she checks if my penis is fine (It Was) and asks to do a blood test, to check for my testostrone levels. I have not done the test., mainly out of laziness. This was 2 weeks ago. I remember talking to the doctor about watch porn and masturbating, when she asked if I was aaddicting I replied definetly not. Which I was not lying about, I actually thoguht I am not addicted....

After that appointment, Every girl i talk with I am scared to keep talking to her just in case she wants to have sex because I wont be able to. So, back on my head I am slowly feeling not to talk to or look for girlfriends becuase I wont be able to have sex. This is too serious.

Present DAY (March 5, 2015).
I was on adderoll, studying for my test. The day comes to an end, and I feel live and get a thought of porn and jack off. So i do! My friend ahd told me to not masturbate when on aderol, so i googled what happens if you masturbate on aderol. And ended up landing on here.

(A Small Situation I Deal With)
I am a right haded person, i remmeber using my right hand a long while back to masturbate. I do not know how it has changed but when i masturbate... my left hand always slips into my pants until climax. With or without porn, if i feel horny, nervous, happy.... my left hand slips under my pants fondles with my penis untill i finish. When watching porn, I click thru alot of different videos untill i finish. I didnt realize.... there are days i dont masturbate (a day or two...) when i do, I can masturbate 5--10 times in a day. If I have masturbated 2--3 times, even if I dont feeel like it i go for more times just for the ehck of it. When I am really nervous about handing in assignemnt, exam, i have stress.... I masturbate. Sometimes I have to masturbate to even go to sleep. I dont know if i made this clear.. but i slip my hand in my pants at random times like watcing a show, reading something on my laptop, facebooking...and even if not wanting to masturbate i start jacking up and down which ends up resulting in a full masturbation. I am sccrooling my computer with my right hand looking at say news and I start matebatn with my left slippin in my pants for no reason. So I can masturbate both to porn and not porn.

(Back To Present DAY).
After masterpating today, and later coming across this website I read the material for 2--3 hours (from 1am to now.. 4am).
Mostly all stories sound like mine, some men are old and some are young. but overall everything fits like a puzzle piece.
I guess i started watchin porn at an earlier age, and curosity led me to watching more. It was fun, and i jacked off alot! When time came to be a man and have sex, i became a little wuss. And now its a major issue for me, to an extent it hold me back to get things serious with any girl.

BUT! better late than never, I have found where the problem is. And what might have led to it.
But by hearing my story in a nutshell, can you guys tell me if its the porn and the masturbation that has caused my sex life to drown? I am technically not a virgin.. BUT at the same time I AM.
Now this problem affects me in all ways.. : girls, confidence, self esteem ... I REALYY NEED HELP. I AM DESPERATE.
My only and very mundane question:
Take this as my rehab, please send me alot of opinions and thoughts and any suggestions for me that I can do/practice to heal myself. As Of Now I think I have found my problem, please also confirm that this is my problem (SO.. I know I am on the track now). But most importantly.. HOW? because if this is my problem.. porn/mastubation it comes back to me random times and its weirdly hell a hard to not give in to the feeling. BUT I AM ADICTED I NEED HELP AND SUPPORT.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2015, 04:33:44 AM by bunnie »


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« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2015, 06:15:15 AM »
Welcome. Good you are hear.

You're 19, you one lucky person ;) Life is in front of you. Do you really want to live it porn free? Wanting that is the most important thing to succeed.


A typical reboot:

- 90 days, (time spans differ; I'd say if you are a young guy with some real sexual experiences, you might be ok after 90 days, but you might as well need 150 days, be flexible)

- no P, no M, no O

- no dopamine-inducing stuff; what is it? anything that resembles your addiction like: gossip sites, dating sites, facebook, instagram, other Internet site with girls or women, even fully dressed / any activity involving searching for arousing material, clicking

- rewiring; what is it? contacting with REAL people, socializing, dating, preferably WITHOUT sex

After a typical reboot:

- rewiring further; contacting with REAL people, socializing, dating, sex may be an option

- some guys discover there are "cured" and feel OK; ditching P forever in my views is the only option; ditching M is an open option (I chose it, many most successful rebooterers here, the role models, founding fathers, chose that too so that's food for thought for you); ditching O is absolutely unnecessary: you're supposed to enjoy O in a fulfilling sexual encounter with a willing partner, possibly in a long-term, caring and loving relationship

- some guys discover that the ED may be gone, but they have a lot of things to take care in life; "unfelt" feelings, childhood issues, adolescene issues, behavioral issues; some enrol for therapy; most successful embark a never-ending journey of personal growth, learning the true meaning of life, learning how to deal with happiness and sadness alike


My favorite, comprehensive description of correct reboot mindset, can be found here, take your time to read it

A fantastic video explaining all the PMO addiction biology that will HELP you understand what happened to you, and to all of us, and how to get rid of it


- write a journal in your age section

- read the journal of others, help others, reach out

- contribute and belong

- learn about the addiction (video above is step nr 1, but I suggest you watch it a few times during your reboot)

Questions? Ask :)