Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet

[Gabe Deem]

@ Deebz

I looked up "soft entry" and accidentally came upon some hardcore images. I looked for about a minute...didn't PMO, didn't really feel anything. I'm relieved that I didn't feel the urge to PMO, but I am also kind of concerned that even this didn't excite me. :/

The key here is you were not intentionally seeking and searching for porn, which is the behavior we want to avoid as that reactivates some of the same neurological pathways of anticipating a reward, and the behavior of searching for a reward, namely porn to arouse us. So, the fact that you were not intentionally looking for it, combined with a possible flatline/changed mindset regarding porn, I do not think it is anything at all to worry about.

I know I can now stumble across porn without reacting much to it, especially if it didn't match the type of porn I escalated into. Don't sweat it as getting turned on by pixels is not what you want in the first place.

I am 256 days into reboot, I O'd once at day 129 with masturbation device.  I plan to do it again in next few days. that MO experience didn't put me back into FL and it actually made my penis sensitive. that's why i am thinking to do it again at some stage
however i also believe every time you  MO is a relapse because it MAY involve crave pron, thing porn is equal to watching porn, i believe it. so do you think I should do it?

While it is true that MO "may" activate some of the conditioned porn pathways because they are tightly linked over several years, it is NOT the same, or equal to watching porn.

I personally avoid M because I feel like it kills motivation and drive for me not only pursue and connect with real people, but also to be productive. But whether or not you MO or not during your reboot is up to you.

@ RickCastle

I just wanted to have the pleasure of intercourse without ANY fantasy, but DID NOT want to O as I did not want to break my REBOOT too early in the process.

First off, having an O with your partner does not "break" your reboot. A reboot is going without artificial stimulation, so having sex does not break your reboot.

This has happened for the 1st time in my life. I could have cum easily had I so intended. But I deliberately did not. In my opinion I was doing Karezza, but am not sure if Karezza involves just kissing and cuddling or penetrative sex like this also OK.

Yes this is Karezza, and is not the same as edging as edging means holding off from O on purpose, getting close to climax and pulling back over and over again.

Also, I don't fully understand the whole Dopamine mechanism and would not want to cause any further neural damage due to this.

The word damage should not be used in my opinion. Rather the word "conditioned." Porn-induced ED and DE are due to desensitization and sexual conditioning and this is not necessarily damage but rather a temporary condition that can be reconditioned. Sure it's just semantics, and you could also swap the word reconditioned with repaired, but the main point is having sex with your partner is not causing brain damage. The novelty and shock of internet porn  can keep dopamine levels higher than one real partner can, and is not the same as you are conditioning yourself to a person and not pixels.

@ IHatePornSoBad

Do you believe that I should stop the edging (stop-and-start) routine? When I do this routine, I really do keep the philosophy of this YBOP and YBR in mind by not engaging in fantasy, but rather focusing on the sensations I feel.

I'm personally not a fan of any jelqing or anything similar. My advice would be to stay away, and is unnecessary, and may cause more harm than good. Other than testing to see if you can get an erection to sensation alone my advice would be to leave your penis alone while rebooting. It's up to you though.

[persian29]

thanks for posting this. its very helpful. can you be specific about the type of social anxiety that you experienced. what kind of symptoms did you notice in yourself. Also, was their a specific game that you were addicted to as well? i play an online computer game called runescape and its been very addicting for me as well.

[Jason]

Thanks Gabe these posts of yours are deeply riveting and moving!  This is the place I go now in my recovery to Reboot Nation.  I rarely surf the internet anymore.  Thus this website is a Godsend!  I have my damn moments still!!!!  I once heard a skilled doctor declare "Always a student" and he was in a sobriety group!  Therefore I am learning to always be a student and as I have learned in this nation "To keep truckin" as well!  Many thanks 

[kopp]

is it possible to rewire without someone? i'm always busy with college and i don't think im going to meet somebody very soon ( .. (technical education, mostly only dudes)

the principle of rewiring is to connect with people so no you can't do it by yourself.
The fact that you have a technical education might make it harder for you to meet girls than if you were in a class composed at 50% of girls but it is not an excuse.

[Gabe Deem]

@ persian29

can you be specific about the type of social anxiety that you experienced. what kind of symptoms did you notice in yourself.

I felt uncomfortable in social situations, over thinking everything, felt like everyone was watching and judging my every move. Really just stuck in my own head, not being able to relax and enjoy the moment letting words freely leave my mouth. I became nervous and for the first time in my life was "trying" to be normal, where as before it was something I didn't give much thought and being around people felt more natural.

was their a specific game that you were addicted to as well?

Yea, I've always been into first person shooters, but through college it was the Call Of Duty series. Here is a montage I made jacking around on Call of Duty Mw2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=481q_xTG-v4

@ mr.awesome

is it possible to rewire without someone? i'm always busy with college and i don't think im going to meet somebody very soon

There are over 4 billion girls in the world, so don't let that excuse control you and your attitude about finding a girl to fall in love with. You'll have to get out of your comfort zone, and hit up some social events, or the gym as much as possible. There are many opportunities out there.

But to answer your question... probably, if you have severe porn-induced ED. I cannot give you a solid answer on this, but thinking about a real partner in a real situation may be beneficial, although I personally would only rewire with my partner. I think, unless pied is severe and high-speed started before age 12, there may need to be some rewiring with a real person, although I cannot say for sure as we have not gathered enough reports on this yet. Here is a post that might provide some further insight - http://yourbrainonporn.com/do-i-have-have-sex-order-rewire

Kopp is right though. A reboot without rewiring is only unwiring. Regaining sensitivity is have the battle. Establishing healthy pathways is the second part.

 

[Ka-Kui]

Just wanted to say thanks, Gabe, for all your work in helping other guys!

All the best for you!

[dreampulse]

I never watched porn but started masterbatio very tender age. Now real women cant turn me on also without errection i was doing M for 10 Years now from 50 days i am totally without it.
My questions
1. Will i be turn on for real girls like before?
2.Should i stop watching my office hot girls?
3.Should i stop sexting?
4.Should i stop fantacizing?

[rcl5354]

Hey Gabe , my name is Robert an I've been rebooting since July 15, 2014. I was a masterbaition/porn addict since the 6th grade and when I started dating in high school I could not get it up. When my porn tastes started to go outside my sexual orientation I got scared and decided enough was enough. Now a few months in, I have made small recovery steps such as a few times of morning wood and being able to get semi hard when thinking of a girl. But I also have had a few wet dreams. I watched ur video and u said wet dreams are just natural, but a few of those dreams contain homosexual things and I feel disgusted when i wake up with my dick all wet. Its gotten to the point where I've been depressed because I question my own sexuality. I also am afraid of sleeping because I don't want another gay wet dream. (I'm anti - gay but I always thought I was straight). Please give me some advice. Today was my birthday but I am depressed as hell :/. I feel guilty the entire day because I had a few "weird" wet dreams. I need help man. I can't sleep at. I stay awake all night.

[FapFreeZone]

I wake up almost every morning with a boner that could be used as a jackhammer to break concrete

Post a video please? I totally think it would go viral and get a lot more guys into nofap! What a talent!

Your posts are inspiring, but I wonder, do you try to mostly avoid TV and video games? I ask because I just watched the just over an hour long video on the YBOP homepage right now and heard Gary's explanation of how they result in users producing rewarding dopamine for useless activities. This seems like a pretty good explanation of why there seem to be a lot of directionless, loser type guys (like me) out there (as discussed in Zimbardo's TED talk).

Now, given what that talk (the YBOP one) said about people not reading the FAQ and such like, I've looked at the entries on the FAQ and all the questions you've written and answered in this thread (but not all the actual answers) and I don't think this question has been given enough attention.

I always used to think geeks watched a lot of TV and played a lot of computer games because they were geeks (and that I was a geek). I still think that there's some truth in that because if you excel at sport, for example, you're more likely to play it in preference to video games than if you suck and simply have nothing else that's fun in your life. However, I think there's bidirectional causality there now, because playing video games (and watching TV and using porn) keeps you in the directionless path because you don't develop any useful skills or talents that could become "fap free activities" or fix any social skills deficits that stop you socialising more because your useless activities satisfy your need for achievement and productivity. i.e. modern media is a slippery slope that attracts directionless people and keeps them directionless.

FWIW, I'm a pretty hard hardcase and I intend to phase out TV and video games. Perhaps not completely, because I'm not addicted, but I intend to significantly decrease my usage whilst increasing my real world activities. Now that I think about it (or perhaps now I phrase it like this) I remember seeing this sort of advice on this site (do "real" stuff), but avoiding video games and TV doesn't appear anywhere I can see in the FAQ or this thread (from looking at the titles of the links), so I thought you could expand on the how's and why's. If you do find where this is in the FAQ/site, don't you think it should be easier to find? Specifically, I think the FAQ should contain an entry entitled "what to do with your time now that you're not fapping" or something similar.

[FapFreeZone]

So, I found the answers to my questions, in this video:

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-ed-reboot-advice

and this thread:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=23962.msg401534#msg401534


You said:

I was constantly around real people during my reboot. I spent countless hours with my girlfriend dancing, kissing, laughing, holding hands, cuddling watching movies, touching, occasionally things got sexual...I was constantly trying to be as healthy as possible and replace the void in my brain with new healthy pathways. I don't talk about it much, but I also gave up video games and cut back on all forms of entertainment.

So I guess I have my answer. It's hard to accept that I have to give up just about everything I currently enjoy in life and have spent most of my life doing, as well as that I'm going to have to face my fear of socialising in a big way, because it now seems that if it isn't a major feature of my life then i'm not going to be healthy. Hopefully this attitude is like quitting porn (for me); initially it was hard to accept, leading to relapses, but now I can clearly see that it's the only option because I know my life will be better without it. So I'm hoping i'll come to accept a healthy social life and healthy activities as essential with time.

If you want to add anything anyway, feel free.

[kopp]

Hey Gabe , my name is Robert an I've been rebooting since July 15, 2014. I was a masterbaition/porn addict since the 6th grade and when I started dating in high school I could not get it up. When my porn tastes started to go outside my sexual orientation I got scared and decided enough was enough. Now a few months in, I have made small recovery steps such as a few times of morning wood and being able to get semi hard when thinking of a girl. But I also have had a few wet dreams. I watched ur video and u said wet dreams are just natural, but a few of those dreams contain homosexual things and I feel disgusted when i wake up with my dick all wet. Its gotten to the point where I've been depressed because I question my own sexuality. I also am afraid of sleeping because I don't want another gay wet dream. (I'm anti - gay but I always thought I was straight). Please give me some advice. Today was my birthday but I am depressed as hell :/. I feel guilty the entire day because I had a few "weird" wet dreams. I need help man. I can't sleep at. I stay awake all night.

You are ok man

You're not gay. You just need to continue rebooting.

We all have very very strange dreams

[Gabe Deem]

@ Temple_of_peace

Tell us please how is your state of mind at the moment?

My state of mind at the moment is clear, motivated, and joyful. This past weekend I spoke at a youth conference alongside some professional athletes and I had 7 teenage boys come up to me and say they are done with porn now, so that's good. I thought I could have done a better job with my presentation. I am my biggest critique, and always want to better myself now. So I am motivated to improve my talking points, and continue to learn what I need to about porn's potential negative effects in order to be useful voice for our movement.

My state of mind is good. I'm actually reading at Starbucks at the moment, thinking about/trying to decide what my next Reboot Nation YouTube video will be.

When you see women, are you oogling at them or are you just turning your sight away from them?

Neither usually. I'd be lying if I say I never stare and check some bodies out, but most of the time I just acknowledge beauty and think to myself how beautiful a woman is. My thoughts have become less porn-like, to the point where porn related thoughts hardly cross my mind. Not perfect though... no man is. The longer we go without objectifying people, the easier it gets to see people's emotions, and personalities, not just bodies.

I'm in a horny phase these days and every thing I see related to women just give me a strong horny sensation. Is that bad for rebooting? Or simply should I start approaching them, or ignore them.

Feeling those sensations is normal. No they are not bad for rebooting. Yes, I would use that drive to talk to, hang around, interact with real people. My advice is always to pursue a loving partner, and stay away from using someone for rewiring. We crave love and intimacy and human connection. Go after it if you desire.

@ e46_F

Please offer some quick tips on rewiring. Obviously we shouldn't orgasm, but is there anything else we should watch out for? How long did the rewiring take you?

There's a few things I did when I was rewiring.

• Avoid having too many orgasms, or having an orgasm early on in the reboot.
• Focus on touching, kissing, breathing slowly, being passionate, feeling the emotion. This is totally different from when I would have porn style sex and just start going to town ramming my dick into my partner like they were a object for my pleasure. Rewiring is a great chance to teach your body how to "feel" and become aroused differently.
• Avoid anything that specifically reminds you of porn. There might be certain positions that make you think about certain porn scenes, or certain things your partner does that might make you think about porn scenes. Try and avoid those for a period of time so your brain can focus on your partner alone and not wonder into porn memories. Obviously this won't be perfect, but I'm sure everyone has a few things they specifically picked up from porn that would be beneficial to avoid. For example, I avoid cumming on my partners face these days, and anal sex. Things I didn't desire before I heavily got into porn.
  

The main thing is to teach your body how to become aroused differently, without the need for porn scripts, novelty, and pixels on a screen. This will lead to greater connection with your partner both physically and mentally.

Hope that helps. Much Love[/list]

[jkkk]

When you see women, are you oogling at them or are you just turning your sight away from them?

Neither usually. I'd be lying if I say I never stare and check some bodies out, but most of the time I just acknowledge beauty and think to myself how beautiful a woman is. My thoughts have become less porn-like, to the point where porn related thoughts hardly cross my mind. Not perfect though... no man is. The longer we go without objectifying people, the easier it gets to see people's emotions, and personalities, not just bodies.

Thanks for posting this.

This is how I feel sometimes too and sometimes I ask myself a question, is it OK to be, well, reacting to how other women look. Oggling has been a massive issue in my addiction, switching off P turned on oggling a lot in my case. So reacting to these other women feels as a leftover of addiction for me. It's different and usually less intense now, that's for sure, but still it happens. What you write sounds simply like a very honest account. I am a married guy, so it also plays a role - I know it may sounds strange, but I sometimes think that there is some kind of pressure on married guys to only be looking at their wives. That's a tad unrealistic. But I'm also aware it's no a solution to only look at other women... The truth is, what was once brought in one topic here on RN, that objectification touches upon you own woman and on other women - objectifying all of them inevitably will lead to problems. Learning to understand and live with feelings is central. It seems like the only alternative.

[Gabe Deem]

@ NeedHelp1

Once i heard flatline was where the healing was done, do you think people can heal without a flatline stage?

The good thing about a flatline is you typically won't have cravings to use porn or want to fantasize about porn, so it will be "easier" for you to let your brain reboot. If you're not reinforcing porn pathways, and you are establishing new real world pathways, your brain is recovering and rewiring, this happens both outside the flatline and inside the flatline. Yes, many people recovery without the flatline, it certainly isn't necessary for recovery.

The weakening of unwanted neural pathways, and the strengthening of wanted neural pathways will happen regardless. Without chronic over-stimulation of the reward circuit desensitization should reverse itself. The reason behind the flatline is unknown at this point and hasn't yet been studied. I wouldn't worry about it bro. Keep trucking'

[Bacony412]

I just turned 15 and asked some people about ED and if I had it. Thy said a person my age cannot have ED. I don't understand how a person my age can have ED. In your videos you mainly talked about the age group late teens and early twenties. I have the same symptoms as it so how could this be?

[chpcbr]

At what age did you start with PMO?

[Bacony412]

I'm 15 watched porn for 5 months never masturbated. I understand I dont need sex to complete the rewiring process. But could I still get over PIED completely if i never have a relationship with a girls. I have never had one and I wont have one for awhile. Could I still recover without sexual sensation?? Or is kissing and hugging essential to the rebooting process?

[ikeepforgetting]

Bacony
Don't let Worry take over you. you are just at the first step of your puberty, you shouldn't worry at all.
Worry/anxiety/stress are far worse than porn when it comes to Erectile Dysfunction, just live your life normally and maintain a healthy life style and you will be safe.

Forgot to say: Stay away from porn.. its destructive on the long run and will program you to not enjoy real life.

[Bacony412]

Thanks ikeepforgetting. I really needed that. Today was just really hard for me I had tons of anxiety attacks and I have been really depressed. The flatline and PIED just really scare me I though I would be over the flatline by now.

[ikeepforgetting]

engage in some activities, sports, a hobby.. just forget about it for few months or a year then have another look and things will be great i assure you. you have at least 3 more years before you should even start worrying.

That's what porn does to you, it makes you worry that you might not perform or get it up when needed and all those questions that keeps fighting in your head 99% of the time they are not true. so just enjoy your life and forget about it for now.

[#NoFapZone]

hahahah "jack hammer" thanx for the motivation brhu

[BruceWayne]

Do you feel that anxiety and alcohol or a combination of the two can have major impacts on erections? Or should someone be horny enough that it overrides those two variables?

[chpcbr]

In absolute terms, both alcohol and anxiety are hurdles to a healthy erection. But no one can tell you (or me) how horny you should be. Just now that factors add up so if a problem already exists, it's much better not to add other negative factors to the equation.

[willywonkaz13]

So what was the HARDEST PART OF REBOOTING? I'm finding it very hard to fight these urges so today I'm starting again and pushing for a solid 90!

[Gabe Deem]

@ purplefist

would Cialis not have worked at all for me if it was porn induced since I am able to get a firm erection with my fiance?

Yes it can work, or I should say "help." ED pills help with keeping blood flow in the penis, so if a guy has let's say "mild porn-induced ED" the pills can be a bandaid because they will help keep the blood that is flowing to the penis, flowing to the penis. If you have severe porn-induced ED, there was never any arousal to begin with, so no stimulation to begin with for the drugs to help with.

They may help some guys who do not have severe PIED, but if you have no arousal at all they probably will not work.

Erections start in the brain with dopamine and end in the penis with the blood vessel dilator cGMP. Dick pills help get/keep blood flowing to the penis. Viagra works by slowing the breakdown of cGMP, which in turn keeps the penis engorged with blood. So if your brain isn't producing enough signals in the first place, ED drugs will not work because there is no cGMP to stop from being broken down.

Simply put, I am guessing that guys who say ED pills help them are able to be aroused slightly and then the drugs help maintain whatever they can get. My advice if your ED is porn-induced, is to stay away from pills. You need time to let your addicted pathways weaken and time to let your numb reward circuit regain sensitivity. When in doubt, go see a good doc, and inform him that porn could be the cause if he is unaware. If the doctor says it is anxiety or stress related, mention to him you can't masturbate by yourself without porn so it is not performance anxiety. (Can you get an erection to porn? If you can then it most likely is, in fact, porn-induced ED. Especially given that you've already ruled out some things with doc)

It's possible your problem is porn-induced even though clialis has helped.