Author Topic: David S Journal  (Read 11451 times)

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #25 on: April 25, 2015, 04:25:26 PM »
Day - 121 - Still PMO free.  However, I thought about porn on the way home from the gym.  Why?  I maybe a little stressed.  I'm getting married in 10 days so maybe that's the reason.  I thought I should jump on here an journal my thoughts.  My libido has still not recovered.  I know it's still early.  I wish it would get better.  My desire is there.  I have a hard time keeping an erection without Viagra.  It's frustrating.  Anyways, hang in there everyone and if thoughts of PMO come in your mind, jump on here and journal it and then go  do something positive.

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #26 on: May 18, 2015, 07:10:16 PM »
Day 144 - Still PMO free - I got married a few weeks ago.  The truth now I rarely ever think about or watching porn.  I have sex frequently with my wife so I'm lucky that she keeps me satisfied their is no need for PMO.  Anyways, I still plan I frequenting this site.  Hang in there everyone.

unchained

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #27 on: May 18, 2015, 10:16:15 PM »
Congratulations.  Stay away for porn and claim your prize every chance you get.  Way to go!

53nomorepmo

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #28 on: May 20, 2015, 09:34:02 AM »
David S. thanks for your journal, it is a real inspiration!  No more PMO for me.  It sure sounds like your good choices have had very positive results.

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #29 on: May 21, 2015, 09:14:04 PM »
Day 147 - Still PMO free.  Thanks everyone for the positive comments.  When I quit PMO on December I was rarely ever getting MW.  Now it's happening almost every day.  I hope that is a good sign to come.  I've made so many changes.  I'm almost 51.  I lost 20 pounds since December due to a change in diet.  I do over 1000 pushups and 300 pullups per week, plus cardio.  I'm taking a lot of vitamins.  My wife is feeding me organic food.  I'm so blessed.  I can't tell for sure but I think things are slowly coming back.  I want everyone out there that reads my journal to not give up.  When you think of PMO do something positive.  Change your thought process immediately away from porn.   Find someone who loves and supports you and concentrate only on them.  Center them, not porn.

David

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #30 on: May 29, 2015, 09:37:41 PM »
Day 155 - Still PMO free.  I'm feeling really good.  My erection seem like they are becoming harder.  For 4 weeks now I been staying hard throughout the act of sex.  This is a big improvement. I'm almost always waking up with morning wood now also.  Why?  Could be many factors.  I've been PMO free .  My wife is a Pharmacist and she feeds me an assortment of vitamins each morning.  She also feeds me mostly organic low-fat/sugar meals.  She swears that the chemicals (nitrates), etc are also causing ED problems.  Anyways, everything is going well and I hope my good fortune continues. 

notgivinup

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #31 on: June 02, 2015, 09:17:42 AM »
Hey David....just found your journal today. What an inspiration. Thank you for your posts and thank you for staying strong.
You're a huge encouragement.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you in your journey.

Thanks,
NGU

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #32 on: June 18, 2015, 09:19:15 PM »
Day 175 - Still PMO free.  Over the last two weeks it seems like I've had a setback with the firmness of my erections.  Stress seems to be the culprit.  Things were better last night.   Stress definitely seems to play a part and it messes with my head.  I need to get the stress under control.  Anyways just checking in.  Hope everyone is doing well.

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #33 on: June 16, 2016, 08:05:58 PM »
The last time I posted something was on June 18, 2015.  I was at day 175 being PMO free.  I had a relapse and I'm starting over.
Day 27 - Today is day 27 of my relapse.  I just finish reading the YourBrainOnPorn book.  So why did I relapse.  In my opinion, stress once again.  I let it get the best of me.  I thought I had it beat.  I'm glad to be back.

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #34 on: June 18, 2016, 10:51:34 AM »
Day 28 - No morning wood, I'm irritable, depressed and I have stomach pains.  Man I screwed up.  Sucks starting over.  This reboot seems worst than the last one.  I did not understand the harm of edging and did not know how it is much worse.  I have to suck it up and stay on top of things and manage my stress.  I let myself down and I feel I let you all down.  I really felt like I was on top of the world and it this beat.  It shows you all fast you can fall with one slip up. One slip up becomes 2 and then three and then you fall down the rabbit hole again.  Sorry!

TK-421

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #35 on: June 20, 2016, 09:11:45 PM »
Hey Dave. Welcome back to the board, and sorry to hear that you're struggling. Do you mind sharing a bit about what happened after 175 days. It would probably be good for many of the guys here (myself included) to understand that mindset and how this can sneak up on you.
I never use porn or masturbate Now.  I am in charge of my life.

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #36 on: June 23, 2016, 06:17:19 PM »
Day 33

TK421-So what happened?  Why did I fall.  I think the reason I was successful was during those 175 days I was planning my wedding.  I think that became my dopamine rush or at least it help keep me busy.  We got married on Maui.  After we got back I was doing good until mid-June.  Looking back I remember getting depressed.  It felt like a let down.  It is like when you are a kid and the minute Christmas ends and you have to go back to school.  Well I had to go back to life.  I starting edging because I thought doing so wouldn't not harm me much.  I did not read back then how harmful edging is.  It snowballed from there.  During the last year I did not PMO near has much so I have to admit I do not understand why I'm having a harder time getting through the flatline.  I know it's only day 33 but I thought I would be further ahead in my recovery.  My anxiety has not been bad over the last few days.  However, I'm dead and have no libido whatsoever.

Gabriel1960

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #37 on: June 23, 2016, 09:48:52 PM »
Yo.

aslowturning

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #38 on: June 24, 2016, 12:09:35 PM »
  It felt like a let down. 

I think this is  huge problem for me too. I have had times in my life where circumstances (in your case planning for the wedding) forced me to man up and invest in the relationship. But, then when the mission is accomplished look out. The first year of my marriage was horrible. I had a difficult time after the births of our children as well. Thank you for observing that dynamic. It is helpful to me!

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #39 on: June 26, 2016, 08:54:03 AM »
Hello Guys!

Day 36 - Feeling pretty good so far this morning.  Don't laugh.  Friday was the fourth day in a row without having sex. Yesterday morning I woke up with weak MW.  Yesterday afternoon I took a nap and woke up with rock-hard w and had mind-blowing sex with my wife.  No pills either.  This morning though, no MW.  The good news is hopefully this is a sign of me starting to come out of my flatline.

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #40 on: June 28, 2016, 07:46:54 PM »
Day 38 - My wife yesterday told me my porn addiction was by Dad's fault.  I told her that it is 100% my fault even though my Dad got me started at 6.  I have to accept full responsibility for my actions.  Anyways, there are signs that I may be coming out of my flatline.  Below tv show I watched on addictions on Sunday.  I'll post Pt 2 once it plays on TV.

How Addictions Affect the Brain Pt . 1 | Manna-Fest with Perry Stone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gEuzuDqiPk

notgivinup

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #41 on: June 29, 2016, 02:28:32 PM »
Hey Dave...thanks for your posts.
Thanks for getting back in, and thank for posting the video.
good stuff.
NGU

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #42 on: June 29, 2016, 07:43:03 PM »
Thank you.

notgivinup

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #43 on: June 30, 2016, 12:31:31 PM »
Dave...thanks, again, for the video.
I'm looking forward to seeing part 2.

I know how it feels to be "on top of the world" and doing great...and then BAM...you're on your face again because of pmo.....and whatever led up to it.

It sucks.

I know you are well back into the reboot...but don't think about where you WOULD HAVE been.....that's already done. It's history. It's not a total loss. You are WAY ahead of where you were before you had the 175 days of no pmo.

And you are that much further now. But you are today over 27 days...and that is really cool.

I wish you well today. Thanks for your toughness and your resolve here. Your journey is encouraging.

don't forget to post the link for the next video.

Thanks
NGU

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #44 on: June 30, 2016, 07:23:44 PM »
Day 40 - Thank you all.  I'm feeling better as far as not having the anxiety.  I had three straight days of MW also.  I'm doing better this reboot also because I'm more knowledgeable now.  I have a great life now.  My goal is to make it one year. 

notgivinup

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #45 on: July 01, 2016, 11:07:57 AM »
Congrats on day 40. That's awesome.

NGU

Chip

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #46 on: July 22, 2016, 02:21:11 PM »
Day 40 - Thank you all.  I'm feeling better as far as not having the anxiety.  I had three straight days of MW also.  I'm doing better this reboot also because I'm more knowledgeable now.  I have a great life now.  My goal is to make it one year.
haven't heard from you in a bit, how's it going?  Should be up around 62 if my math is right.

davesaint86

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #47 on: August 14, 2020, 06:34:49 PM »
Starting over for the third time.  It's been 2016 since I posted last.  I failed.  That is why you have not heard from me.  Day 1 was on August 6, 2020.  Today is Day 9 of being porn free.  I was flatlining and still flatlining from day 1.  I can't tell you what happen why I went back to porn other than it's been a habit that I could fully never break.  I have a high sex drive when not on porn so maybe that's it.  I'm 56 now and I started working out hard again.  Doing P90X at my age, which is hard.  Working out is keeping my mind off porn.  I'm hoping starting up the log again will not only help me but help others.  Currently I have no libido, MW, nothing, nada.  I'm going to post my workout status also to keep track of my progress.

Yesterday 200 pushups, 10-2 Min Rounds Bas Rutten Boxing, 1500 Jump Rope Skips/4 miles of Walking
Today - 2 mile walk, 300 Jump Rope Skips, P90X Yoga X and Ab Ripper X - I start week 4 today of P90X which is a recovery week
Tomorrow - P90X Core Synergistics,  Probably will be doing a walk or hike along with skipping rope
« Last Edit: August 14, 2020, 06:39:47 PM by davesaint86 »

Georgos

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #48 on: August 14, 2020, 06:50:25 PM »
Hi Dave, it's great to see you're grasping the philosophy of work, I know when I work I feel really good, but sometimes when I try to hard it get's confusing, I'm really ashamed of my PMO habit, but I've cut it down to less than ten times a year so that's a start, last time I saw my old RE teacher he said I'd be "a student for life", I guess maybe he was right, he was one of my favourite teachers along with Mr. Williams who was only rude to me once when I told him I was "half-,Cypriot", he said "how unfortunate" :( Still I got to do whatever I wanted in maths class with no teacher, had some great friends too, maths can be really beautiful once you get the hang of it, it's just proving stuff that stumps me, always been more of an interpreter I'm afraid, anyway, I'm straying from the point, just wanted to say we're here for you, keep it up, peace.

Qi Yuan divined for Sun Ra: it is best to separate before humiliation sets in.

jixu

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Re: David S Journal
« Reply #49 on: August 15, 2020, 06:16:56 AM »
Hi Dave-maybe what you described is more like a temporary setback as opposed to failure.  Failure would be more like not doing anything positive to change the situation.  Looking forward to hearing about your restart.  That is one crazy workout regimen-I got tired just reading it!  Best wishes and good job getting back on track.