Author Topic: 35 - Heavily Addicted for 15 years - No ED? (Read 668 times)

Aussie_85 · « **on:** January 19, 2021, 11:17:38 AM »

Hey guys so as the title states i don't have PIED, luckily.

My addiction is severe,

Hours of edging daily (5 - 7 hours usually) , hardcore withdrawals when i do abstain, escalation over the years to extreme material, nearly all of the other negative impacts this addiction can have....just not ED.

The only reason for this that i can think of is my sexual experiences. Lost my virginity at 13 with my first girlfriend, had sex with her for 2 full years - then other women as i got older, all the while PMO'ing....i didn't get noticeably impacted by porn though until around age 22 or so. By then i was incapable of dating due to anxiety and self esteem issues ( which made me use more porn) and use prostitutes throughout much of my twenties.

Does anyone else have a chronic long term addiction and not have ED what so ever? my erections aren't "100%" but I've never not been able to have sex, in a 5 year relationship now.

Interested to hear if anyone is the same as me.

Jeks · « **Reply #1 on:** January 19, 2021, 02:06:39 PM »

I have got PIED, but it seems to be the case, that their is no completely linear correlation between being addicted and having PIED. You can be addicted badly and have no PIED. You can have PIED, but being not as addicted as others. But i assume that, the higher your usage, the higher the chance of getting totally conditioned to Porn. Somewhere in the last 10 minutes Gary Wilson is actually talking a bit about this phenomenon. https://youtu.be/ZLtSoWrEplM

Aussie_85 · « **Reply #2 on:** January 20, 2021, 10:25:32 AM »

Hey man,

Yeah good point...what I struggle with understanding is that my usage pretty much would have been impossible to increase. Edging for as long as possible 5,7...12 hour sessions on many occasions, daily for basically 10 years. Extreme escalation of material - everything besides BDSM, Hentai, piss/shit, bestiality, vomit or illegal content - that stuff never even crossed my mind to watch. However I escalated to some pretty disgusting depraved stuff. Videos, both profession and amateur , picture galleries, social media women I grew up with or know in real life, Creating these weird scenarios in my mind while PMO'ing...not just looking at the content and thinking "she's hot" and masturbating - I would literally create "scenes" or story lines in my mind.

I'm 22 days deep now on hard mode - penis completely shrunken and cold, flatlining, anxiety increased, insomnia, brain fog, spaced out scattered feeling...the list goes on. I guess it could be like how some people react to drugs with bouts of paranoia or even psychosis...some people get ED - Some don't is the only answer I'll get logically.

It's interesting because some guys have similar stories to me such as Gabe, I'm not sure but i doubt he was watching the weird ass shit I was and edging for the amount of time I was - strange how it gives some ED and not others - again I'm lucky and feel a lot of empathy for guys that do.

Bilbo Baggins · « **Reply #3 on:** January 20, 2021, 04:56:43 PM »

Quote from: Jeks on January 19, 2021, 02:06:39 PM

I have got PIED, but it seems to be the case, that their is no completely linear correlation between being addicted and having PIED. You can be addicted badly and have no PIED. You can have PIED, but being not as addicted as others. But i assume that, the higher your usage, the higher the chance of getting totally conditioned to Porn. Somewhere in the last 10 minutes Gary Wilson is actually talking a bit about this phenomenon. https://youtu.be/ZLtSoWrEplM

Thanks for sharing that video. I have watched it a few months ago, very interesting stuff.

The part where Gary talks about why some guys are more likely than others to develop sexual dysfunctions is at one hour and 5 minutes.

Murgatroyd · « **Reply #4 on:** January 21, 2021, 12:40:38 AM »

The link to the video Pornography Addiction / Perceived Addiction sucked me in, and helped me get wrapped around my own situation maybe a little better. Thanks Jeks!

Aussie_85 · « **Reply #5 on:** January 21, 2021, 02:03:26 AM »

I have absolutely no doubt im addicted, 100% not perceived. Flatline alone proves it, my penis has physically shrunken to 1/3 of its usual flaccid size and its cold to the touch - other withdrawal symptoms..plus the massive urges, huge hits of pleasure i get when using...i really think perceived addiction to porn would be a rarity, its like meth or cocaine addiction wise - if you abuse it you will get addicted to it,and porn is super easy to abuse.

Murgatroyd · « **Reply #6 on:** January 21, 2021, 11:54:17 AM »

Aussie said:

"If you abuse it you will get addicted to it, and porn is super easy to abuse."

I'll give you that. Sure. Can you define what constitutes the proper use of porn that would not be considered "abuse"?

(Yeah, it's a trick question, but I think it makes an interesting point).

Aussie_85 · « **Reply #7 on:** January 21, 2021, 12:36:23 PM »

Mate I'm no expert,

For me abuse is daily, I've read about some guys who have PIED and consider themselves addicts who use 3 times a week - for 20 minute sessions.

Jeks · « **Reply #8 on:** January 21, 2021, 12:40:17 PM »

Quote from: Murgatroyd on January 21, 2021, 11:54:17 AM

Aussie said:

"If you abuse it you will get addicted to it, and porn is super easy to abuse."

I'll give you that. Sure. Can you define what constitutes the proper use of porn that would not be considered "abuse"?

(Yeah, it's a trick question, but I think it makes an interesting point).

Yeah i think its tricky as with a lot of addictions. Is it normal to drink a beer every evening? When does it become a problem?
In the video Gary Wilson is also actually talking a bit about addiction and what makes an addiction an addiction. But its a few months since i saw the video the last time. Maybe i should rewatch it again.
The two biggest components, as i laid them out in my head for myself after a lot of research, are: Do you experience negative consequences due to your porn use? Do you have big difficulties stopping consumption, despite of the negative consequences?

There are problems with this approach. First of all, a lot of people are not aware of the negative impact, because they never took a break from using. That applies pretty much also to the secound point. They dont know, whether they have difficulties to stop, because they might have never tried.
But thats the same with all addictions. You often only realize you have a problem with addiciton, when you are trying to stop, or if a catastrophic event takes place in your life, which makes you aware of what cruel effects your substance (or behaviour with gambling or porn) has on your life.

I think the problem with PIED or porn induced sexual problems is, that it is about sexual conditioning. That means it can also effect you, even if you are not addicted. Of course it makes sense that the higher your usage the higher your chance of conditioning your sexual arousal to porn. But there are also other factiors like: when did you start using? The younger you are, the more impact porn can have on your sexual maturing. Do you or did you have other sexual experiences in real life?

So in the end i think its pretty much like with all addictive substances. You gotta be aware, that it can be highly addictive. No one can say, when it is too much for you, as everyone's brains, experiences and envoironments are different. So alcohol might be no problem for one person, but the same amount might be bad for another. Same goes with porn in my view.

One mor thing to add: i think, once you have been addicted, there is no such thing as proper or moderate use. You brains is sensitized to this stimulus and will build up this neural pathways in a secound. Its again like all the other addictions as f.e. with cigarettes. Either you stop or you'll stay hooked.

Aussie_85 · « **Reply #9 on:** January 21, 2021, 01:01:25 PM »

Quote from: Jeks on January 21, 2021, 12:40:17 PM

Of course it makes sense that the higher your usage the higher your chance of conditioning your sexual arousal to porn

So in the end i think its pretty much like with all addictive substances. You gotta be aware, that it can be highly addictive. No one can say, when it is too much for you, as everyone's brains, experiences and envoironments are different. So alcohol might be no problem for one person, but the same amount might be bad for another. Same goes with porn in my view.

That's why i started this thread,

I'm finding it hard to understand why i don't have PIED when my usage levels and durations are bordering on obsessive insanity - Minimum 5 - 7 hour sessions daily for over 10 years.

I hate name dropping but Gabe had sex with girls while growing up, So did i.

I have literally every other "Symptom" of porn addiction besides PIED.

The only other person iv'e come across without PIED is mergatroyd - and he doubts he's even addicted or has any issue whatsoever besides his wife not wanting him to.

Iv;e had friends who can do coke or even meth a few times a year and not get addicted to it, crave it or it effect them in any other way - this addiction is different though because it hijacks our strongest urge of all - to reproduce.

As for the second point porn needs to be introduced into education so kids learn that if you use it - there's a chance of all this shit happening to them - just like we were taught about hard drugs.

anubu0 · « **Reply #10 on:** January 21, 2021, 01:07:31 PM »

Hey Aussie,

I agree with you about the education point. If we had all known about this, we would never have committed this much damage to ourselves.

I also would stop worrying about the fact that you DON'T have PIED. Its been established that some addicts don't experience these symptoms, and as you mentioned, its most likely because of your previous sexual experience. Just focus on the reboot, more research needs to come along to help us answer these questions.

Jeks · « **Reply #11 on:** January 21, 2021, 01:22:27 PM »

Quote from: Aussie_85 on January 21, 2021, 01:01:25 PM

Quote from: Jeks on January 21, 2021, 12:40:17 PM
Of course it makes sense that the higher your usage the higher your chance of conditioning your sexual arousal to porn

So in the end i think its pretty much like with all addictive substances. You gotta be aware, that it can be highly addictive. No one can say, when it is too much for you, as everyone's brains, experiences and envoironments are different. So alcohol might be no problem for one person, but the same amount might be bad for another. Same goes with porn in my view.

That's why i started this thread,

I'm finding it hard to understand why i don't have PIED when my usage levels and durations are bordering on obsessive insanity - Minimum 5 - 7 hour sessions daily for over 10 years.

I hate name dropping but Gabe had sex with girls while growing up, So did i.

I have literally every other "Symptom" of porn addiction besides PIED.

The only other person iv'e come across without PIED is mergatroyd - and he doubts he's even addicted or has any issue whatsoever besides his wife not wanting him to.

Ive had friends who can do coke or even meth a few times a year and not get addicted to it, crave it or it effect them in any other way - this addiction is different though because it hijacks our strongest urge of all - to reproduce.

As for the second point porn needs to be introduced into education so kids learn that if you use it - there's a chance of all this shit happening to them - just like we were taught about hard drugs.

Brains are different i guess.

I can assure you i find regularly people, who claim to have problems with porn on this forum, without having PIED or other sexual dysfunctions (or just minor ones). When you read f.e. in the 20-30 sections you will find quite a lot of them.

Aussie_85 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 21, 2021, 01:30:18 PM »

ok cool,

thanks guys.

Murgatroyd · « **Reply #13 on:** January 21, 2021, 01:51:13 PM »

Can I just say, this is such an engaging conversation? You guys are GREAT!

There are no real easy answers.

The path of least resistance for the short term is to do what my wife wants. The problem with that is, unless there are other changes, it seriously impacts my personal happiness. Clearly I like more sex than she does, but the rules are I can only have sex with her. She's trying to spin it like the ball is in my court, and I am sick with a psychological problem that only I can do anything about. I am trying to spin it like it's something I am willing to choose to give up, as long as she will raise her game in the bedroom. I think "compromise" is a better goal.

So you can see how my heart is not in the "addiction" solution - and yes, I could be in denial and I get that - and she would love it if I would settle on how I'm addicted and I have to help myself and become a better husband and all that, however, my heart is definitely in the "let's work it out in a way that makes us both happy" solution.

Truly, it's probably not one or the other, they are probably both at play. The reality is, there is great value in having a happy wife which requires me to not come across as an asshole.

Welcome to marriage. And that's all I have to say about that :-)

God I LOVE you guys!

Murgatroyd · « **Reply #14 on:** January 21, 2021, 03:26:51 PM »

Hey Jeks, thanks for your note. I got it in an email, but I see it failed to post here (or you deleted it?) - anyway, I wanted to comment on your staying away from M.

There is some talk that handjobs from your girl are so much like M that one should also stay away from handjobs.

I'm trying to process this, since I really like the handjobs my girl gives me

Also, I should clarify I'm on Day 44 (I think, I lost count! - Started on December 6 anyway), so I am taking time away from the P and the M. If my wife can tolerate seeing that much more of me than she used to, then I am sure I will come out okay!

What a great thread.

Jeks · « **Reply #15 on:** January 22, 2021, 02:34:42 AM »

With thte handjob stuff, i also think it is pretty much different for everyone. It depends also heavily on your goals.
Guys who developed PIED or other sexual dysfunctions often used to use a very hard grip to masturbate (death grip). For thos people having a handjob by their partner may be counterproductive.
F. e. while rebooting my ex used to give me handjobs, but nothing seemed really enjoyable for me since i got conditioned to a very rough and specific type of grip, which she couldnt perform. So it always ended in endless sessions and she being totally exhausted.
For guys like me, i think handjobs at least in the beginning are most likely counterproductive, since you need at first to unlearn those specific behaviours and expectations, before you can met them with new ones (reboot and rewiring), which might also be why masturbation could be a problem for porn addicts whil rebooting in my view.
But for guys like you, who feel like they do not have any sexual problems, it might be okay. That is something everyone has to experiment individually on.

Murgatroyd · « **Reply #16 on:** January 22, 2021, 03:50:28 AM »

I admit that, over the years, women who have been successful at giving me a handjob to orgasm have been stimulating and athletic. I have also experienced too many times this thing you describe where we decide to stop because she is worn out, even when she is a turn-on and has high physical endurance.

Ever since I can remember, it has always been the case that there is a loose inverse relation between handjob success and time since last orgasm. The longer it has been since the last time I had an orgasm, then the sooner she meets with success, although this is not always true, strictly speaking, and these are not the only factors at play.

All the talk of death grip is frustrating to me, since I have nothing to compare it to. Do I use a death grip on myself? How would I know? Where can I get a gripometer with DEATH on the scale? Rather than try to encourage my partner to squeeze harder and go faster, I find some amount of success in going for the opposite in contrast - slow, lingering, gentle. That way I am not frustrated that it's not hard enough or fast enough, I'm enjoying how different it is. Then sex goes to the brain, ha.

I like not being in a hurry, and it's counterproductive when anyone else in the room is.

That said, sometimes there is an elephant in the room - the reality that the more she does it the better she gets at it - nobody seems to want to acknowledge that this factor could have a place in the discussion.

Jeks · « **Reply #17 on:** January 22, 2021, 10:00:59 AM »

Quote from: Murgatroyd on January 22, 2021, 03:50:28 AM

Rather than try to encourage my partner to squeeze harder and go faster, I find some amount of success in going for the opposite in contrast - slow, lingering, gentle. That way I am not frustrated that it's not hard enough or fast enough, I'm enjoying how different it is.

That means you have had no serious death grip, because if you had so, you wouldnt be able to enjoy slower and gentler movements like this. Other than that: guys with serious death grips often experience pain and/or swellings after masturbation. If you had none of those, you should be fine in that regard.

Murgatroyd · « **Reply #18 on:** January 22, 2021, 10:30:06 AM »

Jeks, you made my wife smile just now

zaraki888 · « **Reply #19 on:** January 28, 2021, 07:55:13 AM »

Hello Aussie_85,

I guess we are here in the minority. I never have PIED. It only happened to me if I remember correctly twice, when I orgasm-ed 3 to 5 times on the same day, or 2 to 3 times in a row with no pause and following the next couple of days with the same count. I can go on and on like a crazy rabbit. However I do suffer PE I think? I can edge just like you for 3 to 5 hours or more if I wanted.
When I watch too much porn, I do have difficulty getting an erection without touching myself. However I can just masturbate my penis in flatline and ''BAM'' the erection comes back again.

I have 20 years of porn addiction. I get turned on by anything not related to porn but only women very easily. I get easy attentions from women but porn addiction destroyed my self esteem and confidence to take action. I'm very sad.

I wonder if this is a sign of a sever case.

I am currently on day 57 hard mode.

May I ask you if you are a vegetarian? I red vegetarians have more energy because of their diet. I just want to know what makes me different and why.

Take care.

Maglue · « **Reply #20 on:** January 30, 2021, 05:18:59 AM »

Hey buddy I'm similar to you apart from the edging those are some huge hours you put in... geeze what an effort...
I'm onto day 1 today giving up porn for first time and only just started to discover my problem and how serious it had started too become...recently even porn wouldn't stimulate me enough and I didnt go too far into savage content...recently I started to not get hard... maybe 50% and I continued to orgasim I realised it was not good when I got weak bladder a couple of times... I did some kegels and it helped with that really well but while I have a shower I have the urge to piss when I dont need to ... the water sensation
Geeze man the consequences of our actions ... I'm abit scared after reading some of the other pages but I dont feel I'm as bad... I didnt get right into porn until 25ish I'm 36now ...
Geeze this is now my life's mission to sort this out and become total addiction free I started my own page ...
Good luck buddy

cakecrocodileshrimp · « **Reply #21 on:** January 30, 2021, 08:31:01 PM »

My guess it that since you are an older guy like me (I'm guessing mid 30s is considered older on this forum) you probably started out on dialup porn, and didn't progress to high speed tube sites until you were past puberty. I think this is a large part of it—people who jump right into hardcore HD streaming videos from the age of 11 hardwire their brain to porn when it is at its most plastic, and so the wiring is much deeper and stronger than people who didn't get into streaming videos until post-puberty. For me, we didn't even get broadband in my home til I was about 20, so my formative years on porn were spent very, very slowly loading photos one at a time, occasionally spending 45 minutes downloading a grainy lo-res 30 second video. I think this is why I have been able to have an addiction for 20+ years and although I definitely have weak erections I can still have sex.

Another thing is, I guess you could just be lucky. Some people smoke for 30 years and never get cancer. I think porn radically increases the probability of ED, it doesn't guarantee it.

Bilbo Baggins · « **Reply #22 on:** January 30, 2021, 10:39:55 PM »

Quote from: cakecrocodileshrimp on January 30, 2021, 08:31:01 PM

My guess it that since you are an older guy like me (I'm guessing mid 30s is considered older on this forum) you probably started out on dialup porn, and didn't progress to high speed tube sites until you were past puberty. I think this is a large part of it—people who jump right into hardcore HD streaming videos from the age of 11 hardwire their brain to porn when it is at its most plastic, and so the wiring is much deeper and stronger than people who didn't get into streaming videos until post-puberty. For me, we didn't even get broadband in my home til I was about 20, so my formative years on porn were spent very, very slowly loading photos one at a time, occasionally spending 45 minutes downloading a grainy lo-res 30 second video. I think this is why I have been able to have an addiction for 20+ years and although I definitely have weak erections I can still have sex.

Another thing is, I guess you could just be lucky. Some people smoke for 30 years and never get cancer. I think porn radically increases the probability of ED, it doesn't guarantee it.

Well said, I think this probably makes a lot of sense. I am 32 too, and though I have had PIED ever since I became sexually active, I’ve been able to have sex too, so things could be worse. Damn, we’re lucky we were born in the 80’s. Poor guys who grew up directly with high-speed internet...

Also, the age a guy started having sex probably has an impact too. Aussie said he was already having sex when he was 13, it’s a good thing. He probably wired his brain towards women early enough.

I had sex for the first time when I was 16. I already had a few years of porn under my belt, but 16 is probably not too bad for the brain, I mean, it’s probably more plastic at 16 than it is at 25. Due to weird circumstances unrelated to ED, I never made love with that girl, but she would blow me 2-3 times a week, and that lasted for a few months. I had similar experiences with other girls in the next months: I had many blowjobs in that period without even knowing I had PIED (I rarely lose my erection when I get a blowjob, and I didn’t try penetrative sex until I was almost 19...). God, today I’m grateful to those girls... Thanks to them, at least I had some wiring towards women when I was still pretty young. And, to be honest, today I still prefer a blowjob to penetrative sex. It’s not really normal, obviously, and probably caused by some sort of morphing of tastes due to porn. But sometimes I am wondering if I prefer blowjobs because I had many of them when I was a teen (I didn’t have successful penetrative sex until I was in my 20’s, many years later). Of course, I’ll never know for sure, and actually it’s not really important to discover the truth about this. Still, sometimes I ask myself these questions...

Maglue · « **Reply #23 on:** January 31, 2021, 12:15:54 AM »

I totally agree... being born in the 1980s we are so lucky...
I used to watch DVDs as a kid even going to porn booths sometimes.. but now it's just totally next level with all the browsers you can open and skipping right to the scenes... clicking to near the end of the video... moving onto the next quickly...
Geeze when I think of all the sick shit I did .... but I'm now reading of people who are doing far deeper extreme stuff...

Aussie_85 · « **Reply #24 on:** January 31, 2021, 02:00:00 AM »

Wow those posts just really connected the dots for me and made me remember shit I haven’t thought about for many years.

I can’t put an exact date on when we got broadband,I’d say around 19/20 years old. Before that, I think around 16, with dial up internet - it wasn’t easy to find porn online. No tube sites etc. I actually remember one of my childhood stoner mates handing me a piece of paper with a website address on it with an accomplished proud grin, basically telling me this was the holy grail of porn - it was. I won’t name the site in case it triggers anyone but the last time I looked it was still active. A site with thousands of links to preview videos (20 secs or so) picture galleries that as cakecrocodileshrimp said took a few minutes to load one SD pic, half hour or an hour for the clips.

Sure, I’d stay up late and fap, but I’d be lucky to see 10 pics and one preview clip without my AMD shitty PC crashing, internet dropping out etc - nothing comparable today and it just wasn’t possible to consume the amount of content on offer today.

I feel really bad for the younger guys, I would’ve been right into it if we had high speed internet with all the tube sites and done even more damage to myself.

We were the last generation to grow up as kids 0-15 without “technology” no mobile phones, no high speed internet or social media - you had to make your own fun. That’s a pretty significant point in history.

Thanks for the posts guys this really gave me answers.

My anxiety/social/motivational/depression etc didn’t start effecting me until age 22,after a few years of high speed usage.

All the best,

Aussie