Journals > Ages 20-29

Recovery Journal

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Hello everyone,

I started a a recovery journal on this forum titled "I WILL DO THIS" a few months ago where I logged my recovery progress for a month and half, which I will link below for those that are interested. To save you from the long read, I wasn't actually able to do this, at least not yet. After my last post on the "I WILL DO THIS" journal, I felt this urge in my body to improve everything about myself; I wanted to stop using technology, I wanted to focus on guitar, and I wanted to stop being so weak and pathetic, both physically and mentally. I relapsed a few days after that last post, feeling lost and disillusioned, and my progress has been shattered since. Not only have I lost motivation to workout and stay focused in school, but I've lost motivation to overcome the most serious issue that I have ever faced in my life: porn addiction and PIED.

For those who don't already know, I am 17 and have been suffering with PIED for a confirmed 5 months now but I have a feeling I've been suffering from it longer. My erections are not only just to P, but they are weaker as well which is extremely alarming. I will attend college in around 6 months time. I have 6 months to get my life on track and I beseech for your guys' support and help during the journey.

anubu0: (previous journal)

January 18, 2021

For the next six months, I need to stay focused and diligent and overcome this porn addiction. This is the homestretch and everything is in place for me to succeed. I have set up blocks on my computers and on my phone to limit all erotic material. P is obviously blocked, youtube is blocked, and reddit is blocked, with my brother controlling my screen time passcodes. While this seems fool proof, I still managed to relapse with this system in place. I will not explain what I did to get around these measures so that others do not have access to these methods, but my efforts were extensive which revealed to me that I was an actual porn addict. But the point is, it's difficult for me to relapse, which will make it easier for my will power to remain strong and persevere.

During the next few months, I am going to be performing a dopamine detox. For those who do not know what that is, it's a change in lifestyle that involves limiting ones exposure to highly "rewarding" activities such as video gaming, binging Netflix, and as you all probably know, watching porn. I have attempted to do dopamine detoxes in the past and they are extremely challenging, but if I can get through the first month successfully, my brain will already start rewiring and I'll be closer to success.

So, instead of spending my time watching youtube, playing League of Legends for hours on end, and beating my meat, I will spend the time working out, playing guitar, and getting and working a job. I have started looking for work just to earn some money before college but it I believe it will help me kill two birds with one stone, acting as a distractor and time consuming activity while also helping me earn some money. I have already found one job opening in my area which I am going to apply to by the end of today.

I am experiencing a serious illness which will take handwork and discipline to overcome. I need to try my best everyday to stay focused on the task at hand. If it means sacrificing time spent playing video games with my friends, or hours watching Breaking Bad, so be it. Overcoming this porn addiction starts right now, and I will do it.


Amazing resource for people who are trying to recover. Thanks Phineas!

January 19, 2021

Hey everyone. Today just started but I feel great. I applied to the job I wanted to apply to yesterday and also was successful from abstaining from porn, video games, TV, and other highly simulating activities. Yesterday, I spent a lot of time on the forum reading success stories and discussions about PIED which both motivated me and scared me. I know I'm not alone and I now have others' methods I can implement, but hearing people struggle for 5+ years with this issue makes me wonder if I'm going to be stuck in this trap forever. Porn is horrible and my conscious brain and prefrontal cortex knows that, but my lower brain still seems to control me and I have to work on that.

I read a thread by Gabe which was a Q & A about his reboot. The guy didn't even relapse once! He attributed it to his deep resentment towards porn and its harmful effects and after reading those posts, I realized that I don't have that deep resentment although I should. Porn has made my dick absolutely lifeless and prevented me from having a relationship with a beautiful girl. I need to keep reminding myself of this to keep up my motivation.

Gabe also inspired me and shared ways on how to live your life. With the pandemic, it's nearly impossible for me to interact with my friends, which as Gabe said, was a pivotal method to his recovery. Since I can't go outside to interact with my friends, I am going to spend the day working and doing what I need to do and use the night to talk to my family and interact with them. I am pretty close with my family but I think talking to them more will be beneficial. Also, if I get the job I applied for, I would be able to make some work friends which will help me as well.

One point I'm still concerned about is the rewiring stage for my porn recovery. I understand that most men should go at least 3 months of hard-mode with zero sexual interaction and MO which I think I am able to do. However, the rewiring portion of my recovery is still something that worries me. I don't have a girlfriend and I have a bad reputation at school because of my ex and I'm just worried that I won't be able to sexually rewire my brain with someone whose company I truly enjoy. Again, this is a long ways away, but I am determined to reach this stage of the reboot.

Phineas' post which I linked above was eye-opening and revolutionary to me. I always thought the best way to fight urges was head on, a battle of my consciousness and my urges, but I realize that that is impossible. Urges are meant to be overpowering and undefeatable, but only if you entertain them. Next time I face an urge, I am not going to think about it, I am just going to resume with my day as if nothing as happened, and when Im done doing a certain activity, hopefully the urge will go away.

Today I am still going to be doing a full dopamine detox meaning no Youtube, no TV, and obviously no Porn. I also need to focus on eating and drinking healthy foods. I want to gain 10 pounds by the end of 3 months, so by March 19. My chest is dead from yesterday's workout but today is back/biceps day and I'm stoked.

Porn is not an option. Masturbation is not an option. I am on a journey to become the happiest I have ever been!


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