Journals > Ages 30-39

Reboot Journal

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Aussie_85:
Hey guys,

I first discovered the nofap/YBOP community around 6 or so years ago. At that time i was in my late twenties, living in my bedroom at my parents house, unemployed, no car, single, no life.

My days literally revolved around edging for insane amounts of time - at least 7 or so hours a day., playing COD and feeling sorry for myself. I was a complete loser, period. I made a white knuckle attempt at quitting porn and managed a 94 day streak on hard mode, had hardcore bed-ridding withdrawals that were quite frankly hell. I relapsed, spent the next year or so in a cycle of trying to quit (think i made it 10 days max) then going on relapse binges. I was a member of YBR and basically struggled for a few years going back and forth wondering where i was going wrong, i was alone, scared....and lost.

Basically i gave up after a while. I  figured i wasn't strong enough to quit porn and that I'd quite literally wasted the majority of my 20's masturbating over pixels while my childhood friends got married, travelled the world and lived life. i was honestly close to suicide. That really scares me now. I used to think about how much of a relief it would be to not be alive anymore, horrible. And porn was the ultimate escape, I've always had a really good imagination so i can really immerse myself in the scenes, pictures or fantasies that i PMO over..i don't just masturbate over content, i put myself in the scenes within my mind.

Fast forward to now, I'm 35 & in a long term relationship with my teenage sweetheart - we got back together 5 years ago. My daughter is 11 days old. I own a 5 bedroom house, brand new car - I'm literally living the dream. without a shadow of a doubt, it was plain blind luck. I put a lot of effort in, sure. I decided "fuck it"...i no longer cared about anxiety/social anxiety and depression....i just kind of cruised into my new life. But not enjoying it,at all really. It's hard to put into words the complete polar opposite life i have now. And I've been fapping away the whole time. For the entirety of our relationship I've been using porn, daily. And i still have no "Spark" for life. everything seems dull and boring, i have no interest in forming friendships, having hobbies etc....addiction is a miserable place to be. I have what I'd call "minor" ED. I've never not been able to have sex, i guess it's because i lost my virginity at age 13, and had sex with girls all throughout my teenage years. It wasn't until i was around 19/20 that my addiction started really fucking with my life - but i have the generic "found magazines, used old VHS porn tapes etc" story as everyone else in my age range. Over the last 12 months or so though my erections are getting weaker,

I'm currently on 20 days no PMO - hard mode. There's much more to my story so I'll add more as the months (and possibly years) roll on. Because of the severity of my addiction and escalation of material used I'm prepared for a long reboot - easily 12 months, more than likely 2 years to fully recover, which i can say without any doubt i will easily do, i'll never look at porn or masturbate again, i hit bottom and I'm done.

Seeing my daughter come into this world, and knowing I'm responsible for her and my beautiful partner...changed me. coming to the cold hard truth of how I've wasted a lot of my youth wanking over a screen, escaping my bullshit missing out on all of the amazing things life can offer - changed me. And there's no one else to blame but myself.





Readytoreboot:
Welcome back to the no fap community and thanks for sharing your story. P became an escape for me in many ways and I can relate to the pain of this addiction. It had brought me to a low point in life and pulling myself away from P is a journey im still on. Although Ive had a lot of fun traveling the world and partying in my twenties, all the time I spent on P was too much time wasted that Ill never get back. Its good to hear that youre motivated to rid P from your life once and for all and I look forward to hearing more about your journey. Good luck mate

Phineas 808:
Welcome to Reboot Nation, Ausie-85!

I can resonate with your story in many ways, and am interested in your journey from here out.

I appreciate your attitude and determination, if there's any way I can be of help, please let me know.

On my journal's page 1, I have a lot of links that may be beneficial.

Good going on 20 days hard mode!

Aussie_85:

--- Quote from: Readytoreboot on January 18, 2021, 11:21:03 AM ---Welcome back to the no fap community and thanks for sharing your story. P became an escape for me in many ways and I can relate to the pain of this addiction. It had brought me to a low point in life and pulling myself away from P is a journey im still on. Although Ive had a lot of fun traveling the world and partying in my twenties, all the time I spent on P was too much time wasted that Ill never get back. Its good to hear that youre motivated to rid P from your life once and for all and I look forward to hearing more about your journey. Good luck mate

--- End quote ---

Hey mate thanks for the post,

escaping using porn is so powerful. Literally any issue can be forgotten about whilst doing it, I've tried different drugs in the past - some were fun, none compared to the overall power of porn. I'm glad you got to travel and party, luckily for me i didn't really get isolated majorly until around 25... from 16 - 22 i partied hard - Raves ( back when they were actually raves, not the commercialised shit these days) clubs, house parties. I'm grateful i got to have heaps of fun nights, I've read about guys over the years who have never even been to a club/party, virgins at my age. So although i missed out on some stuff, not all and i have plenty of good memories. I basically spent roughly 4 years in a room at my parents place PMO'ing, venturing out only to score weed. Travelling can be done at any age and enjoyed, partying can't....not really anyway. Once you hit 30 everyone has moved on, unfortunately - the scenes change and it went fast. Thanks again mate and good luck with your journey.

Aussie_85:

--- Quote from: Phineas 808 on January 18, 2021, 11:55:02 AM ---Welcome to Reboot Nation, Ausie-85!

I can resonate with your story in many ways, and am interested in your journey from here out.

I appreciate your attitude and determination, if there's any way I can be of help, please let me know.

On my journal's page 1, I have a lot of links that may be beneficial.

Good going on 20 days hard mode!

--- End quote ---

Hey mate,

Thanks for the post! I'll check out and sub to your journal!

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