Author Topic: First month (Read 744 times)

Marco60 · « **on:** December 24, 2020, 09:48:08 AM »

I start this journal not on my first day, but one month after the beginning of my no-FAP experience.

I turned 60 this April, and I always had a regular and satisfactory sexual activity, which has been harmed by my inclination towards porn. For many years I was single, and visited FKKs in Germany occasionally. My last intercourse with ejaculation goes back to more than one year ago, and it was with a girl in a FKK.

Since the beginning of the year I have a gf my age: this has changed everything. We both love and like each other, sex is more than ok, BUT I did not succeed to have an ejaculation, until now. I think the reason is that I am now used to reach ejaculation through masturbation. With the girl in the FKK I probably succeeded because when I had it I had started a reboot since few weeks.

I still look everyday at porn, although only for 15 minutes at most, and I continue to read and see porn cartoons, without FAPping however. I am not sure whether this is potentially harming or not: just looking at porn without FAP. Both actions get me hard, thus I can not tell I am not reactive.

Comments and reports of experiences are welcome!

Phineas 808 · « **Reply #1 on:** December 24, 2020, 11:36:32 AM »

Welcome, Marco!

What are FKK's?

Congrats on 1 month! That's huge.

I think that the wiring of our brains toward porn and masturbation (especially with fantasy) are against real-world sex, and so hamper us in our efforts to connect meaningfully with another human being.

Gabe Deem has a test you can safely perform to determine if you have PIED or not, I think like, can you get an erection without having to look at porn first? Or, can you simply get an erection by self touch without porn, fantasy, or squeezing it like a tube of toothpaste?

Anyhow, nice to meet you!

Marco60 · « **Reply #2 on:** December 25, 2020, 06:54:32 PM »

Thank you Phineas, and first: Merry Christmas! I will look after GD's test. I think I can answer the first part of the test: I do get a little erection also without looking at porn. But I prefer to avoid trying to touch myself, even for a test.

Marco60 · « **Reply #3 on:** December 28, 2020, 10:29:26 AM »

Sorry, I have not answered your question: What are FKK?
This German acronym stands for "Frei Koerper Kultur". Strictly speaking, are clubs where nudity is admitted. Usually they admit both women and men, and all pay the same admission fee. It is not a brothel, it is however possible to have sex if people want. They are mostly located in Germany and Austria. Obviously since the beginning of the pandemic they have all been locked down.

Phineas 808 · « **Reply #4 on:** December 28, 2020, 11:16:44 AM »

Thanks for the definition! It would be a challenge for me to keep in control...

Marco60 · « **Reply #5 on:** December 29, 2020, 06:22:41 PM »

Since today i have completely abolished any P. Until now I was looking from time to time some P, particularly cartoons, although I adopted a no-fap policy. The latter gave me some erections, and I continue to have morning woods. It is a landmark along this path.

Delloroo · « **Reply #6 on:** December 31, 2020, 11:47:19 AM »

That's awesome that you decided to back away from porn completely. It sounds like a good step.

Marco60 · « **Reply #7 on:** January 11, 2021, 09:55:38 AM »

Since a week I was in a completely flat phase. However, yesterday I had a intercourse with my GF. I could not ejaculate, but she anyhow reached orgasm, and my erection lasted for long.
The lack of ejaculation is my main concern. I had no problem when I was masturbating: thus I deduce that it is caused by the loss of sensitivity caused by PM, a symptom which, from what I read somewhere else, happened to others. I hope I will regain it in few months, after a complete reboot (but I do not know).

Marco60 · « **Reply #8 on:** January 15, 2021, 07:18:23 AM »

Day 52 since starting and 17 since no-P. This morning I started to feel some hardening in bed, while I was having a fantasy. I do not feel any interest towards P, even less for MO. I start to forget about the feeling of seeing P, but I begin from time to time to feel attraction towards my GF. I know it will take time. The most important is to forget completely about M.

Phineas 808 · « **Reply #9 on:** January 15, 2021, 11:47:28 AM »

Good going, Marco!

You're making progress, and changing things for the better, slowly but surely!

Keep it going!

Murgatroyd · « **Reply #10 on:** January 17, 2021, 09:30:08 AM »

Hi Gentlemen, May I join the conversation? I am 62 and decided to learn more about my brain on porn. On day 43 here, no P no M but I'm married and have regular sex with my wife. We're trying to figure out how to measure progress.

Marco60 · « **Reply #11 on:** January 18, 2021, 03:17:52 AM »

Quote from: Murgatroyd on January 17, 2021, 09:30:08 AM

Hi Gentlemen, May I join the conversation? I am 62 and decided to learn more about my brain on porn. On day 43 here, no P no M but I'm married and have regular sex with my wife. We're trying to figure out how to measure progress.

Welcome to my (hopefully) progress journal, Murgatroyd

! As many others, I decided to start this journal here to get advantage of comments from fellow rebooters and also for myself, to keep trace of my path towards freedom

....

Marco60 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 23, 2021, 08:44:00 AM »

Things are gong better

. I have no interest for P, even less for MO obviously, and I feel I am going out of the flatline. My interest for beautiful women starts to reappear, and this makes me more confident with my girlfriend.

Murgatroyd · « **Reply #13 on:** January 23, 2021, 09:02:13 AM »

Thanks for the report, Marco. I have found that a beautiful woman can work miracles.

Marco60 · « **Reply #14 on:** January 30, 2021, 06:40:20 AM »

Quote from: Murgatroyd on January 23, 2021, 09:02:13 AM

Thanks for the report, Marco. I have found that a beautiful girlfriend can work miracles.

Thank you for this encouragement!

I can see some progress hese days. In general, this time my reboot has not plagued by the temptation to look at soft P or erotic images, thus it is proceeding smoother. I notice that I am not anxious about flatline as I was during the previous reboot. I am definitely more relaxed, possibly because I know what to expect due to my previous experience.

This morning I had the usual MW, but after I started to have a fantasy about a girl I saw at the supermarket, with whom we crossed our sights. Masks do not allow more these days, but I was surprised to see some erection when I was laying in bed and letting my imagination free. I did not want to do any M, I am very focused about reboot, but it was the first time since months that I did not need any P to get an erection. Encouraging, I would say

.

Since yesterday however I have occasionally some pain in my testicles, as when I needed to empty them. I see my GF only during weekends, due to covid limitations, hopefully this weekend will help to relieve this little problem.

Marco60 · « **Reply #15 on:** February 02, 2021, 09:15:24 AM »

The improvements I noticed during the past days are consolidating

. In the past days I indulged for few minutes in bed in the morning, thinking about some realistic fantasies, and I happily notice that I get aroused. I do not remember any P images or film, my fantasies are realistic and involve myself. Obviously I do not do any M and I do not reach any O, but I start again to react positively and having a reasonable (given the circumstances) libido.

It goes without saying that I love my GF and I do not feel any real interest for other women, but I find encouraging that my brain seems not to need the artificial situations of P to be reactive.

I have a very active working and relational life these days, and I also do regular walks in the countryside. All activities which keep me busy. No desire to relapse since ten days, the slow progress I record here is much more exciting these days for me

.

LetItGoAlready · « **Reply #16 on:** February 02, 2021, 11:47:41 AM »

Congrats on your progress, Marco. Wishing you well, friend.

roark · « **Reply #17 on:** February 04, 2021, 09:26:39 AM »

Hey Marco, that's a great achievement!
Congratulations

Bilbo Baggins · « **Reply #18 on:** February 04, 2021, 09:39:24 AM »

Sounds like good progress already. Keep it up!

Marco60 · « **Reply #19 on:** February 06, 2021, 06:18:01 AM »

Writing a report every single day gave me a sort of misleading self-confidence. I remember this from the previous reboot, which ended in a relapse after few months and good progress. Thus, I will not fill this journal daily. This time I really want to reach my targets:

A full intercourse with a real woman (my GF) ending with E;
Never loosing self-confidence that I left PMO forever.

The last time I had the first experience was with a escort at the end of my first reboot, about two and half years ago. Then I stupidly relapsed, and my brain quickly slipped back into the previous mood, i.e. only P could make me hard...
I think I am not the kind of person who can easily gain self -confidence if my own actions do not reflect my intentions. I know that to me self-esteem is a necessary condition to have real sex. I know other, self-assertive people, who can easily live a double life, but my past experience showed me that I need to stick with the idea of rebooting my brain from P dependence, if I do not want to loose confidence to myself. "Whatever it takes"

.

Marco60 · « **Reply #20 on:** February 14, 2021, 10:51:39 AM »

Reboot is proceeding smoothly. Since the last update I had no relapse, usual MWs, some fantasies during the day which have provoked an erection a couple of times.
However, I do not really understand if my brain has completely forgotten M, and if I still need M to get an excitement which brings to E. For sure I have not looked at any P but it could perfectly be that my brain unconsciously remembers some images and some movies, and I am simply not aware.
The restrictions due to Covid affect negatively the social life. I work a lot from home, I only see women the few times I go to shop (a couple of times a week). Besides, we all wear masks, thus we only can cross sometimes the eyes with some ladies, but it is impossible to get any feeling from these opportunities.
Yet, I am confident that waiting enough without giving to the temptation of relapsing I will get rid of my ED, because this is what happened at the end of the former reboot.

LetItGoAlready · « **Reply #21 on:** February 14, 2021, 01:19:14 PM »

Quote

Yet, I am confident that waiting enough without giving to the temptation of relapsing I will get rid of my ED, because this is what happened at the end of the former reboot.

You're doing great. It really is a waiting game, but it's made much more challenging due to the negative effects of COVID. Hang in there, friend!

Marco60 · « **Reply #22 on:** February 18, 2021, 04:08:23 AM »

This morning I woke up rather early. While I l was laying in bed, half sleeping, I started to have a fantasy, and this time finally I had a full erection. Of course I did nothing (no fap). It is a mark towards the final target. Already now when I am in public places I feel reactive when I see some attractive women. Maybe I am wrong, but these for me are signs that my brain is switching to the usual erotic excitation mode.
I think that to this new mode contributes also the situation at work. I scored two important results during the past week, and this gave me not only more self-confidence but also retrieved some tensions and concerns, which are giving me a feeling of inner freedom. My mind is more free to look around and catch opportunities. Unfortunately this pandemic does not allow any freedom, but I look forward to few months from now

.

Phineas 808 · « **Reply #23 on:** February 18, 2021, 11:15:25 AM »

Well done, Marco!

I definitely think those are all good signs.

roark · « **Reply #24 on:** February 18, 2021, 02:40:10 PM »

Hi Marco
Glad to hear that!
There's light at the end of the tunnel!