Author Topic: Here’s my story  (Read 103 times)

Inkednready1

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Here’s my story
« on: February 22, 2021, 08:20:40 PM »
Greetings all! I’m a 44 mwm who has discovered that porn has screwed me up. For my back story, I have always been very sexually actively, in the lifestyle, and happily married. I’ve watched porn off snd on for years, but never had any issues like this before. I’ve had months on end where I would have sex almost daily, sometimes more than once a day. As I got older and my sexual exploits have slowed down, I guess I started supplemented the lack of sex with porn. When I say lack of sex, I’d say it was down to a couple times a week instead of daily. Nothing caused the drawdown, just age, hormones, and situation mostly. I supplemented the sex drawdown with porn. My wife didn’t mind it as she enjoyed it sometimes too.

For the past year or so I’ve noticed a change. The sex I was having started dwindling further snd I was having difficulties getting fully hard. At first I was thinking hormones as I do suffer from low T as well. I was given Viagra from my dr and everything was good. My T levels were fine and I only used the Viagra during play dates and long nights. Things were ok but I still wasn’t right. The past few months I’ve noticed my erections coming less and less when trying to have sex, but would have no problem with porn. I always heard overstimulation could cause issues, but I didn’t think it would ever happen to me. So here I am. Not only is it affecting my sex life, I don’t feel whole anymore. I knew I needed to do something to get me back while.

I decided to give up the porn, give the chatting and writing erotica stories a break. I have continued chatting with friends but nothing sexual is involved. It usually takes a couple weeks for me to get back right but this may take longer this time. I’ve discussed things with my wife and I’m lucky to have an amazing partner. She knows I have been going through libido fluctuations so I told her what I’m doing and it should be the answer we have been looking for. I know it will be a rough road but it will be worth it. So I am on Day 3 with no porn. I’m feeling good and keeping myself occupied with other things. It’s a struggle throughout the day but I just look at the light at the end of the tunnel. I am going back to the gym as well to get back in shape I was a few years ago. I want to be as excited while being intimate with a woman like I used to! And I’ll get there. One thing I do know is that I cannot go back to watching porn snd masturbating numerous times a day.

So.... day 3 and I’m doing well. I think this journal will help me keep focus and help me meet my goal, and stay there. I’m expecting to flatline any day now and just wait it out until I start feeling whole again. I’m looking forward to having sex the way I used to, no matter how long it takes.

otanerferguson

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Re: Here’s my story
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2021, 09:06:34 PM »
It seems that you are very aware of what you are doing, on the right path to fix it and what to expect. I would say that you are going to weather this one. I would also bet that your T issues are related to this, as I read that there might be some down regulation of Testosterone accompanying desensitization and/or the flatline. Anyway, I can tell you that I raised my T naturally a lot, to the point where I have very good and high levels, and still no reliable erections and only intermittent desire with perfect health otherwise (Google send me down the testosterone path before finding out about porn-induced ED). So I'm hoping that the reboot will be the answer to you and me my friend. Keep going!!!
Hugo

Inkednready1

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Re: Here’s my story
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2021, 11:09:09 PM »
Day 4. Mildly successful throughout the day. I think I am starting to flatline already. I will be able to tell more tomorrow. I am very aware of what I am trying to do and doing my best to avoid triggers. It’s a constant effort though. I had some temptation today with some text messages and videos that were shown to me. I was quickly able to steer the conversation away from a sexual element and avoid they cybering I typically get off on. No real need to explain anything either. One good thing about LS friends, they totally get that breaks are needed from time to time. I am keeping occupied in my spare time and not diving into the abyss that I usually do. Games, reading material, conversations are helping. I’m starting a new gym program on Monday to get my mind snd body set right like I was a couple years ago. I’m looking forward to it. Tomorrow’s another day. I just have to make sure I stay focused.

Inkednready1

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Re: Here’s my story
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2021, 06:44:06 AM »
Day 5 was yesterday. Was a rough one. I found myself subconsciously flipping through my phone. I noticed the trend right away but the habit of searching almost got it. Was tempted. I had a lot of stress snd anxiety. Not sure if it was the concentration of not looking at porn and beating off or something else. I need to find something to occupy my time. I will be out of quarantine tomorrow and will be headed to the gym first thing after work. I have my workout plan set and about to get it on. I thought I may be flatlining the other day, but after yesterday I’m not so sure. Woke up with morning wood this morning. First time in a long time. And have been wanting to spend more snd more time with my wife. Hoping some intimacy may help this along. But as I said before, work schedules and other activities hinder that at times.

Let’s see what today brings....

Inkednready1

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Re: Here’s my story
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2021, 06:21:40 AM »
Well, day 6 was yesterday. Had some temptations and I’m finding it hard to break the habits that lead me to porn. I found myself subconsciously scrolling looking for erotica, luckily I caught myself before I finished the URL. It’s crazy how your brain just does what it wants or thinks it needs. I woke up with a wood again this morning. This hasn’t happened in a while. I am not sure I am full flatline as I still have a lot of sensation. I did downloaded an app that will help me track my progress as well as this blog. It has a lot of meet tools that could be helpful. I did some meditation yesterday to help keep me focused snd I start back to the gym today. I’m ready to get my day started...

Phineas 808

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Re: Here’s my story
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2021, 10:44:44 AM »
Welcome, Inked!

Wishing you success in your efforts. You can do it, as it's a matter of habit change.

You have everything in you to take control back, and heal.
My abstinence is currently at 112+days.

My Journal

Inkednready1

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Re: Here’s my story
« Reply #6 on: Today at 09:17:13 AM »
Day 7 was yesterday. While I didn’t have any cravings or urges it was a rough day. Habit is still there b I was easily able to change my direction. It was actually a quick switch with no major issues. It was actually pretty easy. It was more habit yesterday than anything. HOWEVER...I was severely depressed yesterday. It was a rough day. My wife asked me what was going on and I explained what was going on with everything. She absolutely understood why I am feeling this way. This whole thing is a touchy subject since she blames herself for the PIED. I keep telling her it’s definitely not her. “Uou can get hard with porn, and with other people... I’m the problem”. I explained to her that my play with others is always prepped with ED drugs, and my brain has required itself to porn. I don’t think she fully understands how often I was using porn. I used it as a systems check for the real deal, but would be really frustrated when it wouldn’t get up for game time. We had a long discussion snd were ok. We ended the night with some very sensual lovemaking. I’m pretty flatlined so there was no penetration,  but just being with her felt amazing and was very enjoyable. On to the next day!!