Author Topic: Quitting Journal  (Read 699 times)

Skilbeck

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Quitting Journal
« on: December 05, 2020, 03:16:53 PM »
Hi, I am going to be posting daily about my PMO addiction recovery for the next ninety days.

A bit about me. Ive been masturbating for around 10 + years and was first introduced to porn at the age of 8. At first I would watch very mild things like music videos but my tastes slowly became more specific. My usage has always been excessive and I remember my self binging to porn for hours as a young teen. A few bad experiences skyrocketed my anxiety so I used porn binging and edging to relieve my stress and anxiety. But consequently this has taken a big toll on my overall health.

Because of feeling shit for three years now pretty much every day I have decided to commit to a ninety day porn reboot. In this time I want to build a new life for myself and recover from this addiction.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2020, 07:27:40 PM »
Day 1 Complete.

Today has been slowly and pretty lethargic. I woke up late with brain fog and a headache probably due to me binging for about a week. But at least I met up with a mate and got some productivity done.

I am putting my reboot into different phases, so for the first phase of my reboot I am focusing on minimum amounts productivity atleast, and making sure I do all the tools I learnt from the reforged man course.                                     

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2020, 07:13:09 PM »
Day 2 Complete.

Today has been better than yesterday. Although I have had a lot of brain fog and mood swings. I managed to get some tasks done today and met up with a friend, but I ate too much sugar and junk food. It's not the end of the world because my main priority is rebooting but I would still like to eat less sugar.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2020, 07:05:27 PM »
Day 3 Complete.

So far so good, I had one urge when I realized there was a breach in my porn blocker but I managed to calm myself down and deal with it without slipping up.

Mentally I am feeling better than yesterday but the brain fog, mood swings, headaches and the typical symptoms I have been dealing with for the best three years have been there. But I have faith that these will drastically improve or most likely recover.

Last night started off pretty rough. The minute I turned my light off and put my head on my pillow my heart started racing and I was struggling to breath calmly. I had my bloods and an Ecg done recently to check if anything was up with my system and they all came back fine. So I assume these are withdrawals.

Here's to day 4!

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2020, 07:14:33 PM »
Day 4 Complete.

No big urges again today. I got a better sleep last night which was good, overall I have felt in better mood. However this evening I felt a sudden bout of fatigue and Queasiness that lasted for about an hour.

 
« Last Edit: December 08, 2020, 08:14:24 PM by Skilbeck »

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2020, 08:15:59 PM »
Day 5 Complete.

No major urges again. Mentally I am seeing slow improvements in mood and my physical symptoms have calmed down significantly which is good. I believe a lot of the physical symptoms were down to anxiety and Psychosomatic stuff.

I have noticed though that a part of myself is trying to rationalize porn use because of the smallest things that have no sexual intention in the first place. So I just have to think these moments will pass and I will have forgotten them in a couple of days.

Here goes to Day 6. Super pumped to go further with this reboot and start living to the fullest again. Thursday is always a danger day as it is my longest day of the week so I will keep my guard up. Luckily I have good porn blockers and if I will do the tools I learnt in the reforged man course.
 

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2020, 07:09:59 PM »
Day 6 Complete.

No big urges again today. I had a lack of sleep last night so today has been a long drag and I have felt pretty numb for most of it. My de sensitized brain is trying to find porn in lots of things but I have faith that this will improve as I go further into my reboot. I felt pretty lonely tonight but I'm doing okay.

Here goes to Day 7.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2020, 07:02:33 PM »
Day 7 Complete.


Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2020, 07:03:59 PM »
Day 8 Complete.

Felt pretty flat for most of the day with mood swings. Saw a triggering TV show that I couldn't do much about but I tried my best to not look at it and stay centered. I doubt it will have damaged my progress, anyway part of the rebooting process is about being able to deal with things like this and not being compulsive in your outlook by watching porn.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #9 on: December 13, 2020, 07:02:05 PM »
Day 9 Complete.

Same as above but seeing slight improvement in mood each day.

« Last Edit: December 13, 2020, 07:06:59 PM by Skilbeck »

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2020, 07:16:40 PM »
Day 10 Complete.

No major urges. I have been in a flatline for most of the day.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #11 on: December 15, 2020, 07:02:24 PM »
Day 11 Complete.

I had a big urge today which I managed to overcome. I am still feeling the aftermath of dealing with that urge, Headache, Brainfog and stuff.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #12 on: December 16, 2020, 07:01:39 PM »
Day 12 Complete.

My mood felt more stable today but I have been having sexual urges a lot as well as brain fog and headaches.

Gabe Deem

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    I found out the soft way that porn is sex negative
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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #13 on: December 17, 2020, 11:35:11 AM »
Congrats on day 12 Skilbeck!

My advice for urges is to get out of the house, go to a park or somewhere with a pen and paper, or a book, and write down any plans or ideas you have that you would enjoy doing and that would improve your life in some small way. Doesn't matter what it is, it could be as simple as "call a friend tonight and see how they're doing."

Keep truckin! One day at a time. Much love
Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem. Please consider supporting Reboot Nation on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gabedeem

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #14 on: December 17, 2020, 07:20:20 PM »
Hey Gabe, it's great to hear from a legend like yourself in the Porn Addiction recovery community. Thank you for the kind words and advice.

Unfortunately I binge relapsed today. The start of the day went well and I got a haircut with my friends followed by a bite to eat. When I got home I had nothing structured for the day and I crumbled. But seeing how my mood has picked up the past three days is big motivator to pickup my self back up with optimism. I will do some journal ling tonight about my relapse and about the future and I will start a fresh streak tomorrow.

Here is to day 1!

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #15 on: December 18, 2020, 07:03:17 PM »
Day 1 Complete.

Not much to say. I have felt pretty brain foggy an lethargic for the whole day but no urges.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #16 on: December 19, 2020, 07:01:49 PM »
Day 2 Complete.


Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #17 on: December 20, 2020, 07:03:33 PM »
Day 3 Complete.


Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #18 on: December 21, 2020, 08:02:48 PM »
Day 4 Complete.

I had a porn urge and some strong porn flashbacks today but I managed to deal with them.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #19 on: December 22, 2020, 07:01:30 PM »
Day 5 Complete.

I have a free day tomorrow so I am going to preemptively plan what I am going to do.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2020, 07:45:23 PM by Skilbeck »

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #20 on: December 23, 2020, 07:00:48 PM »
Day 6 Complete.

I am having a lot of sexual cravings but I am managing to deal with.

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #21 on: December 24, 2020, 07:01:32 PM »
Day 7 Complete.


Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #22 on: December 25, 2020, 07:06:00 PM »
Day 8 Complete.

Merry Christmas to everyone who is reading this, I hope that everyone is having a good one.

Overall a good day, But earlier I thought I could handle watching a documentary on Netflix with my Brother, turns out there were triggers and I started to panic, I struggle to watch TV with women on in a normal way because I am so used to seeing women in porn. Luckily I managed to stop watching it early and I have stayed clean so far which is good, my usual pattern is see trigger, panic, and see binging to porn as the only solution. I know how damaging and undignified to my self that is, and that accepting what has happened and moving on is the thing which is in my best interest. Tonight will probably be difficult because what I call my 'primal self' will be thinking about that moment, but I will embrace that will love and affirmation to get through tonight.

Here's to day 9!

Skilbeck

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #23 on: December 25, 2020, 07:38:13 PM »
Relapse.

Relapsed soon after my post.

CapoReboot

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Re: Quitting Journal
« Reply #24 on: January 06, 2021, 11:52:57 PM »
Day 4 Complete.

I had a porn urge and some strong porn flashbacks today but I managed to deal with them.
Congratulations for dealing with it man. More power to you.