Compromises and gateways definitely muddy the water as it keeps those old links alive. Perfectionism can be dangerous too, remember to be forgiving to yourself if there's some kind of slip. This is a decades old habit tied into us and recovery isn't linear.
when tempted, perhaps lean into this other person want to be through action; eg what does pure and fruitful in my life, spiritually, emotionally, and be a real person to my family look like? Maybe you could come up with some actions that personify these things and do them when you feel you've stumbled a couple of steps in the wrong direction.
Congrats Phineas! You're giving me inspiration to follow your footsteps. How do you handle the situation when you have a trigger? Trying to come up with a good plan now. (Actually looking through your links -- I think it has some great material I plan to go through in the next few days)
A.W.A.R.E.A - Acceptance. Be accepting, even welcoming of the anxious feelings, urges or fantasies;W- Watchful. Watch as an outside observer without judgment, with compassion and understanding.A- Act. Take action on these feelings, in terms of breathing deep, staying calm in the moment.R- Repeat. Repeat steps 1-3, until the feeling passes.E- Expect. Know that these feelings of anxiety, triggers, or urges will come, but have an expectancy that you will handle them successfully.
Hi Phineas - I like the simple mindfulness approach of your AWARE strategy. It can be difficult to think clearly if we allow ourselves to be pulled in by the noisy, obsessive chatter in our heads, which is why a simple strategy like yours is probably best. Thanks for sharing this with the board. I'm sure many will benefit from it!
Sounds good, Phineus! Seems like such a small tweak. But this habit change was a huge gamechanger in my recovery.
I really like the idea of doing a social media inventory so to speak-limiting it is a sound step in the right direction. Keep up the good work!