Succes finally after 3 years of struggle!

[tommy_0113]

How do you pick up girls? Nights out? I ask because you say you had 30 occasions with girls in one year!

[live_and_laugh]

You mean you didnt edge when having actual sex not masturbation?

[Hardheaded]

Your success is encouraging and interesting.
Like you I am 34 and began looking at pornography around 12 years old and it became a strong addiction by my twenties. I clearly remember I was able to get very hard, sky-pointing erections at just the thought of a naked girl or the thought of sex from just mental imagery from puberty all the way up to around age 25. Afterwards I entered depression due to life circumstances and turned to porn heavily, masturbating sometimes multiple times per day and it became a daily or 3-5x a week habit for probably 7 years.

I had no clue I was doing anything to the sexual wiring between my crotch and my brain, but I soon began to notice that I had softer and softer erections when viewing porn and soon I only could achieve an erection through manual stimulation. I never completely lost my erections, but I discovered to my horror I could no longer achieve any sort of erection when looking at an attractive woman in real life or fantasy. I began dating a girl around age 31 and noticed that I could still get erections, but they were either very soft or went away quickly and I only achieved them when I was emotionally connected with her and started kissing and engaging in foreplay. Even during sex my erections weren't very hard and I often thought about my rock-hard erections from years ago and thought how I probably wasn't pleasing her as well as I could have with a much harder erection.

I have been aware of porn induced erectile dysfunction for the last 4 years or so and I must say I have not done everything to perfection. I do get morning wood occasionally and erections, but they are a dismal shadow of my former self 15 years ago. I miss those rock hard erections I could get at the mere thought of a naked woman without any sort of physical stimulation. What frustrates me is that sexually rebooting appears to be different for everyone due to the uniqueness of each person's mental experiences and wiring. Some guys claim to reboot after a few weeks, some months, and others years. So much of it is vague. For me a successful reboot is judged against the rock hard erections from puberty and between the ages of 14-21. Rock hard erections that stay erect even when you're not mentally engaged or trying to keep it are the goal (within reason), but nevertheless are what I had until my mid twenties.

I have drastically reduced porn in the last year and totally eliminated porn since around January 2017 except for images I see on Facebook of pretty girls, advertisements on tv, random images on the internet, or busty girls at the gym. I don't go looking for porn or sexy women, they just seem to find me. lol I was always curious to what extent all sexual stimuli be eliminated because how can anyone live life totally separate from attractive stimuli such as women and random pictures throughout the day? I admit sexual mental fantasy is HARD to stop doing because I have done it since I was probably 9 years old. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years January 1 this year and began dating another girl in March 2017.

Being aware of all this and what it takes to be successful, I am now bummed and nervous to enter into this relationship and now have to deal with this and the possible implications it will have on this new girl, but I am determined to beat this. So I have questions from you Blenderhead and others who have been successful. Obviously, us older guys have formed these harmful mental pathways over years and years with no knowledge of the damage being done so I know for us the discipline required to reverse these patterns will be greater and more intense. So please Blenderhead or someone explain to me in great detail:

WHAT IS HARD MODE??

Yourbrainonporn.com and other such sites seem to have 3 holy tenets as a common theme when it comes to rebooting:

1)Stop Porn
2)Stop Masturbating
3)Stop Orgasming (includes edging, which many guys do while viewing porn for hours and hours without cumming)

But this can be taken much further as well....

4)Stop mental fantasy of sex or anything that turns you on
5)Stop engaging external stimuli, such as women or anything with a sexual nature that activates the pleasure/dopamine centers of your brain in the same way as does porn
6)Stop any form of sexual activity with anyone, including a wife, girlfriend or friend with benefits

As you can see, this can be taken to the extreme and living a normal life rules out the black and white, hard and fast rule of avoiding all sexual stimuli. People have said, as have you Blenderhead, that having a significant other can speed up the healing process. If touching "yourself" slows down, halts or reverses the rewiring process, how does a partner factor into that equation? Can you essentially have a girlfriend or wife during a true reboot process? Can your woman touch your crotch, masturbate you and such or will this too slow down, halt or reverse your progress? Must you tell your woman "hey babe, we can't have sex or engage in any sexual situations for anywhere between 1-24 months and I hope you will stay with me through the process instead of finding another man with a working erection."

So seriously....what is most likely guaranteed to work here? Can anyone provide a definitive, step-by-step process of the fastest route to healing along with the explanations of different situations along the way?

Explain "HARD MODE" exactly.
Explain what WILL promote healing and what will slow down, halt or reverse healing.

Any thoughts, advise, or experimental wisdom is greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

[Sahara]

your overcoming  no pun intended
is awesome to read your perseverance is outstanding
is it possible that your confidence has changed
well done sir take a bow

2) I have a shorter refractory period and my libido is back everyday. I love women and I love life. And I really love having a girlfriend again - although it's not that serious yet. But she is sleeping over a few times each week and loving the sex

Now I can have sex 3 times in a night and after 1-2 weeks or less I am ready again. I keep my erections during sex in many different positions. After about 30 min I usually need a break and I lose my erection, but it will come back after a break. I think this is normal.

My libido is even stronger today than it was as a teenager! But this is because I kept my libido down by masturbating 1-3 times each day back then! If only I knew how dangerous porn is back then!

I feel like these statements contradict each other... If you have to wait a week or two before having sex again... Your libido can't be that great. A normal libido would allow you to have sex the next day. Don't mean to be a downer but I'm really starting to wonder if you can actually get back to the point where you want sexual stimulation every day/every other day (and be able to keep it up because the desire is strong enough) when you develop this condition. It seems that most people who talk about "recovery" never make it there. Which kinda sucks man.

[Si]

I feel like these statements contradict each other... If you have to wait a week or two before having sex again... Your libido can't be that great. A normal libido would allow you to have sex the next day.

Yes I know what you mean. However, hopefully he can clarify this as his earlier point was something like "shorter refractory period... Libido each day".

I'm praying this "normal libido" will return (I'm currently having 3 week on, 1 week off with my libido, which is so bloody frustrating. It's been like this for so long now). Until I can have sex every day or my dick works everytime my brain wants it to I won't be posting a success as it wouldn't be legit. I hope one day the day will come.

I'm worse case scenario btw.

[Itsyaboi]

Hey man
I'm 17 nearly 18 and have been PMOing every day til about a year and a bit ago, when I found out first hand that I had PIED, after I couldn't get it up to have sex with my gf.
Long story short, it's been well over a year since I last watched porn and I've masturbated occasionally, even tho I've stopped now. Yet although there has been drastic improvements I'm far from where I want to be. I've had successful sex once in that time frame, with a decent amount of  other sexual experiences being a mixture of good and bad.
I'm sceptical if I can ever live a normal sex life and it consumes me everyday and I'm very depressed about it.
I'm about to go into a relationship and I have some questions
- You talk about waiting a week or so before having another orgasm. Has this time frame reduced as you recover?
- When I'm about to do stuff w a gal I do have an erection but it's no where near as hard as I remember it was when I was younger, how has ur hardness improved over time?
Basically asking about the frequency and stiffness of your erections, when you're with a girl and when you're on your own, is there a difference?
I'm feeling lifeless down there and I really don't wanna screw this up with this girl
Thanks man and congrats x

[Blenderhead]

I feel like these statements contradict each other... If you have to wait a week or two before having sex again... Your libido can't be that great. A normal libido would allow you to have sex the next day.

Yes I know what you mean. However, hopefully he can clarify this as his earlier point was something like "shorter refractory period... Libido each day".

I'm praying this "normal libido" will return (I'm currently having 3 week on, 1 week off with my libido, which is so bloody frustrating. It's been like this for so long now). Until I can have sex every day or my dick works everytime my brain wants it to I won't be posting a success as it wouldn't be legit. I hope one day the day will come.

I'm worse case scenario btw.

Well I had sex this thursday and then saturday again without any problems. I just don't want to orgasm too many times because I enjoy building up the sexual energy. I find it good to go 1-2 weeks without orgasm sometimes because then the sex will feel much better and I'm more aroused but my libido is there every day.

[Blenderhead]

Hey man
I'm 17 nearly 18 and have been PMOing every day til about a year and a bit ago, when I found out first hand that I had PIED, after I couldn't get it up to have sex with my gf.
Long story short, it's been well over a year since I last watched porn and I've masturbated occasionally, even tho I've stopped now. Yet although there has been drastic improvements I'm far from where I want to be. I've had successful sex once in that time frame, with a decent amount of  other sexual experiences being a mixture of good and bad.
I'm sceptical if I can ever live a normal sex life and it consumes me everyday and I'm very depressed about it.
I'm about to go into a relationship and I have some questions
- You talk about waiting a week or so before having another orgasm. Has this time frame reduced as you recover?
- When I'm about to do stuff w a gal I do have an erection but it's no where near as hard as I remember it was when I was younger, how has ur hardness improved over time?
Basically asking about the frequency and stiffness of your erections, when you're with a girl and when you're on your own, is there a difference?
I'm feeling lifeless down there and I really don't wanna screw this up with this girl
Thanks man and congrats

Hey! You are only (nearly) 18 so it's just a perfect time to learn about how your body works and how porn can mess you up. I have friends that have never learned it! I learned it later but I really enjoy this process and for me it has not been too late.

To answer your questions. The refractory period has decreased gradually for me. Less than one year ago I could really lose ability to get erection and interest in sex for almost a month if I had an orgasm. I would also be with my ex girlfriend and after one orgasm I would not feel any need to see her for 2-3 weeks, sometimes more ... I had a hard time connecting with women because my libido would die almost and I felt no need to connect ... I have during my recovery gone for many months without any morning erection or anything - I often have morning erection now.

It also took away all of my attention. I guess we finally really appreciate our dicks once they stop working!

I don't really test my erections when I am alone. I have sex pretty often, so I don't really need to wank. But it seems like my dick has become harder and harder. And I can get erections for a long time. Last time with my girl I had erection for 1-2 hours during sex and almost never lost erection. I even made her orgasm without doing so myself.

During my recovery I have really lost ability to get aroused by porn and selfstimulation but my erections with girls have improved. At present time I never even touch myself - I just get an erection by kissing and I am often ready when I take my pants off ... I might have 70 % in the beginning but once I start with sex its 90 % or more. Girls also like a full but slightly soft dick in the beginning so its not a problem.

Hope this helps a bit and good luck. Of course you will recover ... I think you just need to get your confidence back. My pied was 100 % neurological in the beginning but later in the process it was more performance anxiety.

[Blenderhead]

How do you pick up girls? Nights out? I ask because you say you had 30 occasions with girls in one year!

I go out mostly every weekend but I have more succes by going up to women during the day and just talking and gradually building friendships and hang out. It really takes a lot of courage in the beginning but after a few times it becomes easier.

[Blenderhead]

Your success is encouraging and interesting.

So seriously....what is most likely guaranteed to work here? Can anyone provide a definitive, step-by-step process of the fastest route to healing along with the explanations of different situations along the way?

Explain "HARD MODE" exactly.
Explain what WILL promote healing and what will slow down, halt or reverse healing.

Any thoughts, advise, or experimental wisdom is greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Hey! I found your story really interesting too. It's amazing how porn addiction can come gradually for years so you don't notice the consequences. I really don't know exactly what to say to your entire post ...

1) It seems like your erections are just slightly softer now - which is natural - my erections are also sligtly softer most times compared to when I was a teen but I am far more interested in girls now and I have the ability to fuck better than I had before. Sometimes the erections are sligtly soft but that is natural.

2) I would suggest you stop all porn use, of course. It brings nothing good to your life. Hard mode for me is to live without MO too. I have not MO'd now in almost a year - all of my orgasms have been with women! I find this more satisfying and also it gives me a lot of motivation to go out and "hunt" girls when I am single. Its just such a wonderful feeling to express ones sexuality through energy and action rather than through looking at porn.

3) Having a girl really helps! I would suggest to have sex more slowly and intimately and just to tell your girl that you don't want to orgasm because you want to enjoy it. When you achieve full erection for longer time then don't be afraid to orgasm but there is no need to do this every time!

4) Also joke a little, don't take sex too seriously. If you lose your erection - don't see it is a major problem. It's more likely your girl will accept it because YOU accept it. And girls get a lot of their emotions from guys. If you are insecure they will become insecure.

I think you are close to normal sexual function so it should not take long for you. I basically had no erection for many, many times! Once I had a soft erection I was more happy than you probably

I hope this helps a little bit Ty

[xburnerphonex]

Hey man, congratulations on your success and also thank you for keeping in touch with the forum still; it's so great to have someone who actually recovered chime in. If you don't mind I'll ask my fair share of questions, though I'll try to keep it brief.

Long story short: 24 y/o virgin, decided to give NoFap a go about a year ago, fell into an instant flatline, discovered PIED, swore off PMO forever since; had an "experimental" MO after experiencing a surge of libido and falling back into flatline at the start, but as it stands I've been abstinent of any O for 8 months (save for a wet dream or two).

I'm unsure on how to proceed – nowadays I get morning wood pretty irregularly (but when I do it's usually fairly strong), shrinkage largely subsided, had some random erections of varying strength and dated a bit in order to rewire, though nothing consistent. I'm currently texting with a girl that I might find myself in a long-distance relationship with, who's also a bit on the conservative side like myself. If we do end up getting together, we'd probably be seeing each other once a week, allowing me to rewire with her at that frequency (by kissing, cuddling, fooling around, romantically spending time together).

I guess my general question is: does this sound like a good plan to you in terms of rewiring? I think I can keep her attention for 6-9 months by doing this before she may start demand more, saving actual intercourse for when we move in together or something. If that doesn't work out, I've been considering trying picking up random women during the daytime and rewiring with them. The goal is to get easily aroused by interacting with them. Some people also recommend rewiring to light touch, but I personally have no interest in self-stimulating myself ever again.

[DepressedAndOut]

Blenderhead,

When did you lose your virginity? How much  sexual contact did you have with girls before losing your virginity?

I'm nearly 34 and I'm a virgin - I never had one intimate moment with a woman and I'm constantly sick and worried that my PIED will not cure.

Your help would be much appreciated.

[r_ryan85]

Really great story. Thanks for sharing. I learnt a lot from this post as well.

[ImOnMyWay]

Congratulations on your recovery. This is probably one of the best and most informative posts I've seen. Super refreshing to hear how well you are doing. Thanks for sharing man!

ImOnMyWay

[Si]

Just read all this again.

Blenderhead, you're the king!!!

I'm almost 2 years no pmo, 4 month hardmode (had a gf b4).

Mw and libido is insane, confidence is great and anxiety lessened.

I feel a bit scared to try sex though, incase I flat line again or my confidence and drive diminishes. It's a very dark place and I'm happy to be out of it, but I need some sex soon... But don't want to risk my progress.

What's a man with his new found erections to do?

[ineedhelp2018]

congrat
your story is inspiring

[Blenderhead]

Just read all this again.

Blenderhead, you're the king!!!

I'm almost 2 years no pmo, 4 month hardmode (had a gf b4).

Mw and libido is insane, confidence is great and anxiety lessened.

I feel a bit scared to try sex though, incase I flat line again or my confidence and drive diminishes. It's a very dark place and I'm happy to be out of it, but I need some sex soon... But don't want to risk my progress.

What's a man with his new found erections to do?

Hi SI,

Thanks so much! I just decided to look at this site again and share my experiences. When I was rebooting (now it's a lifestyle for me, so I don't count days anymore) I was extremely depressed too and failed many times. I also thought my dick would never work again.

At the moment my libido has improved even more. I have a girlfriend now who is also in her thirties, and we have sex a lot. I orgasm too often these days perhaps, but my libido is still there every day. We have sex 4-6 times per week and sometimes for hours. I have started practicing more tantra, so I do not orgasm and when we have sex we take breaks when I am close to orgasm and I am getting better at massage. We have a great sex life at the moment! I don't think my libido has been better, because all my sexual energy is directed toward my girlfriend. I don't watch porn - I have accidentally watched a few mins.

Here are my tips:

1) Spend your energy on working out or other productive things
2) Go out more and talk with women and try to direct your sexdrive to real life interactions
3) Try day gaming (hit on women during the day)

I met many interesting girls this way and my girlfriend is impressed at my sexual experience. But I got much of this experience in just a few years.

And thanks! I'm really happy about this progress too. If I had not rebooted I fear my life would never have been fixed. Now I am focusing more on my career. It took me 3 years before I finally stopped having problems with PIED and now It's just a thing of the past, totally.

Best regards!

[Si]

Just read all this again.

Blenderhead, you're the king!!!

I'm almost 2 years no pmo, 4 month hardmode (had a gf b4).

Mw and libido is insane, confidence is great and anxiety lessened.

I feel a bit scared to try sex though, incase I flat line again or my confidence and drive diminishes. It's a very dark place and I'm happy to be out of it, but I need some sex soon... But don't want to risk my progress.

What's a man with his new found erections to do?

Hi SI,

Thanks so much! I just decided to look at this site again and share my experiences. When I was rebooting (now it's a lifestyle for me, so I don't count days anymore) I was extremely depressed too and failed many times. I also thought my dick would never work again.

At the moment my libido has improved even more. I have a girlfriend now who is also in her thirties, and we have sex a lot. I orgasm too often these days perhaps, but my libido is still there every day. We have sex 4-6 times per week and sometimes for hours. I have started practicing more tantra, so I do not orgasm and when we have sex we take breaks when I am close to orgasm and I am getting better at massage. We have a great sex life at the moment! I don't think my libido has been better, because all my sexual energy is directed toward my girlfriend. I don't watch porn - I have accidentally watched a few mins.

Here are my tips:

1) Spend your energy on working out or other productive things
2) Go out more and talk with women and try to direct your sexdrive to real life interactions
3) Try day gaming (hit on women during the day)

I met many interesting girls this way and my girlfriend is impressed at my sexual experience. But I got much of this experience in just a few years.

And thanks! I'm really happy about this progress too. If I had not rebooted I fear my life would never have been fixed. Now I am focusing more on my career. It took me 3 years before I finally stopped having problems with PIED and now It's just a thing of the past, totally.

Best regards!

This is what I like to hear man!!! 4-6 times a week would do me fine. Or just every time I wanted it to work it would.

Great tips. I've been working out since I quit and interact more with women, but still struggling with a consistent libido. When it works though, it works well. When it doesn't, I'm no longer plagued by social anxiety like I was for so many years.

S'all good, it's all progress.

Thanks for updating!

[Blenderhead]

Blenderhead,

When did you lose your virginity? How much  sexual contact did you have with girls before losing your virginity?

I'm nearly 34 and I'm a virgin - I never had one intimate moment with a woman and I'm constantly sick and worried that my PIED will not cure.

Your help would be much appreciated.

Hey dude!

I really understand your pain. I had my first sexual experience at age 21 (a few times) but basically I had no sexual experience when I was around age 31 when I started my reboot (5 years ago) at age 31. So I was essentially a virgin with no sexual experience like you. You really need to turn your ship around. I can imagine that you - like me - almost have reached the point where you are considering suicide! But you can really turn it around. There are so many beautiful women in their thirties and also fourties but you need to get more experience!

1) Start working out if you don't!
2) Start going out every weekend to get more experience talking with women - even if you are an introvert (I went out alone many times! But gradually I got more friends)
3) Stop watching porn and stop masturbating (or at least reduce MO to max once per week! I suggest in your case you stop completely because this will really fire up your motivation to go out!)
4) Eat healthy (stop eating cakes, chips, fast-food, don't drink soda at all etc.)
5) Get some nice clothes and do your best to look good (maybe get some pro photos taken for social media once your are in shape)
6) Change your negative thought patterns and focus on the positive things in your life - let go of the past!

In the beginning I got so many rejections and girls would not talk with me. However, if you practice (look up RSD on youtube for tips) you can really learn to become more attractive. I have been with many different girls now even as young as 19. So you are still in your prime man! You can do it, although it is really going to be tough for you!

In the end I was really a new man. So it's not too late for you!

I suggest your look for some community near your place for men who enjoy going out. You can learn much from these men! Some of them are really awesome with women! In return you can learn them about the benifits of no-fap and no-porn. One of my favorite PUAs is BADBOY who essentially went from a wheelchair and being the most unattractive guy to becoming a king with women. RSD Tyler is also great.

Good luck! 

[Relentless Observer]

Blenderhead,
I have abstained from porn for about 2 years now.
Hearing your long journey and continued improvement gives me hope.
If you see this message I hope you can give further updates.
I am in my mid twenties now and it seems like I am hopeless at times.  I have committed myself to recovery regardless how long it takes... but it is tough.  Maybe it will be another year...or longer, but I hope to post a success story here in the future.

[nickmoore]

But I have a few questions, how old are you now? Is your diet bad/ok/good? Do you exercise and stay fit?

[Gambitchco]

Awesome, glad you're getting better!

[Maglue]

Wow thanks guys im 24 days in after a long time of abuse...
And now stopping edging aswell... ...
Geeze what a journey eah its gonna be so worth it