Describe these triggers and then try to propose how you might eliminate them from your life. If you have to drive to them, the answer might not be that complex or difficult.
Hitting 8 days at noon (in four hours), it'll be easier tomorrow as I'm getting my car back. On the other end, that means driving up to more potential triggers. Let's see how I can find balance.
Loads of stuff on this one in lots of the relevant books. I just found this on a web search about SUD's - seemingly unimportant decisions. I used to drive certain routes to places, telling myself in my rational brain that they were the best route, but knowing deep down in my emotional brain that there was an increased possibility of a buzz by taking route A over route B."Seemingly Unimportant Decisions (SUDS) = the events that the addict strings together, that mutually exclusive of each other may not be important, but that when woven together somehow always place the offender in the position to offend". The balance is there, if you make a plan and you're straight with yourself. Sounds like you're doing really well, though!
Good going, breathing exercises are def good, I am incorporating them along with some yoga in my morning schedule.
I am definitely happy I kept my integrity, I stood strong and have no regrets.
Roland - Congrats to you on standing your ground while dealing with a 3-hour urge. That could not have been easy. Keep it up. You're doing great!
In my first 2 months of the journey...I was walking around almost half mast every second day. Blue balls are a very, very real thing and hurt, bad. But the thing I had noticed before this journey, even fapping for relief, wasn't instant. So the times I had blue balls, I thought to myself "snap one off, and pain is gone in 3 hrs" ,or let it be, keep the streak, and the pain is gone in 3 hrs...
There were times within the last twenty years when I thought PMO's not a problem, when I just focused on living up to my goals, ignoring the shame and guilt whenever I felt an urge and instantiated myself. There really were times when I was engaging with that "kind of fun" and realized I was cured because I wasn't feeling obsessed about it anymore (having gotten rid off the shame aspect) and all in all I'd PMO every few days only. My question is: isn't the urge to quit actually worsening my addiction?
It's a great question! I would be tempted to say 'no' to be on par with the forum, but it is true that worrying about quitting porn may lead one to think about it more. So here are two extremes: being too relaxed about a PMO lifestyle and give in to temptation whenever the whim occurs - or - being an obsessive-compulsive disciplinarian who relentlessly focuses on PMO avoidance. As you can imagine, the most balanced approach is somewhere in the middle. It's like the Buddhist philosophy of detachment: you can strive for the goal as long as do not invest yourself too deeply to the desired end result. So like someone aiming to launch a business, we can all aim to be successful at changing our lifestyles to replace PMO by more wholesome activities... but if we cannot handle the slightest failure or slip, then we are being motivated by absolute success. And THAT is the kind of toxic thought process that can potentially worsen addiction, not the desire to pursue an objective especially if done with flexibility and temperance.
if you were a daily "user"...and now you're only using once every 9 days, that's big progress. Eventually, it's going to get better.
You know, I just woke up and I am definitely not lashing myself out here.
This is what I meant, to answer your other question. This reaction right here is probably the most helpful for overall recovery. So to clarify what I meant: it IS a good thing to pursue an objective, which in this case is PMO avoidance. But this comes with a caveat: if it is too dependent on success, i.e. there is no tolerance for error, you are likely going to set yourself up for self-hate... because rather than see slips as stepping stones to your objective, they'll be interpreted as signs of weakness -> not good for the self-esteem. Slips are an inevitable part of the process, at least for most of us... we are human after all, and figuring out a way to live the best life possible is a learning experience by trial and error.I like Rookie's perspective: case in point on how you can find the silver lining from a slip. So keep trying to aim for your goals and keep learning from your journey, regardless of how annoying slips can be!
How has it been going lately? Keep going!
if I ever write a novel I will steal it!
Funny that you ask me this as it's only yesterday evening that I've started to hear the pounding yet true voice of consciousness telling me there's more to sober life than to binging and edging. Now I won't do the same mistake as I previously did which is to let the pressure in. Therefore I'm on a reboot streak since yesterday but with no expectations for now whatsoever.
When consciousness speaks, one should listen! You have good fortune on your side because as it happens you DO pay attention to it... I know from my own experience that when I ignored its pleas, my consciousness would bite back hard.I also appreciate the self-compassion in your message, in that you are not trying to 'force' anything out of recovery, but just allowing it to become a part of your life. Wishing you lucid days ahead, Roland!
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Topic: I need out, I'm unfit! (Read 2383 times)
