Journals > Ages 40 and up

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

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Hi All.

I've been here before, I thought I had this beat and WHAM.

Anyway today is rock bottom. I feel like a fraud, I am a fraud. I don't know who I am anymore.

Hi Harpoon - nice to meet you, and I hope you're feeling a bit better than when you wrote that last post. I can see you've been around here for quite a while and have read some of your journals. You seem to have had some really successful periods - well done on those. Rather than us all picking though your past posts and journals and trying to build up a picture of you, it would be great to hear a summary about where you are in your journey right now. What's worked well for you in the past, where do you come unstuck, what are your emotional triggers etc? I understand the forum is a little quiet at the moment from guys that have been around longer than me (maybe a covid thing?) but there will still be plenty here that want to try and help, plus I'm sure that you've got some experiences to share with us that will be helpful. Cheers.

I'm not on here as much as I would like, mainly to support the brothers struggling. However, that being said, as UK mentioned, there are quite a few people here ready to support you. Keep posting, daily in the beginning of your venture...I'm closing in on day 90, and I only post weekly (mostly cause my days are so freaking busy, I don't have time).

There can be a victory, you just have to want it bad enough. And trust me, it's worth it.

Thank you for the response Ukguy and Rookie ;)

   I'm 41 now, but at the age of 36 I googled depression, mood swings, insomnia and porn. That google search landed me here at rebootnation. I never thought I had an addiction, but I knew there had to be side effects which was my main concern.

So I quit porn for 2 months, relapsed, quit hardmode two months, felt awesome to be fair, then I gradually stubbled over the mess I was making in my life as in hindsight I should have took the time to reboot rather than try to just get laid.

Eventually porn was numero uno once again.

   The worse thing I find about this addiction is that you become lost within yourself. The last couple of weeks I look at myself in the mirror and wonder who I am and what us the point of life.

I guess this is a step forward.

So today I made two-days!

I was driving in my car the other day, having desperate thoughts, I won't bore you with the details, but I said to myself out loud "what the f**k do you have to lose" "fn nothing."

Just even to gain some energy back, I just needed a break, I'm not worried about anything else atm. So for two days I had no energy and basically no personality, I felt indifferent about life.

But today, after a shit day at work, I made myself go for a run....well holy shit, I ran the furthest I have ran in about 3months and I gave it socks, it felt great and very different. My energy was came back, I felt strong and I couldn't get enough of the hill reps. Lifeforce. I felt great for the rest of the night.

I forgot how good it feels to have that energy.


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