Author Topic: Hi New Relationships: new attempt (Read 2013 times)

jhonjordan · « **on:** May 23, 2020, 01:27:15 PM »

Hi, my name is Juan

In 2020 I discovered this site but since then I have not been able to overcome this addiction.
I don't care I'll try again
In all this year I have masturbated about 15 times, most of the time using porn videos. For some reason or another I end up masturbating again and that has frustrated me. However I know I am trying and it is a big step for me.
So my next strategy will be to use this journal and be able to write how I feel daily.
I think the best thing is not to look back and keep going that what is coming is very good.

Day 1 (4 days without PMO)

I feel good, and I want to talk to you about the pressure of the social environment on relationships. It bothers me that my friends ask me if I have been with a girl. My family also sometimes asks me why I don't have a girlfriend and I don't feel the courage to tell them what my problem is.
I have to find a way not to be asked any more since I don't feel good about it.

Thank you!

Zirkle · « **Reply #1 on:** May 23, 2020, 05:01:58 PM »

Hi Juan! I completely feel you!! I dont know what to say when my friends ask me when was the last time i had sex or if im chatting with a girl... i just tell them im prettty ok now and if it comes, it comes..
Good luck with your journey!! Stay strong!!!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #2 on:** May 24, 2020, 08:04:11 AM »

Day 2 (5 days without PMO)

Hi blerasdcru! Thank you very much for the support, it is good to know that not only I feel this.

Today I feel good and I want to tell you a little more about my experience.

The time when I used to masturbate is at night before falling asleep. The main enemy is sleeplessness, if I can't sleep it is very difficult for me to avoid masturbating. One technique I use is to avoid using the cell phone and computer until late at night, I read in an article that this helps you fall asleep and it has worked for me. It is also important to avoid drinking Coca Cola or coffee at night. I wanted to share this with you.

Thank you!!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #3 on:** May 25, 2020, 07:11:21 AM »

Day 3 (6 without PMO)

I didn't feel very well yesterday. I was very anxious. What happens is that I am in quarantine and I have not seen my family for a long time. However, on the positive side, I am having time to think and rest, which I needed. Last night I felt the need to masturbate but I did not and I am proud of it.

Thank you!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #4 on:** May 26, 2020, 06:44:03 AM »

Day 4 (7 without PMO)

Yesterday was the worst night in this last week, I had a hard time falling asleep and several times I thought about masturbating, however I did not. This made me wake up this morning with very good energy and a good mood. When I am aware of the effort I am making to achieve my goal, I become proud of myself.

Let's go!

Thank you!

kopp · « **Reply #5 on:** May 27, 2020, 02:04:10 AM »

The time before falling asleep is a dangerous time indeed.
You are right, avoiding screens in the evening helps a lot.

What also works for me is working out. You spend your energy working out and then falling asleep is easy.

Quote

I feel good, and I want to talk to you about the pressure of the social environment on relationships. It bothers me that my friends ask me if I have been with a girl. My family also sometimes asks me why I don't have a girlfriend and I don't feel the courage to tell them what my problem is.
I have to find a way not to be asked any more since I don't feel good about it.

You know it's ok not to have a girlfriend. I know this question is embarrassing but it comes from a positive intention, the people you love really want you to find love and avoid loneliness. So I would not seek a way to avoid the question.
I would assume and say something like "you know, I'm a bit shy, I'll find a girlfriend someday but I don't really know how to do it for now".
Being comfortable talking about this is a first step towards finding a girlfriend. The reality is that your friends don't know much more than you about women.

This is a blog post I love : https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/07/10/to-achieve-greatness-you-must-first-acknowledge-that-you-suck/
It's written by a guy that speaks mainly about financial independence and how to spend less and live a better life, but the tagline is true for everything. Be comfortable with the idea that you aren't good in a particular domain, so you can improve in it.

If it helps, I really was bad with girls and socially awkward for a looooong time of my life

And then I improved in this area, made friends, got girlfriends... I now have a loving girlfriend since 4 years. This really is something you can improve just like you can learn to cook or to dance or to program computers.

Keep us updated!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #6 on:** May 27, 2020, 06:25:48 AM »

Day 5 (8 without PMO)

I enter the site and I find Koop's comment. Friend, I love the way you see things, thank you very much for the advice. In order to improve in certain areas, the first step is to accept that you are not so good at them.
I'm going to see the link you sent me!

I am exercising daily and it does me great.

Yesterday was a successful day at work and I am very grateful for that!

Thank you!!!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #7 on:** May 28, 2020, 06:06:24 AM »

Day 6 (9 without PMO)

I haven't seen my family and friends for 5 months. I have been on a work trip, I returned to my country and now I am serving a quarantine of 15 days to come from another country. This Saturday, the quarantine is over and I will be able to see them. This situation generates a lot of anxiety and it is costing me a lot to fall asleep. For now I have resisted the temptation to masturbate.
Today in the morning I dreamed that I had sex with a girl and I didn't have to worry about my erection, it really was a very satisfying feeling and I want to hold on to that in order to keep going.

I tell you something else about me, my last girlfriend I had in 2016, the relationship lasted a year and every time we had sex it was through the use of viagra, I think she never knew it. It saddens me a little that it was so but the fear of not having an erection overcame me.
I have faith that in my next relationships I will be able to overcome this addiction.

Thank you!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #8 on:** May 29, 2020, 05:43:25 AM »

Day 10

Yesterday was a good day. I spoke with my family, at work I think I had a good performance and I was also able to do some tasks that I had pending. Luckily I was able to fall asleep quickly, however today I woke up in a bad mood.

Honestly these days I have been tempted to masturbate, but I know that the effort I am making will make the moment when I can have a natural erection more gratifying.

I wish you a good Friday.
Thank you!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #9 on:** May 30, 2020, 06:05:56 AM »

Day 11

Today I feel very good, yesterday I had no trouble sleeping, and I had no desire to masturbate. Of the last 5 nights, in three of them I had erections, I think it is a good sign.

Today I am reunited with my family after 5 months, I am very happy about it. I am going to enroll in a massage course, the reason is because I always had a sexual fantasy where I was the masseuse, this is the place where I can say the real reason hahaha

Honestly this post has helped me a lot, sometimes I feel that I use it as a personal diary where I express feelings and things that are not very related to my recovery, I hope they know how to understand but it really helps me to write here.

Very good Saturday for everyone!
Thank you!

Sanders · « **Reply #10 on:** May 30, 2020, 09:09:46 AM »

Hey,

Good you're making steady support! The journalling is a really nice and good excercise to do for the mind. It helps just to write all the things you have inside and being able to get support from others. Cool that you could meet your family again! Must be good to see them in times like this. Good luck on your new course! Just curious, was it a fantasy before or after you started watching porn? I've been reading that porn also creates your fantasies even though they might not naturally be yours. Anyways, always good to learn new things

All the best!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #11 on:** May 31, 2020, 08:18:19 AM »

Day 12

Good day!

Today I was able to meet my family again, I am really very happy since it was a long time since I was home.
Yesterday I slept very well, however I remember that I had erotic dreams and woke up with an erection. The dream was with a girl I know (not from a porn video). I don't know if this is good or bad but it is what happened.

Hello Sanders! Thanks for the support.
Regarding your question, my sexual fantasy is because I have seen it in porn videos. The videos where the man was the masseuse were my favorites. So I think it may be a fantasy generated by porn videos, however, it is not bad to try, right?

Thank you!!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #12 on:** June 02, 2020, 04:53:37 AM »

Day 14

Yesterday I felt strongly the desire to masturbate at night, here it is winter and when entering the bed the temptation enters. I'm glad I was able to resist. There are days of the process that is suffered and that sacrifice is part of the challenge. It is the price to pay.

I feel energized to start the day

Thank you!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #13 on:** June 04, 2020, 06:56:38 AM »

Day 16

I can't believe how fast the days go by.
I am still resisting the temptation and that makes me very happy. Regarding my state of mind I do not notice many changes compared to last week, however the most positive thing about not masturbating is that I do not feel guilty as I felt when I masturbated the previous day.

Writing in this forum has helped me a lot. If someone is starting and reading this, I recommend writing here daily and telling how you feel.

I send you a strong hug

Thank you!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #14 on:** June 06, 2020, 09:41:14 AM »

Day 18

Yesterday I went back to see my friends after a long time. I'm very happy. Last night before sleeping I was tempted to masturbate again but I could resist.
I think I have found a way to overcome it and I tell them how it is:

The desire to masturbate never disappears, what has worked for me is to accept this desire and not try to face it.
I accept that before I go to sleep it would make me feel much better to masturbate but I don't. I agree to feel bad about not masturbating.

Every morning when the alarm clock goes off to go to work I honestly don't feel like getting up and I think this happens to all of us and we want to continue sleeping. However, we get up and go to work or study. I have done the same with masturbation, despite the desire and how bad I feel at the moment I accept it and move on.

Thank you!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #15 on:** June 07, 2020, 09:49:26 AM »

Day 19

I feel good, however I notice less sexual desire than last week. As I have read, the process is not linear and I think that now I am in a low part. Yesterday I started massage classes and I had to touch a girl, at first I felt shy but then I had more confidence. I think this course will help me perfect the way of touching a woman.

Good sunday for everyone

Thank you!

kopp · « **Reply #16 on:** June 07, 2020, 01:34:11 PM »

Yes nofap leads to ups and downs regarding desire, and it can go veryyyy high and veryyyy low

jhonjordan · « **Reply #17 on:** June 08, 2020, 09:13:45 PM »

Day 20

Today was a normal day, I am a little angry about some things that happened to me at work that involved me losing money.
Also, there are a couple of co-workers that I can't stand, I try to see the positive but negative thoughts invade me constantly.

However I am grateful for continuing on this road.

Thank you very much to all

jhonjordan · « **Reply #18 on:** June 09, 2020, 08:00:22 PM »

Day 21

The desire is back
I am afraid to relapse, I really want to masturbate. I hope to resist.

Thank you!

kopp · « **Reply #19 on:** June 10, 2020, 12:58:15 AM »

Come on Juan keep fighting! Go outside, take a cold shower, do pushups or meditate!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #20 on:** June 11, 2020, 07:51:51 PM »

Day 2 (last record 21 days without PMO)

I masturbated on 9/6 with a porn video, it was short, but I did it. Yesterday I felt guilty and now as I write this I feel a great shame. However I will not give up. I hope that when I feel like masturbating I will remember how I feel now.

Anyway thanks for the support.

A hug!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #21 on:** June 21, 2020, 08:18:07 AM »

Day 3

I am trying again.
Last week I had a very big relapse and it makes me very sad. I feel like shit about it.
In all this year I have had good periods and relapses, I have not had sex with anyone. My longest streak since the year began has been six weeks, which I was able to achieve twice, then relapse again.

I'm going to start reading success stories to motivate myself.

Thank you!

jhonjordan · « **Reply #22 on:** June 22, 2020, 08:16:09 PM »

Day 4

Today I feel good, yesterday I had a massage and that left me much less stressed. I don't feel like masturbating tonight. There is a girl in my work that I like, I like a lot, however I do not want to ruin it, for this I will wait to have 30 days of no fap

Thank you

kopp · « **Reply #23 on:** June 23, 2020, 12:40:20 AM »

You're doing good

jhonjordan · « **Reply #24 on:** June 26, 2020, 12:04:54 PM »

Day 1 again

I think my main mistake is trying to solve this alone. This site helps me and motivates me to continue but I think I need a support group. I hope to find a good one.

I send you a hug