Author Topic: Ex-edger (Read 10966 times)

Rookie · « **Reply #175 on:** September 19, 2020, 02:04:11 PM »

Slurps!!!! Great to hear that you have a 6 day streak!!! Don't let your guard down, and right now is the very crucial time to stay away from screens and monitors.

Read an actual paper book or something. Keep the fight!!!

mr.slurps · « **Reply #176 on:** September 19, 2020, 05:15:09 PM »

Hiya Rook, Today will be #7. I've hung on by the skin of my teeth today. This threshold has been a "swing state" as they say in U.S. politics. It can easily go either way. Probably psychological b.s. (Every day is the same.)
This morning I reviewed my year (Rosh Hashanah) and among the many, many positives was this reboot adventure--unequivocally! Despite the numerous falls/relapses, I don't regret taking on this challenge. It's not been a waste of time.
Also, on a purely factual basis, I'm spending much less time on pmo.
Also, on a purely emotional basis, I've met some wonderful people like you, that have been here for me through thick and thin. Thanks and I hope you're doing as well as you desire.

UKGuy · « **Reply #177 on:** September 20, 2020, 03:43:02 PM »

Great to see you back Mr Slurps and that you have quietly been building a nice little streak in the background. It is very easy to focus on the failures in both life itself and this particular struggle, but as you say here you're spending much less time on PMO - how can that NOT be progress?!
You asked a question in my journal about MOing as an antidote to PMOing. I am sure some purists will take the view that it defers or at least slows the process of 'rebooting', but do you know what? - if it is an effective mechanism to stop you spending hours edging to P of chat or whatever, then it's got my vote. The one thing I would say - and this is based on my own experience of trying this technique in the past, is watch out for the low times, the times when your emotional balance is disturbed for whatever reason and you are drawn to self soothe with P as emotional escapism - in those times there will be a temptation to not MO (as that provides sexual release but not emotional escapism), but to lose yourself in P again for hours. That was certainly my experience but it doesn't nullify the rationale behind your approach in my mind.
Take care and have a good week.

mr.slurps · « **Reply #178 on:** September 20, 2020, 06:45:50 PM »

Day #8. Hiya UK. Your support means a lot to me. There is a distinction between release of sexual tension and emotional soothing. And I've recently got the two confused and gone into porn. So far so good.
I'm concerned that I'm really not excluding porn because some of those recollections definitely qualify.

Rookie · « **Reply #179 on:** September 21, 2020, 09:35:20 AM »

Quote from: mr.slurps on September 19, 2020, 05:15:09 PM

Hiya Rook, Today will be #7. I've hung on by the skin of my teeth today. This threshold has been a "swing state" as they say in U.S. politics. It can easily go either way. Probably psychological b.s. (Every day is the same.)
This morning I reviewed my year (Rosh Hashanah) and among the many, many positives was this reboot adventure--unequivocally! Despite the numerous falls/relapses, I don't regret taking on this challenge. It's not been a waste of time.
Also, on a purely factual basis, I'm spending much less time on pmo.
Also, on a purely emotional basis, I've met some wonderful people like you, that have been here for me through thick and thin. Thanks and I hope you're doing as well as you desire.

I have passed the 6 months threshold. I will admit, there is still some temptation, and seems youtube knows this, and has loaded a bunch of runways with bikinis. And on my FB feed, wish is advertising sex dolls...what the actual hell!!!

A guy tries to make is live PMO free and see women as people, not as objects and that crap shows up...the evil is strong.

Glad to hear you have 8 days in!!! HUGE progress!!! Most people say it's between the 5 and 15 days that are the toughest. You're over halfway there bro. Unless you need the computer for work, this is when walking away from the electronics devices aside posting progress, will be hugely beneficial for you. Not judging, just giving some advice to keep the streak going.

Reading these recent replies has been a big encouragement for many of us I'm sure. Looking forward to the next post, heading north!!

mr.slurps · « **Reply #180 on:** September 22, 2020, 12:48:16 AM »

Hi Guys, Day #9 no porn. I'm worried b/c my memories/images that I use are not loving relationship sex. They are border-line pornographic. So it's a small step to sitting in front of a screen for 4 hours.
That said, I've spent less than 1/2 hour jerking off in 9 days. I can't remember when that happened last. It actually feels good to jerk off without any shame like we all did in high school.
Rook, you're right about the 5-15 day test. Since I'm not in a relationship that's when horniness would grab hold. This is where I envy you married guys' outlet even though I know you pay a price with patience, vulnerability and putting up w/ your wife's headaches.lol
You are not crapping around Rook! This stuff is in your face whether you look for it or not. I watched a vanilla movie on youtube re crime/law/romance- usual malarkey. Out of nowhere comes a scene I won't repeat b/c it was a huge trigger for me. I wanted to punch the screen!
Six months Rook, you are a stud-muffin. hahaha

UKGuy · « **Reply #181 on:** September 22, 2020, 11:43:36 AM »

Thanks for your kind words on my forum Mr S. Ref your question about my swagger - no, I've not got it back, but I am happy with that state of affairs - I'm going with a more grounded style which is less target focussed and more moment focussed (in keeping with my meditative philosophy!) It's working well. When I mess up from time to time, there's no big ego crash to deal with. Day 10 I believe? Well done. It seems like you're on a real roll...long may it continue my Yankee chum!

LetItGoAlready · « **Reply #182 on:** September 22, 2020, 07:32:23 PM »

Congrats to you, Mr. S, on reaching Day #9...or is it 10? Doesn't matter. Keep it up. You're doing great!

Rookie · « **Reply #183 on:** October 05, 2020, 09:24:56 AM »

Been a while Mr. S...you doing ok?

Rookie · « **Reply #184 on:** October 17, 2020, 08:08:50 AM »

Mr. S?

Rookie · « **Reply #185 on:** October 28, 2020, 11:58:49 PM »

Slurps?

mr.slurps · « **Reply #186 on:** November 09, 2020, 11:51:52 PM »

Hey Guys, I fell flat on my face. Day #1. Plus I'm back to square zero, or zed as the Brits say.
Falling this fast and hard is definitely not pretty. I don't have a single excuse that will hold water.
I'll take whatever help you guys can offer, in any form. Put a candle under my ass, advice (UK has enough wisdom to go around), encouragement, beat the living crap out of me, kindness, empathy... I can use anything because I'm at my wit's end.

mr.slurps · « **Reply #187 on:** November 09, 2020, 11:53:55 PM »

Shade, I want to thank you personally for dragging my sorry ass back here. I have the feeling you're a real man in every sense of the word.

Rookie · « **Reply #188 on:** November 10, 2020, 07:57:59 AM »

Slurps!!!! Glad to have you back!!! I will admit, I suspected there was some shame going on for some possible relapse going on.

Guess what, the past, is exactly there. What's why we have a big windshield and a small rear view mirror. It doesn't count anymore. Look at the big picture, in front. Time to head north again. So you have rolled down a few notches.

The important part, is that you're back. Probably with more determination. And how did Shade reach you? Personal messages? Does he have your phone number? Email?

ShadeTrenicin · « **Reply #189 on:** November 11, 2020, 06:58:41 AM »

Hey Mr.Slurps, it's good to have you back!

UKGuy · « **Reply #190 on:** November 11, 2020, 10:35:07 AM »

Hey Slurps,
Good to see you back in the saddle (instead of the comfy chair!)
You know the saying 'if you keep doing the same thing(s)...you'll get the same results'?
My question therefore is 'what will you do differently now to help move towards recovery?'
I have needed to ask myself the same question lately. When you start to find answers it can be empowering and effective.
My challenge to you specifically is to ask these questions, and if you are willing, share the answers with the forum. Then keep asking them and improving your approach and plan, whilst being kind to yourself.
I believe it will help not only you, but others who can identify with your struggle.
Take care,
UKG

mr.slurps · « **Reply #191 on:** November 13, 2020, 06:13:57 PM »

Hi Guys, I missed you all. I am feeling a lot of shame and doubt as to my commitment.
i know I am lazy and weak. But I also know that I am capable of being better.
I'm back in all of the old grooves except watching porn videos. Total relapse otherwise.
So UK I am going to start re-educating myself w/ the rebooting/quitting videos that gave me hope at the beginning. So as a concrete goal, I'm going to go back to watch/read that good stuff for 15mins/day.
Sincere thanks

mr.slurps · « **Reply #192 on:** November 13, 2020, 06:17:06 PM »

Can you guys post a good site or page for someone in my precarious position.

Leonidas · « **Reply #193 on:** November 13, 2020, 07:52:52 PM »

Quote from: mr.slurps on November 13, 2020, 06:17:06 PM

Can you guys post a good site or page for someone in my precarious position.

Coming as an extra swordsman into the fray... Although I am not investing any time into one, if I had to recommend one it would have to be recoverynation.com. Spoiler alert: it takes QUITE a bit of dedication to pull this off, 30 minutes minimum per day, but if you've got wind in your sails, that place is a sure bet.

Meantime, don't despair... the heavy cavalry is on its way: more incoming support from Joel, UKGuy, Shade, Rookie... the usual bunch!

LetItGoAlready · « **Reply #194 on:** November 13, 2020, 09:15:30 PM »

Quote

Coming as an extra swordsman into the fray... Although I am not investing any time into one, if I had to recommend one it would have to be recoverynation.com.

I second Leo's recommendation of recoverynation.com. It does require dedication. It took me roughly a year to finish when I went through it about 5 years ago. It's super intensive as it requires a lot thoughtful planning, list-making, and dissection of thoughts and behaviors, but it's definitely worth it. Plus, you can't beat the price. The workshop is totally free, unless you opt for a paid plan involve coaching.

I feel for you, Mr S., and I hope you're being kind to yourself. You can start by not referring to yourself as "lazy and weak." No one here is lazy and weak. If you're here, you're a fighter. Take care.

Rookie · « **Reply #195 on:** November 14, 2020, 12:19:46 AM »

Quote from: mr.slurps on November 13, 2020, 06:17:06 PM

Can you guys post a good site or page for someone in my precarious position.

Beyond happy you're back on with the crew. Don't take this in a harsh manner, but with your current emotional, sense of failure, embarrassment and all... if it was me in your shoes, there would be 2 things I would do. Invest in paper books, to read (personally, I go the theology or history side, I never was a fan of fiction of any sorts) or find a hobby as far away from the digital world as you can, and ONLY come online to post on this forum, or to take part in the website above.

Of course, none of us know your interests, finances, hobbies, free time outside of the forum. If you could indulge us, some of us might have the same interest and give tips on improving or expanding those interests.

The HUGE thing you will have to do, is find a replacement. ANYONE that indulges in porn...will now have an open window of time where anxiety and everything else will kick in. You MUST occupy that time with something else. Trust me when I tell you, I seem to have found hours per day now. Starting next week, I'm skating 3 times a week with my father in law, and the other 2 days, going swimming...first for my health, second, to occupy my time.

Can't wait to read about your progress north again Mr. S!!!

Oh, and DO NOT build a house where you are, travel light, you have a long way ahead of you. You MUST keep moving. And as Leonidas said, NONE of us have given up on you...notice my few posts just to keep your journal in the first page...we missed ya (sort of?)

mr.slurps · « **Reply #196 on:** November 15, 2020, 06:55:54 PM »

Hi Guys, Thanks for not giving up on me. I want to stay away from the pity party route. It's just that I've nearly given up on myself and feel pitiful. I pulled the rug out from under myself.
Self-examination (I'm pretty boring when you get to know me.): Did it get too hard? Did I get complacent? Fear of success or failure? Just on a chemical level this addiction controls my better judgement/emotions/connection w/ reality.
You want to know something really ironic? (Ready or not here it comes.) I'm still arrogant. I do feel compassion for a homeless junkie. But it's a very thin line. The only thing that separates me from him is a bunch of bricks and a roof.
You're right Rook. At this point I can't even be around a computer. Plus I need to get healthy again. My hamstring is finally almost healed.
How much of this post constitutes whining?
Please continue not to give up on me. UK you continue to amaze me. How in the heck did you know that it would be important to me that my fall help others?

mr.slurps · « **Reply #197 on:** November 15, 2020, 07:57:21 PM »

Slurps's Pearls for Beginners:
#1 You will relapse.
Yes you! When I began this challenge I was all gung ho, banking days. Others had warned me but I thought "not me".

#2 Everyone's different.
Advice, 90 days, strategies, warnings (including yours truly), don't apply across the board. They are usually useful but don't bank on them.

mr.slurps · « **Reply #198 on:** November 15, 2020, 08:06:05 PM »

Slurps's Pearls cont.

#3 You are not a wimp.

It doesn't matter that you "know" or "feel" you are.

mr.slurps · « **Reply #199 on:** November 15, 2020, 08:14:18 PM »

Slurps's Pearls for beginners

#4 Beg, borrow, or steal for a clean day.

Whatever it takes except lying or hurting another.