Author Topic: Wabbajack's Journal  (Read 27505 times)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #125 on: June 12, 2018, 04:33:14 PM »
Fuck.

Whenever I get drunk and and up alone in front of the computer, I tend to go to some funny site that sometimes, rarely, but still posts photos of girls. Some of them pornstars and I end up googling them and edging. I got really close just a few minutes ago...  :-[

I feel really bad.

Any advice?
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #126 on: June 14, 2018, 02:22:54 PM »
I got a pattern :P Drunk, home alone, porn looking, a bit of edging. No PMO or MO still. A bit of touching.

I think I kinda miss that part of my life, you know? It's strange that after all those months I start to get back to that.

I think I am dissatisfied with the temperament difference and openness between my GF and me. Sex seems... I don't know, boring? And rare. And this is another thing.

I think lately sex became less often than before, but this isn't the case. The regularity is unchanged, my libido is. And with it a desire to try out new positions, I want it on more regular basis, I think about it all the time.

And I believe it's a very good thing, as long as I don't fuck it up with what I've been doing for the last few days.

I need some motivation :(
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #127 on: June 19, 2018, 12:41:25 PM »
Well, edging or no edging, I started to enjoy porn. I don't hold myself when I watch it, though I make sure I don't PMO or even MO. Although it makes me frustrated sexually and not as happy as I should be considering I have a GF.

It fucks up my thoughts regarding certain bodytypes (my type especially), positions and all that jazz.

It makes me unhappy. I can't wait till she moves in, to be honest, I hope I'll slowly get used to normal sex, awesome sex :)

After all, all is better than those stupid pixels...

Wabba
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #128 on: June 19, 2018, 05:36:32 PM »
Well, I got busy and I stayed off porn tonight :) Not even a glance! I realise the whole thing is quite a setback, but this is the step in the right direction again :)

Night!

http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #129 on: June 20, 2018, 05:55:19 PM »
Another night without cravings and edging :)
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #130 on: July 02, 2018, 02:01:32 AM »
Not sure what to think about what just happened...

I... came :P

It was not to porn, it was not MO, more like edging with an accident, but also not really.

Here's the story. I got into a big fight with GF, started to browse nuru massage pages, as it was my fantasy to try it once. I know, bad idea. But I was very sexually thirsty, since we're in the process of moving and we don't have the time not power to have sex, we just go straight to sleep. So I browse it, touch myself here and there (like really, a few touches) and at one moment I feel an orgasm coming, wasn't able to stop it. I was on the edge from mostly just browsing, and no porn-like photos. What was my trigger was mostly my imagination and the fact I was on the edge for good 3 days.

The feeling sucked, not a good, nice orgasm, but also no remorse as it was an accident in my book. The remorse may come, though. I feel anxious already.

After five clean months, I hope it will not be a major setback.

What do you think?

Wabba
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #131 on: July 02, 2018, 06:01:54 PM »
A bit of a chaser effect, but managable. Nothing unusual, no porn cravings. No MO cravings also. A bit more clear mind since the pressure is gone.

Will report anything unusual.

Wabba
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #132 on: July 06, 2018, 12:15:29 PM »
I don't feel the lasting effects of the latest accident.

I slowly come back to edging and peeking, from those two the latter, I believe, is worse.

I worry about my PE, occuring regularly. Before, when I was fapping and I was pretty ok and no PE, now it's a nightmare. Plus we make love with GF rarely and usually no second round, when I could be after O, so able to endure more.

I'm reading about ways to cure PE without MO. Hope for the best, but it seems it's going to take enormous amounts of willpower to overcome.

Wabba
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #133 on: September 19, 2020, 12:32:36 PM »
Hi All :)

I came here after a strange time in my life. Two years ago I broke up with my abusive girlfriend and went hardmode for circa 3 months before coming back together with my ex from the beginning of the topic. At first all went great, no PMO or MO from my part, sex was awesome, though I used pills. Then things started to go south, basically I don't have sex regularly for the past 12 months, and even if I do, it's strange, not really exciting and satisfying (of course with nice exceptions) since we have some problems in bed, me being a tad too big).

At first I kept going hard mode, but then I started slowly allowing MO into my life - it cleared my mind and allowed me not to focus on sex so much and instead try to mend my relationship. And of course it was all a slide downwards and eventually PMO also came back, for a few weeks. After realising I cannot control it and I want to stop, I came clear to my GF and stopped.  It was a week ago and during this time I was thinking like crazy about sex, fantasizing (although not about porn) and edging. But I felt the energy and I felt good. This morning I relapsed, or semi-relapsed and I felt instatly shitty, not only because of a failure, but also physically and mentally. So I'm coming to my old journal to start over :)

I know that last time I went hard mode I was sure I was getting into a happy relationship soon, and now I'm trying to save it, so sex might not be on the table soon, but maybe some BJ or HJ will be available to help me vent. I feel the difference if I O with my GF - no bad side effects - and if I MO or PMO - then the physical "illness" kicks in.

The first thing is to try not to focus on sex and stay away from edging.

I hope writing here after a while will help me focus and stay on the path.

All the best!

Wabba
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

Wabbajack

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Re: Wabbajack's Journal
« Reply #134 on: September 21, 2020, 03:06:24 PM »
Shit. I'm allowing myself to do it, though I know I WILL FEEL BAD.

I shouldn't drink alone, even "with a movie" or so. It clouds judgement...

Anyway, I'm starting again...

Wish me luck.
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)