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First time posting here. Want to get rid of this. I heard support helps.

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k-fff:
So some background on me, I am currently 28 and I live in China. I actually partially moved to China because I thought they blocked all porn. Sadly, that seems to be impossible for any country to do. I want to say that I don't think I have been addicted for that long and actually, I think I actually got really addicted in China because I initially had been off for about 2 months then I had a massive relapse. For the past 2 years, it has gotten worse. I tried putting a block on my computer, but that just awakened my dopamine even more and made things worse. Right now, I am on my second day. I have been really struggling with this and the longest I have gone is 20 days. I mainly pmo as emotional coping. I get stressed then I pmo. I would say on average I last for 3 to 5 days. Often times, the 5th day being the worst. I will go through cycles of bingeing and edging for hours where i literally feel like I have lost all contact with the outside world. These are obviously the worst days. Right now, I don't have any sexual issues other than I enjoy sex a hell of alot more when I don't look at porn for at least a week. I do think it is causing me to lose my hair at an accelerated rate becoming more like that coomer meme. I am posting this now because I think I need to because right now I am not making much headway and I don't want to keep making the same decisions where it makes me completely bald and devoid of feeling.

k-fff:
Common Triggers for me include
Boredom
Stress with work or any kind of stress
Anger/frustration
Fighting with friends
lack of sleep

Right now, being bored and lack of sleep are my two biggest triggers if I don't sleep I quickly fall into porn because of how tired I am and how little I want to do anything. Stress is a close second. Whenever I deal with a problem, I tend to relapse. I feel rather weak because I don't even seem to have it as bad as others do, but I am making this addiction worse. It has definitely gotten worse over these past 2 years. I don't have too much of a problem with women, but this has become such an emotional dependency that it has really affected my interest in women. I am hoping by tracking this I can move forward.

wecandoit:

--- Quote from: k-fff on December 05, 2019, 03:27:11 AM ---So some background on me, I am currently 28 and I live in China. I actually partially moved to China because I thought they blocked all porn. Sadly, that seems to be impossible for any country to do. I want to say that I don't think I have been addicted for that long and actually, I think I actually got really addicted in China because I initially had been off for about 2 months then I had a massive relapse. For the past 2 years, it has gotten worse. I tried putting a block on my computer, but that just awakened my dopamine even more and made things worse. Right now, I am on my second day. I have been really struggling with this and the longest I have gone is 20 days. I mainly pmo as emotional coping. I get stressed then I pmo. I would say on average I last for 3 to 5 days. Often times, the 5th day being the worst. I will go through cycles of bingeing and edging for hours where i literally feel like I have lost all contact with the outside world. These are obviously the worst days. Right now, I don't have any sexual issues other than I enjoy sex a hell of alot more when I don't look at porn for at least a week. I do think it is causing me to lose my hair at an accelerated rate becoming more like that coomer meme. I am posting this now because I think I need to because right now I am not making much headway and I don't want to keep making the same decisions where it makes me completely bald and devoid of feeling.

--- End quote ---

Hey, man, I could say that your story is not very different from mine. I, too, have problems with uncontrollable sessions of edging and binging and using PMO as a form of coping. I used to have a similar porn behavior: Lasting about a week then edging for hours then binging. But then I've exceeded that. Now, with enough discipline, I could go to 2 week without problems. It's like a muscle that can lift more after training. You won't stay at 5 days forever. I know it might seem hard now. "Come on, man! I relapse every 5 days and you tell me I will get to 2 weeks?" I know how it sounds when I say it but I used to think the same. I can't go past a week and then a week was easy. Last time I would've made it to 2 weeks again but I made a stupid mistake and I relapsed on day 12. That started the current binge that's been going for three days. I feel exhausted. Luckily, those of those days were days off work but the first day, I binged then went to work feeling exhausted with no mood and no functionality. I barely survived the shift.

wecandoit:

--- Quote from: k-fff on December 05, 2019, 04:00:39 AM ---Common Triggers for me include
Boredom
Stress with work or any kind of stress
Anger/frustration
Fighting with friends
lack of sleep

Right now, being bored and lack of sleep are my two biggest triggers if I don't sleep I quickly fall into porn because of how tired I am and how little I want to do anything. Stress is a close second. Whenever I deal with a problem, I tend to relapse. I feel rather weak because I don't even seem to have it as bad as others do, but I am making this addiction worse. It has definitely gotten worse over these past 2 years. I don't have too much of a problem with women, but this has become such an emotional dependency that it has really affected my interest in women. I am hoping by tracking this I can move forward.

--- End quote ---

Yes, they are common triggers for people. The short explanation is this: We use PMO as a cope and those things that you've mentioned are emotional discomfort. We don't know how to deal with this. We've conditioned ourselves to run to porn every time something affected us emotionally. It could be even something smaller as being bored, cause being bored is a discomfort on its own (not as big as stress and stuff like that but still boredom is not fun). I, too, have problems with being tired. I work in shifts and it's happened a few times already to come from work in the morning, go to sleep, wake up after 3 hours and feel crazy craving for porn. Last time when this happened, I barely survived. I was this close. I talked about it on my journal. When I am tired, I lose control. I become more anxious and this amplifies my urges. I understand what you mean by making things worse without seemingly no reason. But I guess this is how addictions work. Things go well but we return to the chaos. That's because this addiction has a big control over us right now and it will take time until we get back the control.

k-fff:
Glad to hear from you, the lack of sleep and being tired, god that is the worst. Working in shifts has gotta be rough. I am hoping that I will make it to two weeks this time. I guess I should be saying I really hope this is the last time. I think i need to prepare myself for some serious insomnia if i am gonna get through this because it is not realistic to be rested always. I guess it all depends on how we cope with it.

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