Author Topic: Guilt  (Read 1449 times)

I_must_stop

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Guilt
« on: October 19, 2019, 06:16:31 AM »
Hey everyone,

I’m wondering how everyone deals with the immense guilt experienced from pornography? I personally feel pretty disgusted with myself and struggle to reconcile it when I relapse time and time again. I feel immense shame :(

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks

Numez

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2019, 10:46:30 AM »
You got to replace porn addiction with bunch of new things in life and you should go easy with that at the beginning because you have no brain power to go hardcore discipline from the start. You use porn for multiple reasons and in multiple situations so you have to change your life in multiple ways. Porn is short term activity so replace it with bunch of short term things, nothing like starting a new business or weight loss plan (do these only as a bonus and only if you really have the enough energy to these big leaps right off the bat).

You have to deal with relapse, just feeling 100% determined to not relapse again is not enough. Create some routines. You have to learn to self talk, manage your energy and productivity and you have to start easy.

download this reboot regimen and watch the playlist. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J55TZ0JaJXY&list=PL38uJEf-kRcaI0d2I9M_IjGWMFkHk8qCC You just have to put in the work (light work in the beginning)

Why you feel shame? Is it because you escalated to weird type of porn? 

DoneAtLast

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2019, 11:28:55 AM »
Recently I heard someone talk about how guilt and shame are not the same thing, although the context wasn't porn.

Let's say you are at a friend's house, and break a dish.  Guilt tells you that you broke the dish.  You apologize, you may offer to pay for it, you may replace it, or you might make some other gesture.  Shame tells you that you're an awful person, a klutz, and no one would ever want to have you over to dinner ever because you ruin everything. 

Guilt is knowledge of having done something wrong, or still doing something wrong.  Shame is feeling like you are less of a person because of it.  Guilt can be a good thing, because it just means our conscience is working, and we recognize bad things.  Guilt may make us want to correct past mistakes, make amends, or offer atonement.  Shame, as far as I can tell, never really accomplishes anything.  Shame just beats you down.

So, remember these feelings and know that what is making you feel awful is porn.  It isn't because you're a bad person, or gross, or a loser.  Porn makes you feel that way.  So, when you feel awful, what do you do?  Find more porn!  Then you feel more awful, which means... well, you get the idea.

profapper

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2019, 12:45:14 PM »
   I might have some good insights about this from what ive been through with porn.
It is what it is, its not as much the porn itself that keeps you stuck as it is your own mental interpretations around porn or any situation. Im not saying porn isnt harmful to the brain as we have evidence for that. But what kept me stuck to it was the shame I held around it which was my own mental projection.
In my case it was the shame around it that gave it power over me. like the little secret that nobody knows about so you keep doing it. Let it be known to more people in your life, because that will make it less of a secret which weakens its power over you. Also be aware of how you feel immediately after relapse, does it feel like shame? What did you say to yourself that made you feel that way? In my case; im guilty, im a bad person, im inadequate etc. Who said that? I did. Thats in my mind not reality, I take responsibility for saying that.
    I know people that watch porn on occasion and have none of the hangups and negativity around it that I did. Its because of what I said to myself about it and how I interpreted the situation, perhaps unconsciously.

Habit42

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2019, 11:40:50 AM »
Yes, absolutely.
One of the reason i wanted to quit was every-time after i PMO or MO i would feel disgust with myself,
thinking im a loser watching these things, cant control myself, i kept being hard on myself with the question " why dont you just get laid or something"?
Im really serious everytime after i did those things i felt guilt, ashamed, and disgust.
I think everybody feels that way about this addiction, this is why they want to stop.
Im sure that this is a big part of everyone's struggle with Porn addiction.

Hedur1982

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2020, 01:53:14 PM »

One of the reason i wanted to quit was every-time after i PMO or MO i would feel disgust with myself in "soups",
thinking im a loser watching these things, cant control myself, i kept being hard on myself with the question " why dont you just get laid or something"?

sorry for posting to this long time topic post but i didn't wanted to start a new one taking in consideration that i would want Habit42 to answer...
i can really feel this part. i am feeling the exact same way as you describe and i don't know how to control it and what to do. just wondering, after all this time, has anything changed? what you've done? how are you doing now? thanks
« Last Edit: April 06, 2020, 03:16:19 AM by Hedur1982 »

Gambitchco

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Re: Guilt
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2020, 08:00:36 AM »
You got to replace porn addiction with bunch of new things in life and you should go easy with that at the beginning because you have no brain power to go hardcore discipline from the start. You use porn for multiple reasons and in multiple situations so you have to change your life in multiple ways. Porn is short term activity so replace it with bunch of short term things, nothing like starting a new business or weight loss plan (do these only as a bonus and only if you really have the enough energy to these big leaps right off the bat).

You have to deal with relapse, just feeling 100% determined to not relapse again is not enough. Create some routines. You have to learn to self talk, manage your energy and productivity and you have to start easy.

download this reboot regimen and watch the playlist. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J55TZ0JaJXY&list=PL38uJEf-kRcaI0d2I9M_IjGWMFkHk8qCC You just have to put in the work (light work in the beginning)

Why you feel shame? Is it because you escalated to weird type of porn?

This is so true, at first, there will be hardships but at the end of the day, you will get by it and pretty sure, it's worth the effort you chose to stop this addiction.