Author Topic: Recovery is an incredible process  (Read 7707 times)

anonfromfinance

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #75 on: April 27, 2020, 09:45:17 PM »
Hey, that sounds great man.

I enjoy having a proper schedule. I can't function without one. Having some sort of structure just works for me. So I'm glad you can get back to a nice and healthy sleeping schedule soon.

And sounds like you've made a great decision about limiting yourself when it comes to working. Your personal health should be more important. Keep it up man, you're doing great.

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #76 on: May 02, 2020, 12:20:37 PM »
Thank you blue and anon for the encouraging words. I have had a much easier time feeling happy and like myself this week since deciding to work part-time. My classes have started and so far I am staying on top of things.

DAY 47

This past week I had a couple urges but they left pretty quickly. It still bothers me that I get them because any urge poses a danger. I should have gotten on here at least one time during the week because that has historically been my safest response to urges. I think I was getting stressed out about and assignment but I just decided to hunker down and finish it.

This morning I had a list of things that I wanted to get done. Among them were fixing my bathroom fan and posting on here. I'm glad that I took some time to do home maintenance because I figured out some cool stuff. I figured out how to make a bathroom fan not work and then after some more tinkering, how to fix one that isn't working. It was a really satisfying experience.

This morning I decided to read a book instead of looking at my phone after I woke up. As I was reading I realized that in the past few years, there probably hasn't gone a day where I haven't looked at my phone. I don't feel like I have a problem using technology, it was just a realization that was kind of sobering. I am going to plan a day where I won't use my phone at all and make some plans for better things to do than randomly opiate myself with my phone.

I am going to go longboarding now because it feels like that kind of day.

Stay sober friends.

anonfromfinance

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #77 on: May 02, 2020, 01:00:25 PM »
Hey man, glad to see you're doing great and fighting the few urges that you're having. Pretty good idea of not using your phone for a day even if you think it's not really a problem. Keep it up, you're doing great.

Jeks

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #78 on: May 02, 2020, 02:50:25 PM »
Thats all good news faenoe.

I believe urges might never stop entirely  for an addict. I still get them sometimes, they are easy to ignore and to withstand, but they are still there. They got much better around the six months mark, that was also, when i recognized more benefits. I think they made it psychological much easier to fight the urges.

I made the same experiment with my youtube-use. Till this day i use it much less and can much more focus on stuff. But the first days were a little freaky, because of noticing unconsciously using the phone. But i use it still much less, because of the benefits, i have got from that. Its worth a try for sure.

Keep up the good work.

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #79 on: May 09, 2020, 06:22:47 PM »
Thanks for the responses, anon and Jeks. I am currently experiencing the reality you speak of, Jeks. I am once again thrown into the stress of a full schedule for the rest the summer because I have classes. I am doing well learning the material I just have questions that I will need to let rest until Monday when I can for help. It's hard for me to stop working on my project but I really have no choice at this point since I don't know what path to take. With this being the case, the urges to look at porn have become more frequent but I feel a stronger resolve to overpower them. I have been taking better care of myself when it comes to time management and spacing up my studies with physical exercise and other activities I find enjoyable.

That's a lot to process. I guess I'm just under a lot of pressure right now and I'm going to get off the computer for the rest of the weekend to give myself the best shot possible for next week when I can start progressing on my project again.

Day 54

Stay strong guys

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #80 on: May 13, 2020, 03:37:21 PM »
Day 59

Recovery is an incredible process. It's incredibly difficult, rewarding, and, it seems, most of all, incredibly unpredictable. There is no knowing just how your recovery is going to go.

I heard this quote today while watching a youtube video: "There are parts of life that aren't pleasurable, but rewarding."

Today I am battling like never before to control my behavior. My cortisol levels are raging and telling my brain to do something to relieve the stress. I hopped on for the support and encouragement I always find here. I started working out a little bit too to hopefully help with the stress levels.

Man, my brain has been seriously wired to use porn/MO as a way to deal with stress. That is not what I want. I will choose to remain in my state of sobriety because my goal is to never leave this state again.

just staying sober every single day is a big accomplishment itself.

anon, I can't tell you how much this idea has meant to me  over the past couple of days. Thank you for writing this. Once again, coming onto the forum has helped my brain get out of that destructive rut and remember the facade of destruction disguised as relief that porn truly is. Stay strong out there.

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #81 on: May 19, 2020, 10:18:46 PM »
Day 65

With the return of a high-stress school / education environment, the urges have been plaguing me more than ever. I cannot say how difficult the past week has been. Quitting porn is a decision that has to be made every single day that goes by. There is nothing more I want than to be freed from these urges to throw away everything I have worked for up to this point. I need to stay strong through this difficult time. Now is the time I fight. Now is the time I have the chance to act. Now is the time I always wish I could go back to after a relapse. I have the chance to change my life right now. I am going to do that.

anonfromfinance

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #82 on: May 19, 2020, 11:31:27 PM »
Hey man, it's great to see that you're highly motivated in spite of the stress that the educational environment brings. Keep it up, you've reached 65 days! That is amazing. Do not let some stress from school get to you. You know better now.

And I'm really glad something I said worked out for you and helped you in your journey. That's great man.

I'm rooting for you! :D

Jeks

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #83 on: May 20, 2020, 02:50:42 AM »
I can very much relate to this fanoe.

Stress and frustration because of my studies were also my biggest triggers. But you have got the right mind set to get through this. Just remember: when you get through this, you will feel like a fucking super hero while studying (and in general). You will be able to work so easily on this stuff and with so much focus and concentration, because there will be nothing you are craving for in the back of your mind and thats a very freeing feeling. And i can ensure you, that the cravings will go away. For me, when cravings arise, its like a tickling for about one minute and then its just gone and i can continue with my day to day life.

Keep doing what you doing. You got this.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2020, 03:05:27 AM by Jeks »

zander13

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #84 on: May 21, 2020, 02:14:07 PM »
Great job man, you’re setting a good example for others to follow.

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #85 on: May 26, 2020, 04:35:05 PM »
DAY 72

Thank you all so much for the kind and encouraging words. They really do mean a lot. The outsider looking into a situation can sometimes bring a world of clarity to the person stuck inside. I really appreciate what you said, anon. "Do not let some stress from school get to you." That's all it is really and I don't want to sacrifice all of my progress because of "some stress from school". That would just be stupid. Thank you for your perspective. Things have been pretty stressful over the past couple of days and my brain is obviously confused about how to handle it. It doesn't want anything but porn. I don't want that though, and I get to decided what I do with my life. I am not my brain. I am not my lustful desires. I am member of this community and am proud to be a recovering addict as difficult as that is some days. Thank you Jeks, zander, and anon for the encouragement and I also wish the best for each of you.

It's interesting how I'm on here exactly one week from last time I was on. Seems like the beginning of the week are the days where I struggle with cravings the most.

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #86 on: May 27, 2020, 12:16:46 PM »
DAY 73

It's very hard to concentrate when the desire to look at porn is so unbelievably high. That is the effect that addiction has. It takes control of your life and forces all other aspects worth pursuing out--or at least, cheapens all other experiences.

This is what I signed up for when I decided to quit: the seemingly unquenchable thirst that I will not allow myself to satisfy. That is the only way. Looking at porn only provides temporary relief and everlasting regret. Worse, it makes the thirst deeper and even more unquenchable. Let no one deceive you, recovery is hard. There is no doubt that I am in the fight for my better life this very moment.

This is my message from myself to my brain, in hopes that I can convince it to let these urges go.

Jeks

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #87 on: May 27, 2020, 01:10:02 PM »
When you feel overwhelmed, try grabbing and hugging a pillow, so you have got something to do with your hands. Really, it helps. Was a huge help in my recovery. You got this.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2020, 01:48:13 PM by Jeks »

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #88 on: May 27, 2020, 06:27:16 PM »
Today I relapsed. I am sad about losing my streak but I am happy that I made it 73 days this time. Feels bad to disappoint you guys but I will start again.

anonfromfinance

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #89 on: May 27, 2020, 10:40:03 PM »
Hey faenoe. Man, I am so sorry to hear that. I hope you recover from this. You've been doing absolutely great so far. Just get back on the horse. I know this can make you feel like a real piece of shit. I speak from first-hand experience. But what matters most now is that you move on from this. Don't let the chaser effect get to you and know that all is not lost. You went 73 days without any porn. This has made a huge difference in your brain. Keep that in mind and continue fighting this battle. I have faith in you man. I know you can do this!

Sanders

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #90 on: May 28, 2020, 09:36:24 AM »
Hey Faenoe, just read through your journal and it's a pretty good journey you've made! Sorry to hear you relapsed but you made it 73 days and it's great you acknowledge that. A fresh start again, hope you can prevent the same next time and go porn-free for the rest of your life :) 73 days must have done a lot of good for your brains, hopefully it will be easier from now on. Best of luck!

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #91 on: May 30, 2020, 10:36:01 PM »
Lost to the chaser effect tonight. It is incredible how much self-control is eroded after a relapse. I will not be starting my counter until I consciously have and urge and decide to part ways with it.

zander13

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #92 on: June 10, 2020, 12:35:11 AM »
Hey man,

Keep at it.

kopp

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #93 on: June 10, 2020, 01:19:53 AM »
Cool journal :) Yeah the chaser effect is something pretty horrible... Keep fighting!

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #94 on: June 10, 2020, 10:49:50 AM »
Hello everyone. I apologize for my absence.

I have not given up on this fight and I will keep fighting it. This community is incredible and I have had friends from here reach out personally during my absence. Thank you all so much. Stay strong.

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #95 on: June 18, 2020, 10:48:46 AM »
Every time I relapse I feel horrible afterwards.

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #96 on: June 22, 2020, 02:28:26 PM »
Hello everyone. I have been going dealing with some major addictive issues over the past week. I am ready to start this journey again. My goal is to make it one week without PMO.

faenoe

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #97 on: July 01, 2020, 10:55:58 AM »
Well I made it one week. Then I relapsed.

I have noticed some of the consequences of this behavior are: not being able to focus, less satisfaction in myself, and less belief in myself to accomplish the things I want to do. Well, that really sucks. Porn is not worth it. It steals my time, it steals my opportunity to become who I want to be. It's time to stop this.

I remember during my last long streak that the urges would come and go away. I haven't had that experience this time around. Perhaps I just haven't made it far enough out yet during this round to gain that benefit of sobriety. In any case, I want to end this destructive behavior. But it is very difficult. Despite this fact, it is a fight worth fighting and a fight worth winning.

kopp

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Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« Reply #98 on: July 22, 2020, 06:40:24 AM »
Hey, how are you doing?