Recovery is an incredible process

[faenoe]

I think it would probably would be cool to ask her on a date. Why not make it happen? I got some good advice just recently to see dating as a practice. Whether it works out with a particular person or not, it all gives you experience and prepares you for the day when you eventually meet someone you'll spend a long time with. Give it a shot!

I think I just might!

Well, today is November 6 which means ONE MONTH free of PMO! Thank you all so much for your support in my journey! I am going to set my next goal on my original post. Before this month, the longest I had gone over the past year was probably no longer than a week so being a part of this community is definitely making a difference. Much love to all of you.

I definitely think the last few days have been the hardest of all. It's almost like my brain is searching for anything to de-stress itself but I am teaching it the PMO is not the avenue it will take. Over the past week and a half, I have been going strong doing my coursework and working. It feels good to have a month under my belt. I felt a really high libido yesterday and the day before. It was kinda annoying but I made it through by focusing on getting homework done and working out. Stay strong as ever boys. Next goal, here we come!

[BlueHeronFan]

Way to go! A month free of PMO! That's something to celebrate!

It's awesome that you're going strong right now and taking the urges/triggers in stride.

Keep it going! One month plus one day is a great place to be!

[squid]

Congratulations dude!  The first month is uniquely challenging, this is a great milestone in your recovery!

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Just read the whole journal, great stuff man!

Keep going strong. Remember, there are lots of healthy ways to distress! It's great you have a roomate, I think having that having someone nearby and it being very easy to socialize is excellent, even if we don't always feel like it.

[faenoe]

It pains me to write this but this morning I MO'd. Last night I was going to go to sleep at 9pm and get plenty of rest for today. Right as I was going to go into my bedroom, someone I know showed up and wanted to talk for two and a half hours. After she left, I went to bed but my roommates were being super loud and I couldn't fall asleep. I was getting pretty angry which only made it more difficult for sleep to find me. Eventually, I got up and politely said, "Hey you guys are being pretty loud. I'm having trouble sleeping. Thanks." They seemed to quiet down a little bit after that but I didn't fall asleep until after 2AM (which is realllllllly late for me since I get up at 5:30 every morning). This morning, I guess I forgot that MO isn't an appropriate way to deal with stress and emotions :L

Anyways, I'm going to set a new goal and keep at it guys. Sorry to disappoint y'all but I'm not gonna give up or anything.

[BlueHeronFan]

Sorry to hear it, man, but, as you know, all is not lost. It's a learning experience. Emotional triggers are real, and it's important to find ways to deal with strong emotions/stress in healthy and useful ways.

Nothing messes me up more than not getting the right amount of sleep. That's a tough thing to have happen.

Tomorrow is a new day. You can get right back on track, no matter what happened today!

[faenoe]

Hey guys, just thought I would check in. I'm working on another big project that I can't wait to be finished with. It's due in a week but I want to get it done by tomorrow so it's off my plate. I'm just listening to music and trying to do some writing.

I made it through my first day. Feeling really antsy about sitting here at my computer. I think I need to go work out or something. I definitely don't want to look at porn and begin the spiral of death. I want complete abstinence. That is the goal I am sticking to.

[BlueHeronFan]

It's a good goal, stick with it for sure. Complete abstinence is the only thing that has ever worked for me.

Working on a big project always makes me antsy too. It's a good idea to get it done, but I think you're right to think about working out or something. It's good to break up all the brain work with some healthy body movement.

Keep it up!

[faenoe]

Wow a lot has happened since I last posted. No PMO though!

It's been ten days since my last journal entry. I have had an amazing week. I got a lot of projects finished and so far, this is the best semester I have had academically. I haven't missed any assignments all semester and I have done well on all of my exams. Hard work is the most satisfying thing when you can see it paying off.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on vacation with some friends. I saw this girl while we were on our trip and I wanted to get to know her so I got her number. At the beginning of last week, I texted her and it turned out that she was coming to where I live the following weekend. I asked her on a date. We had a ton of fun and I'm going to where she lives this weekend. I really enjoyed her company and it felt so different to spend time with a real girl than with P. Real girls are infinitely better, no contest. I'm really excited to see her again this weekend.

I just finished all of my homework for this week and it feels good to finally be able to relax. I am really looking forward to next week because of the holiday coming up.

Just feeling super good.

[faenoe]

Also wanted to share this article that a friend of mine sent me: https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes Pardon the language but I think the message could be helpful to someone.

[BlueHeronFan]

Wow, it all sounds awesome! Staying clean, getting through school, going on a good date!

I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling super good. That's where you want to  be. Keep it up!

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Man congrats bro! That is super super awesome, and yes real girls are soooo much better than P. When away from dating for awhile, one can forget that, how amazing reality can be.

Thanks for the article, Mark Mason has some good stuff, will check it out for sure. Reading good stuff is just an awesome boost from time to time.

Edit: Reading the article. What a coincidence! Was just thinking about this very topic, great article as I incoropate this more and more into my dating life things are much better and a lot more peace of mind.

[faenoe]

Hey team, I'm looking for advice or experience today.

So last night, this girl I posted about earlier invited me over for dinner. I was really excited all day for it and I usually get a ton of anxiety before dates (which makes it hard for me to eat) but this time I was feeling okay. Anyways, we ate dinner and then watched a movie. About halfway through, we started making out. Since I had never kissed anyone before, it didn't really feel natural. It was a new experience. I felt really weird afterwards. Anyways, has anyone else had a similar experience, or how do you guys usually feel after a lot of kissing? I really like this girl so I don't know why it felt so weird but it did.

[BlueHeronFan]

Definitely not an expert, but could it be that it was weird because it was new? Maybe going from 0 to 60 was a lot all at once.

I don't know, I feel like the first anything is going to be weird on some level. Looking back on my first kiss, it was definitely my weirdest and worst kiss, but things change with time and experience. If you still like her and she still likes you, I don't think there's too much to worry about. (And I say that knowing that I would definitely be worrying about everything if I were in a similar situation. I know that worrying is counterproductive, but it still happens despite my best efforts.)

In other words, it kind of sounds like you're moving forward and getting into new territory, and that's exciting. Whatever happens, you're learning and progressing, so keep it up!

[faenoe]

Thanks for the reply, I can't thank you enough for your input. It just helps to have someone to tell all of this stuff to. I decided to stop worrying about it and it seems like I felt pretty good about everything after a day had passed. This holiday weekend we have spent every night texting and talking about life together. Unfortunately she's kinda far away but I guess I knew that when I asked her out initially.

Life has been good these past few days. Pretty much no urges but after a very long break, I did spend some time on Instagram this morning and was astonished at how quickly I was bombarded by images of girls in swimming suits or with a lot of cleavage. I was able to get out fast before any pathways got triggered. I think the one thing that has helped me most since joining this forum is remembering that porn is any artificial sexual stimulation. There's no "dipping your feet" that is safe when it comes to looking at girls. It always leads to regrets.

Anyways, thanks for your guys' support and keep going forward!

[BlueHeronFan]

I think the one thing that has helped me most since joining this forum is remembering that porn is any artificial sexual stimulation. There's no "dipping your feet" that is safe when it comes to looking at girls. It always leads to regrets.

Anyways, thanks for your guys' support and keep going forward!

Anytime, I'm glad it's helpful! I know having this place as an outlet has really helped me.

And what you said about there not being any safe artificial stimulation is exactly right. I'm glad you could recognize it, catch yourself, and get out. Those social media apps can be really dangerous, gotta be careful.

It's also good that you're feeling better about the girl and staying in contact with her. Exciting times!

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Keep up the good work man! Yeah for sure instagram is good to avoid. I definetly agree, avoid all the external.

Man sorry I am late on this news, but CONGRATS ON YOUR FIRST KISS! That is big man, that's a step in life that's pretty damn far on PMO. And yeah man, it's pretty normal for it to feel weird especially since you have to rewire to it. Keep up doing what you are doing, staying away from porn. SLOWLY and PATIENTLY escalating/ maintaining things with this girl and you will love kissing pretty soon.

[faenoe]

I am back here guys! I have not been as strong as I would like to be so I am going to be returning to the forum to gain the support that helped me so much in my previous efforts. Thank you all so much for being here.

Today I am feeling strong urges to view porn but I decided that I would jump on here and write about it before I go and work out. I don't want the fake substitute. I want to stay strong for the confidence in myself and for the the ability to stay sober for my future wife/family.

Keep up the great work and involvement. I have updated my goals on my first post.

[wecandoit]

I am back here guys! I have not been as strong as I would like to be so I am going to be returning to the forum to gain the support that helped me so much in my previous efforts. Thank you all so much for being here.

Today I am feeling strong urges to view porn but I decided that I would jump on here and write about it before I go and work out. I don't want the fake substitute. I want to stay strong for the confidence in myself and for the the ability to stay sober for my future wife/family.

Keep up the great work and involvement. I have updated my goals on my first post.

Welcome back. Being part of a community that deals with the same problem can be that +1 that we need. When I get hard urges, it helps to read/watch stuff about porn addiction recovery or nofap. It helps me switch the attention from "I want porn so bad" to "here is why I want to quit." It reinforces my promise and plan.

[faenoe]

DAY 1:

This past week has been a nightmare. I have not only relapsed but I have felt the addictive mindset begin to return to me. Almost all throughout work yesterday I was thinking about looking at porn and then when I finished at work I wasn't able to stop myself. I felt totally trapped. Right now I'm at the point where I don't even want to quit because of how addictive porn is, but I am going to try anyways.

GOALS

• one week without any artificial sexual stimulation
• post on here every day for the next week.
  

[wecandoit]

DAY 1:

This past week has been a nightmare. I have not only relapsed but I have felt the addictive mindset begin to return to me. Almost all throughout work yesterday I was thinking about looking at porn and then when I finished at work I wasn't able to stop myself. I felt totally trapped. Right now I'm at the point where I don't even want to quit because of how addictive porn is, but I am going to try anyways.

GOALS

• one week without any artificial sexual stimulation
• post on here every day for the next week.
  

Porn is very addictive. I didn't even think that it could be this addictive when I started my attempts on recovery. The problem with porn is that this is an addiction that doesn't involve substances. It gets stored in our memory and then it comes to bother the hell out of us. What you're describing there, I've had that a tone of times. Working in front of the computer but doing things on autopilot and only thinking about what porn to watch at home. At the same time, I was screaming at myself, inside: "No, man, you won't go home to watch any fucking porn!" It's like the new Joker movie. He laughs like a maniac but he can't stop himself. It's very hard to stop thinking about porn. So far I've been following a plan, figuring out what I had to do to avoid a relapse. I reached the point where I did a good job staying away from deliberately searching for porn and porn substitutes but I could not stop fantasizing about porn and this is what eventually made me relapse. During this current streak, I've had a couple of moments when fantasizing about porn almost got me but I managed to stop myself and then I told myself that I had to do something about fantasizing. You see, I want to quit porn, of course, but there is this part of me that begs for any ounce of dopamine. And because I stay away from watching anything, it tries to get dopamine in any way, and the only thing that remained was the porn stored in my brain. It kept sucking dopamine from that hoping eventually to push me to a full blown relapse, exactly what the brain loves the most. We need to learn everything about our porn behavior and world. I don't think we can succeed without this. It's becoming easier, in my mind, because I feel like I'm getting closer to understanding how my addiction works. It didn't come overnight. It meant a lot of relapses and post-analysis to figure out what the fuck was going on. The thing is, this addiction works like the saying "Give an inch, take a mile". If you fuck with it, it will make you fully relapse eventually. Maybe not today but it adds up. You could start the relapse a few days before by messing with porn, porn substitutes or even porn flashbacks and fantasies. Everything that stimulates the addicted brain must be avoided because it's the first piece of domino that starts everything. I know, when hard urges start and the craving gets unbearable, something "small" looks like a no big deal. "It's just a little, I won't watch porn," but this is not you, it's that voice inside your brain that is the first domino piece. I don't think we can succeed if we don't stay away from everything. Porn, porn substitutes, fantasizing, maybe even masturbation. It can lead to relapse for some people. Maybe not for everybody but it does this to me, that I know.

[faenoe]

Wow thank you for that incredible response wecandoit. I know exactly what you mean about the whole domino situation. I think you're also right about the brain seeking a full-on relapse because when I did relapse I did twice in one day and that, I believe, is what my brain was trying to get. Thank you for the valuable insight. You have no idea how much that means to me to have your support.

DAY 2
Just felt a strong urge to look at porn but I decided to come on here instead. I was looking at the moderator's profile and decided to read his post from 2014:

Hey Paul,

Welcome to RebootNation! Thank you for sharing your story and it sounds like you’re off to a great start with the past few years and especially the last 90 days!

I can really relate to how you said every aspect of your being is damaged when you would use PMO. I am 26 and I used internet porn for a few years (several times a week). I feel like I have always been observant of how things affect me, but didn't fully realize the magnitude of the effects of PMO until after quitting.  Among many things, the biggest was how it changed my view of women.  PMO reduced my desire for seeking depth in relationships, and what I primarily looked for in girls was physical/sexual, instead of focusing on finding someone I really enjoyed spending time with and loved and deeply cared about.

I am looking forward to hearing more of your story and how it affected you! We are still getting the site up and going, so once we get it rolling I'll take some time and post my journey too and all the ways I noticed how affected me!

-PursuitOfUnFAPpiness

 It's like all of a sudden my desire to look at porn was gone as my mind snapped into remembering what my goal is: total recovery. Reading this post reminded me that I DON'T want anything to do with porn, and I want to become totally disassociated with it. I think every time I feel an urge to look at porn I am going to come to this forum instead and hopefully gain the strength to stay sober.

[faenoe]

Day 4
Missed reporting here yesterday but I was just inside most of the day. I worked for a while and then studied for exams that I have. It was a pretty successful day as far as being productive while having to be shut inside. I have to say the first three days were difficult in terms of the urges but I feel a little bit more confident now that I have this community with me again.

Here's to one more day!

[faenoe]

DAY 5

Made it through another day. I feel like I am gaining more control after the first few days were over. I have made changes in the way I have devoted myself to spirituality since I have had more time on my hands. I think that is also helping make a difference. The cravings are still coming though and it's just annoying to have them there. I don't know if they will ever go away completely but I think coming on here and reading the posts from other people on here is a healthy way to deal with them for now.

Almost to my goal of one week. A couple days to go.

[wecandoit]

Every success starts with day 1. It doesn't matter if the streak is short now because you need to start with 5 days to get to a lot more. Patience is very important. Also determination and keeping in mind that there is a day in the future when everything will be over. But be prepared because this addiction is sneaky. Things could be alright today but tomorrow the withdrawal could hit you really hard, the craving could get unbearable and this is when your determination is tested. I'm close to a month without searching or watching/looking at porn or porn subs. But I've had 3 days when I almost fell. I don't know if it applies to everybody but I feel that I had to follow a textbook approach with my addiction if I want to succeed. There is no room for even small mistakes. I can't count how many times I've relapsed after engaging in something "small and harmless". I had to remember that I felt better since the last binge, I had to keep in mind where I wanted to be. There is no place for an addiction in the life that I want to live from now on. This addiction dragged me down too much. Good luck, man.