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Very likely to have a weird combination of venous leakage with pied. (25)

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Jeks:
Wanted to share my story, because it might be a pretty rare case, which might help people, who are wondering about having venous leakage or/and pied.
My English is not the best. Still hope you can understand. Dont mind correction on my writings.


My story begins with 13. me and my best friend were watching dialing channels on televison while masturbating at it late at night in the living room. After that i stumbled over internet porn and would start to masturbate to it daily. Different than other guys here, i'll never masturbated in an abnourmous frequency, 1, maybe 2  times a day for like 10 minutes or so. But escalation started relatively quickly for me by watching very weird stuff by the age of 14 or 15. i struggled with getting a girl friend, but was allways optimistic that it would happening to me, because I was relatively popular in school, so i had friends and had also girls as buddies and best friends. My first sexual interactions with a girl started at the age of 18. by then i met a girl, which was very much into me and i also liked her, but even though we never tried to have sex, i can now tell that by then i allready wasnt able to get spontanious erections or strong sexual arousal by sexually interacting with her.
Like a lot of you guys i considered nervousness, alcohol and weed as the problem, so i was still optimistic about it.
Then by 19 i met another girl, same story. While trying to have sex, my penis didnt respond, there was nothing.
Still i was considering performance anxiety to be the problem and i liked that girl, but wasnt in love with her, so i figured maybe i have just to wait for the right girl to come.
Then by the age of 21 i came together with a girl, which i consider my first and only real girlfriend. From the start we tried to habe sex, but nothing worked. She was very patient and didnt give me any pressure, but it just didnt work. I still watched p, not in a very compulsive manner, but still escalating to weird stuff. After going to a urologist, we tried viagra, and even though it got better i couldnt penetrate, nor orgasm without porn fantasy. So then i went to another doctor which diagnosed me with venous leakage. He seemes to be an expert in that field, because he told me about other patients, which went through the surgery and would function just fine. He also actually showed me on the screen my veines and explained to me how they are far to thick and that it is without question, that ive got venous leakage. But he also told me that for some guys it might be necessary to repeat the surgery, when its very severe even like every half a year, because the veins are start to build up again.
I also asked him about porn, because i allready found the forums and ybop, but couldnt believe that porn might be able to do that and he laughed it off.
So After the diagnosis, i was very relived, but between diagnosis and surgery there were still 3 months. So i tried out the test to wipe out any other possibilty.
I couldnt get a boner in both occassions and because i coulndt believe i have severe pied, i thought that venous leakage had to be the issue. But i allready noticed at that time that i couldnt orgasm, only with porn or porn fantasy.
After the surgery it still didnt work. After that i considered that the forums were right and porn might have been the problem, or that it is a weird combination of pied and venous leakage.
I started rebooting without pmo.I handnt very strong withdrawals, no other then beeing very horny all the time. I couldnt watch woman without fanatsinzing abou them being naked. No flatline. I relapsed a couple of times with binging, but then stayed strong for like 6 months. I also told my gf and she was still able to stay with me.
But then after the 6 months my gf left me and due to the grieving i relapsed like every couple days for like 3 months. I was destroyed and still am. I think about suicide for like 5 months now. I've got heavy depressions, but managed now to stay off porn for nearly 2 months. Every time i see her i wanna kill myself. Im about to see the urologist again to check if he finds something. But after loosing her, everything became so hopeless. Im pretty sure that i will never watch porn again but im not sure if i will live until i recover, because i might have a severe case and so i dont know, if i can manage the depressions that long, because my work and social life are now completely destroyed. Im still studying but might drop off because of difficulties to motivate myself. And i still meet friends, but cant really enjoy anything.
Im now trying to find a therapists who actually knows about porn addiction and can help me with my depressions. But after loosing this girl, which was able to stay at my side for 3 and a half years and hurting her that much, most of the times it feels like i will never be able to not be depressed again.

all_in_now:
Hey Jeks,

Congrats on sharing your story. Yes it’s sad that you’re  having this problem, but it is extremely optimistic and exciting that you’re trying to solve it. I hope you don’t lose the optimism you said you had on this journey to a better life.

I think PIED is a very real issue most doctors have not caught onto.

Good luck

Jeks:
Thanks all in, i really appreciate your reply.
I kind of had a mental breakdown, when i wrote this, so two days after i feel a little bit better. I also remembered, that i already had kind of sucess with my reboot by recognizing nocturnal erections, which i cant remember having before surgery and starting the reboot. Its very rarely, but still something to build on.
Also while having my very bad relapse i recognized a better erection, than i ve ever had. It was with porn, but still a sign, that my body began to heal. But in these very dark moments your mind often shuts down these little sparklings, so yeah, glad i started to right this stuff down here, so i can remember, when times like these will come again.

If anyone has questions about venous leakage, pls contact. Im glad to help and i spend a lot of time researching and getting informations from my urologist.

all_in_now:
Good to hear man, yeah I had a very bad mental breakdown earlier this year too so I feel your pain. 

Been hearing a lot of complaints about venous leakage. I’m def going to get it checked out now that you mention it so thanks for that info. Remember though, the most important thing is to find a way to quit porn and reboot. Lots of research is pointing to porn having very bad effects on health.

Hope you stay on the forum and continue to follow your dreams. I know it’s hard living with our condition, but we have to be grateful we’ve got a shot at getting better. We have to be brave and put our best foot forward because it’s the only thing we can do.

Take care man, I’m excited to hear more about how you’re progressing.

Jeks:
True. Focusing on the reboot has to be number one priority. Especially if youve got any sexual disfunction you have to stop porn, even if its not the reason, it doesnt have benefits and its just a high risk for destroying your life.  But at the same time its important to also check any other possibilty. If the doctor wouldnt have found my organic problems, i might have recovered without noticing, because i would not be able to get an erection because of venous leakage.
So yeah, definetly get checked that out.

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