Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

@Pdub , Thanks for your encouraging words man .

onto 5th day and cruising today .

I Agree.

 this is hardest and the sweetest forbidden fruit to give up . that said the key thing to remember is that the forbidden sweet fruit is hollow and poisonous inside , its gonna bring lot of tears and pain once we eat it but appears to be the sweetest on the outside.

Let's keep reminding ourselves each day that we are giving up a deceiving habit which is poisonous , we are not giving up a true reward of life. its just a habit that steals the truly rewarding life from us, time and time again.

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

6th day PMO free today and feeling good about myself.

its been busy and i am looking to keep it that way. my scary days are 9/10/11.

hoping to get past that this time.

busy is good. let's keep busy until we get sleep.

[Lero]

6th day PMO free today and feeling good about myself.

its been busy and i am looking to keep it that way. my scary days are 9/10/11.

hoping to get past that this time.

busy is good. let's keep busy until we get sleep.

For 6 days I was alright but then starting with day 7, things got scary quick. It could get really hard so be prepared for that. Just stay away from porn, don't search for any material. Urges lower their intensity after peaking so let them do that. Contrary to what our addiction tells us, we actually don't have to act out when urges come.

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

8 days PMO free and feeling positive.

I have relapsed a lot of times on 8/9/10. so here i come 8-9-10. looking forward to get past you this time!

keeping busy and engaging in interesting new projects seems to have a dictating effect on my behaviour towards PMO.

I feel we definitely need something you love to keep you busy and away from PMO .

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

9 days PMO free and feeling good.

I see that though urges are not troubling me at this time. I feel a sense of loss that there is something I am missing. I am scared that this feeling will take me back to PMO. this is getting trickier now.

I hope I can hang on and keep marching forward.

[Lero]

That's right. We feel this "sadness" for leaving porn behind because porn produces a big dopamine hit. This dopamine hit used to feel good, we loved it so much, so now it feels like losing the fun of our life. But don't worry. Don't listen to it. It will eventually go away with time. I feel this "sadness" too, like I've ended my friendship with my best friend and I won't see him again.

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

Thanks Lero.

onto day 10 today. but that was not easy to get past day 9.

i had to fight with 2 triggers on day 9 late night.

first trigger i think was out of the sadness of leaving PMO behind for 9 days. my triggers are usually to start sexting and then go on to PMO.

unfortunately I started typing messages on a sexting site on 9th night but I was able to resort to meditation and gain back my composure in a few minutes and then I went to sleep.

second trigger was at about 2.30 am when i suddenly woke up and walked out of the room and grabbed my phone and started sexting
I was able to fight this trigger too by resorting to meditation one more time , (closing my eyes and meditating while under attack from a trigger, wherever I am and when ever under attack has helped me fight back many times and regain composure)
I was telling myself over and over that I can't loose it here on 9th day.

finally after few minutes i stopped typing on sexting site and was able to go back to sleep and sleep well.

That was a tough battle ! (big sighs)!

day 10 morning I made a resolve , that I will not act out by a trigger and visit a sexting website that may lead to PMO eventually for me. day 9 was inches close to a PMO relapse and resetting the clock to day 0.

but just because i fought so well , which was a new behaviour in me that I am only seeing lately, i am not resetting the clock to day 0 .
also I did not slip into PMO last night despite being attacked by 2 triggers.

I hope to keep the day counter moving on,  while "accepting the sadness" that I am indeed letting go off a friend who was indeed an enemy after all.

[Lero]

The dopamine hit is awesome for our brain, it's obvious why it makes us feel like we're losing the best thing ever. But it's one of the many ways our addiction tries to keep us hooked. We must not listen to it.

One of the great steps to make is learning how your porn behavior works. You seem to do this. If sexting is what sabotages you, then you know what you have to do: Eliminate it completely. You've come a long way already because you are able to stop yourself pretty fast now you have to push the barrier further and stop yourself before you even start. Don't search for porn material either and you will have a great start. I know this will feel like shit but it's a must. When you don't give dopamine to your addiction, it reacts violently but fuck it. How cares? We have the last word. It's us who decide if we give it dopamine or not, no matter how much it asks. It's our choice in the end.

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

Thanks for listening everyone.

Lero thanks for your valuable thoughts.

Day 10 - The urges and dopamine blast was so intense that I visited sexting sites at my work place today and i kept sending messages.
              Once I reached home things were calm, but only untill everyone went to sleep. I stayed awake lurking late untill night and It was me conspiring against myself, driven by the overly powerful urges to visit sexting site.

in the end i ended up about 3 hours on sexting site and followed by PMO. i lost it.

if i introspect now on what might have led to this relapse -
it was me eating lot of food on day 9 night that may have triggered the urges also it was 9th day so i was feeling low.
the feeling of "sadness" that i had left sexting and PMO for 9 long days was also a contributor to urges firing up.

so lessons learnt are -
eat less or only so much your body needs, exercise daily.
once you cross day 8 in a clean streak it gets tricky as we move on to more tougher zone. I still have not cracked this zone (10-16 days) consistently . so my advice to everyone is stand strong by your decision to quit when you are presented with situations which are so very tempting and mind cravings after day 8 can get stronger, there is no option but to deny these cravings if we want to succeed. let your very strong resolve help you stay focused in the vulnerable moments.
That is all i have to say today . good luck to all.


starting at Day 0 today-
hoping to get past day 10 this time.

[NewStart04]

man_in_30s_rebootingnow

Thanks for sharing. I definitely see some parallels between our recovery experiences. Being alone and isolated is definitely one big factor that keeps me coming back to this addiction. Opening up on this forum and YBR have been really helpful so far, though I have yet to do so with a person I know in my private life. I am planning on doing this in about two weeks from now. How about you? Do you think there is anyone in your life that you could open up to about your addiction?

Although it isn't solely confined to overeating, I have noticed that I am more prone to relapsing when I experience physical discomfort from an eating experience. This may be going out on a limb here, but, when I am aroused, I often feel this tight clenching in my gut. Maybe some of the discomfort caused by eating mimics these sensations and ends up triggering cravings? Not sure, but I remember reading somewhere (I think in the book YBOP) that a lot of the physical sensations caused by anxiety mimic those that we experience when aroused, and that's why anxiety paired with porn use can cause bigger blasts of dopamine and make sexual experiences feel more novel for addicts.

You mentioned that you suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and grabbed your phone. I used to have this exact problem. So I decided to keep my phone far away from my bed, and this has done wonders because I sleep in a loft and the time it takes to climb down from bed and walk over to my phone is enough for me to wake up. Before, I would reach for my phone half-awake and already be looking at porn before I was fully conscious. You probably don't sleep in a loft, but what if you turned off your phone every night and/or put it in a different area of your house? You could use a normal alarm clock to wake yourself up, and then those night time slip-ups would be a thing of the past. This may not solve all your problems, but it would be one less pitfall you'd have to worry about, right?

Don't give up. You and your family deserve better than what this addiction has to offer.

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

Day 2 of soberity .

This time my goal is to go past 10 days and much ahead may be upto 90 days if i can go on untill that step.

I want to change my approach to this problem this time a little bit and try to fail in a new approach rather than continue with old methodoligies , that way some day I discover the approach that works .

I am going to stay away from sexting , PMO and even writing my journal here on rebootnation untill i relapse next time.

That way i am almost trying to forget that I was even a sexting and PMO addict when i look back after 'x' number of days .
I will come back and write about how it went when i do relapse.

and if you guys don't here from me then I am cruising along with the reboot.

Good luck and prayers for all of you rebooters for your success in recovery and reboot. I pray you all succeed soon and find happiness in your respective lives.

See you on my next relapse ( or perhaps on my 91st day of clean streak. i want to get there this time).

[The Unhappy Fapper]

dude no relapse man. By saying that you're basically expecting to fail. Stay strong man, this demon needs all the strength you have to defeat it.

[malando]

dude no relapse man. By saying that you're basically expecting to fail. Stay strong man, this demon needs all the strength you have to defeat it.

interesting, dude thinks words matter for others, but doesn't think they matter for him... ironic...

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

i relapsed on day 11 this time and again on day 12 today to sexting. there were no porno pics or vedios i needed to relapse. just the sexting. so thats my trigger.

I will start over again from tomorrow trying to get past 11 days.

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

day 1 today -

my last approach of trying to forget that i am even an addict didn't work.

I also forgot that i need to take precautions to avoid a relapse.

if one can forget about past addictions and also at the same time ingrain precautionary habits in their lives. i think that will be a wonder. but, that is barely possible.

so my goal this time is ,yes , definitely forget that i am a sexting addict /porno addict and tell myself again and again that i am recovering and install that self belief , at the same time also install precautionary habits in my life that are working everyday for me by steering my mind, attention and life away from sexting and porno addiction.

5 things i am targeting to bring into my life on a daily basis -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

by using these 5 tools i am looking to break away ahead of 11 days this time and hit that golden number of 90 days of sobriety.

I am sure if i do these regularly and bring in some consistency gradually in these habits without fail i will see some significant degree of success with my recovery.

throughout my adulthood, i have been so good in planning but poor and inconsistent in execution. I am looking to turn around the later part , the execution part with this new life.

I also pray today for all my friends here that are trying to recover and reboot.

I will update my journal from time to time but may not be able to visit daily. Good luck guys and let us experience liberation soon.

Let God bless us all.

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

5th day of clean life this time.

6 days back i planned to install below methods in my life daily to keep my mind away from sexting and porn.

5 things i am targeting to bring into my life on a daily basis -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

i have been able to do #1, #2 and #4 consistently so far and the result is 5th day of clean life with no sexting / porn.
I will make effort each day to keep these good habits #1 - #5 going through out my life consistently and achieve a complete recovery from sexting and porn.

[Free-man]

I like your plans and goals. Go for them!

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

on 7th day i relapsed , it was the weekend and i didn't adhere to #1 and #4 though i did do #2 even on those days.
so , even if i indulged in my favourite activities during the day, i was not able to keep myself away from sexting and porn in late evening when I had "eaten a lot of junk food" and "had not exercised" nor did I introspect on my recovery on that day . I found my self relapsed late in the evening.

my daily tools to help me reboot -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

Though i failed (may be a 10,000th time ) i will not stop trying. i want to continue to keep adding these 5 steps into my life everyday and see myself succeed and recover.
Day 1 today.

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

I like your plans and goals. Go for them!

Thanks Free-man ! I wish you success.

[Free-man]

Thank you man,

Don't give up and try again, I'm sure you will make a longer streak this time with your plans and goals.
Cheers!

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

I relapsed on both the days of the weekend.

On saturday morning i was alone with a computer with internet connection and the dopamine kicked off and i was sexting and stopping in intervals and relapsed in the evening to extensive sexting and PMO as i was again alone in afternoon with a Dopamine blasted head.

on sunday morning the binging continued and i relapsed one more time .

I wish i could remove all internet connections at my home including giving away my smart phone .
but in today's world that is not possible. so we have to live with these easy access channels to PMO and also the strong dopamines in our heads that can wreak havoc in our heads.

This lethal combination of internet access + loneliness + dopamine driven head seems too powerful infront of my will power to stay away from sexting and PMO.


I have been doing #1 and #2 of my tools but the dopamine blast i had turned my #3, 4 and 5 upside down over this weekend.

my tools to recovery -
1. eat healthy and control quantity.
2. indulge in my favorite activities that steers me away from negativity( in my case learning new skills).
3. daily schedule discipline.
4. Exercise daily and tell myself in mirror that i am recovering from my addictions to install self confidence firmly.
5. at last when needed indulge in real physical sex only with my partner to loose the urges.

I will start all over again tomorrow at day 1, I am clueless how I will get past through the week, forget 90 days. The future looks dark and i feel weak in my mind infront of this powerful addiction and i have a fear that the PMO and sexting addictions will ride me out for many more years to come and I will be at the same place as i am when i look back after few years.

But there is also this sense of confidence in my mind that says i will turn this around somehow, no matter what.
I doubt its me cheating myself by not stopping myself, but i also feel powerless to control myself in vulnerable moments while i am aware of bad things happening to me but i still don't feel strong enough to stop myself or rather it is i don't want to feel strong enough to stop myself . I guess, the answer is yes, i am cheating myself and i am letting myself down and i won't succeed until i keep letting myself down.

I am my own enemy right now and that needs to stop ....and I have the need to be my own friend in desperate need! so with that thought of me being my only savior and protector and well wisher I sign off from this note and am going to start day 1 all over again one more time, this time me being my own friend and hope !

[Free-man]

Hey man,
Start again when you're ready and just then commit with your recovery.

I highly recommend that you read this link:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/

Read everything you can in YBOP and this forum. There are very informative journals and with wise advices.

About computer and mobile phones, please install a blocker, because you know what internet and loneliness is. It's the trigger. Stop it.
I know what internet and smartphones do to all of us. It's the main addiction that comes with several addictions…videogames, online games, sport bets & online poker and obviously the porn industry. We have to keep far away for all of this. We have to give a healthier use. We have to try to block all of that.

Stay strong and follow your goals with commitment.
Cheers!

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

Hey man,
Start again when you're ready and just then commit with your recovery.

I highly recommend that you read this link:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change-recovery-from-porn-addiction/rebooting-advice-observations-from-successful-rebooters/my-thoughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post/

Read everything you can in YBOP and this forum. There are very informative journals and with wise advices.

About computer and mobile phones, please install a blocker, because you know what internet and loneliness is. It's the trigger. Stop it.
I know what internet and smartphones do to all of us. It's the main addiction that comes with several addictions…videogames, online games, sport bets & online poker and obviously the porn industry. We have to keep far away for all of this. We have to give a healthier use. We have to try to block all of that.

Stay strong and follow your goals with commitment.
Cheers!

Very nice link to read through indeed . I loved reading that. Thanks free-man.

its not how many clean days you have managed. its how engaged your life is and how much more you can engage with your life goals and your life  in itself to push your life away from unwanted things such as "P"  ! nice thought

hey but just to keep myself honest to the forum onto 7 days of clean life now. Everyone keep recovering and holding yourself accountable. Cheers !

[man_in_30s_rebootingnow]

I relapsed last monday and tuesday and then again today.

I have not been able to make it 5 clean days in last 2 weeks.

I feel like I am just all talks no guts to live clean. my tools are not helping me either.
I am ashamed i am still here in my life struggling with sexting and P.

Lonely moments with internet connections are ruining me day in and day out through out my life. I need to get out of this cycle.Help me god.

Last year i remember this time when i had vowed to make it a better year.
But i am worse compared to last year .

I had relapsed 71 times last year whole.(2018)
this year only up to October and i am already at 65. That is not telling me anything positive.
my goal was to do better than last year but i am doing worse

I need to start again from tomorrow try to make it a big clean streak to save this year. feeling very low on confidence , almost hopeless.

God save me from this abyss and make me capable of living free of sexting and P. This attraction to sexting and P is very strong compared to my will power to stay out of it. it instantly makes me weak internally as i am alone and with a internet connection.

[Lero]

I'm with you, man. I feel you. Let's make it to the end of the year clean. Try to stay away as much as possible from gadgets.