Author Topic: I guess every form of refuge has its price (Read 16397 times)

jixu · « **Reply #25 on:** July 10, 2019, 08:07:59 PM »

120 Day Clean

No matter what stage you are at, even if you are 5 minutes clean, make a new commitment today-now-and keep going. Do not give up.

Will be out for awhile-take care!

allforone · « **Reply #26 on:** July 10, 2019, 09:23:32 PM »

Great job 120 days! Keep going! I am running just behind you in this journey. Lets do it together!

jixu · « **Reply #27 on:** July 13, 2019, 07:16:49 AM »

Thanks for the encouragement allforone and wip. Best wishes and keep going-it is worth it!

BigMog · « **Reply #28 on:** July 15, 2019, 03:02:41 AM »

120 Days. Nice work Jixu. Thanks for continuing to post. It helps the rest of us to see that someone else has managed to make so much progress.

workinprogressUK · « **Reply #29 on:** July 15, 2019, 03:29:29 AM »

Quote from: jixu on July 10, 2019, 08:07:59 PM

No matter what stage you are at, even if you are 5 minutes clean, make a new commitment today-now-and keep going. Do not give up.

Love that!

jixu · « **Reply #30 on:** July 24, 2019, 06:37:39 AM »

133 Day Clean

Dealing with what seems like a series of never ending stress-laden work days! Getting sustenance, stability, and direction from the Psalms. Stress is just part of the deal and we must engage it without resorting to temporary false comfort relievers like porn.

Let's all have a clean day today-take care!

jixu · « **Reply #31 on:** August 08, 2019, 12:51:31 PM »

I am more or less at 150 days clean. Based on reading about others, and based on my own experiences, I have discovered a couple of things.

The first item is stumbling. When we stumble, we have to remember to exercise proportionality. Don't make light of it, but don't get devastated by it either. Of course, learn what we can from it, but the battle is all about today, right now; we have to continue moving forward.

Another observation is that we have to deploy preparation and intentionality. We have to prepare our minds for what we will do when the situation or scenario arises. If we don't firmly resolve to look away ahead of time we will be lost when we are in the midst of the trigger. For example, when we go to check the score from last night's ballgame, we know ahead of time that stuff can come up from the side, such as "top 10 hottest wives of the players" or whatever. We can not always avoid this type of stuff, but we have to have told ourselves ahead of time that we wont go for it. I guess it really comes down to intentionality-what am I really pursuing at this gym, library, web site, etc. We have to be honest about it and watch out for self-deception.

The porn site does not care about your streak; whether it is 3 days or 3 years, we will be most readily welcomed to visit. That is why I have come to the conclusion that it is really day 1 for us all-and today we will be clean!

Lero · « **Reply #32 on:** August 08, 2019, 12:55:27 PM »

Quote from: jixu on August 08, 2019, 12:51:31 PM

Another observation is that we have to deploy preparation and intentionality. We have to prepare our minds for what we will do when the situation or scenario arises. If we don't firmly resolve to look away ahead of time we will be lost when we are in the midst of the trigger. For example, when we go to check the score from last night's ballgame, we know ahead of time that stuff can come up from the side, such as "top 10 hottest wives of the players" or whatever. We can not always avoid this type of stuff, but we have to have told ourselves ahead of time that we wont go for it. I guess it really comes down to intentionality-what am I really pursuing at this gym, library, web site, etc. We have to be honest about it and watch out for self-deception.

I definitely subscribe to this idea. Maybe I've been doing something like this too. In my case, it manifests like a disgust for porn and anything related. When I see stuff like that, I feel that disgust and say: "No, get the fuck out of my face! I know what you're trying to do but I'm done with this. I've other business here, not to fucking click on you!" Creating this mentality is a very powerful too. "I will check some websites cause I need to find out something but, if something pops up, I don't give a fuck."

hope2reboot · « **Reply #33 on:** August 10, 2019, 03:36:48 PM »

Yeah definitely agree! We gotta hate this crap for what it really is. Soul and joy destroying lies. Wants nothing but to destroy us and ruin our lives. Congrats jixu on the 150. I agree everyday is like day one and the more day ones we can put together back to back the more our minds will heal up.

idunno · « **Reply #34 on:** August 15, 2019, 12:25:21 PM »

Good job jixu. I like your thoughts on intentionality. The same goes for me with women I see around. Just yesterday, dropping off at school. I realized my attention was "over there," towards a certain woman who I've often wanted to leer at. I then asked myself -- of all the 360 degrees of places to direct my attention, why am I lingering over there? I was able to cut it off at that point. Then I try to just move on, not beat myself up over the strong urge to stare. Anyway, happy to be progressing with you and all the other folks here.

jixu · « **Reply #35 on:** August 15, 2019, 05:38:08 PM »

Lero and Hope2, thanks for the comments and encouragement!

idunno, that is something, isn't it? Just being away from the screen does not guarantee a smooth ride-potential triggers are basically everywhere! Let us continue to resolve in our minds what we will do beforehand!

BigMog · « **Reply #36 on:** August 18, 2019, 09:29:23 AM »

Well done Jixu,
Yes I agree with your comments about intentionality. When I’ve been clean for a while I kind of forget I’m in this battle so get caught out by triggers. I guess I need to constantly be preparing and reminding myself of what I’m going to do in any triggering situation.
Keep up the good work!

jixu · « **Reply #37 on:** August 18, 2019, 01:02:51 PM »

BigMog, thanks for the encouragement. You are so right-sometimes we can stumble even when things are going pretty well and we let our guard down. What a crazy battle!

Lero · « **Reply #38 on:** August 18, 2019, 02:05:02 PM »

Quote from: jixu on August 18, 2019, 01:02:51 PM

BigMog, thanks for the encouragement. You are so right-sometimes we can stumble even when things are going pretty well and we let our guard down. What a crazy battle!

There is a big risk for this when things are going well because of letting the guard down. "I can handle it now, no problem". We have to be careful.

jixu · « **Reply #39 on:** September 05, 2019, 05:31:56 AM »

175 day recap, includes a stumble

I have been here for about 6 months now and have been encouraged by the brute honesty and dedication of people here improving their lives. On day 173 I had a 2 minute "session" so to speak and a 1 minute session the following day. So, I had 3 minutes out of 175 days. That is good on paper, but, while the goal is reduction, the real goal for me is complete eradication. I feel more disappointed in myself as opposed to despondent-what a knucklehead !

The days pass quickly once you get going. However, I have always viewed the days as simply being yesterday, today, and tomorrow-those are the only three that really matter.

It is all about the thought life-where does your mind go at rest? This is the key, and being off-screen does not guarantee victory (but it sure helps). My stumble was precipitated by playing around, by "dwelling" on perfectly harmless material, even just something like a small facial picture of someone or a "concentrated glance" at a stranger on the street. Viewing is one thing, but dwelling and letting the mind run wild is another.

Ok, enough talk-back to the fight. Regardless of our streaks, let's be clean today everybody.

Iloveicecream · « **Reply #40 on:** September 05, 2019, 08:10:39 AM »

your Performance is very impressive.

Free-man · « **Reply #41 on:** September 05, 2019, 09:44:54 AM »

triggers are very difficult to fix, I think they always going stay there hide at moments, but waiting…

workinprogressUK · « **Reply #42 on:** September 06, 2019, 07:22:06 AM »

Great work. I'm inspired by your success. Your insights and experiences make for interesting reading, too.

jixu · « **Reply #43 on:** September 08, 2019, 04:25:48 PM »

Ice, thanks for the kind words, and Free, that is a good reminder about triggers.

WIP, I was very encouraged by your comment. Thanks, and thanks as well for your steadfast support and encouragement to the Forum as a whole.

If any of you have recently stumbled, as I did recently, the only option is to get back on track again. Stay in the battle, no matter what.

4 Day Clean

jixu · « **Reply #44 on:** September 12, 2019, 07:48:41 PM »

Had a great run today-it is often the best part of the day! Like many others have noted, some form of an exercise regimen is a great addition to the over-all stride of life improvement. Walking is fine as well; running and walking are free and they get one outdoors.

Lots of triggers all around the last few days-no matter what we do an ambush is right around the corner.

8 Day Clean

idunno · « **Reply #45 on:** September 17, 2019, 01:00:36 PM »

Hey jixu, I hope you're doing OK. I'm pulling for you, as everyone else is I'm sure. If there's anything to learn from the stumble, I hope you crack it, but if not then I hope you just move on to an even better effort. God knows I had so many stumbles (...and complete falls, and over-the-cliff plunges, etc...), that I don't think there was anything to learn from them after a while. In fact, I probably got to the point where I liked thinking about stumbles and relapses, because doing so allowed me to think about porn! Everyone's different, so I hope I'm not saying anything wrong, but here's hoping you focus on the positive, and on the good path into the future. I'm talking like all this is in the past, but I'm really struggling with it every day, too.

jixu · « **Reply #46 on:** September 17, 2019, 02:45:39 PM »

Hi idunno-great to hear from you, and thanks for the encouragement! Doing pretty decent, just trying to juggle, allocate, and integrate the various personal and professional stressors that seem to pop up. I agree about what you said about learning, in that my battle lies more in the doing than in the lack of knowing what I should be doing. Have enjoyed and benefited from the cogent comments you have made, both on your thread and others. Thanks again!

13 Day Clean

Pete McVries · « **Reply #47 on:** September 20, 2019, 04:06:46 AM »

Hey jixu,

sorry to hear about your relapse but kudos that you go right back at it!

May I ask what led to your relapse or what caused it? You don't need to explain yourself, I'm just interested in it because you were clean for such a long time.

Take care!

jixu · « **Reply #48 on:** September 20, 2019, 07:05:15 AM »

Hi Pete! As I think about my recent relapse, it is interesting to me to start by gauging my reaction to the relapse. In the past I would be plunged into despondency and it would greatly impact me for at least a few days. This time was quite different: this time I was just basically disappointed in myself, feeling like a bonehead, talking to myself like, "nice move genius, what an idiot" etc. I usually don't have inner dialogue like that. The viewing time was very very short (just wham bam thank you mam) and there was no binge afterwards or anything approaching that and getting back on board was not difficult.

I think part of the reason for having disappointment instead of despair was based on the reason for the relapse: I think I chose to view the stuff as a celebratory offering to myself (I don't mean it in the sense that I rewarded myself with porn due to the fact of the 6 month streak). Yes, I think I became mentally slothful in the "midst of prosperity." Actually, things were going along quite nicely-the usual suspect, work stress, was not really at play. I guess in some manner maybe the smooth and easy going kind of disoriented me in a sense and I was in a new place so to speak and did not self-adjust accordingly and I let my guard down. Don't get me wrong: it isn't like my life is horrible. I have stable employ, am socially connected, have a reasonably clear conscience, can sleep at night, decent health, etc etc. But, I guess i'm not good at dealing with good things when they get "gooder" ha ha. After it is all said and done, the raw reality is this: I watched it because I wanted to, plain and simple.

In the broad sense, I view the goal as life self-improvement so that we can be of useful service to others and ourselves. The self-improvement destination has many areas (exercise, continued education and learning, eating right, being kind to our families and friends, etc) of which porn elimination is one component. It is a huge component, no doubt.

I think counting days is good, but the main thing to me is this: what is my life like today-what is my life like right now?

Best wishes to all !

16 Day Clean

Best wishes in your journey!

Lero · « **Reply #49 on:** September 20, 2019, 08:52:14 AM »

That's right, man, this is a good strategy not to get miserable about the relapse. It is usually a mistake we make before we relapse, it's not that we are idiots, incapable people or whatever. We actually know what to do, especially those who make it to many days, they don't get there because they went to sleep and woke up after 6 months. They have a plan, they know what they have to do but mistakes are always available. You might not even know when the mistake jumps out of the bushes. I've noticed that some people relax their guard after a few months, thinking that they have it, everything is going great and they don't need to be that super careful. I don't know if this happened to you but it's something to keep in mind, as you have the ability to go months without relapse. Keep in mind what made you relapse.