Author Topic: I guess every form of refuge has its price  (Read 16235 times)

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #200 on: November 21, 2020, 04:18:53 PM »
Pretty good day consisting of getting outside to a nature trail and meeting up with some friends.  Getting ready to grill a cheap steak and then enjoy some pleasure reading.  Keep at it everyone!

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Phineas 808

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #201 on: November 21, 2020, 11:24:19 PM »
Awesome! Sounds like a recipe for healthy dopamine!

Hope you enjoyed!
My abstinence is currently at 64+days.

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jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #202 on: November 23, 2020, 07:39:04 AM »
Coming on here now as an extra level of vigilance as I'm starting to get hit with some work stress again.  I can also detect something like a general weariness to keep up the battle-myself included.  The only solution is to keep going and work on being clean today.

Thx Phineas.

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Phineas 808

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #203 on: November 23, 2020, 12:22:58 PM »
Awesome job, brother! One day at a time... You did it yesterday, you can do it today.

My abstinence is currently at 64+days.

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jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #204 on: November 26, 2020, 09:28:04 PM »
Doing pretty good but being hit by a lot of urges, often times totally out of the blue!  I am in the process of adding a more local, boots on the ground accountability partner for extra help in this and other areas of my life.  Had a nice day today, much to be thankful for!

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Phineas 808

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #205 on: November 27, 2020, 12:04:46 PM »
Doing pretty good but being hit by a lot of urges, often times totally out of the blue!  I am in the process of adding a more local, boots on the ground accountability partner for extra help in this and other areas of my life.  Had a nice day today, much to be thankful for!

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These urges are going to be preceded by a cue of some sort, whether this is internal (thoughts/emotions) or external, like something you saw, a place or a routine...

But the thing about urges, is that they come and go, and have no staying power- unless we respond to them.

If there's any cue (what many call 'triggers') that you can identify, change how you think about it. Or, if it's a habit or routine, change it up.

Good job adding a 'boots on the ground' for that extra help. Just make sure that the accountability partner empowers you and not disempowers you. Your freedom is always based on you- though we are here to help each other.

Be blessed, jixu- and congrats on the 15 days!
My abstinence is currently at 64+days.

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LetItGoAlready

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #206 on: November 28, 2020, 04:53:49 PM »
Quote
I am in the process of adding a more local, boots on the ground accountability partner for extra help in this and other areas of my life.  Had a nice day today, much to be thankful for!

Jixu - This is an all around good report. You seem like you're in a good place and are doing the right things to keep yourself on track. Onward, friend!

Joel

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #207 on: November 29, 2020, 12:32:41 PM »
Well done on the streak, jixu!

Is there another way to deal with the stress? 7 minutes pure rest/ listening to calming music, or a bath? Yep, these don't compare to the dopamine shock of P, but if you try them, you'll see they make you feel better, and P makes you feel worse, stress won't give you P urges as much as the urge to relax. Just a thought. Carry on!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #208 on: November 29, 2020, 07:09:02 PM »
Thanks guys-some good stuff.  Phineas, you are right-a bad accountability partner would not be wise; this guy is solid and will be good at hearing me out and holding me to my plan.

Let It Go-I do feel pretty good right now but am staying alert as it is so easy to fall for self-deception.

Joel, I think my coping mechanisms are pretty good but it is more in the area of using them that I fall short!  Also, recently I have been looking at not only coping mechanisms but maybe actual stress reduction itself. There is something I might need to do at work in the near future but I am lacking the courage to do it at the moment.  Sometimes I move slow; it can be a good trait, but it has its downside as well.

Take care!

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workinprogressUK

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #209 on: November 30, 2020, 07:22:44 AM »
Doing pretty good but being hit by a lot of urges, often times totally out of the blue! 

Same here! What the F is that all about? Triggers that don't appear to have any source or reason. Like you said... out of the blue! I wonder.... you take that back to books like The Marshmallow Test, Thinking Fast & Slow, Chimp Paradox.... maybe it's something in the subconscious that triggers. Never even makes it to the PFC before it freaks us out???

Phineas 808

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #210 on: November 30, 2020, 11:49:40 AM »
Doing pretty good but being hit by a lot of urges, often times totally out of the blue! 

Same here! What the F is that all about? Triggers that don't appear to have any source or reason. Like you said... out of the blue! I wonder.... you take that back to books like The Marshmallow Test, Thinking Fast & Slow, Chimp Paradox.... maybe it's something in the subconscious that triggers. Never even makes it to the PFC before it freaks us out???

These triggers are cues, and the urges follow. But the cues or triggers remain strong only insofar as we respond to the urges. The more we can ignore the urges, what used to 'cue' us, what used to 'trigger' us becomes less of a problem.

An example, red-light districts and porno-bookstores used to be cues for my addiction, and cause urges. As long as I continued to act on these urges, the cues and urges would remain strong. But now I can drive through these areas with no problem. Because I've ignored the urges repeatedly, these places have ceased to be 'triggers' for me. And because I dealt with the urges from within myself, I took away power from the so called triggers. So, I even purposely refrained from avoiding these areas in order to take back my power.

Now there are deeper emotional cues that we who've suffered trauma experience, but in the same way, we can ignore the urges, and take away the power from these cues.
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LetItGoAlready

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #211 on: November 30, 2020, 10:57:46 PM »
Quote
Also, recently I have been looking at not only coping mechanisms but maybe actual stress reduction itself. There is something I might need to do at work in the near future but I am lacking the courage to do it at the moment.  Sometimes I move slow; it can be a good trait, but it has its downside as well.

Sounds like we're birds of a feather on the implementation side of things. I've been circling around ways to reduce work stress for months now, but I've been slow to implement the few modest changes that I've made in that department. I agree that it can be a good trait to be slow and methodical, but there are also times when you just need to have some kind of plan in place - even a shitty half-baked plan - or risk repeating the same mistakes. I've learned that lesson more than a few times myself!

Congrats on 19 days clean. Keep it up, my friend!

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #212 on: December 01, 2020, 11:11:38 AM »
Felt the alert sensor kicking in so I got out and went on a jog; kind of messed my schedule up but I'm glad I did it.  I made a few excuses to remain but was able to follow through for which I'm glad.

WIP and Phineas-urges, cues, triggers, all the neuroscience is quite fascinating, isn't it? 

LIGA-all I can say is I sympathise with you and know the feeling; hang in there!

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Joel

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #213 on: December 01, 2020, 11:23:33 AM »
Great work, jixu. If it doesn't get you fired, staying clean by doing exercise always takes priority over schedules!

Phineas 808

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #214 on: December 01, 2020, 01:13:58 PM »
Good job, jixu! 20 days clean!

Nice changing it up, and going for a jog! That's an excellent alternative neurochemical boost, and way to change your then frame of mind!

Yes, the neuroscience is fascinating, and is key in kicking our habits, too.
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jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #215 on: December 11, 2020, 05:18:43 PM »
Finally took a little risk at work and spoke out about something that had been bothering me-not sure it accomplished that much but I felt better about it afterwards as it isn't something I do often enough.  Work has been quite challenging but I haven't let the stress go the wrong way.

Recreational web surfing has been contained as of late; this is a hard area for me as it is easy to start out innocently enough and a few clicks later be in the midst of a no-go zone.  The key for me is to just not start and begin a mindless, no-purpose session at all. 

Thanks Phineas! 

Porn never tells the truth-take care!

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« Last Edit: December 11, 2020, 05:20:14 PM by jixu »

TheNorman

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #216 on: December 14, 2020, 01:47:39 PM »
Congrats on some advocating for yourself at work and on 30 days!

LetItGoAlready

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #217 on: December 15, 2020, 10:26:53 AM »
Jixu - Congrats on 30 days. That's huge, and I'm proud of you. Good on you for advocating for yourself at work, too. I believe there is a benefit to speaking one's mind even if it doesn't have the intended effect. Take care!

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #218 on: December 15, 2020, 11:50:57 AM »
Congrats on the 30 days clean  its a great milestone   Look back on what worked and keep applying it  perhaps adding in little improvements along the way

    Post often it helps me it helps you

Chris Oz

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #219 on: December 19, 2020, 05:03:01 AM »
Recreational web surfing has been contained as of late; this is a hard area for me as it is easy to start out innocently enough and a few clicks later be in the midst of a no-go zone.  The key for me is to just not start and begin a mindless, no-purpose session at all. 

That's very true, congrats on 30 days

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #220 on: December 20, 2020, 07:55:36 AM »
Thanks gents!  Just trying to stay vigilant amidst the upcoming holidays with the change in routine and the various challenges that can arise.

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Phineas 808

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #221 on: December 20, 2020, 11:49:34 AM »
Congrats on 39 days, jixu!

I feel this need to stay vigilant, too, brother. I will be making extra-effort to focus, the sharp edge of the sword, as it were- without being overly minded about it.

Happy Holidays!
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workinprogressUK

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #222 on: December 22, 2020, 06:42:55 AM »
Just trying to stay vigilant amidst the upcoming holidays with the change in routine and the various challenges that can arise.
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Hopefully that's your foundation for long-term sobriety. Stay vigilant... have a plan.... execute it. You're doing great!

Georgos

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #223 on: December 22, 2020, 04:30:57 PM »
Jixu, I am wondering of your connection to Jao Go Chan (賈國燦)?

jixu

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Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« Reply #224 on: December 23, 2020, 09:40:15 AM »
Working some this morning and then looking forward to a few days off. 

Thanks Phineas and WIP for your support and good examples. 

Georgos, I don't know that person, but I'm not real up to date on celebrities or popular culture figures.  Happy New Year to you!

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