Sounds like a great day, man!Definitely a good catch to notice the difference between desperation and rewiring. It's awesome that you're keeping your recovery at the center of what you're doing and also being sensitive to the girl's feelings and comfort (that's probably more rewiring than physical contact, honestly!)Stay in tune and stay deliberate. Keep it up!
Real rewiring is about that, rewiring to healthy sexuality. So a theory. Motivation and urges are inversely related. When motivation is higher, urges feel weaker.
Now she has not answered and I felt very very upset. I feel lame for kind of not even wanting her then feeling like I desperately did and pursuing her it's odd. Then I feel like 1) this girl was weird I always attract weird/crazy girls, only weird/ crazy girls show any interest in me. 2) This always happens. I feel like I have so many dates or temporary relationships or whatever where the girl is into me then a few days later she texts me she isn't interested.
Those fantasies lead to desparate feelings. They project things onto girls that are not true. The lead to me feeling desparate.
The "Porn in my head" is the biggest problem for me. All the porn stored in my brain from all the porn I've watched, all the porn induced fantasies that I've created over the years, routines and fetishes that I've developed. I'm doing a good job not watching/looking at anything and minimizing triggers as much as possible but that porn in my head is the biggest fucking pain.
Quote from: quitforeverthenwin2 on February 07, 2020, 11:29:20 PMReal rewiring is about that, rewiring to healthy sexuality. So a theory. Motivation and urges are inversely related. When motivation is higher, urges feel weaker. You're exactly right on both these points, I think. And that second one is a good insight: keep your motivation high (something you can control), and it will push the urges out of your life.Quote from: quitforeverthenwin2 on February 08, 2020, 09:46:18 AMNow she has not answered and I felt very very upset. I feel lame for kind of not even wanting her then feeling like I desperately did and pursuing her it's odd. Then I feel like 1) this girl was weird I always attract weird/crazy girls, only weird/ crazy girls show any interest in me. 2) This always happens. I feel like I have so many dates or temporary relationships or whatever where the girl is into me then a few days later she texts me she isn't interested. I can relate to a lot of these feelings. A handful of times in the last couple weeks, I have caught myself thinking, "Only the weird/crazy ones like me, and the good ones never have any interest." Obviously, those feelings aren't grounded in reality, but I know how it goes. Also maybe a sign of how powerful physical contact can be: I remember a couple years ago starting to go out with a girl, cuddling and thinking I really liked her. But then it became pretty clear pretty fast that we were totally emotionally incompatible and not right for each other. I think I got in trouble with the most recent girl for not being physical enough, but I know how the physical things can sometimes get in the way of actually getting to know a person. I feel like I've lost the point I was trying to make...hopefully you find it somewhere in there...Quote from: quitforeverthenwin2 on February 08, 2020, 12:40:35 PMThose fantasies lead to desparate feelings. They project things onto girls that are not true. The lead to me feeling desparate. Desperation is dangerous for me. I can't count the number of times that I relapsed after spending a day or two feeling really desperate and like the current state of my life was unbearable. I'm really trying now to think past that desperation, to be okay with where I am, and to trust that everything I really want is coming my way. Definitely haven't figured it out, but it feels like the right direction to move in.Quote from: wecandoit on February 08, 2020, 02:57:52 PMThe "Porn in my head" is the biggest problem for me. All the porn stored in my brain from all the porn I've watched, all the porn induced fantasies that I've created over the years, routines and fetishes that I've developed. I'm doing a good job not watching/looking at anything and minimizing triggers as much as possible but that porn in my head is the biggest fucking pain. Yeah, this is the problem (or one of them). It probably isn't fair or right to compare to other addictions, but it's not like drug addicts have access to their drug of choice inside their bodies to call up whenever they have an urge. One of the unique issues with porn addiction is that it's in our head, we remember it. As time has gone on, I think some of those memories have become less vivid, but I can still pull up specific scenes and images from like almost 15 years ago. But I guess the good news is that the brain is plastic, the more we meditate and practice redirecting our thoughts and keeping our motivation high, the weaker those pathways to our porn memories will get. With time, they may even fade away completely. Also, it seems like our mind meld has gotten us into some trouble this week, but I'm glad we can work through this rough spot together. We're still not where we want to be, but we have to realize we're so far from where we started when we came to this forum. Just keep going!
I was so anxious, I was so excited and sure this was my new job. But I am telling myself, one thing I did learn from 12 step "Trust God". I am not really religouse, but the general concept of just learning to trust that everything will be okay and if what I want to happen does not happen there is a great chance that something better is right around the corner. Still it hurts a little bit.Like "Post reboot I really went for what I wanted, really went after my dreams have my own business now etc." lol . I still feel fear and like wish I get called and have the security of the job to start, but man gotta remind myself it is possible I can do it. One step at a time. It could be fate, not get the job I want but allow it to push me into working independently
I had fun but part of me was reflective and feeling like "man look how much fun people have at parties I really missed out on a lot, people seem to have a lot of experience in this environment' but you know what, I had some great experiences too and if I have lots of fun (in healthy ways!) in the coming years that is totally fine! One guy there must be 10 years older then me so there is plenty of time to have fun...
Feeling good today but I sense it is make or break day. Thiughts of girls popping in head. Gotta up the MOTIVATION. What got me here is qutting fantasy