Author Topic: Would you count this as a relapse  (Read 1019 times)

j7ll7

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Would you count this as a relapse
« on: March 04, 2019, 04:28:27 PM »
Hey guys,

I'm on day 183 of my reboot and kind of in and out of the flatline. Last sunday I was really hung over and a porn thought flashed into my mind. It was a really intense thought and it made my whole body tremble. I tried to resist the thought and distract myself but I just couldn't. I could however resist touching myself. But it wasnt enough, this thought just sent me over the moon and I came. I know porn fantasy also counts as porn, cause it uses the same pathways. Would you consider this a relapse.

By the way, I know the process is not lineair and even the strongest of rebooters face (partial)relapses sometimes. So it is not that I feel like I threw all those days away. I'm just curious in what way this effects my reboot.

Kind regards,
Jelle

Pete McVries

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Re: Would you count this as a relapse
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2019, 05:23:05 PM »
Definitely not a relapse in my book. Please don't beat yourself up, don't get distracted and continue going your route! I don't know your history with porn but you can't erase the years of watching porn from your brain. It's deeply ingrained. And it was just your addiction taking over your body and mind like a demon possessing a human. You had locked that motherfucker in the basement and he was quite for a long while but he wanted to make sure that you know he is still there. Maybe it was his final goodbye. Who knows?
400 days clean and counting...

WoundedSparrow

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Re: Would you count this as a relapse
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2019, 01:09:41 PM »
First and foremost, congratulations on such a monumental feat. I would kill to go on that kind of streak personally, and you should be very proud of yourself. In regard to your experience, I wouldn't consider it to be something serious. A relapse is when you deliberately seek out pornographic imagery which generally leads you to PMO. You did not look at porn nor did you even touch yourself. While pornographic thoughts/fantasies are technically relapses you should avoid, it sounds like yours was a case of an unwelcome sexual thought that you made a conscientious attempt to resist, which unfortunately ended in orgasm. The fact that your brain is so desperate to get dopamine that it would allow you to orgasm at a mere sexual thought is actually a good sign and a testament to how far you've come in your reboot. I would say that this was an isolated unconscious incident that was involuntarily brought on by the brain and shouldn't be treated as any sort of relapse or defeat. The only thing you should be cautious of is your urges in the near future. Your brain got dopamine and it's only going to want more. Your urges to PMO might be stronger for a week or so, but if you resist them, you'll keep moving forward as though nothing happened. Also worth considering is what you were doing prior to these thoughts entering your brain. Did you encounter a trigger? Or even a trigger of a trigger? Was there something you could have done to stop it or can do to prevent it in the future? If the answer is yes, work on it. If the answer is no and the urge came out of the blue, then you were simply the victim of your own brain in its desperation for dopamine and you really shouldn't worry about it. Don't read too far into this one.

Mayer

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Re: Would you count this as a relapse
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2019, 03:52:24 PM »
I liken this to a wet dream. These are uncontrollable and in no way a relapse. We would all love these porn images to leave our brains forever, that's not going to happen, I can tell you they get less with time. They fade, like all memories and become less intense. I've never mastered it but mindfulness and meditation could be a good next step to get some more control.

40-yearsOnVideoPorn

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Re: Would you count this as a relapse
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2019, 03:49:59 PM »
I would agree. No relapse. Your body and brain are going through reconditioning changes and it is working out the issues with itself. 183 days is awesome! I want to be able to say the same one day.

Some neural pathways were triggered and something happened where your body ran the old programs with the the force of your new energy level. I would see it as a sign that your body is readapting to the new way of being. keep counting up from 183, don’t look back. 183 contained a memorable event in your ongoing days of recovery.

Keep on truckin’

atif

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Re: Would you count this as a relapse
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2019, 10:21:30 PM »
well thinking about porn fantasies is not a relapse but yea definitely it slowly down your rewiring process if you are constantly doing that, by that you are reactivating your those old neuropathways of porn fetishes/fantasies going to reward center, but what you need to do is not to keep yourself vulnerable when you are tired or stressed it is at time where your subconscious mind is most active, try not doing that until you get really strong at copping mechanism also whenever you get such feeling to try to simply to rest/sleep or do something  else that takes your mind off rather than just laying doing nothing!