Author Topic: Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!  (Read 1300 times)

j7ll7

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Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!
« on: September 28, 2018, 03:30:25 PM »
We've al read it many times on websites, forums and in books. Rebooting with a partner can really speed up the reboot. And it is easy to see why. Because if you reboot with a partner you can strenghten the real person pathways in the brain while the porn pathways deteriorate. This is simple neuroplasticity.

Neurons (cells in your brain that transport information) can rearange themselves to strengthen or weaken brain pathways. There are two simple rule to neuroplasticity: neurons that fire together wire together and neurons that fire appart wire appart. What we're trying to do in a reboot is trying to weaken the porn pathways. We weaken the pathways by not using the pathways, because if you don't use it you lose it. But this is made harder by the accumulation of deltaFosB in our system. DeltaFosB is your brains go to chemical to strengthen important pathways in the brain.

So we have a hormone to strengthen patways, but we also have a hormone that weakens pathways. And this is were the power of a partner really comes in! Oxytocin is a hormone that can induce massive unlearning, it can break down neural pathways and create new ones. So with a partner you create new pathways, while the old pathways deteriorate. And with the realease of oxytocin this proces is even more sped up. This is the reason why it is important to have a partner to reboot with. It makes the whole proces easier and more natural.

DepressedAndOut

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Re: Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!
« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2018, 04:13:10 PM »
Is it normal that you dont feel anything at the beginning when you interact with a girl? 

I just dont feel anything at all.
Last PMO: July 2020 (ending approx 3 years no PMO).
Longest Hardmode 6 months (During 3 years of no PMO).
Last MO: Trying to go through Hardmode due to relapse of July 2020.

mousemat1

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Re: Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!
« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2018, 04:27:28 PM »
I'm with DepressedAndOut here too.

I have a partner and we have successful sex once during my reboot (270 days). I try to kiss, cuddle and caress when we are together but in reality I feel no urge to have sex. I usually can't even get an erection when we kiss. She sometimes touches my but I won't get an erection. So, I'm in a similar situation to Depressed. I just don't feel anything at all.

My porn addiction had really escalated so I was prepared for a long reboot, but to feel nothing after 9 months sometimes very difficult to cope with.

DepressedAndOut

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Re: Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!
« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2018, 05:05:22 PM »
I've haven't PMO for 13 months now (the occasional MO), but I feel nothing at all.

It just feels permanent. I can't fathom that all that sexual misconditioning that I was went through with during my adolescence is ever going to go away, unfortunately.

My mind doesn't even care that I might never ever get to have sex - it's all cognitive sadness; no feelings.
Last PMO: July 2020 (ending approx 3 years no PMO).
Longest Hardmode 6 months (During 3 years of no PMO).
Last MO: Trying to go through Hardmode due to relapse of July 2020.

Finwë

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Re: Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!
« Reply #4 on: September 28, 2018, 05:25:36 PM »
I'm with DepressedAndOut here too.

I have a partner and we have successful sex once during my reboot (270 days). I try to kiss, cuddle and caress when we are together but in reality I feel no urge to have sex. I usually can't even get an erection when we kiss. She sometimes touches my but I won't get an erection. So, I'm in a similar situation to Depressed. I just don't feel anything at all.

My porn addiction had really escalated so I was prepared for a long reboot, but to feel nothing after 9 months sometimes very difficult to cope with.

It took Gabe Deem 15 months to regain 100% erections and libido so I wouldn't worry too much yet.

Finwë

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Re: Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!
« Reply #5 on: September 28, 2018, 05:37:38 PM »
I've haven't PMO for 13 months now (the occasional MO), but I feel nothing at all.

It just feels permanent. I can't fathom that all that sexual misconditioning that I was went through with during my adolescence is ever going to go away, unfortunately.

My mind doesn't even care that I might never ever get to have sex - it's all cognitive sadness; no feelings.

You probably need to rewire in order to return to normal. I had a moderate reboot stretch immediately before this one, so it only took me 2 months to cure PIED, but I had super low sex drive. I started having sex with my current girlfriend around 3 months into the reboot and I didn't really enjoy it. I was mostly having sex just to please her. I slowly regained libido up until month 6/7. My libido is strong for my girlfriend now at 11 months, but I still have no real sexual response to other women. (Which is fine with me I hope it stays that way).

DoneAtLast

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Re: Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2018, 09:39:41 PM »
I'm sure it works well for many, but one thing comes to mind that, at the very least, is a major asterisk to this point.

Not having a partner doesn't handicap a reboot.  Having no partner in fact can be greatly helpful, but you aren't regularly trying to navigate the world of sexual arousal while at the same time pushing down porn turn ons.  Letting a reboot happen in isolation of physical contact gives a person more of a chance to start with a clean slate.  Of course, this can be done with a partner, but the rebooter and the partner would need to be quite deliberate to focus on reinventing physical affection away from the porn ideals.  Less about working one out and passing out, and more about connection, bonding, and oxytocin.  I've seen a lot of guys get frustrated because they get themselves a partner and try to have a sexual relationship like what they understand through porn.  It becomes a nasty cycle, because if a real life relationship is going to imitate porn, guess what?  The porn will always be better.

You make excellent points j, though I might rephrase your thesis as something like "how to relate to your partner during a reboot for the most benefit".  First, because it is qualitative, and you say so yourself, it needs to be done in a certain way to work.  I also love that it puts an emphasis on how very different real relationships are from porn.  And second, to point out that single guys can reboot quite successfully, too.  I rebooted mostly single.  I dated a couple different women through it, and it was a great chance to rethink how I am attracted to people, but for all intents and purposes I was single.  I know that now, almost a year out, if I was in a relationship I would express my affections dramatically differently, feel attraction very differently, and be far more aware of her feelings at any moments of intimacy.  Had I been dating a woman who let me misbehave or indulged me when she shouldn't have, it would have lengthened my reboot, not shortened it.

Of course, not everyone will prescribe to my own "fortress of solitude" method, but it is important to point out to those who are single that it can work very, very well.

tanasuna

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« Last Edit: September 30, 2018, 10:55:40 PM by tanasuna »

Fappy

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Re: Why rebooting with a partner can be so beneficial. A new insight!!
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2018, 05:48:35 AM »
We've al read it many times on websites, forums and in books. Rebooting with a partner can really speed up the reboot. And it is easy to see why. Because if you reboot with a partner you can strenghten the real person pathways in the brain while the porn pathways deteriorate. This is simple neuroplasticity.

Neurons (cells in your brain that transport information) can rearange themselves to strengthen or weaken brain pathways. There are two simple rule to neuroplasticity: neurons that fire together wire together and neurons that fire appart wire appart. What we're trying to do in a reboot is trying to weaken the porn pathways. We weaken the pathways by not using the pathways, because if you don't use it you lose it. But this is made harder by the accumulation of deltaFosB in our system. DeltaFosB is your brains go to chemical to strengthen important pathways in the brain.

So we have a hormone to strengthen patways, but we also have a hormone that weakens pathways. And this is were the power of a partner really comes in! Oxytocin is a hormone that can induce massive unlearning, it can break down neural pathways and create new ones. So with a partner you create new pathways, while the old pathways deteriorate. And with the realease of oxytocin this proces is even more sped up. This is the reason why it is important to have a partner to reboot with. It makes the whole proces easier and more natural.

Definitely true. A supportive partner can make the world of good in a reboot. That is to say, rebooters with a supportive partner or a partner at all. Discuss the situation with them.
For those who don't have that luxury, stick to your guns and always remind yourself why you're doing this
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!