Author Topic: quit for good  (Read 45087 times)

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #525 on: November 13, 2020, 07:56:14 AM »
Day 31  Ditto day 29  I know its a bit mundane but too tired to give any insight

    cheers

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joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #526 on: November 15, 2020, 12:58:07 PM »
Day 33

     I actually m.o. last night   but not to porn or chat    must say other than the physical part  it really didnt  do much for me   and no chaser effect today or anything like that    I feel I am pretty much where I want to be with this.  I dont know how I feel about m as its something were taught from a young age is "normal"   But I am an ex porn addict  and 90% of my m  was always with porn   so  the 2 are kind of linked    Was m considered normal back 200 years ago before porn was ever a thing   society keeps changing so must the rules and concepts   might be time for some reading on that. Sex with the wife is pretty good  but cant say as its really changed that much since  i gave up porn though.   I think I would like to give up the m all together  as I am married and shouldnt have to m    I'm pretty sure thats going to happen in the future as I very rarely  m anyway    Ive always had this feeling that  I m'd because I was lonely  where gals if they m'd  it was because they really liked the feeling  and it had nothing to do with loneliness   its a bit hard to explain  i suppose

    Well at the end of the day  things are going very well and I dont think I can ask for anything more than that

    cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #527 on: November 16, 2020, 11:10:40 AM »
Day 34 of no chat and  day number..... well I dont know because its been so long  since porn that its become just a distant memory

      Another good day   I must say its getting easier by the day  and I rarely think of chat at all any more   It now seems its easier to leave it behind than porn  and I thought it would have been the opposite.  Since chat had a realism to it  a partner if you will.  But I think  I was able to really come to the conclusion that 99% of the people on chat were males   and a great many were pretending to be females so the realism was tainted anyway   and this slowly took away the appeal especially as my brain  had cleared from no longer watching porn.   I am also  continuing to move foreword  on many other areas of my life that had been  neglected by porn/chat.  including  improving my relationship with my wife(which for the most part was pretty good)  but seems to be better now

     Finally playing catch-up on may of the things I could not do over 30 years  because of porn  is the biggest challenge for me to overcome

       Cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you

LetItGoAlready

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #528 on: November 16, 2020, 11:29:57 AM »
joep - Well done on 34 days clean from chat. Keep up the great work, friend!

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #529 on: November 17, 2020, 05:29:45 PM »
day 35 no chat     pmo is  now but a distant memory

      another great day all things considered with work sucking at this time of year and  the possibility of our city going into covid lockdown again.  Ot would be nice if  people actually took this more serious so we could just be done with it.  But it is what it is.

    Been doing some reading here and  there have been a few interesting posts   but sadly I dont think at the moment I really have any topics to discuss  well nothing I havent discussed before   unless anyone wants to go over things  that have been discussed before   perhaps later this evening I'll  think  about  posting again   we'll see

   At the end of the day  I cant complain

     Post often it helps me it helps you


Phineas 808

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #530 on: November 17, 2020, 07:26:18 PM »
Nice to meet you, Joe Panic.

35 days is so awesome! Keep up the good work!

Our city just went into another pandemic lockdown. This is challenging, because last March is when I returned to bad habits, having been away from it for almost a year. I had bad habits surrounding social media which set myself up for an eventual fall. I also, and am still learning, that my emotional needs cannot be met by pixelized women.

So, this time is training for us, to do this in good times or in bad.
My abstinence is currently at 72+days.

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joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #531 on: November 17, 2020, 08:37:00 PM »
Nice to meet you Phineas

   thats 35 days of not chat  and something like 300 some odd days with out porn.  This is after a 35 year long addiction(i am currently 49 years old)   I found this site  almost 3 years ago and learned so much about the addiction   and so much more about myself and the effect the addiction had on me.   Beating this is non lineal.  There are ups and downs   relapses   short runs of being clean and long runs also.  Advice  comes in and changes over time.  Mostly due to  posters learning more over time  and when your head clears  you really see the difference.  I found  that after each relapse  the next run seemed to get easier.  Now I am full of confidence that I have left this addiction behind for good

    good luck in your fight  I'll try to follow it

     Post often it helps me it helps you

Phineas 808

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #532 on: November 17, 2020, 09:07:35 PM »
Nice to meet you Phineas

   thats 35 days of not chat  and something like 300 some odd days with out porn.  This is after a 35 year long addiction(i am currently 49 years old)   I found this site  almost 3 years ago and learned so much about the addiction   and so much more about myself and the effect the addiction had on me.   Beating this is non lineal.  There are ups and downs   relapses   short runs of being clean and long runs also.  Advice  comes in and changes over time.  Mostly due to  posters learning more over time  and when your head clears  you really see the difference.  I found  that after each relapse  the next run seemed to get easier.  Now I am full of confidence that I have left this addiction behind for good

    good luck in your fight  I'll try to follow it

     Post often it helps me it helps you
.

Thank you, would appreciate that...

That is pretty good after a 35 year addiction! Chatting, is that with a webcam, or is that like the old fashion chat rooms?

I know those things (and even porn) have an emotional component to it.
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joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #533 on: November 18, 2020, 07:48:08 PM »
Day 36 of no chat  pmo is a distant memory

      That would be the old fashion chat room Phineas.   I never did really get into the webcam thing much.  I did a little bit about 15 years ago  but it was more or less with a gal I knew through an ex girlfriend.  And of course I was single at the time   but ever since than didnt bother with it   You usually have to pay and its stupid expensive and I was never willing to fork out. Although I got screwed thinking I was on a free webcam chat once and it cost me more than a few bucks.  So no webcams for this guy.   I think this mioght be the longest i have gone without chat in probably 10 years  which is making me happy  because I have very few urges and the ones i do have are very weak.   The reasons for not wanting to go are becoming greater and more abundant than the reasons to go to a chat room

   So on the whole the battle to leave this addiction behind is becoming more successful each day.  Just wish I could get the rest of my life a bit better organized  but there are external forces  that are hindering that


     Cheers'

      Post often it helps me it helps you

Phineas 808

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #534 on: November 18, 2020, 08:15:50 PM »
Thanks for the clarification, Joe!

Yeah, I think the 'free stuff' was way too available and accessible for me to waste time (and money) with webcam.

Good for you, that chatting is becoming a distant memory and that this addiction is pretty much in the rearview mirror of your life.

Hope all your external issues work themselves out.

Regards.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2020, 08:17:26 PM by Phineas 808 »
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joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #535 on: November 20, 2020, 07:37:28 AM »
Day 38 No chat  pmo  just a distant memory

    Another couple of good days   Looking forward to the weekend   sort of wondering how it will be as I'm not as busy this weekend  and weekends were always the worst  for me    Cannot believe its coming up on 3 years since I  became educated  on fighting this  that I finally believe I have it beaten   If I can make Dec 23rd  staying clean I think I will declare victory.

    One thing that has entered my mind is the lingering fantasies that still enter my mind   I am wondering if those will slowly begin to diminish  over time   They are still popping in and out every few days  on a fairly regular basis.  If anyone has beaten the porn addiction and has any experience on this topic I would love to hear about it


     Cheers

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workinprogressUK

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #536 on: November 20, 2020, 09:45:23 AM »
Congrats as always on your great progress. I haven't got anything beaten yet, but I'm over seven years trying and I can tell you that the fantasies do diminish over the years, as long as you don;t give them headspace. I think it all comes down to that plasticity of the brain. If you don't let those synapses fire, they get weaker. Fantasy is a lot less intrusive for me than it used to be and I'm sure it will be for you, given the strength you've shown in response to all your other challenges.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #537 on: November 21, 2020, 03:06:40 PM »
       Day 39 no chat   porn is a distant memory

      Thanks Wip  I am noticing that the fantasies do not lead me to porn or chat   and last night  when I had one  my mind told me you shouldn't  have an interest in this stuff anymore. I easily took the fantasy in a more appropriate direction    That for sure is a good thing   I suppose the  wires in my brain  are now transmitting other ideas.

    Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #538 on: November 22, 2020, 08:02:32 PM »
Day 40 no chat porn just a distant memory

      I can actually say I had my 1st urges for chat last night in quite some time   I could feel a small pull  but was reasonably able to resist it   so feel pretty good about that     Today was all good  though    I know its a bit mundane for me these days pretty much just posting  a day by day play  but at the moment it sure is working for me

    Cheers

      Post often it helps me it helps you

Phineas 808

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #539 on: November 22, 2020, 09:43:16 PM »
It may seem mundane, but if it helps you then that's all that matters in your journal.

Good job outlasting the urges.

You're in control, and you're creating a new and better life!
My abstinence is currently at 72+days.

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joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #540 on: November 23, 2020, 07:32:59 PM »
Day41 no chat  porn but a distant memory

     Def in control here    Even if I see something provocative or a p sub on  tv or the net  it does not lead me anywhere I dont want to go   It is probably a feeling of what a person who has never been addicted to porn  would feel.   I dont go looking for things like this  but at  the same time I dont plan to live my life  having to avoid almost "everything" on tv or the net    Perhaps the brain really can rebalance itself

     Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #541 on: November 24, 2020, 04:52:04 PM »
Day 42 no chat porn is but a distant memory

       Another good day all things considered  Weather sucks  with a dumping of snow  and that has made work very difficult for the last few days   Covid finally  beginning to take its toll around the house  as we just cant do anything  and that was fine for a while but  now its just getting frustrating.  Kids  going bonkers  and there just doesnt seem to be any routine. With that comes very little stress relief.
  Things like this used to make me run to porn.  Now that I dont do that anymore I am facing another problem. What can I do  with a house full of family  and a wife working odd hours(again due to covid)

   This leads  me to the thoughts of how and why did I ever have to become addicted to this  crap to begin with   Why did our school system  never  talk about this until very recently.  Why is it not on our governments agenda.  I think our society would be quite further ahead if we were to deal with this before it  became a problem.  I  cant imagine where I would be today had I spent the hours  i  was viewing porn on something more productive.  I read other journals  and see the same thing over and over.  So many of our stories are alike.  I wonder what it would take to eradicate  this disease.


    Cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #542 on: November 25, 2020, 04:26:07 PM »
Day 43 n o chat and porn is now but a distant memory

     Wow where did 6 weeks  go?   Feeling really confident that I am done with this crap.  Speaking of confidence  I have been thinking about it a lot recently.   I wish there was some smoking gun piece of evidence that could prove that porn takes way your confidence. Ev er since I starting to fight this  almost 3 years ago in earnest   I have noticed my confidence going up  but I still dont think its anywhere near where it should be   I think its been too many years  and I'm at the point where I am just not going to take a chance on certain things  just on the slight improvement in my confidence.  If anyone knows of a study on the topic   please let me know.

    this next part may raise a few eyebrows but thats ok

      Since beginning this  fight  I have also noticed many things  about myself that  I think  should have been changed a long time ago.  Things that I am actually thinking a lot about  and actually changing   eg   I used to think it was funny to pass gas  and seemed to do it a lot  but recently i am much more discreet about it  and certainly do it less   I dress more appropriate  for  different situations.  eg  I would go straight from work to a Piano exam and think nothing of it   Now I would actually take the half hour to quick shower and change
  I am much more mindful  regarding  checking out other women   Now this is something that never bothered my wife as she  would occasionally check out another guy  We have a pretty strong marriage without the jealousy issues.  But the list goes on of  what I would call sub standard behaviour  that I am trying to improve on    Again I think I lived that way as a way to cope with low self esteem  and confidence.  Sort of set the bar lower and keep down expectations

     Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

Phineas 808

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #543 on: November 26, 2020, 12:33:24 AM »
Your words actually make a lot of sense (no raised eyebrow)...

Forgive me if the analogy is crude, but have you ever met a heroine addict, or someone who does a needle? They're always dishevled, messy, and their living environment (including their car) is full of trash and empty beer cans...

It's like when we're addicted to trash, we have such a low view of ourselves already, and it manifests in how we dress, and our living environment.

I think your little changes and being overall more conscientious, are signs of you embracing a new life, a new you, and it's beginning to show in every area of your life.

That's inspiring! 
My abstinence is currently at 72+days.

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joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #544 on: November 27, 2020, 05:00:59 PM »
Day 45 no chat  porn is now but a distant memory

     Thanks for responding Phineas.     I do see the changes within myself  most being improvements   but it is a little difficult sometimes because I am making all these positive changes and  both myself and others are definitely  benefitting  but I feel like I am the only.   one making changes   When others really could stand to make a few of their own.  But i do not intend to force anyone to change even if its for the better.   I would like to write more these days but i'm in a bit of a writers block    perhaps that will change soon too

    Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

Phineas 808

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #545 on: November 27, 2020, 06:40:56 PM »

I do see the changes within myself  most being improvements   but it is a little difficult sometimes because I am making all these positive changes and  both myself and others are definitely  benefitting  but I feel like I am the only.   one making changes   When others really could stand to make a few of their own.  But i do not intend to force anyone to change even if its for the better.

You're welcome.

Yeah, it may seem unfair- but you're only responsible (ultimately) for yourself. As long as you continue to improve, benefitting you, and others, eventually it may inspire those around you.

But even if not, so be it. You're doing this first and foremost for you, and even if no one else works on themselves, you did it for you anyway. 
My abstinence is currently at 72+days.

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LetItGoAlready

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #546 on: November 28, 2020, 04:38:14 PM »
Quote
it is a little difficult sometimes because I am making all these positive changes and  both myself and others are definitely  benefitting  but I feel like I am the only.   one making changes   When others really could stand to make a few of their own.  But i do not intend to force anyone to change even if its for the better.

Hi joep - This statement really resonated with me. So many "normies" in my circle are blind to their own shortcomings, and I really envy them for that. They don’t see themselves through a harsh lens like I do, so they don’t feel a need to change anything about themselves. Must be nice, huh?

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live a life where I generally felt good about myself and didn’t feel the need to change for anyone, not even myself. The only thing I've been able to come up with so far is that, for whatever reason, this is my journey. I'm meant to learn something from all of this so that I can become the person I'm supposed to be. And there must be a lot to learn, because it's not easy.

I guess everyone is on their way to somewhere in life, so perhaps you can take comfort in knowing that you are on your way up and not down. At the end of the day, all that matters is that you're headed in the right direction, my friend. Doesn’t matter where others are headed; that’s their journey. Take care.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2020, 02:28:18 AM by LetItGoAlready »

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #547 on: November 29, 2020, 08:45:27 AM »
Day 47 no chat porn addiction now a part of the past

    Hey guys thanks for tuning in

     Yes I do believe we  usually see others in a more harsh lens than they see themselves  I also believe they  view me the same way  I believe we call that "expectations" and it can certainly create its own set of problems.  Ive had another couple of days of staying clean  considering the circumstances.  Havent made love to the wife in almost 3 weeks and I am going to blame her for not making the time  but it is what it is.  Work is super busy  and their is so much to do here at the house and its getting cold out and must be done. So I do it its just "expected" of me  again it is what it is

     "I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live a life where I generally felt good about myself and didn’t feel the need to change for anyone, not even myself. The only thing I've been able to come up with so far is that, for whatever reason, this is my journey. I'm meant to learn something from all of this so that I can become the person I'm supposed to be. And there must be a lot to learn, because it's not easy."

     LetitgoAlready...      This is an interesting statement     I have definitely learned a lot through all this  but  from a personal standpoint  I don't believe  the reason I went through it was to learn  something from it.  I believe most of it happened because the people who create porn found a way to get  people addicted  and than they rake in the millions in profit  from advertising  and so on.
  Much like smoking or other drugs    casinos  etc.   I certainly dont believe I became addicted to porn   just because I needed to learn something along the way.  But I suppose its the consolation prize.  The important part is that we pass that knowledge on to others.

     When it comes to changes in my life   they are happening   I just hope I have enough time left to enjoy the life I was looking for

   Cheers

      Post often it helps me it helps you



joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #548 on: December 03, 2020, 06:40:01 PM »
Day 51 no chat porn is but a distant memory

      The urges are less and less  almost non existent.   In general I just seem to think less about sex other than with my wife of course.  But I still think about  it  a little more than I probably should.  Change comes with Time I suppose.

      I read somewhere here  something about how some guys  feel almost superhuman after the initial  weeks of being porn free.  I dont know if I would  call it superhuman.  I think  its a matter of degree.   For so long we felt so little of ourselves    that any improvement towards being what a normal non porn addicted person  should be might almost seem like  being superhuman.   I'm going to say that  that  described feeling is more of less what we should have been feeling all along   and that's a good thing.

    Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #549 on: December 14, 2020, 03:19:58 PM »
Day 62  no chat    porn is nothing but a distant memory now

     My where did 11 days just go    only another 9 days and I just might be ready to post in the  success stories.  Its a bit of a bitter sweet  feeling   and I'm really not so sure how I want to go about that at this point.  This journey has had so many ups and downs, small victories  as well as frustrations  in getting to this point. It may certainly be upsetting to some here in the rebootnation community.  I may just post the reasons that stuff here in my journal and leave it at that.   The thought was to just put the word "SUCCESS" in my success stories entry and if anyone wants further details on  my journey  they would be welcome to ask.  I will give it more thought and perhaps read a few success stories

      IN the meantime on to other business   my weight  had dropped from 262.4 lbs about a year ago down to 214 lbs in June  it has not gone up to 231.2  as of this morning.   The stresses of covid  work and family  have taken a bit of toll  on my well being  but recently things have improved a bit so IO am going to work on building  on my previous  health improvements.

   Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you