Author Topic: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel  (Read 46683 times)

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #650 on: January 09, 2021, 07:53:48 PM »
Still hurting

worldlit4213

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #651 on: January 09, 2021, 11:33:25 PM »
Hey Zander, we're here to encourage and support you through your tough times! Don't give up and press forward, there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #652 on: January 10, 2021, 05:20:35 AM »
@world: Thank you kind sir.

445 days. Not too shabby. Most important thing is to not relapse. Gotta keep the defenses up. The internet is full of land mines.

Phineas 808

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #653 on: January 10, 2021, 05:46:18 PM »
Good determination, Zander!
My abstinence is currently at 72+days.

My Journal

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #654 on: January 11, 2021, 12:11:24 AM »
Not trying to be selfish by posting this much but I need to express just how much I need to keep moving, despite how lonely/sad/stressed I feel.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #655 on: January 12, 2021, 10:11:43 PM »
honestly feel like i haven't improved at all

Sanders

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #656 on: January 14, 2021, 03:57:27 AM »
I wouldn't apologise for posting anything here on this forum Zander. Post 20 times a day if that helps you, seriously! This forum is meant for helping each other and whenever you feel like there's something to get off your chest I'd take the opportunity here. Express all that you feel and experience if you feel like it, simply writing about it already helps a lot.

I can only imagine the difficulties you're going through, but you're the one experiencing them. Would it be of any help to write more in depth about what a shit day feels like to you? I guess you've already had every piece of advice thrown at you throughout your journey here so I believe there's little more advice that I can offer you. What I can write is that you've gone now about 1,5 years without porn which is an amazing accomplishment. You've been battling this addiction whilst dealing with mental issues, family, depression and whatnot. You're an example of resilliance and I trust that life will get better soon for you, it has to right?

Keep going forward!

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #657 on: January 15, 2021, 03:11:59 AM »
Thanks Sanders. Very kind.

Ready for something new. Life is very, very difficult for me right now. It has been for a while.

I just want to feel normal. For fuck's sake

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #658 on: January 17, 2021, 09:23:54 AM »
Haven't been sleeping well. Really, really down in the dumps today.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #659 on: January 18, 2021, 05:53:16 AM »
I gotta remember the main reason why I'm doing this: because I want to write/teach writing for a living. That is the ultimate impetus, and it is the only reason I've been able to quit in the first place.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #660 on: January 20, 2021, 07:56:05 AM »
Confused at the moment. Don't know where I'm at, where I'm headed. Nothing to go off of at the moment. Stay away from porn folks.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #661 on: January 21, 2021, 11:10:13 AM »
This video affected me, because it confirms what I already believed but haven't thought about in a while: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys6TCO_olOc

Jeks

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #662 on: January 21, 2021, 01:08:34 PM »
100% true. Only after abstaining from porn, i realized how i used porn to escape from all the bad stuff in my life, so much so that it came as a real shock for me, when i got frustrated or upset and just craved for porn like an animal. Holy fuck, i remember how i didnt manage to do a task and how i just opened my laptop without any control like i was not myself. It was freaky.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #663 on: January 21, 2021, 01:27:23 PM »
@Jeks I know man. I'm glad you've done what it takes, internally, to be where you're at. Good stuff!

I really disliked myself when I was younger. And that wasn't necessarily my fault, but it really tore me up. My self-esteem was so low. Took going to therapy and meeting people who were different to the ones I grew up with to see things from the perspective I do now. I believe that overcoming addiction is really about figuring out how to love yourself enough to want to truly quit.

Chris Oz

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #664 on: January 22, 2021, 04:10:54 AM »
That's a nice way of putting it zander. I'm taking a mental note of that.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #665 on: Today at 07:39:53 AM »
@Chris Yeah. Like the dude in the video said, I think it's worth asking the question "why am I doing this?"  The issue is usually a little more esoteric than just pure science, though science is a major component of it and the truth when it comes to the nuts and bolts of recovery.

I'm at around 50-60% capacity still. It's going to take me 2 years, if not longer, to feel normal again. Sad truth that I need to swallow. Porn is like one of those specialized hunting arrows--it goes in easy, but it'll shred you up on its way out. In like a knife, out like a fishhook.

Fucking shite mate. This is what happens when you binge relapse after long streaks--don't do it folks.


k-fff

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #666 on: Today at 09:58:21 AM »
Porn is like one of those specialized hunting arrows--it goes in easy, but it'll shred you up on its way out. In like a knife, out like a fishhook.
This is a very accurate description. I am waiting for the really brutal part of my reboot considering getting a month is becoming easier and easier, but I have binged a lot in the past and edged a lot. Edging being the absolute worst. I just hope I am strong enough for inevitable suffering that is gonna come from 4 years of heavy use. I hope you get better soon Zander.

Gabe Deem

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    I found out the soft way that porn is sex negative
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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #667 on: Today at 11:13:58 AM »
Porn is like one of those specialized hunting arrows--it goes in easy, but it'll shred you up on its way out. In like a knife, out like a fishhook.

Great quote, Zander! Keep truckin. Keep fighting. If you're not out of the woods, keep swinging your ax.
Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem. Please consider supporting Reboot Nation on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gabedeem

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #668 on: Today at 04:54:32 PM »
@Gabe: Thanks for the shoutout man. I used to watch your Youtube vids when they first came out--they were part of the beginning of this process for me. You've done a lot of good for a lot of people. Thanks for all of it.

Btw friends--I'm 15 months today. That's kinda cool, though, if I'm being honest, it doesn't mean all that much to me. I just want to feel better. I've been in a rough patch for over a month now, and yeah, I'm ready for it to be over with.