Author Topic: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel  (Read 48982 times)

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #425 on: June 02, 2020, 04:14:17 PM »
Today has been shitty. I didn't sleep much last night due to withdrawal symptoms and today is just a continuation of the shittiness I felt last night. Patterns have been changing so I can't guarantee anything, but I'd bet that tomorrow ends up being a little easier than today and yesterday. I just need to hold on to the edge of the cliff, even if I have to use my pinky fingers to grip the precipice. Wish me luck fellas.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #426 on: June 03, 2020, 05:39:04 PM »
Today is worse than the last couple days. I'm in the thick of it right now. The pain seems to be cyclical, but that could just be me trying to make sense out of a senseless situation.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #427 on: June 05, 2020, 12:51:09 PM »
This has been one of the hardest weeks of this reboot. The symptoms are seemingly never-ending. I haven't gotten a reprieve in a fucking while now, and it's been grinding me down both emotionally and physically. I've been sleeping like shit, and my dick is constantly shriveled.

I get MW, but it seems to be a small consolation. I'm, undoubtedly, in this for the long haul. Every small bit of hope is very much hard earned, and it usually withers away before I am able to properly savor it.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #428 on: June 05, 2020, 08:21:45 PM »
Gotta keep trucking my friends. A day will come when life will be so vivid I won't even know what to say.

Sanders

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #429 on: June 06, 2020, 10:59:04 AM »
You're still doing well man, that day you mention is the reason to keep hope :) Life will be better, and you'll be able to enjoy it to the fullest!

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #430 on: June 07, 2020, 01:23:04 PM »
Withdrawals kept me up until 6am this morning. Today is worse than yesterday, or at least equal. I'm being tested. I cannot give in.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #431 on: June 07, 2020, 05:25:24 PM »
Just got a blowjob--fuckin idiot.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #432 on: June 10, 2020, 12:26:58 AM »
Been in a really deep trough. The last couple weeks have been very difficult. Not much good to report, sadly. Just going to keep moving forward.

faenoe

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #433 on: June 10, 2020, 10:54:14 AM »
We're here supporting you, zander. Keep going.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #434 on: June 10, 2020, 01:45:23 PM »
My hope reserves have never been so low. It's just day after day after day of anhedonia. I don't fucking enjoy anything. I have no motivation to do anything. It's not fucking fair. None of this shit is fair. I'm just sitting around wasting my fucking life.

I'm running out of hope. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. There's no action I can take other than wait around. I feel as if I'm being tortured.

Sanders

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #435 on: June 10, 2020, 02:40:38 PM »
Hey Zander,

I'm really sorry to hear how tough everything is. All the shit around you can feel overwhelming and difficult to get a sense of where to go. Just remember your own words you wrote a couple days back :) The day will come, we're here rooting for you!

A day will come when life will be so vivid I won't even know what to say.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #436 on: June 11, 2020, 04:06:52 PM »
More suffering today. No words. Anxiety is ridiculously high, fight or flight system is fucking broken.

shostamin93

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #437 on: June 11, 2020, 05:11:02 PM »
More suffering today. No words. Anxiety is ridiculously high, fight or flight system is fucking broken.

dude, what are you doing to make yourself feel better? are you going out to run? listen to music? do something man, don't just let the shitty feelings consume you. Its gonna take a massive pair of balls but you gotta do it! FIGHT IT DAMMIT!

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #438 on: June 12, 2020, 06:38:18 PM »
Another tough day. Time is the ultimate healer when it comes to this addiction, and I plan on being patient enough to glide through the pain.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #439 on: June 13, 2020, 06:32:03 PM »
Today has been easier than the previous couple. Ready for that to change, but I'll do my best to enjoy it.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #440 on: June 14, 2020, 04:53:26 PM »
Just need to keep going. That's all I can do.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #441 on: June 17, 2020, 08:36:20 PM »
Still roughin it out here. Almost 8 months into this.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #442 on: June 19, 2020, 03:30:08 PM »
If Frodo and Sam could do it, so can I.

shostamin93

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #443 on: June 19, 2020, 03:53:35 PM »
fuck yeah you can do it bro, others guys have done it

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #444 on: June 20, 2020, 02:28:18 AM »
Porn has plagued me for my entire adult life. I need to keep grinding, regardless of how bad I feel.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #445 on: June 23, 2020, 05:20:00 PM »
Had sex 5 times over the past 3 days. Mistakes, but nothing terrible. I just need to keep moving forward. I'm fighting for my life. My addiction will ruin it if I let it. I'm doing this to have a shot at finding true happiness. Porn and joy don't go together. I'm past 8 months clean, and I don't plan on stopping.

shostamin93

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #446 on: June 23, 2020, 05:43:08 PM »
do you have problems like PIED? or is it only porn addiction without any physical issues ?

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #447 on: June 23, 2020, 07:25:39 PM »
do you have problems like PIED? or is it only porn addiction without any physical issues ?

I used to have PIED, but not much anymore.

My dick and balls are shriveled consistently throughout the day though. My sleep is disturbed, my digestion is fucked, my fight or flight is wonky, and I'm often fatigued, which are all physical symptoms in my eyes.

The mental shit is the worst though.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #448 on: June 24, 2020, 06:16:03 PM »
My girl came over to get her food from my place and we ended up hooking up. I'm kinda pissed, because she knows that I'm trying to limit my sex and she hung around and cuddled with me anyways. It's not all on her, but I'm still upset. I'm thinking about ending things with her permanently. No relationship is more important than my abstinence from porn, and that's a fact.

The chaser effect will always be a monster that needs eyes on it, so I'm going to maintain solid vigilance and avoid any harmful situations. I need to remain open and communicative.

zander13

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Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« Reply #449 on: June 27, 2020, 03:42:28 PM »
My sleep has been atrocious lately. The withdrawals just don't allow me to fall asleep.