Hello

[Crystal]

Hi everyone, I wanted to introduce myself, and share my experience. As you can see, my screen name is Crystal. I'm 19 years old female.

I read erotica for the first time two years ago. I stumbled across it by accident looking up a term I'd come across, "Domestic Discipline". Very quickly I found myself reading all kinds of sexual/sexualish stories with topics ranging from spanking/BDSM to doctor play to enemas to vanilla sex and much more.  I was shocked to find myself experiencing orgasms from reading some of the stories or thinking about them later, all without touching myself. (If you haven't heard of this before, an article from Psychology Today titled "The Three Surprising Types of Spontaneous Orgasm" explains more about it.) I was even more shocked, quite ashamed and horrified to find myself enjoying stories in which people did things I'd consider incredibly wrong or unsexy in real life. I have read these stories on and off over the past years, but this month, I've found myself reading them much more frequently. When I tried to stop two weeks ago, I found myself compulsively coming back to it. Not only that, but the urge to read erotica has been competing with other commitments and duties in my life. Furthermore, I have religious convictions that erotica is not a part of God's plan for my life, and I want to live according to His plan. I found this site watching the documentary On The Brain', and I really hope it will help me put erotica away for good.

Can anyone relate to my experience? I'd love to hear your advice. Nice to meet you all!

[Hablablos]

Hello Crystal and welcome on RN,

I can relate to reading erotica and comics very well. I spent years doing that, came across most of the categories. For me it was far more interesting than normal porn, because I could use my imagination while reading them. Several times I have noticed I had to read particular stories or even lines in order to get off.

So I would like to ask you a few questions:

Why do want to recover from addiction? I know it sounds a silly question, but reason for that is simple. Your mind will play many tricks on you, you need to know exactly why are you doing this. And the best thing you can do is to write these reasons somewhere to have them as a reminder.

Who do you want to become as a person? If is too general for you, then start with who you don't want to become?

What hobbies or activities do you or need to do in order to become that person?

Furthermore I would like to avoid discussing religious convictions, because I don't believe in the same God's form as you do. Good luck on your journey.

[Chip]

Welcome to RN Crystal, glad u found it. It's been a blessing to me as well. I'm a 46 yr old man, my experience with porn and erotica spanned most every delivery method, images, audio, video and written erotica. I actually wrote my own erotica for a while in my early 20's, but what I've learned is porn is porn. The world tends to split hairs in regards to sexual sin, but according to scripture imagining a sexual act is the same as doing it, it's called "Adultery of the Heart".  So whether we look at it, listen to it or read about it, we are all equally guilty of satisfying our God given natural desires in an unapproved fashion.  Don't get me wrong I'm not judging you in any way, no not at all, I was guilty too.  I've found that one of the keys to getting out of the porn/erotica prison starts with being honest about what we've been doing.  I'm around if you have any questions, I found your journal after I read what you had to say to Malando.

Chip

[Crystal]

Welcome to RN Crystal, glad u found it. It's been a blessing to me as well. I'm a 46 yr old man, my experience with porn and erotica spanned most every delivery method, images, audio, video and written erotica. I actually wrote my own erotica for a while in my early 20's, but what I've learned is porn is porn. The world tends to split hairs in regards to sexual sin, but according to scripture imagining a sexual act is the same as doing it, it's called "Adultery of the Heart".  So whether we look at it, listen to it or read about it, we are all equally guilty of satisfying our God given natural desires in an unapproved fashion.  Don't get me wrong I'm not judging you in any way, no not at all, I was guilty too.  I've found that one of the keys to getting out of the porn/erotica prison starts with being honest about what we've been doing.  I'm around if you have any questions, I found your journal after I read what you had to say to Malando.

Chip

Thank you Chip!

[Crystal]

Hello Crystal and welcome on RN,

I can relate to reading erotica and comics very well. I spent years doing that, came across most of the categories. For me it was far more interesting than normal porn, because I could use my imagination while reading them. Several times I have noticed I had to read particular stories or even lines in order to get off.

So I would like to ask you a few questions:

Why do want to recover from addiction? I know it sounds a silly question, but reason for that is simple. Your mind will play many tricks on you, you need to know exactly why are you doing this. And the best thing you can do is to write these reasons somewhere to have them as a reminder.

Who do you want to become as a person? If is too general for you, then start with who you don't want to become?

What hobbies or activities do you or need to do in order to become that person?

Furthermore I would like to avoid discussing religious convictions, because I don't believe in the same God's form as you do. Good luck on your journey.

Thank you Hablablos! Regarding your last request, I completely respect your beliefs, and will not attempt to push mine onto you. I do however need to mention my faith in order to answer your questions fully.

1) In order of importance, I want to break my addiction because it separates me from God, because it interferes with my focus to accomplish school/chores, because I believe it can damage your brain, because it can distort your ability to have real relationships, because I feel wrong enjoying stories which I feel are perverse and because I'm bothered by the sense of un-control the addiction creates in me.

2) I want to be a person who is trustworthy, mature, a positive contributor to society, strong, respectful, tolerant, intelligent, wise, independent, controlled, compassionate, loving and pleasing to God.

3) Off the top of my head, daily prayer, regular reception of the Sacraments, regular Mass attendance, volunteering in the community, generosity, showing kindness, showing respect, showing courage, fostering prudence, fostering temperance, contemplating before acting, exercising, eating healthy, working, going to school, studying, getting enough sleep, seeking counsel in difficulty, self-discipline, staying organized, planning ahead, giving yourself reminders, knowing yourself, understanding others, understanding the dynamics around you, using your resources wisely, maintaining friendships and prioritizing.