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21
Ages 20-29 / Re: My journey starts now
« Last post by worth_it on Today at 02:18:36 AM »
Day 23

Hey all, made it 23 full days without PMO! Today was a hard one, dealt with a lot of temptation since my wife was gone most of the day, not to mention she said she wanted to fool around tonight so sex was much more on my mind. I've noticed that's something that usually leads to temptation, when we're planning on having fun and doing sexual things later that day, so that's a mental note for the future. But the day was pretty good, struggled mightily with motivation today during work but was also fasting as a part of lent so I think that is usually a side effect. However, what really sucked was the last hour of work, because I felt so weak due to fasting that my will power started declining a lot, and found myself catching second looks at women as they walked by through my window. Additionally, was on my email and started looking at the junk folder and seeing if there were any ads for dating knowing there could be good looking women in them. I didn't click on any of them, but I don't want to strive for that. Was bummed about that but refocused and was able to overcome some more temptations to lust after women so that's nice!

As for the rest of the day, not much other than sexual things with my wife. It overall went pretty well. First off, noticed that erections are coming easier for me so that's a plus. Still not normal so I'd still say my PIED is very much a thing, but improvements are happening and I definitely think my brain is healing. Sensitivity in my penis still pretty low. Don't foresee myself getting out of that for a while, but things can change and I hope they do. I will say that we did some karezza type activities and it kept me hard for a lot longer than usual and it made me feel more sensitive. I think my erections tonight were some of the hardest I've had in my entire marriage, so hooray! I don't know when full recovery will be, and that's okay. I know that accepting that will be really healthy for me and for my pursuit of healing from PMO. Just need to keep going a day at a time and letting the healing and rewiring come when it comes instead of worrying over it and trying to force it. Day 24 is tomorrow, and I'm ready to do great by the grace of God.
22
Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal, my friend
« Last post by Orbiter on Today at 01:17:01 AM »
Hey EarthWalker,

I must add a thing. Effectively it's true. When some things leave the body/soul it can be a trigger to a panic attack. The uncertainty of the new way to go is just overwhelming. The good thing is, it's a positive panic attack. It can be a huge motivation to make it better.

Thank you soooo much for that video, really. Just the fact that you thought of me is a very warm and nice thought that fills me for today. I'm just not in a good place with my anxiety.

I have to quick-sum what he said:
- using i-messages to quickly get space
- metacognition: thinking about thinking to slow down thoughts
- imagine the reaction of somebody else or watch the reactions of other people
- pause and ask yourself 'what is bothering me right now?'
- thinking traps (disstorted thought patterns): negative filtering, predicting the future on past experiences
- imparatives: should, must, have to -> use 'prefer'
- improve on empathy for the self

I will try to implement as good as i can for the next days and see how it is going. For me, i-messages and predicting the future from the past is very useful.

Thanks for sharing EarthWalker. I didn't know Daniel Schonbuch.


Hi Imsor,

It's at the same time so great to see the leaps & bounds you've been making in your journey as well as saddening to hear of some of your recent problems with anxiety/panic attacks. Personally I haven't had one for some time and I handled them poorly when I did, but perhaps it might be helpful to look at this similar to the way we look at urges. Are there any triggers? What thoughts are usually running through your head when it happens? Any identifiable distortions or negative thought loops? Have you been engaging in anticipating thought patterns? By that I mean focusing emotional energy on problems in the future that haven't happened yet and may not?

Don't forget to try some simple breathing exercises too! That is if you're not doing that already.

Once again, sorry to hear of the difficulties you've been having. In a way i'm happy for you though as you're in a position now where you can clearly tackle these issues head on rather than having to feel them out amongst the perpetual fog of PMO addiction.

Keep up the good work!
23
Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« Last post by Orbiter on Today at 01:04:16 AM »
Today is Day 5.

There has been a number of shifts over the last two weeks in my work situation that has made my job more stressful, tiring and with the potential for longer hours in the immediate future. This has been a source of frustration and not welcome at a time when I am focusing a lot of effort into building better habits & routines outside of work. Unfortunately the financial toll of the pandemic on businesses as well as community & health services means that lowly workers such as myself seem to have less & less rights or agency over things like working arrangements.

Getting that out of my system, I suppose it could be argued that what I have written above is an example of a (pandemic not withstanding) typical challenge in life that as a person on a journey to recovery, I need to work on developing coping mechanisms to manage. My relapse at 11 days last week happened around the time that I had my first counseling session. I believe there is a link and this is another example of better coping & emotional regulation skills I should be putting more work into developing.

This will be addressed, but right now I feel I need to focus on getting some immediate momentum back. I am sticking to my Week 1 plan and will take the time either tomorrow or over the weekend to work on developing what exactly a typical workable plan for week 2 should be. I have been doing well working on the healthy habits to replace the excess computer time (music, reading, exercise, cold showers, walks, drives away etc.) and, along with the necessary tasks to do this weekend, I will continue to develop this.

Wishing you all well on your journey today.
24
Ages 30-39 / Re: I need to do this.
« Last post by imsorrynotsorry on Today at 12:49:09 AM »
Hello Chris,

How is it going at your end? Just wanted to check in.

Imsor
25
Ages 30-39 / Re: A new beginning
« Last post by imsorrynotsorry on Today at 12:43:44 AM »
Hey Alain,

this is how it goes. The mood swings. The days were you feel not good are now, so take measures to overcome those days.

How can you improve your sleep?
I read 20-30 min a book before i go to bed. For me it's essential that the book is an easy-to-read roman or sth like that.

Anyway, take measures and you will pass the phase. For me measures would be strict bed times, a morning routine, cold showering.

Imsor
26
Ages 30-39 / Re: No PMO hardmode
« Last post by imsorrynotsorry on Today at 12:40:09 AM »
Hey,

I'm not 100% sure if i understood right, but in the beginning of my reboot my man became hard all of a sudden without touching in the strangest situation. Then again, i had weeks where nothing happened at all. It was the same with libido. It goes high, falls down.

The important thing is: You don't have to do anything! Prefer watching what is happening with you and trust the process, which is working by the way. Testing the man, edging, whatsoever is not helping. Trust, ok?
27
Ages 30-39 / Re: No PMO hardmode
« Last post by Maglue on Today at 12:29:29 AM »
Hey opinions please,

Ok so I might be kinda edging I'm not really sure... I'm not masterbating as such, or maybe I am..  but I guess I'm trying to get hard sometimes it happens with barely any touch... or its its morning wood... I'm not stroking it or anything, or eve  close to organic but I guess I'm keeping it hard before it goes down... is this bad... ?
Opinions?

28
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Life On Porn
« Last post by worldlit4213 on March 03, 2021, 11:52:51 PM »
Wow congratulations mackattack! That's a really good decision to stay out of the house and doing something productive and good like community service. Christ is with you brother, keep going!
29
Ages 30-39 / Re: A new beginning
« Last post by alain on March 03, 2021, 11:52:25 PM »
Day 25

I'm sleep depraved, only getting 5-6 hours of sleep every day. My stress system is messed up and I can't concentrate very easily. Today I'm beating my previous mark, which makes me feel pretty good, and doing it hard mode is making it easier. I can feel it takes me more effort to come here and write, and that's a bad sign, like my brain. It feels like a very long process and progress is not linear, like two days ago I was on top of the world and today I'm feeling like shit.

30
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Recovery Journal
« Last post by worldlit4213 on March 03, 2021, 11:50:42 PM »
DAY 108

Today was great. I'm on the new diet plan so I'm eating a lot more and it's healthy stuff so I'm feeling good. Working out and jiu-jitsu is good. Putting a lot of carbs back into my system gives me way more energy now which is great. I did get really angry at jiu-jitsu today because one of my training partners did what's considered a "dirty move" in jiu-jitsu which rattled me pretty hard. But I'm recovering mentally and feeling good, trying to be slow to anger and re-center myself. I had little to no temptations today which was good. I'm all caught up on school, and I'm making room for meditation and piano. So things are looking good so far. Excited to see the results from this new bulk diet. Looking forward to completing week 16!
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