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Messages - brandon1984

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1
Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: February 22, 2021, 08:27:57 AM »
yea man, it's always good read that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's even BETTER to see it for myself. It hasn't been 2 weeks so I'm really confident as of right now. See me in 2 weeks lol. I had a thought the other day when my wife said she was going to get her eyebrows done, like this is the perfect opportunity to edge but I just sat there on the couch watching some gospel videos on youtube. I lifted my hand in the air and said "Father,/God I'm weak...give me discipline. I can do this, keep me strong. Amen"

Keep fighting my brothers!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: February 19, 2021, 07:21:25 AM »
No edging or screen stimulation since feb 17th...it seems easy to get to 2 weeks without it. It's around that 3rd week man...i start shaking and everything smh lol. We are true addicts. I need my brain to be rewired asap. I know I can't rush it. I'll keep praying, that's what made me last so long and then I fell off! Stay focused my friends!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: February 17, 2021, 05:56:52 AM »
very interesting Bilbo Baggins, i'll keep that in mind! I'm over here and my first thought is frustration whenever I don't have morning wood! smh so I'll definitely kick that from my expectations.

I'll check out that difference on ybop as you mentioned akpal2!

Yea I have to admit I've been edging the last couple of days. No O due to screen stimulation since Jan 21. I did jerk it in the shower until O 2 days ago because as I mentioned, almost been a month of no O. Still can't get it up when I want with my wife so it looks like another month will go by where's she ovulating and I won't be able to perform. That's the worse. I'm dropping the screen stimulation again, from those scandelous IG women's posts, there's like 3 billion of them now. Most girls on social media wanna just thirst trap and it makes sense because I think it's natural for women, as well as men, to want to be desirable. Plus the dopamine releases whenever you get notifications for likes and comments, especially when the comments are flattering. And how do you get those? By posing and wearing something scandalous lol. It's 2021, we are overly sexualized as a people. Can you imagine that when our parents were growing up, the TV was in black and white and shows like I love Lucy would have a married couple who slept in 2 different beds! Look what we have now. There's hardly any decency. It's only going to get more sexualized. Normal tv shows speak about and show sex every other scene, at least once per episode. It's wild.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Done with the shame
« on: February 17, 2021, 05:46:33 AM »
dude, that 2-3 week mark like you said!!!!!! I was shaking, like a real addict lol. This is crazy!! I'm married as well but the kicker is we are trying to get pregnant smh. So much pressure, so much anxiety. I'm getting back on the horse though!!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: New married
« on: February 17, 2021, 05:40:01 AM »
I'm right there with you Aladdin! I've been married since July 2017 and I'm still trying to put screen stimulation down. It doesn't have to be just hardcore porn...girls twerking or staring at girls on your phone/computer screen in a lustful way are also not good. I definitely feel the anxiety when even thinking about sex but I haven't gone 3 months without porn as you did. I applaud you!! Stay the course! Everyone says it'll fade away. I was experiencing morning wood again but then I relapsed and the morning wood went away :(  We have to stay strong!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Questioning my sexuality. Help.
« on: February 09, 2021, 07:00:14 AM »
We've all been there mentally and physically. Just the thought of me sneaking out of bed to watch porn or knowing my wife is leaving the house soon would arouse me. I just wrote on someone's post yesterday about the "check in" to see if everything works. It's a trap. You have to KNOW it will go back to normal if you give it time.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: February 09, 2021, 06:55:49 AM »
i would technically call this day 2 of waking up with morning wood, but I woke up at midnight to pee lol. I went to sleep at about 9:45pm. When I woke up again at 6am, no wood though. Are we supposed to wake up with morning wood every morning when we are fully back to normal or what?

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Questioning my sexuality. Help.
« on: February 08, 2021, 07:19:45 AM »
Sorry to yea you relapsed. I know the feeling all too well. I'm in IT so I worked on a computer 24/7 even before covid. I created a vision board, so that I can see the goals I've set for myself. I'm married and my wife and I want to start having kids. We got married in 2017 and our sex life has been weak. I thought she was the problem but Porn was the problem the whole time. One of the photos on my vision board is a couple with 2 kids. I have it on my computer screen so I can see it every day. We need as much motivation as possible. I also have a free app/software called Qustodio. It's a blocker you can put on your phone and computer. It does the job and if you get it I suggest you get someone to create the password on your account so you don't log in and disable the settings in order to watch.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: February 08, 2021, 07:04:42 AM »
Oh i forgot my praise report. I had morning wood this morning! Too bad my wife isn't ovulating anymore smh. I woke up and it felt as hard as concrete lol. My wife was up so I told her to feel it and she said, "why wasn't it like this last week?" when she was ovulating. It kinda made me feel bad. She didn't say it in a mean way, she was just disappointed. I was too. She's a rider though. I thank God for her patience, grace, and mercy. She told me she feels like she's in a holding pattern. I need to keep her in the loop with this journey because really she's on the journey with me. I put her in this position that she didn't ask for. I have to make it so that she and I can make it! And so that our future family can finally be a  reality! I can't wait to post in here that she's pregnant. I also can't wait to come back here and say the gender! After that, I can't wait to say "I AM A FATHER!!"!

Yah/God bless

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Ages 30-39 / Re: No dopamine released by porn
« on: February 08, 2021, 06:19:08 AM »
you're right! I watched a video yesterday on Instagram and this girl was dancing and it aroused me smh! In my head I was thinking, well this isn't hardcore or softcore porn or even nudity so it's like I justified it. I SHOULDN'T JUSTIFY it though. It needs to be STARVED OUT as you said. I applaud you for calling it out! You might feel low now, but we all know it will pass! KNOW IT WILL PASS! Find joy in that truth. Let's keep going!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: February 08, 2021, 06:15:37 AM »
akpal2 - yeaaaa that checking point man lol!! I've definitely been there. I'm lookin at it like "dude, are you alive or did I kill you?" So now that we KNOW, then no more check in's are needed for the rest of our lives thankfully. Yea however long it takes, i'll hold on brother! I created a vision board, my wife's idea, and on it I have a photo that says "things good husbands do for their wives ever day". One of the biggest things I can do for my wife everyday is to FIGHT the addiction. When i'm using the addiction, I'm shorter with my wife, less compasionate, less interested really smh. It's such a sad place to be. That's just one of the photos and I have it on my computer screen's wallpaper so I see it everyday. It's always good to see your personal goals everyday. I appreciate your words and encouragement! Let's keep going!

Pdub - thanks for hitting me up my fellow husband and addict! This addiction thing is real! We got married in 2017 and I swore SHE was the problem smh...the whole time I WAS THE PROBLEM! I would think she's not being sexy/seductive enough but truth is I was just an addict not getting his fix of extreme stimulation. Then when ED came, those were my first thoughts because I knew i could get hard but I never heard of PIED. I didn't find that out until like 3 years into the marriage. Now we're getting to year 4 and I proclaim year 4 and onwards will be our BEST years! I brought her into the conversation, stopped hiding it, and sent her videos! The secret is no more! I'll check out the Terry Crews video now, thanks for sharing!

CB - yep, definitely took that big step! Yea man, children are a huge motivator for me. As I told akpal, I have this vision board and one of the photos is of a married couple with their 2 kids. I see this photo everytime I turn on the computer! WE KNOW what we have to do to get there. It won't be EASY since we are addicts but we know it's possible. We need as much motivation as we can get!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: So this is my start of rebooting.
« on: February 02, 2021, 07:08:59 AM »
Great job man! I'm right there with you! I guess I'm in a flatline. I do find myself missing porn and thinking about all the models I would chat with jerk to. We have to remember, as you said, that it doesn't fix our problems and just covers them up. It's holding us up from being truly happy! When we aren't able to perform with our partners, and I'm married, then it's just a horrible feeling. I have come out of a flatline before but then relapsed so I know there's light at the end of the tunnel. It's just hard to see the light when in a flatline, unfortunately.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: February 02, 2021, 06:58:11 AM »
I will start back up with these daily journals. I'm so sick of this problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had a relapse like a week and half ago and now I'm back to a flatline it seems. My wife is ovulating right about now so this is the worst. I'm so pissed at myself for letting this happen.

I am hopeful because I have seen myself come out of it, however long the short period was, but I was back to morning wood. I need to get back there. P sucks!! It's keeping me from being fully happy with my wife, with my life.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: December 29, 2020, 04:02:40 PM »
Thanks @Akpal2, I appreciate your motivation and concern. I would be tempted to see instagram girls or little sex scenes here and there on TV but no more. I fast forward through all that crap now.

Day 7 no PMO

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: December 28, 2020, 08:21:01 AM »
Yep, i been fell off.

Day 6 no PMO

It's motivating to see my earlier posts. I'll get back on the horse and continue to journal.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: November 21, 2020, 01:51:20 PM »
Day 27...no M-O

Big fight with my wife this morning over some BS and we both said some things we shouldn't have said. Usually my temptation level is at a 10/10 to just go watch P. I reached out to my accountability partner and told him I was at like a 3/10 but then I started playing a phone game and got very frustrated, which is another trigger for release, and the temptation popped to like a 7. I logged onto a site i would watch girls on, saw some familiar favorite faces and quickly got a erection. 30 seconds later I logged off.

I'd definitely call that a slip. I didn't touch my penis, but the dopamine and adrenaline rush definitely were in full effect. My wife is all the way upstairs, I'm all the way downstairs alone, perfect timing. I know she won't be coming in since she's still mad.

It also doesn't help that we haven't even attempted sex since her last ovulating period like 3 weeks ago. She had her period, so no good news there which sucks. Her libido is zero, i don't even think she wants a O. She also told me she doesn't even really like making out anymore because her sense of smell or something has heightened? I'm not brushing my teeth every hour. We made out all the time prior to marriage. Like ALL the time, especially since we were celibate or at least tried to be. So with her not naturally not being touchy feely, then it's so much work getting her in the mood, now no making out...man she's just a friend seems like which makes me want to say screw it and watch P!! Smh this is the worst.

I just read a post on here where the guy said 90 days clean. Then he just went away. He recently posted like last week, which is how i even found it because it was at the top, and he said here's a 3 year update. He married the girlfriend he mentioned in his early posts and he's fully off P. He gets erections any time, any place and he's loving it. I need that. I want that. I think me dealing with PIED has me being less aggressive with attempting sex with her. The fear of not performing is definitely not gone. Who even knows when the flatline ends. It's different for different people, i know. I'll keep pushing.

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Success Stories / Re: Made it to 90 Days!
« on: November 21, 2020, 01:38:32 PM »
i appreciate your update. Thanks for making the light at the end of the tunnel even more bright!!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: The struggle towards freedom
« on: November 20, 2020, 06:45:47 PM »
dude, i'm right there with you! I started at about age 11 as well. I'm 36 now. I'm married with PIED, 3 years married. I definitely had those days when i was like, yep this thing is useless right now. I can't wait til it's over. I'm actually thinking the BIGGEST motivation to never watch SCREEN stimulation is this flat line period! I just feel broken with this PIED. Knowing it'll pass is what i'm holding onto and what is keeping me going! Let's keep journaling and progressing!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: November 20, 2020, 06:32:44 PM »
Day 26, no P-M-O

This is definitely the farthest I've come in any recent memory. Same routine, EVERY DAY! I get up...drop to my knees....do the Lord's prayer, which states to keep me away from temptation. The URGE that would surge through my limbs and every thought is not there anymore. I hope and pray it's gone forever. Alas, we are addicts so that's keeping me grounded. Never break routine! See the light at the end of the tunnel and get in the warrior's mindset to reach it!

THIS IS NOT A GAME!

The enemy wants us stuck in the mud, but we can overcome! My wife should be ovulating this time next week so we'll see if I can give another praise report. I'm getting random hard ons throughout the day, which is encouraging. It's like it's saying, hey remember me? lol I feel i see my wife more and more, the more that I stay away from P. Morning wood isn't every morning, but maybe every other morning? I'll take it. We'll see when it becomes a everyday thing. Is it supposed to everyday for our age group?

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How's it going man? We are in the same boat and we can make it! I'm in IT so i definitely work on the computer 24/7. I'm also 36, married, and have PIED. One day at a time! We are also trying to finally conceive. Were you all successful? I see you wrote your post in July. We just started, so we'll see what happens.

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: November 12, 2020, 06:54:38 AM »
Day 18, no P-M-O!

I'm having less and less thoughts. Every morning I do the Lord's prayer, so not sure if that's the key that's been working lol. Either way i'm going to keep up this routine, for LIFE, if i have to in order to keep these results! I'm not sure if i'm still experiencing PIED or not because we haven't tried again since Day 7. Again, our sex drives are shot i feel like. Seems like we both rather watch tv or play on our phones. Whether it be social media, online shopping/browsing for items, or playing a phone game. We need to do better. I have to take the lead and be intentional. In the videos about PIED the guy said, is the term "kareza" or something is a helpful tool to use. Makes sense, if we want to increase our intimacy we need to start being more intimate. Again, she wasn't brought up with seeing her parents have any type of physical touch so she's not touchy feely. That is definitely 1 of my love languages though so i need that. I guess i got/get tired of expressing that so when i'm not getting it then it's EASYYYYY to turn to porn.

She told me the other day she felt anxious and that she usually feels that way right before her period. That kinda made me sad/disappointed because that would mean she isn't pregnant. I'm still holding out hope and praying though! Prayer does work! It doesn't mean EVERYTHING you pray for will be GRANTED. That's the key word. He's not a genie. It's either a no, yes, or not now. It's all for our good so we just have to trust. Positive vibes only!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: November 09, 2020, 07:08:59 AM »
Day 15! Been a while

I'm not really seeing the motivation here on my posts, but hey i'll press on. It's just interesting to see other posts with 10 pages of replies.

We have to motivate ourselves and that's by getting a plan together, which can be a routine, that is going to put you into a warrior's mindset to freedom from this ADDICTION!! We have to take this thing serious. We've been dealing with it for decades, or at least i have. It warrants our full undivided focus on destroying it. For the sake of our future happiness and the happiness of our significant others!

My plan is to get out of bed, drop on my knees, and pray for the rebooting of my mind back to it's original state, as He intended it to be. Where just the simple smell of my wife and touch of her hand gets me a hard rock full erection that we can both enjoy. I've seen prayer work, so the motto is to never worry and to always pray. No point to worry if you're going to pray. They're supposed to cancel each other out.

So yea, Day 15...i did have flashbacks of  some girls i used to like to watch but i would quickly try and think of other things so that i can finally dismiss those brain pathways!! Screen stimulation is real and the TV/movie producers know what they're doing when picking women for roles and writing scenes. They want to stimulate us so that we keep watching. Stay on guard fellas!!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: November 01, 2020, 08:03:32 AM »
So Day 7 posting on here...1 week later! No PMO!

Oh fellas, day 5 I woke up with a 70% morning wood. That gave me hope. Just felt good to see life in it to be honest lol because it's been like a dead piece of meat. My wife told me she took that test where she's ovulating and that we needed to try. I did not feel confident to perform but I tried. At first, no signs of life and then it got to like 70% and then like 90% so we started and it dropped dead like 15 seconds later. My first thought was, ok i'm still in the process and so i didn't feel the normal frustration/disappointment that I normally felt. Knowledge is power!! Learn about the process, the usual time frame for our ages, and be hopeful! I do have a relationship with God so I hold my hope in Him! I thought we were done for the night, i was just happy we had sex, no matter how short it was! She came back over and tried starting again and i went to 100%!!! So my praise report is that we did it, i was able to ejaculate and my thoughts are hopefully her egg catches one lol!!

I went to get a physical about a month ago and I asked the doctor about me getting checked out and to check my sperm count, because honestly i've been on porn for decades now. Some nights i'd PMO 4 times, stayin up til 3am, even though I'd have to wake up for work at 6:30. The doctor told me how difficult it is to actually get pregnant. You only have like 3 days out of EVERY MONTH for the perfect timing. I definitely didn't know that. She let me know that when a couple is trying to get pregnant that they should try for at least 6 months before they consult a doctor on why they're not getting pregnant. Even after that they check the WOMAN first, not the male. She said it's best to try every other day. So Friday was day 1, yesterday was the day off, and today is the 2nd run. I woke up, had 100% wood...i woke her up and it worked again!! God is good! Prayer works!! I feel so energized and grateful! This just motivates me even more NOT to PMO!

I watched a powerful sermon yesterday on youtube, titled "Pastor John Nixon - Desperate Housewives (Marriage Counseling for Men)". Dude, that thing broke me down to tears, in front of my wife. It's basically saying WE as husbands have the power to make our wives BLOOM or make them desperate house wives. If there is a problem in the marriage, it's OUR fault, as MEN! I take all the blame, it's my/our responsibility! They gave us their hearts at the alter, which basically told us that we are in charge of it. PMOing is a problem we need to scrap. She needs to be precious to us. To be precious means there's not a female on this planet that can take her place and there's not another female on this planet we need to have or LOOK at! She needs and deserves to feel that special feeling we can give her! He also has a follow up sermon for wives you can check out.

Welp that's enough for today, i'm encouraged and i hope you all are encouraged! Prayer works!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: A Better Tomorrow
« on: October 28, 2020, 06:27:39 PM »
keep going man! I'm finishing day 3 too. We can do it! I like how you're pretty much using this as a ongoing journal. That made me start doing it. One day we'll go back to our 1st post and see how far we've come!

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Ages 30-39 / Re: PIED and Married
« on: October 28, 2020, 06:16:54 PM »
No temptations today, thank God. A guy from my church said he works with PIED and he said from his experience that guys with faith recover quicker. I hope that's true. I will continue to give that a try. Along this journey i MUST practice patience! The last time I attempted no P I lasted 2 1/2 weeks if not more and I was still experiencing PIED lol. I know, I know....younger guys can take much longer than older guys. I watched the video of one of the founders saying his flatline lasted 6 months I believe. I just have to keep thinking about the life at the end of this road. A life where I can truly be happy and not dependent on screen stimulation! Where I can have my wife feel desired daily! My sex drive seems shot and so does my wife's! I take all the blame. So much blame/shame/guilt that I feel and rightfully so. She deserves better and I'll give her better!

Seems like all the movies/tv I'm watching are showing babies. Making me feel guilty about not being able to have one now, with my wife who is just patiently waiting for/with me. I hope she can continue to wait. Then social media with all these covid pregnancies, so much to see. I don't want to be a hater, but i am envious. One day it'll be me. I'm claiming it now!

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