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Messages - faenoe

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51
Ages 20-29 / Re: I've got this
« on: April 03, 2020, 12:19:04 AM »
I just learned I need to be binary with it, and treat it all the same - it's all artificial stimulation for me, and not something that I can seek out purposefully and act on to pmo.

That is EXACTLY right. Any artificial sexual stimulation for a recovering addict IS PORN. Don't fool yourself into thinking it's ok. Instead ask yourself, "Why am I looking at/thinking about this?" If the answer is to get dopamine from artificial sexual stimulation, you have found the nature of what you're pursuing. Stay active on the forum and check in when you feel the urge to look at porn. I know it always helps me when I read about other people's goals. I'm trying to leave all this behind me so I can live a life with full relationships uninhibited by addiction. It's not easy, it will be worth it, and I believe it's possible. Welcome to Reboot Nation.

52
Ages 20-29 / Re: Miserable due to porn addiction
« on: April 03, 2020, 12:10:47 AM »
Congrats man! That is a big accomplishment.

Don't let your physical goals get you down. That has led to too many relapses for me in the past. You have to separate your emotions from your addiction and let your goals govern your behavior. Physical changes come as slowly as the mental changes after years of porn use. You have to stay at them AND DON'T QUIT!

53
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: April 03, 2020, 12:05:52 AM »
Hey zander. It was a rough day for me. I got hit pretty hard by a strong urge to PMO but I made it through and I'm here tonight. You'll make it through too, man. Keep going.

54
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: April 03, 2020, 12:02:57 AM »
Hey glad you're back. Like you, I had success at leaving porn behind me as an active member of this community. Then I left and it slowly crept back into my life. I'm here doing the same thing you are. Just got hit by a pretty strong wave today but I made it through! Keep going man. WE got this.

55
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 03, 2020, 12:00:21 AM »
DAY 18

Ooof today was a tough one. I was working on my end-of-semester project and got stuck on something. Immediately, I got hit by these extremely powerful urges to PMO. I cannot describe how intense they were. It almost seemed like a life/death experience. Idk how but it was almost like as soon as they were there, they were gone again. My brain is still clearly trying to get me to activate that old neural pathway to get dopamine and relieve itself from stress.

On the flip side, as powerful as the urge was, my resolve to quit porn was stronger. I just kept working on my project and taught myself a little bit more to WORK when I am stressed instead of THROWING MY GOALS AWAY. Feels good to be here tonight with this report.

56
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: April 01, 2020, 03:16:34 PM »
Good idea to catch up on stuff you've put off. I feel like these are just such strange times and with the future so opaque, it's even weirder to keep living in such fog. I think it's smart, like you say, to keep whatever things you can constant, like posting on the forum and keeping other daily habits. Dreams/sleep have put me in shaky moods in the past as well which is why I don't sleep with my phone in my room.

How has the latest patch :P affected you in ways you didn't fully realize?

I feel like for me, it took me some time to get used to staying inside and away from other people all day but I think I'm starting to get more used to staying home and productive (like it seems you are).

57
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 01, 2020, 03:05:55 PM »
DAY 17

I'm still on the train boys. I feel like I have made it completely out of any chaser effects since I last relapsed a couple weeks ago. However, I know that for me I often fall to this monster when I'm not getting hit with super strong urges. It is usually a small urge that eventually just gets through (because there are millions of them). I'm wary of these, knowing myself and my history.

Leaving PMO one more day further behind me.

58
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: April 01, 2020, 03:03:01 PM »
At least with the world shut down, there probably hasn't been a better time to "waste time" if you feel like that's what it is

59
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: March 30, 2020, 11:20:19 PM »
Hey zander keep going man. Your past fades further from you with each passing day. Keep the vision of your true self in your mind and don't let go of it. Here for you, bro.

60
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: March 30, 2020, 11:17:44 PM »
DAY 15

Hey guys, just checking in for today. I had a really weird dream last night that left me in a really high-tension mood when I woke up. For a split second I felt the urge to look at porn to relieve the tension. I know that is one of my triggers but I let go of it, took a shower, and went to work (oh yeah, to my desk lol).

It was a good weekend. I started reading a really good book yesterday that made me really grateful for all that I have, my goal to quit porn being one of those things.

One day at a time.

61
Hey Z,

I just read through your journal and I really appreciate all of the stuff that you have shared.

Have you noticed any specific triggers which make your brain get into the "need to look at porn to survive" rut? For me, it's stress but it could be totally different for you.

When I am feeling urges to look at porn, I always come online here to read through the journals. This helps my brain get out of that loop where it needs to look at porn and helps remind me of my goal to quit and leave it behind. September is coming up. You can reach your goal. We are here for you.

62
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: March 27, 2020, 01:47:21 PM »
Keep beating that hungry wolf to death man. He's starving. Let him die. Keep it up.

Good to hear that the day turned out better and you're feeling more like yourself.

63
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: March 27, 2020, 01:41:04 PM »
DAY 12

Wow I did not realize how many days had gone past since last being on here. The days go by so fast when you go to school, work, and do homework all from the same spot.

I am still fighting off urges but mostly just the desire to look at porn. I don't know that that will go away anytime soon. I mean, girls are attractive to guys. But I had a really weird night, I couldn't really sleep (I almost never have this problem except when I am super stressed) and the little sleep I did get didn't leave me feeling refreshed; I woke up in a similar bad mood that I went to sleep in yesterday. I will have to be extra vigilant today to protect myself from losing my goals.

Here's to another day of leaving all this garbage behind me!

64
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: March 23, 2020, 07:43:55 PM »
Dude, incredible posts recently. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your progress. Stay clean, man.

65
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: March 23, 2020, 07:33:47 PM »
Every success starts with day 1. It doesn't matter if the streak is short now because you need to start with 5 days to get to a lot more. Patience is very important. Also determination and keeping in mind that there is a day in the future when everything will be over. But be prepared because this addiction is sneaky. Things could be alright today but tomorrow the withdrawal could hit you really hard, the craving could get unbearable and this is when your determination is tested. I'm close to a month without searching or watching/looking at porn or porn subs. But I've had 3 days when I almost fell. I don't know if it applies to everybody but I feel that I had to follow a textbook approach with my addiction if I want to succeed. There is no room for even small mistakes. I can't count how many times I've relapsed after engaging in something "small and harmless". I had to remember that I felt better since the last binge, I had to keep in mind where I wanted to be. There is no place for an addiction in the life that I want to live from now on. This addiction dragged me down too much. Good luck, man.

You're totally right about porn addiction being sneaky. For this reason I have decided to adopt the sentiment that any artificial sexual stimulation is porn. If you do the same, there won't be anything "small and harmless" because all of that material, no matter how "bad" it seems, is sought after for one reason: artificial sexual stimulation to release dopamine.

DAY 7
Kicking back another day over here! I just made it through a pretty intense urge whose origin I was able to pinpoint: stress. This is the only consistent trigger that I have been able to identify through my years of addiction. It's probably shared among many of you. I am working on my end-of-semester project and it is pretty difficult. I frequently get the urge to look at porn when I am stressed. But instead of looking at porn I decided to apply myself and work through the problem I was having. This is the healthy response to stress that I want to train my brain to turn to when it encounters stress. It was a pretty tough battle but now the urge is gone.

Putting another battle behind me.

66
Women / Re: How to distract yourself when you are tempted?
« on: March 22, 2020, 12:08:47 AM »
Hello,
I have found that coming on here and reading other people's experiences to be extremely useful for getting out of the rut our brains get into. Whenever I feel a tempted, it stays there unless I do something about it. There are two things that make it go away: breaking my streak, or returning to this forum to get out of my own head and remind myself of what my real goal is.
Hope this helps.

67
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: March 21, 2020, 11:49:23 PM »
I am right with you there on too much screen time being draining. Today I was trying to work on homework but I couldn't bring myself to transition straight from mindlessly scrolling through the internet to working on homework. I decided to get up and cook for a bit (since I had the entire day still) and then use that as a kind of context switch and then go into homework. It really made a difference.

68
Glad to hear that making a schedule made a difference. I used to do that and I had similar results but I find myself doing it very rarely still. What have you found that works well?

Also great to hear that your urges are beginning to weaken. I hope the same will happen for me but right now I'm still very early on in my streak since my last relapse. Keep it up bro.

69
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: March 21, 2020, 11:37:14 PM »
Hey man, just read your last few entries. Thanks for sharing your struggle. I am right with you when when you said you had a different view of adults as a kid. I had the same feelings: "When I'm older, I'll stop having problems with porn and addiction." But here I am too, still with problems. But I'm here with you man. Your future is to leave porn behind in the dust and all of the withdrawal symptoms that come with it.

I also have to agree with you that porn is a cruel experiment upon ignorant minds. It's impossible for a kid to understand how all-consuming addiction is, and it really isn't fair that we grew up with such easy access to it. But here we are, in this community, trying to recover. That is pretty incredible if you think about it. We have support here. We can be totally open with each other and talk about how much this thing sucks and be met by a sea of empathy. Sure everyone's recovery is different in some ways, but we are all here for you. Keep out of the black pit bro.

70
Ages 20-29 / Re: TOTAL CHAOS
« on: March 21, 2020, 11:25:46 PM »
DAY 5

Made it through another day. I feel like I am gaining more control after the first few days were over. I have made changes in the way I have devoted myself to spirituality since I have had more time on my hands. I think that is also helping make a difference. The cravings are still coming though and it's just annoying to have them there. I don't know if they will ever go away completely but I think coming on here and reading the posts from other people on here is a healthy way to deal with them for now.

Almost to my goal of one week. A couple days to go.

71
Ages 20-29 / Re: It's not impossible if others have done it
« on: March 20, 2020, 08:51:03 AM »
Good morning!

Sounds like it has been a tough past few days. Just remember your ultimate goal. It's not relief from the way you may feel when you are down. It's recovery. It's your total disassociation from porn. It's the ultimate victory that comes from you being in control of your desires and understanding what is good for you. Keep fighting no matter what.

72
Ages 20-29 / Re: TOTAL CHAOS
« on: March 20, 2020, 08:47:28 AM »
Day 4
Missed reporting here yesterday but I was just inside most of the day. I worked for a while and then studied for exams that I have. It was a pretty successful day as far as being productive while having to be shut inside. I have to say the first three days were difficult in terms of the urges but I feel a little bit more confident now that I have this community with me again.

Here's to one more day!

73
Ages 20-29 / Re: TOTAL CHAOS
« on: March 18, 2020, 07:39:58 PM »
Wow thank you for that incredible response wecandoit. I know exactly what you mean about the whole domino situation. I think you're also right about the brain seeking a full-on relapse because when I did relapse I did twice in one day and that, I believe, is what my brain was trying to get. Thank you for the valuable insight. You have no idea how much that means to me to have your support.

DAY 2
Just felt a strong urge to look at porn but I decided to come on here instead. I was looking at the moderator's profile and decided to read his post from 2014:

Quote from: PursuitOfUnFAPpiness
Hey Paul,

Welcome to RebootNation! Thank you for sharing your story and it sounds like you’re off to a great start with the past few years and especially the last 90 days!

I can really relate to how you said every aspect of your being is damaged when you would use PMO. I am 26 and I used internet porn for a few years (several times a week). I feel like I have always been observant of how things affect me, but didn't fully realize the magnitude of the effects of PMO until after quitting.  Among many things, the biggest was how it changed my view of women.  PMO reduced my desire for seeking depth in relationships, and what I primarily looked for in girls was physical/sexual, instead of focusing on finding someone I really enjoyed spending time with and loved and deeply cared about.

I am looking forward to hearing more of your story and how it affected you! We are still getting the site up and going, so once we get it rolling I'll take some time and post my journey too and all the ways I noticed how affected me!

-PursuitOfUnFAPpiness

 It's like all of a sudden my desire to look at porn was gone as my mind snapped into remembering what my goal is: total recovery. Reading this post reminded me that I DON'T want anything to do with porn, and I want to become totally disassociated with it. I think every time I feel an urge to look at porn I am going to come to this forum instead and hopefully gain the strength to stay sober.

74
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: March 17, 2020, 11:38:17 AM »
Hey Blue. I have returned to the place that took me so far. I really appreciate all of the comments you have on your thread here and I'm right here with you man.

It's been such a crazy change with just staying inside pretty much all day. Even just going to campus was something I didn't expect to miss so much. I guess you never know what you have until it's gone. But new circumstances are just new challenges for us to rise and adapt to. It has not been easy for me these past couple of days but I have a goal for this week to be a clean one.

75
Ages 20-29 / Re: It's not impossible if others have done it
« on: March 17, 2020, 11:25:44 AM »
Hey man, I just want to comment on your journal. You're doing a great job! 23 days is as amazing step forwards. I am just starting out and have a goal for one week and then I hope to work my way up to three months. Go for it man.

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