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Messages - faenoe

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26
Ages 20-29 / Re: Free At Last
« on: April 27, 2020, 03:17:35 PM »
hey achilles sorry to hear about that girl. The odds are so incredibly stacked against us with porn being rampant on every social media platform and more accessible than food. I remember surrendering my streak many times to getting porn bot spammed on social media. It really sucks man. Unfortunately, I don't think that will ever change. But we can rise up stronger. Keep on going man.

27
Ages 20-29 / Re: Miserable due to porn addiction
« on: April 27, 2020, 03:10:44 PM »
Congrats on two weeks anon! Incredible progress. I have been doing pretty good. I'm just trying to balance my life with work and starting school for the summer tomorrow. It's kinda a whirlwind but I think I need the time away from full-time work. Stay strong man!

28
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: April 25, 2020, 06:33:04 PM »
I agree with you that the ending of the year was pretty anticlimactic. I feel kinda bad for all those who graduated this year and couldn't have their two or so hours of honor in front of the world but there's nothing that we could've done about that. Having the transition to summer is always strange. For the first few days I always feel like there is some assignment I haven't done and I'll usually have dreams where I show up to class having completely forgotten about something I had to do. Our brains really do try to be responsible haha. Glad to hear that your semester is ending well and that you are doing well too!

29
Ages 20-29 / Re: Miserable due to porn addiction
« on: April 25, 2020, 06:28:11 PM »
Hey anon, just catching up on your posts since last time I read. Sounds like there have been some pretty rough road bumps but it looks like you're doing the right things and you are able to be satisfied with progress of any degree. Taking inspiration from this. Thanks man.

30
Jeks, it's great to hear about your milestone you have reached. What an accomplishment, honestly. That is insane man! Really proud of what you have been able to do.

31
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 25, 2020, 06:13:01 PM »
DAY 40

Blue, as much as I hate admitting this, I think you're right. It doesn't matter how much I want to work and be productive if I don't take time away to do something else. Like right now: I am trying to read for one of my classes that hasn't even started yet (it starts next week), and I find myself getting hit by the inability to focus on it. As much as I'd like to be prepared when my classes start, perhaps a better time to do that would be next week. I think I am going to go to the store and pick up some ingredients to make some food and do some cooking tonight. That seems like a good way to get me off the computer and doing something better.

Edit: I decided to hop on here because I was getting hit by some urges and knew that here was the best place to go to remind myself what I am doing and what my greater goal is. Thank you all for providing your experiences because they help me every single time I read them.

Much love to all of you and may we all have a porn-free weekend.

32
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 23, 2020, 06:32:26 PM »
DAY 38

Thanks Blue, your words means a lot. I relish all of the support from this fantastic community.

These past two weeks have been ROUGH. I remember last summer when I was working full time that life was just hard but I couldn't really remember why. These last two weeks have reminded me why.

I think I have a mental disorder, or maybe just habit of not being able to relax if I know there is work to be done. I finished my classes and hopped right into working full-time. I thought this switch from school to work would bring less stress but it just brings different stress. I can't work harder to get all of my hours in at work. I have to work for x amount of hours to do that.

For some reason I have a hard time falling asleep now (which I can remember from last summer), which has led to half-consciously MO'ing a couple of times. Idk what it is about work. (Luckily?) I am doing classes all summer long so I don't think I will be able to work full-time but we will see.

Porn hasn't even been on my mind over the last week. I had a personal project that I started after I finished all of my hours at work last week and it completely enveloped me all weekend. It was awesome. I felt alive again.

Life is hard mates but I've made it this far and I plan to continue.

33
Ages 20-29 / Re: Free At Last
« on: April 17, 2020, 12:13:32 AM »
That is good to hear! You are strong enough to overcome this and you will. I believe that you can do it. Your commitment to change is strong but remember that you also have this community to turn to when you need help! If you find yourself stuck in a rut you can't get out of, get on the forum. Remind yourself what you're fighting against. Read our journals. Do whatever it takes. You got this.

34
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 17, 2020, 12:10:36 AM »
DAY 31

By all standards, I have made it through my first month! Recovery is truly incredible. The initial urges that plagued me during the first weeks, that seemed so strong and powerful, never appear anymore. I wondered how I would continue to fight such strong desires but, luckily, the brain is capable of adapting. That is the one major advantage that we all posses. Keep fighting wherever you may be on the journey. If you are able to teach the brain alternative ways of relieving stress, it is amazing what it will do to adapt.

35
That is awesome Jeks! The brain really is able to change itself when it senses the need to adapt. Keep up the defenses and don't let them down for anything!

36
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 14, 2020, 10:19:34 PM »
DAY 29

Thanks achilles! I started this month in a weird place. I didn't even want to stop looking at porn. I didn't start this month after feeling bad after a relapse. I just wanted more. But I can still remember consciously making the decision to stop even though I wanted to look at porn.

It's very interesting that during those three years, I didn't even have the desire to look at porn. However, the thing that got me was returning to my parents house for a week. After living away from home after all that time, my brain didn't have a spot where it knew it was supposed to look at porn. When I returned home, the old habits came flooding back with the old environment. Even in just the one week I was there. Now I have been battling for two years. It just goes to show how much our environments affect our behavior. Change your environment and don't pollute it. Change your behavior and change your life.

37
Ages 20-29 / Re: Miserable due to porn addiction
« on: April 13, 2020, 11:37:35 PM »
Hey anon, sorry to hear about the rough day. I hate it when I feel like I am stuck in that "rut" of just wanting to only look at porn and knowing that I have a ton of other things I need to work on. It is seriously the pits. You have to get yourself out of that situation and detox from that cortisol that builds up in your body. When your brain gets in a high stress situation, it will look for anything to get itself out. At that point, you're fighting a survival instinct. I don't think I've ever had success in getting away when I just stay in front of a porn access point when I feel that survival instinct kick in. I have to get out.

38
Ages 20-29 / Re: Free At Last
« on: April 13, 2020, 11:33:31 PM »
Hey man, only a couple more days until you're at a week! Glad to hear that you're being productive and feeling that satisfaction that comes from exerting yourself in physically healthy ways. Rock on. ;D You can do it!

39
Hey Jeks, I was in your exact position during last week since it was my last week of school! I really feel like I made a lot of progress in training my brain to respond to the end-of-semester stress in healthy ways. It feels good to lie down at night knowing you never have to do all the work you did that day again. It's behind and tomorrow hold another opportunity to grow, develop, and learn more. Keep it up man. Stay productive, but don't be afraid to take breaks to do something healthy that you can drain your stress into.

40
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Reboot Journal
« on: April 13, 2020, 11:28:00 PM »
Hey Rebooter, hope you're making it alright through the difficult week after a relapse. We're here for you and we are rooting for you.

Cheers

41
I remember how big of a difference it made for me when I left instagram. It's a battlefield that is completely stacked against you. Back when the porn bots were really bad, I relapsed multiple times completely out of the blue. But like that last article Jeks posted, you gotta leave it behind. What's more important, "staying socially relevant", or quitting porn? It's not easy but just like when you have super-glued your fingers on your dominant hand together, you realize that your brain is capable of adapting and it can learn how to replace learned habits with new ones.

42
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 13, 2020, 11:15:52 PM »
DAY 28

This new week has brought with it a completely different lifestyle. For a couple of weeks, I have respite from the daily stress of having large projects that need to be completed as I have finished everything for the semester. Now I can work. I worked for about 5 hours today and then helped my friend with his homework. Didn't think about porn once today and that feels great. Stress really is my main trigger I think. But I will remain vigilant and not let my guard down. I have relapsed too many time to the cravings that feel small an insignificant. The thing is that consuming any amount of porn lowers my self control and is extremely dangerous because it can easily spark the chaser effect leading into a full-on binge relapse. Not anything I ever want.

43
Ages 20-29 / Re: Leaving Hell
« on: April 13, 2020, 12:52:08 AM »
A warm welcome to you, CallousedMind.

First of all, you couldn't have made a better choice than joining this community. If you read through the journals of the guys on here, you will gain strength and perspective that you never knew before. Take that perspective seriously as you recover. Check in on the forum often and ESPECIALLY when you feel cravings. Trust me, when I'm in deep water, getting on the forum is one of the most powerful things I have found to help get my mind out of the porn "rut".

Second, what have you identified as triggers? For me, it's stress. Unfortunately, for many years, I trained my brain to deal with stress through using porn and now I am paying the price, fighting the conditioned response I created and strengthened for years. Knowing my triggers has helped me know what I need to change to recover. Just not looking at porn is not enough for me. Because stress produces cortisol, I can't just sit in my chair not looking at porn. I have to relieve the stress somehow. I am trying to train my brain to relieve its stress by a) working on whatever is stressing me out instead of procrastinating, and b) exercising. You have to find healthy behaviors to replace the ones you want to get rid of.

Third, know that we are here for you and we want to see you succeed. We want to see everyone on here, one beautiful day, leave this garbage behind. Forever. You're going to go through ups and downs, but we are here. We're reading your journal. We hope the very best for you. It's time to leave hell, my friend.


44
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 13, 2020, 12:24:31 AM »
DAY 27

Thank you both for the encouraging words. It feels good to have the support of this wonderful community. We are all stronger together to celebrate each other's victories, hold each other up when we need help, and dust each other off when we fall. You guys are awesome!

It was a peaceful Easter day. I have stayed at my apartment for almost three weeks now and have had no symptoms of being sick so I decided I would make the journey and go visit my parents. It was great to see them for an evening. Now I stand at the beginning of another week. The focus will gradually shift from school to work as the school year comes to a close and before I begin summer classes. It is hard for me to work full-time but I did it all last summer so I know I can do it. Plus, it will be nice to have the extra money.

The urges to look at porn have gradually weakened. Even when I get spam friend requests from fake porn accounts on Facebook, I am able to delete them without a problem and keep moving. I really hate those though. It's just not something that I think I should need to battle. But that is the reality of life in today's world. Porn is a huge, addictive industry. I am going to be one of the ones who leaves it behind. Forever.

Almost and one month and I couldn't be happier with the things I am learning and the empowerment I feel from dealing with my stress in healthy ways. Don't do anything that will make your recovery more difficult than it already is.

45
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: April 10, 2020, 07:28:23 PM »
Hey Blue sorry to hear about the difficult week last week. I wanted to thank you for your insights and especially number 3. I have experienced similar things that somehow push me over the edge of feeling good about life and make me relapse. It's honestly the scariest part of recovery when you build yourself up with long streak and attach your progress to that number. It just sucks to fall down no matter what. But keep on going, and sharing your journey; you inspire us.

46
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 10, 2020, 07:21:39 PM »
DAY 25

Time goes so fast when you stay at home all day. This week has been surprisingly free from the desire to look at porn. I think it's partially due to two things: I got one of my final projects that was really stressing me out under control, and it has been a few weeks of being clean. I can feel a difference in the power that porn has over me and I haven't really thought about it at all this week. It seems like putting my shoulder the the grindstone has been paying off.

But I want 26 days. So I'll keep on working hard and dealing with my stress in healthy ways. That has seemed like the best way for me to have progress.

47
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 04, 2020, 12:09:00 AM »
DAY 19

Today has been a wonderful day. I got a lot done on my school work and cleaned my apartment. I made dinner and had a relaxing evening.

I was fighting some urges today about noon time. I tried to keep working on my project to combat the stress but it wasn't working. Too much cortisol building up without an outlet. I decided to work out to get out of the situation. That worked! I was able to relieve the stress via a healthy outlet and I'm feeling pretty good about that. It is going to be a good weekend.

48
Porn Addiction / Re: Nothing's Working
« on: April 03, 2020, 11:31:20 AM »
Hey Sparrow,
Sorry to hear about the recent difficulties you've been facing. It can be so discouraging when you have a long streak and then fail repeatedly to get back up on the horse. It's extremely difficult because you're fighting neurological impulses that are very powerful. From what you described, it seems like your experiencing some form of the chaser effect--you fall once and then can't stop binging on porn in the days that follow. I think it's a good thing to be aware of so you can be more prepared for what you will face in the future. Best wishes.

49
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 03, 2020, 09:37:13 AM »
I can relate to this situation so much. My strongest urges were coming while being frustrated, especially concerning my studies. I wasnt used to handling negative emotions without pmo. Therefore i congratulate you to make it through this. Be aware that it might happen again. Maybe you might want to think about what to do in these situations to deal with the stress. What also helped me was showering, especially cold, when i was just too tired to just keep working.

Keep going faenoe

Thanks Jeks! I can't wait until the urges start becoming less powerful because as well as I was able to make it out yesterday, it's scary nonetheless. I think it's a healthy response to just get up and away from the computer when those feelings return. Put some distance between myself and the place of failure.

Faenoe,

Glad you're back on here man - I'm the same way and feel like I have the most success when I'm active on the forum talking with others. Stress is a big thing for me that causes me to want to watch porn, but also specifically when things I feel just aren't going well in terms of dating/personal life. Perhaps maybe that falls under stress as well. Keep it up man!

Thanks JB1997! I appreciate the support and empathy. It's so hard to not let emotions govern behavior... but I guess that is what discipline is after all!

I'll probably check in again at the end of the day to give myself a goal to make it through the day. Thanks for the love and support guys!

50
Thanks for reading. Keep safe guys. This forum gives me so much to stay on track emotionally. Thank you all for that, its a great community.

Of course man. We're here with you. I feel the same gratitude for everyone too. It makes a huge difference having this community of people who want you to make PMO a thing of the past. Carry on.

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