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Messages - faenoe

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Ages 20-29 / Re: TOTAL CHAOS
« on: October 14, 2019, 07:25:15 PM »
you still need to be careful about "the old demon" like they say. You're not out and that's it! It can come back if you don't learn know what you feel and why you feel that way so you can do something about it!

This is definitely a reality. I know I have a long way to go so I started identifying my triggers and started eliminating them. Having a long streak and then losing it to something you didn't even go looking for sucks so much. For this reason, I deleted instagram from my phone. I was so sick of getting pm's from e-whoring accounts. So many times, they led me to a relapse. It feels good to be free from the waste of time too.

No matter how long or short our streaks are, the only thing that really matters is what we do today. We can't change what happened to us yesterday, and we can't control tomorrow yet. Today, though, is right in the palm of our hand. Each day, just focus on taking care of yourself and getting through the day, one day at a time.

Thanks BlueHeron. It really is a slow process to live day by day when you're just focusing on not PMO'ing. Like really slow.

I have been fortunate to have a lot to do during the past week and haven't had any free time at all. I spent the entire day Saturday reading research articles and I learned a ton. I didn't have the urge to PMO once. I think the removal of Instagram has been a HUGE stepping stone for me. I'm going to try and keep identifying and removing triggers to give myself the best chance possible.

Thank you all for your support. Carry on brothers.

Ages 20-29 / Re: TOTAL CHAOS
« on: October 12, 2019, 01:37:57 PM »
Well, I've made it to Saturday clean. Historically, Saturdays have been particularly challenging because I like to get all of my homework that is due during the weekend/on Monday done by the end of the day Saturday. High stress and a lot of self-motivation required to stay productive during my otherwise free day. I am doing research for homework right now and doing my best to stay on task.

The past week has been good otherwise! It has been very stressful with exams and studying but I'm making it through. I went downtown with a couple of buddies last night and went to an underground open-mic night. It was good to spend the night doing something with friends even though I knew I had a lot of studying to do. Plus, can't PMO when I'm with my friends.

I'm almost to one week. A small achievement for some but a great one for me!

Ages 20-29 / Re: TOTAL CHAOS
« on: October 08, 2019, 11:28:47 PM »
Days off can be especially dangerous. For me, it really helps to have a to-do list and a schedule for every day, especially the days off. That way, I can be sure that I'm using my time and not just setting myself up for a relapse because I have nothing else to do.
Keep going!

I think the to-do list is a good idea. I always feel like I know what stuff I need to get done but I haven't actually ever made a list. I'll give it a try for Thursday.

Today is day 2 clean. I didn't really have any urges today but I had a good project I was working on for the entire time after work and class. That made a huge difference. I think I am going to try and get as much stuff done as I can tomorrow so I don't have to spend time in my apartment on Thursday when I don't have class. If I'm not home, I'll stand a much better chance of another clean day.

Ages 20-29 / Re: 13 years of porn prison.. Peter's diary
« on: October 08, 2019, 11:07:53 AM »
You have been addicted for a long time so it may be beneficial to set a small goal. Say 5 days or so? The small victories will build your confidence and show you that you DO have the power to QUIT.

You also need to realize that it isn't natural for your body to constantly fight resistance so you need to remove yourself from situations where you feel the urge. It is very difficult to not look at porn if you have been addicted for a while, are in a place where you PMO.

Keep fighting. Don't give up! I'm trying to quit too

Ages 20-29 / Re: TOTAL CHAOS
« on: October 08, 2019, 08:30:34 AM »
Welcome dude!  Here's a quote that's been very very helpful.  "You are who you are, you are what you are, because of what has gone into your mind"

In it's simplest form, a reboot is not putting pmo in your mind and putting something else in there to help you become who you want to be.

I have totally experienced that! Anytime where I have the craving for PMO, there is almost no way of resisting it unless I physically move myself away from the computer. Our brains like to get stuck in loops until we either do something else or fall for what's in the loop.
Although I'm only 2 weeks in, I'm trying to view stress triggers as a form of energy, and I try and change the energy, even if it's watching a favourite TV show of mine, or listening to some music. As long as it calms me down.

I am also taking supplements to help deal with physical stress (licorice root and ashwagandha). Might be worth looking into for the early stages of the reboot.
Well done on 2 weeks my friend! I haven't gone that long in a very long time but I think this journal will help me reach my goals. I believe you're thinking of elementary school in the US. I have found music helpful for me as well. It seems to be able to break the cycle sometimes, especially if I'm stressed.

I haven't ever considered taking a supplement to help with stress. I'll have to do some research. Thanks chuck!

Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: October 07, 2019, 09:43:18 PM »
Hey Blue I really appreciate your story so far. As a new member of the forum, I also really appreciate your support. It feels good to not be isolated with my problems anymore. It feels good to belong to a community where everyone has the same goal. Keep it up man. You're an inspiration!

Ages 20-29 / Re: TOTAL CHAOS
« on: October 07, 2019, 09:22:13 PM »
For me, that has meant learning to get at the root causes of my anxiety. Porn isn't the problem, it's a misguided attempt to solve a problem. So when I feel stressed out or depressed, instead of running to porn to feel better, I try to figure out what is really wrong and to work on solving that problem in a healthy way (instead of just avoiding through addiction).

Wow, thanks for the support! Something interesting that I have also read is PMO it is a learning disorder that you have to unlearn. I think my biggest problem with PMO comes when I have a lot of stress and a lot of free time where I feel like I can put stressful things off because I usually relapse on days where I don't have class.

Daily Update:
Today is my first clean day with this journal and it feels great! This morning I had strong urges to view what I did yesterday but I stayed busy while getting ready for the day and then left the apartment as soon as I could. I noticed that as soon as I was outside the urges were gone and my brain was thinking about work and school.

Ages 20-29 / Re: 90 full days, I'm not healed yet.
« on: October 06, 2019, 08:24:53 PM »
You have made it very far! I am just starting today and 90 days is incredible progress! Keep it up my friend. It is inspiring (but also difficult) to read your story. Keep going for tomorrow holds everything.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Can you defeat it? Yes you can!
« on: October 06, 2019, 08:14:45 PM »
Day 9:

Quiet day. Got some assignments out of the way. Spent some time watching a movie. I feel like watching videos of any kind is a trigger for me. I'm gonna try to stop watching them for a while. But it's difficult to keep myself occupied when I don't have much else to do. I've got to figure something out. Or maybe I just need to get used to the feeling of not having anything to do.

Onto day 10.

I'm just starting out today! Amazing job on 10 days. It is my absolute dream to be able to go 10 days. I don't think I have since I have relapsed a year ago. Thanks for your story so far

Ages 20-29 / Recovery is an incredible process
« on: October 06, 2019, 08:07:59 PM »
Here is the beginning of my journal.

I have started with PMO when I was 12 years old. I heard kids talk about masturbating and say things like, "Everyone does it" which I thought was strange because I never had. Well, eventually, I got curious and everything went downhill from there. From the ages of 18 - 21 I went totally without porn. I had never felt better in my entire life. I finally had the confidence to talk to girls and the thought to look at porn didn't even cross my mind.

Obviously, I'm here because my addiction has once again gained control over my life and I want to change that. I want to return to the happiness I felt when I wasn't addicted.

My main trigger is stress. I have conditioned my brain to turn to porn when I am stressed out and I need to find viable alternatives to replace my porn use. Please post suggestions about what you do when when you encounter a trigger. Looking forward to this journey I have started.

February 27 Update: I am back in here because I need the support! I have never had so much success in overcoming PMO than when I was active on this forum. Thank you all for the support you have given me.

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