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Messages - Rookie

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51
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: August 20, 2020, 11:14:14 PM »
Hi Rook,  That was a big help. I know cold-turkey is best. Today is Day #4.
It does feel like I'm grasping at straws when I'm cutting back to less and less hardcore. It's probably not even a good strategy.
But by doing something, anything, I can tell myself honestly I've not given up completely.
It is like hoping for a miracle where the chances are one in a million that I'll reboot.
Then I say to myself, "Mr. Slurp, look what you're doing right now. You're chatting with people that care about you and share the same issues. One year ago this opportunity would have seemed like a one in a million miracle."
So, I hope lightning (like you guys) hits twice and something or some revelation drops onto my head and helps.  As they say in France junosequa (you never know). Sorry to any French guys. lol

Glad to hear my little "rant" helped. And just a heads up, junosequa, is actually Jenesaisquoi (Je ne sais quoi), which directly translated, is "I don't know what"....Yes, I'm born and raised French, lol. Your expression nailed it, just needed a bit of spell check. I piss off my wife and friends often, they call me a grammar Nazi...lol.


52
Ages 40 and up / Re: Had enough
« on: August 20, 2020, 12:07:38 PM »
The only thing I would add, is knowing your marital status, how long you have been addicted (don't need specific details) and if you have a family. No names...or ages, yours only if you wish. The ONLY reason these are suggested, every battle is fought differently.

If I know you have a spouse...there's a good chance you're going to get relief sometimes. If you don't, single men on the board will be better at giving some advice...

Gives us a better picture of the angle we're going to give advice, and the angle you're coming in at.

53
Ages 40 and up / Re: Had enough
« on: August 19, 2020, 11:23:13 PM »
Welcome to the board. In your early battle, post often. Daily (at a minimum if can). Even if it's just "nothing to report"...that helps you keep yourself accountable.

Many, many folks on the board will have some great advice. And you're right, most, if not all, are here for the same reasons. The great thing about here, is while we know each other on the board, we're anonymous. Feel free to dump emotions, it helps.

Cheers, and hope your next post has a few added days to your 15...

54
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: August 19, 2020, 11:19:47 PM »
I think you're beating yourself up too much on it. Some on this board were addicted to some crazy things that most of us might find repulsive. Others, (myself) stuck to vanilla for 20 + yrs...everything is an addiction. But in a sense I would count it progress if someone that was addicted to "bondage" now has gotten away from it, and is now "just" fighting vanilla.
Same as myself, it was always just 1 guy and 1 girl...I would count it progress if I downgraded to still images for a bit...till I have the strength to only go to written stories.

Some can do cold turkey (I thank the Lord for this), and some can't. Some have to cut down, and it might take longer, either way...if you have to cut out some of the stuff you were watching / indulging in...go for less hardcore. I doubt ANYONE here will berate you for that, seeing the struggles you are going through, if you took this from a different angle.

Like I said about myself, I got to a point of extreme anxiety (things related but not really to porn) for about 2 months. That's that gave me a head start. If it wasn't for that, I would still be indulging.

So, decide for yourself, what you "were" addicted to, that got you off...and tone down a notch or 2...otherwise, you're just going to go in a tail spin and lose courage.

However!!! If you go with the suggestion I gave above, you will risk falling back. So I would also suggest some serious goals and timelines for improvement.

For instance, most people that start at the gym, want to look like the cover of a magazine in the first workout...that won't happen. So, instead, small goals that are non negotiable and fight to get it. So I would suggest daily goals, if you can't get 3 days without relapse...well on the 3rd day, set a time limit (obviously much shorter than what you typically do, purely for the relief, and not the rush). Then, 3 days later, relief. And whatever you're viewing, tone that down as well. If it's simply action on the screen, move to still images and tell yourself, "I'm never going to bead this if I don't at least change the habit".

Then, for this goal, set yourself, say 2 weeks. Then, after the 2 weeks, check your progress and your resistance. Now, can you do 5 days of the same routine? Or even 10 days? If it's 5, now can you move away from still images to written content?

Unfortunately, this battle might not be a cold turkey one for you like it has been for some of us. We also can't forget, some of us have the help of a spouse...you quitting this, might be like someone on needle drugs that has to wean himself off, a little bit at a time, with a strict discipline. Otherwise, you'll never get out.

I personally vote for the cold turkey. Cutting off all apps on the phone and only logging on the PC for banking, business and this forum. And movies...I even cut off cartoons in the first couple of months due to the extreme beauty of women in those things.

But, not everyone's journey is the same. Keep in mind, NO ONE here is leaving your corner, but you have to keep the gloves on, we can't swing for you.

55
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: August 17, 2020, 11:37:51 PM »
Day 153...still some temptation to P(I really wish that crap was gone). But no temptation to PMO...which is good. However, the last few days have been wicked busy.
Yesterday, I was dealing with a business partner of mine (I am barely active in that business, but since I'm the only French one in the office, I'm inheriting some French clients) on a transaction I have to complete.

While outside he asked, "so what church do you go to now". I went to his in the past (Plymouth Brethren) however, since they are free will dispensationalists, and I now subscribe to the Calvinist, Covenant Theology, and more on the Supralapsarianism (Robert Weymond version), we had a long, long discussion.

At the end of it, he wanted bible verses that supported my view...and with every verse I gave him (Ephesians 1, Romans 8 and 9, Jeremiah 17:9, John chapter 6...and the list goes on) he had to do bible gymnastics to explain his perspective. So he wants a bigger list.

Well, all this to say, I'm going to be way too busy to do this "essay" for him to show my point, whether he believes it or not, plus work, gym, domestic duties...no time for PMO these days.

Once again, hoping the next post, is that this streak is extended again.

56
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: August 14, 2020, 07:45:27 AM »
Day 149...This past week, beyond busy. Brought wood in dad's basement (with the help of a couple other guys, brought in about 8 cord). Yesterday was my birthday, and my wife gave me my "birthday present" twice, about 3 hrs apart.

She was in complete shock that I could perform as well the second time, as I did the first time. This is the first time in months that I didn't have to wait till the weekend for some relief.

The rest of this week is just as busy, 4 hrs overtime today (12 hr shift) and another 4 hr shift tomorrow.

Life is kind of on a race track right now...and my wife, just sits back and watches her shows while she's on vacation.

Either way, she could be cheating, drugs, drinking, gambling....the list is long. She's spends a bit, and doesn't help much around the house (except for weekends)...such is life.

Typed enough for today, I have to run and get things done...

Till the next post....

57
Ages 40 and up / Re: A Better Life
« on: August 09, 2020, 11:20:16 AM »
Day 12 is huge!!! It's the foundation of the start of the streak. It's the proof that you do have the strength to fight it. Those are the positives.

It's also where your mind starts playing tricks on you, and starts throwing some wicked temptations (most people anyway) and you really start doubting yourself.

If I can throw a few words of caution...

Celebrate this 12 days!!! Make it count.

Be extra vigilant. For the next couple of weeks, the temptations are going to throw everything at you. It's like the addiction knows there's a fight now, and will do everything to bring you back.

Don't fall for it. It's all lies, and then the remorse. Keep fighting, and let's see this streak get to 20!!!

58
Ages 40 and up / Re: A Better Life
« on: August 06, 2020, 11:16:35 PM »
I don't know if you guys read my full journal. But I'm in one of those marriages that I refuse to tell my wife. She has severe anxiety and severe body dysphoria. So, if I mention that I was deep into porn (very vanilla and never went beyond that) just the thought of me looking at women that maybe had nicer more desirable bodies than her...maybe not suicide, but a long, long time before anything would happen between us.

Now I'm approaching 150 days without PMO...while on the one hand, it's fantastic...and I feel a bit stronger in the fight every day....the urge is still there, not as strong as before...but I have to keep alert.

My big thing was, "hit 5 days"...once you get to that...then you got a bit of a streak going. Mind you my Christian background (reformed baptist) plays a huge, huge part in it...I still have to do the effort of fighting it.

Remember, NEVER try to hit 100 days if you can't do 5...go for 6 hrs...then another 6 hrs...then the 24 hrs. Now you have 1 day under your belt...next, 36 hrs...next 2 days...all of a sudden, you're at 5 days.

Just don't count every minute and every hour. That will torture you, and you're going to try to find something to do...which might lead to a relapse. Keep busy with something else, and just go for half day records. Eventually, you'll have a few days.

Hope I didn't ramble on too much, keep the right and stay in the ring. One of you has to go down...and stay there. You might get knocked down once or twice, just keep getting up.

59
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: August 06, 2020, 10:57:24 AM »

Thanks Rookie, that's just the motivation I needed to hear right now.. Just at the 10 day point myself and starting to loose the early stage raw motivation which I knew would eventually fade. I need to focus on the long term goal of a better life and feeling great PMO free!

What I found beyond difficult in the first 2 months...when my wife wasn't in the mood, nearly 2 weeks at a time, was the half mast parts, and the blue balls....man they hurt. But I knew that even PMO'ing...the pain wouldn't go away for 2 - 3 hrs...so I thought, pain goes away in 2 - 3 hours by doing nothing, or 2 - 3 hrs by self relief...let's keep the streak going. Blue balls finally stopped happening on a regular basis after about 2 months...

Now it just happens when I'm really eager to go, and beyond half mast...and the wife declines. Besides that, it's like Pedro knows...ain't happening, why bother get excited.

Keep pushing. You will see at about 60 days, NOT that the urges stop...I still have strong ones...but it's the streak part. You just don't want to start over, so you have twice the fight in you.

60
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: August 06, 2020, 06:54:39 AM »
Day 141...I have discovered a love hate relationship with summer. Love it due to a bit of mowing the lawn (I hate being outside, so mowing my lawn, and a bit of excavating work for dad part time kinda forces me out side) along with a few bonfires in my backyard with my wife are enjoyable for just sit down and relax watching the flames consume the wood...

I like that we don't have to warm our vehicles up for 10 minutes before leaving (we get some below 30's here in the area, Celsius that is) and Sunday drives in the truck are fun.

What do I hate about summer...the barely dressed women, that look amazing. Going to the gym, and seems to be a competition on who can wear the tightest Lululemons and tops. Pisses me off. Rarely do any of them realize how much it tortures men. They wear it because it's "their right to wear what they want". Sadly my wife has the same attitude...

Even walking on the streets...tight, tight pants. Leaving nothing to the imagination.

On the plus side, my streak is carrying on, can't say I'm not struggling some days. Weekends with my wife are still very consistent.

Financially, uncomfortable, however I just found out that one of our divisions (I work for a company that owns about 300 businesses in my province) is looking for some help and will take anyone part time. So I told my wife last night, Sunday evenings till midnight...to get 12 hrs on my pay, every payday, at $30 per hour....I'll take it. It will make paying off the car that much more achievable.

Then the next debt, then the next one. Hopefully this time next year, a bunch will be gone.

For the ones reading this, still struggling with the 1st 10 days...keep fighting bros. You have no idea how liberating it is when you find all that time. I used to edge for nearly 1 - 4 hrs...depending on my wife's shifts.

Now...I don't seem to have enough hours in the day to accomplish everything from my house chores, cooking lunches/suppers, gym, working for dad....

Hopefully the next post will be with more days added...

61
Ages 40 and up / Re: A Better Life
« on: August 02, 2020, 07:39:39 PM »
Greetings Ziggy...

Everything you mentioned...yup. But you have 2 things going for you that I didn't. First, you were able to reach the 30 day marks. Before my current streak (Check my journal under "New Start"), I wasn't able to make 3 days. So you have more will power than I did.
Second, you confessed to your wife...once again, if you're up for a long read, get into my journal. I can't bring this up to my wife for various reasons that are listed in my "blog".

All this to say that I'm NOT bragging in my journal, just saying you have a huge advantage over some of us.

Looking forward to some more progress report. And NO MATTER WHAT, post here. Successes, failures, close calls, everything. Sure some stuff some of us might think "why the heck was this posted here". But guess what, it's not our journal, it's yours. So no matter how minor or major the even is/was, if it makes a difference on your end. Post it.

We're all here to support you, but ultimately, it's your personal recovery.

Cheers!!



62
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: July 30, 2020, 09:26:34 AM »
Day 134...as of late, too freaking tired to be tempted. Working evening shift (4 pm - 12 am), falling asleep around 1:30 am....and up again at 6:30 am...need a nap mid day...daily. Wife still working from home, so that really cuts down the temptation.

I would really like more intimacy during the week, however, I'm NOT complaining that every weekend for the last 3 months, has been consistent. She's working this weekend, hoping for a frugal one. I'm below my comfort level by about $500 in my account. Not on our last $20 yet...however, we're no where near the thousands either.

Great to see more people coming on the forum, I'm trying to find time to log in to send encouragement, but lately, it's not easy. I won't login at work...they have keystroke counters...so just takes the wrong thing for me to search about this, and it's immediate termination.

Either way, for the few that read my posts, if you're in a longer streak than me...keep on keepin on...
If you're struggling to get to the double digits...keep walking. It's so worth it...we're all rooting, and will give the illustrations and examples you need. And there's TONS of experiences to learn from there.

63
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: July 29, 2020, 11:09:48 AM »
A good friend of mine preached a very good sermon the other day. I'm going to illustrate it here, in perspective to our struggles with PMO...

A guy that walks in the direction of North (pretty generic). And while he's walking, he stumbles, trips...a few more steps, runs into a wild animal, retreats back, then avoids the animal. Pushes back north, glances south, very often, a few more steps...and this goes on, and on, and on...

Looking from over head, from a bird's eye view as they say, the guy only did 5 miles in 30 days...most people can accomplish that in a hour if they walk at a half decent clip.

Here's the point, it was still 5 miles. There were a bunch of twists, turns, trips, set backs, animals to run from, many glances to the south to get that last fix...sometimes, the glances were for a few seconds, sometimes for a few minutes, and sometimes for hours.

But at the end of the month, he got 5 miles in...Next month, he got another 5.5 miles...but from the bird's eye view, there's no mistake, he's going north, not fast, but he's going.

Same holds true here. I don't care how many times you relapse, even if you're batting .300 (in the majors, that's a hell of a paycheque).

Keep posting Mr. S....keep posting, If that's the ONLY thing that gives you encouragement, is too see our responses, I'm sure some of us can post a bit more often. I know my life has been beyond crazy and busy, but I can make a bit more effort...

64
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: July 27, 2020, 07:28:25 AM »
Sounds like a TOUGH week, Rookie. Congrats on making it through!
I think one of the frustrating things about fighting the battle with P addiction is that success (in my case temporarily to date) doesn't wave a magic wand over the other stuff. I found that it brought a lot of other issues into the light and made them more painful, for a while. I was using P to make the other stuff less painful. Maybe you were too? You did really well not to get into a row with your wife, but it reads like you're carrying some resentment around with you, which I hope you can shake out some way, my friend. More power to you. Eyes on the prize!

I know we shouldn't keep track of responsibilities we do compared to the other person in the marriage. But I'll tell you, when you're doing 3/4 of the work...and she finds time for the gym all the time, and I have a hard time finding a minute for the loo...it's nothing short of frustrating.

All that being said, we had an awesome Saturday. Went kayaking in a local river, saw an old tore down bridge. Kayaked back and then she said "I'm in the mood for a poutine, a cheeseburger and ice cream. And it will be worth your while...well sir, I was paddling like a motor boat, lol.

She kept true to her promise. Huge relief. So while the week was very stressful for the both of us, she told me she absolutely loves that we barely see each other during the week, it makes our weekends that much better. Sure sex is only once a week, and that's tough for someone quitting PMO...however, it's also a blessing that it's been very consistent the last 4 months.

So, while there is some frustration during the week, I know so far, there's been relief every weekend. Mind you, the frustrating part, is that every weekend has a cost of between $50  - $120...that's NOT in my budget...I'm finding other places to trim down.

65
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: July 25, 2020, 08:53:55 AM »
Day 129...this week has been rough, fast, annoying, frustrating and everything in between. I was on day shift, vacations and filling in other holes.. (that's the bad part about being versatile in this business, they know you can handle about 4 different but similar roles. So, I actually filled about 3 of those roles. I was hoping for some intimacy with my wife this week. Instead, her time of the month is around the corner, so all I got was screamed at cause I'm starting to enjoy 50's music (when it was actually music). So while in the truck, and some of those old Dean Martin songs are playing and and Little Richard and much more...my wife looks at me and screams "is this some sort of between the line messages you're trying to send me that you want to put me back in the 50's...chained to a #$^$#$ stove and keep me as a slave!!"
She then retorts, "if you're looking for a fight, I'm ready, my period is coming and I'm locked and loaded"...at this point, I just pointed out, "nope, just enjoy the music, and if you want to fight, you're fighting by yourself, there's no message, no between the lines...now give it up"...

I wanted to reply back "I'm the one that does the dishes, the laundry, the groceries and takes care of the finances...this is a far cry family than the tradition, so if you want to fight, how about I list all the responsibilities I do in the house, let's list yours, and seems I'm the "Bi#%#" in this house".

But, her being emotional...that would have sprayed gas in the flames. So as usual, kept my mouth shut, and then she started talking about some achievements she has in the gym...diffused.

After this episode, when we got home...I was just thinking to myself, who the hell am I kidding. I have some freaking needs, and this woman is a pure narcissist. If it's not about her, or fulfilling her needs, it's not happening.

I almost crashed and burned this week. Man it was close...forget the streak, forget quitting porn, forget the whole freaking thing.

Then I thought...her period is coming, she's had a beyond stressful week (just like me) working from home with dogs barking all day...rough at the gym...leave her alone, and needs are not just about yours.

Didn't crash, didn't burn, but it was close.

Onto another week, hopefully today (Saturday) after an afternoon out to an outdoor activity we have booked, she might be in the mood...either way, it's a week, not the end of the world. At the start of this journey, I had gone 3 weeks with nothing.

This week is gone, time to start a new one with a refreshed attitude, and a bit more support for the crap she's also going through.

66
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: July 19, 2020, 08:35:43 PM »
The only suggestion I have for this...shower...that's it (Not sure I'm right, like I said, it's only a suggestion, and I don't have any others). It's about the only place you can't bring a phone with you, the only problem is, you risk edging. However, if this is the baby step needed to quit, as UKGuy said...I support it.

I will also admit, without my wife's "help" for release, I may have reached my streak, I may not have. I can confirm, it would have brought the challenge to a whole new level.

67
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: July 19, 2020, 07:27:07 AM »
Day 123...small renos in house are done. Mowed the lawn last night, and the ride on (it's an old one anyway) stopped very abruptly. I don't remember driving over something rough. Turned the key, absolutely nothing. Wondering if the starter went again, or if the engine is seized...either way, looks like it's a push job again. I have the money for a new one, but my goal is not a ride on this year...it's paying off the car and I might be able to do it by the end of this year. If we buy a ride on...it will be financed, and the extra I might be able to put on the car...will be gone.
Wife looked at me last night "great track record, dishwasher is broken, fridge is leaking, now ride on is broken"...I wanted to say "and your shopping for $100 per week is still a priority...right...". But, that's a battle I can't go into right now. Since she's working from home, and lots of stress, don't get involved with her little bit of stress relief shopping...

On another front, the battle is still raging, not as much as it use to be...but to say it isn't there, I would be fooling myself.

To help out with the finances, I found out that a sister company needs a ton of help, and whoever from my company goes there to help out, gets time and a half (counts as overtime, since we have already put a full week at our current job). So $30 per hour...for a few hours a week...car payment could disappear that much faster...

Either way, quick progress report. Might have more time to add later.

68
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: July 13, 2020, 12:44:13 PM »
Welcome back friend!!!
Baby steps. If I can give a small piece of advice. Not sure if it will make any sense though.
Break your day down in 1 hr segments. However, don't count them as "ok, one hour done, next hour, next hour, next hour...". That will just drive your anxiety up to fall into another relapse. It's like someone going to bed at 2 am, knowing they have to wake up at 6 am...their anxiety of having to wake up in 4 hrs, keeps them from sleeping.

But if you break down your day in 1 hour victories...only look at your watch occasionally, but mark each hour as a victory, before you know it, you have a day done.

And as far as the virus goes...some governors, (Arizona seems to be a bad one, one of my favorite preachers is from Minden) my favorite preacher mentioned that a governor there was severely over reaching. Closing down churches, restricting gatherings...that has a HUGE impact one some people's mental stability.

Really hoping you get through bro.

69
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: July 13, 2020, 08:09:27 AM »
Day 117...well sir, can I finally say I'm over this addiction, absolutely freaking not!!! While I have much more willpower than the first 40 days...the temptations are still there. Unbelievable. I thought seeing some of the other journals that the temptation would be completely eradicated. Man I was wrong. Hopefully, as long as I don't fall off the bandwagon, another 100 days, maybe? I know it's different for everyone. Some folks quit this for 3 weeks and good. Others might be on a 5 yr journey and others might be on a lifetime journey. Really hoping it's not the lifetime one for me.


** trigger alert**

Wife and I went for supper Saturday evening (our weekly routine now, providing the budget affords it) and she mentioned before we left, that intimacy would be in the cards when we get home. Well, with that statement, I didn't care if supper was $10 or $200, lol. I just wanted to come back home. Just to be clear, the budget didn't allow for $200...while we were driving out, she actually looked at me and said "I'm not sure when it started, or what's going on, but the sex is getting better and better again". I asked her if she could pin point the time frame, she couldn't. I wanted to bring up that I quit PMO...but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I'm just appreciating that she is enjoying it again. Not sure how bad it was before...(women have an unbelievable talent for faking it, she sobbed uncontrollably one night after our intimacy session, that it was the first time in months that she had an orgasm...I thought she had one every time. This was a couple of yrs ago now, but just to say, they can fake it so well that you would never be able to tell the difference).

Got home, watched a fantastic movie (not saying the name in case I have one of you misfits on my FB...wife posted it there, lol) and just before the movie ended, wife initiated (she had a couple of drinks, which I don't object to from time to time).

Sunday morning, long 1 hr drive to the church I appreciate attending. The pastor is in his early 30's, but he's a Reformed Baptist...very, very strong on doctrine, compassion and passion to be accurate. That's when I noticed the depravity of my own human heart. With over 20 yrs salvation as a Christian. I still notice myself with thoughts that are embarrassing while the sermon is being preached. Noticing stains on a tile ceiling, cute women in the pews (even as a married man, stupid how these thoughts race through someone's mind...in church!!!) Groceries to get and the list goes on.

The sermon he was preaching was on 1 John 2-28 :29 and chapter 3-1:3. I found it amazing how he could have a 1 hr sermon, on this text. The encouragement I got from his sermon, was that my salvation is not based on my feelings (we, all on this board, know how our feelings fluctuate all over the place depending on our temptations), not my works, church attendance, bible reading consistency, how good I was that week, how bad I was, how far I fell in sin, how I treated my wife, the jar of jam that was under my jacket in the cart that I never noticed till I got to the car, my love or lack of love for Christ. But my salvation depends solely on the work of Christ on the cross, and his promises that anyone who believes in him, have everlasting life.

I needed that sermon this week. While things on the PMO are still going strong (both temptation, and resistance) doesn't change the fact that I have been so busy with a few things that I have been too preoccupied to even read my bible.

Then, Sunday evening, I typed out a letter for a friend. He's dealing with severe substance abuse addictions. He actually registered himself in an out of province rehab center. No access to the internet, email, phone...nothing. And if I wrote cursive (yep, in your 40's, that's a thing), only the first couple of lines would be legible. After that...I want to get through it and the hand doesn't keep up with the words coming out. On a good day, I can type over 40 wpm...I have hit 60...and my average is over 30...lol. Cursive, well, about 10 per minute, and no backspace...lol

I'm hoping the letter I send him will be encouraging, and that it's not the only one he gets.

Hoping whoever reads this entire thing gets a bit of encouragement.

70
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: July 13, 2020, 07:38:21 AM »
Mr. S, you still with us bro? No shame in coming on just to give a report on the progress, or relapse. I can tell you, that if you avoid posting, due to shame and relapsing, it WILL extend the relapse sessions. I tell you this from experience. Then it took me about a year to come back. Please don't fall into that trap.

71
Ages 40 and up / Re: Freedom
« on: July 12, 2020, 12:22:35 PM »
If it only happens when you go to bed, I would suggest for a while, sleep in the living room for a while. On the couch perhaps. Just to see if you get triggered there. Obviously not a permanent solution, but essentially to find your trigger points.

72
Ages 40 and up / Re: Covid - an inflection point?
« on: July 10, 2020, 08:39:28 PM »
That's a very interesting point about the urge being about comfort. I know I've done that many times in the past myself and just had an "aha" moment reading your post. It's definitely not something I would have been aware of at the time.

As for your elbow, there is a very common condition called "tennis elbow" that could be worth checking out. It's actually a separating of a tendon that your body then attacks as if it's a foreign object, and can often be made less painful with a type of brace that goes just below the elbow. Something to look into anyway. No need to make other journey's more difficult than they already are with that sort of thing.

Hope you can figure it out and it's not anything major.

I have had tennis elbow so bad that I couldn't make a fist with my hand. At least not tight enough to even hold a cup / mug. A good friend of mine that's an Osteopath had told me the common problem for tennis elbow is that the shoulder is not aligned properly and the nerves in the neck are slightly off. So I went to see her for treatment. The treatment itself (needed 2 appointments) hurt like a SOB...but, once the treatment pain was gone, so was the tennis elbow.

Another thing you can try, told by an Osteopath in her office, is applying cold, heat, cold, heat for a minute each at the affected area. And those provoke blood in the area, and flush it out...recommended for about 5 minutes (one minute each).

I have to try that cause my shoulder is causing discomfort and I suspect that's why my forearm is currently causing discomfort as well. Nothing paralyzing, however, I feel tension whenever I have to use strength for anything, loaded a big jack hammer in my truck tonight, felt it in the elbow joints, in the upper forearm. Never happened before.

73
Ages 40 and up / Re: Started Friday July 3rd
« on: July 09, 2020, 04:17:18 PM »
This is where my faith has helped me. I was born and brought up Catholic (in this area, if you're French, you're Catholic). But then, my dad noticed the hypocrisy in the church...so he was looking for something else.

Then he found the Brethren, and that's where I was saved as well. But now, I'm a reformed Baptist. Not legalistic in the sense of no booze, no beach, no movies...but, living in the grace of God. Knowing that every single day, I'm going to fail, miserably in pleasing Him. That's why Christ had to die...for my failings.

So now, do I feel guilty when I sin, absolutely. However, I know I have an advocate.

But the first month, of coming to terms on how deep I was, man, that sucked and it was a guilt trip that just wouldn't let go. At all...I had to have many conversations with some Christians and many times on my knees praying and confessing.

I say all this not to push Christianity, but to say, that was the only way I was going to have my conscience relieved.

As far as intimacy with your wife, I wouldn't hold any thing back with her at all. It's the digital that kills, not the natural beauty.

74
Ages 40 and up / Re: Started Friday July 3rd
« on: July 08, 2020, 08:05:01 PM »
Greetings Norman, great to have you here. As I mentioned in one of my "journal entries", the great thing about this forum, is that we're only identified by our addiction. Aside that, we're completely anonymous. Except UKguy, we know he's from the UK...now it's to narrow it down out of the 68 million they have there, then narrowing it down to the men above 40...so he's one in about 25 million. So yea, anonymous.

Now back to this forum,  we all have different backgrounds. Myself, reformed baptist (brought up Catholic like most in my area). I do see my faith as a huge help, But not everyone has the same path to recovery.

The only part we can say for now, is post often. Use this as a diary / journal. And since you're new to the board and the reboot, try to post daily, no matter how mundane or "useless" you think it will be, just the fact that you're posting here, will be a reminder of what you're fighting for and fighting against. I have seen some people just put "day 14, nothing new to report"...but just posting that, is a reminder of what you're trying to fight.

The other part is, at the start of the battle, I found the first 30 days easy. Mostly due to the guilt, and the fear of falling again. My guard was very, very high. If you read through my first few posts,  I didn't even watch modern cartoons. I found the women were way too endowed and I would then search them out online. So, I basically cut off all internet and movies except my bible studies and quick Facebook browsing.

As far as being brutally honest with your wife, now that she knows, I would ask her, how much details she wants to hear. If she says she wants to hear it all, then oblige. Otherwise, she might just want to hear about your struggles, she might just want to hear about your victories.

I know for myself, if my wife confessed an addiction, I wouldn't want each replay...I would want a progress report, but once a week or once a month would be fine, providing there's progress and effort.

Either way, I have rambled enough, looking forward to reading the journal.

75
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: July 08, 2020, 08:07:09 AM »
Day 112, well sir...desires are still existing for P...no argument there. Whatever happened to that wives tale about 21 days to break a habit? I'm way beyond those 21 days...and there's still the urge for P...

I typed a whole bunch here, and backspaced the entire thing (about 4 huge paragraphs, lol) because it was getting too personal and I was using this as a personal venting diary.

Wife and I had tense moments yesterday, her mother came with her father (wife's parents, which I get along with both fantastic, my wife, not so much). Wife was alone with her mother for 4 hours, completely unplanned, but it happened. When my FIL and I got back, we could cut the tension with a knife between the 2 women.

Went out for supper with my wife once her parents were gone. She got a super sized margarita (saw that one coming, lol). Then, when leaving the establishment, I asked if she was feeling better, she looked at me and smiled "let's just go home"...I knew where this was going. Stopped at my parents for a bit of wood for a fire, then came home, watched a movie. Wife initiated, then went outside for a fire.

Started as a very, very bad day, turned into an awesome evening.

I would post more often, but honestly, the way it's busy around here lately...I don't have time. Between cleaning and errands, appointments and working for dad along with my own job...frig...I wish days had 36 hrs. However, for folks rebooting, you almost wish there was only 16 hr days...8 hrs for work, and 6 for sleep, 2 for meals and travel.




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