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Messages - Rookie

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26
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: October 05, 2020, 09:24:56 AM »
Been a while Mr. S...you doing ok?

27
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 05, 2020, 09:24:27 AM »
Mon Français parlé est plus préçis que mon Anglais. Mes deux parents sont Acadiens...alors, il reste que je suis pure. Mais, pas le même Français que la France.

Bonjour Rookie, en effet chaque fois que j'entends du québécois, je mets longtemps à comprendre. Mais, la plupart des mes ancêtres viennent des régions d'où les colons français venaient. En tout cas, bon courage et bon reboot!

All that said, I type much, much faster in English. Keep strong in your reboot...if you want some tips. Read Mr. Slurps journal, a few of us give him advice, and you can read mine. This reboot, is very, very much worth it.

28
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 04, 2020, 09:55:09 PM »
By the way your French does not have any typo, which is very good knowing how French people keep making mistakes all the time, to the point I almost can tell you're a foreigner

Canadien anglais ici. I have always  appreciated the French' regular use of niceties (bonjour m'sieur et dame, merci) and their appreciation of their agrarian heritage and good food (des racines et des ailes). Canada sometimes slips when it comes to that. So get rid of this addiction and focus your brain on what is really important!

Pure French Acadian here folks. Mon Français parlé est plus préçis que mon Anglais. Mes deux parents sont Acadiens...alors, il reste que je suis pure. Mais, pas le même Français que la France.

29
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: October 04, 2020, 09:47:46 PM »
Day 201...We celebrated our anniversary at a very luxurious hotel in our province this weekend. The price very much reflected in "luxurious"...

Had a great, great time. And had sex the night of, and the next morning. We were both very much anticipating it. We both knew, the main reason was just to get away from the house and daily responsibilities to be alone, no dependents with us.

The week was fine...she still has stress from her job, I still have politics at mine that piss me off...but hey, when you work for a huge corporation, you have the politicians, and you have the truth sayers. My shift has the truthers, and we aren't liked very much. Who cares, we get the job done and go home.

As far as the PMO...the streak continues.

Progress in church, I might not have to drive an hour each way to church for much longer. A group I know very well is looking at starting a house church. I discussed it with one of the organizers, and seems the format is one I know well.

I might even be one of the "leaders" in it, as far as preaching goes, since I don't have any issues with public speaking, and studying.

Hoping my wife comes back to "church" with me. That would be a huge blessing.

That's it for now, praying my next post is a continuation of the previous post.

30
Ages 40 and up / Re: Tried to quit 1000 times
« on: October 04, 2020, 09:40:53 PM »
Trust me when I tell you, the struggle, will be very, very, very difficult. The 1 BIG lie you can't believe is "just one more time"...

First of all, it's not just 1 more time, the remorse you will feel will far, far outweigh the "relief" you will get. That, will usually lead to a fall that will not just last for that 1 time relief, but probably 2 times or a long episode of multiple sessions.

The ONLY way to beat this, especially if you're married and have intimacy with your wife, is to fight this cold turkey. No peeks, no temptation to look, no relapse for relief.

I know my advice right now sounds harsh, however, you will NOT get a long streak, nor be able to beat it if you don't get past the first 15 days in "hard mode" as they call it.

It will get easier, but the struggle, the scenes, the visualizing of women you're around will be intense.

I remember going to the store, while within my first 45 days...women wearing stupid spandex pants...and they were gorgeous. I did everything I could to look away.

I obviously wouldn't have PMO'd in public...however, it would have built curiosity to look up women in spandex home...and lead down the rabbit hole.

Fight it brother, you have no idea the reward that awaits. My wife even noticed, about 3 months into my reboot, that the sex was becoming amazing again. And we're in our mid forties. I personally wish it was more often, but she knows I need relief every weekend. So for now, it works for the both of us.

I can tell you one thing, I am NOT going back to PMO without a fight. I obviously can't predict the future, and I may relapse again. But it won't be without a big, big fight.

31
Ages 40 and up / Re: Tried to quit 1000 times
« on: September 30, 2020, 11:39:55 PM »
Going through what you're going through is tough, financial stress and losing some people to suicide...not easy. The fight is going to be that much harder. Most of us, when we fell back in, was due to stress, frustration, boredom and sense of hopelessness.

Guard those emotions. And the best thing you can do, if you don't need your computer for work...get off the electronic devices. Only come online to post and the necessary things (paying your bills online, shopping on amazon, check the flyers, whatever) then get off.

The pull will be very, very strong between 5 - 15 days. Most of us fall around there.

32
Ages 40 and up / Re: Tried to quit 1000 times
« on: September 27, 2020, 09:47:17 PM »
Welcome to the board....a bit late on the welcome wagon. You have lots of folks here that are ready to encourage you and give you some tips and tricks and advice on how to beat this.

The ONE big lie you can't listen to, is "just one more time"...the remorse will far outweigh the relief. Usually, gets you in a downward spiral that takes twice the fight to get out of.

Looking forward to your next post.

33
Ages 40 and up / Re: Time to man up!
« on: September 27, 2020, 09:42:49 PM »
Welcome to the board!!

I will tell you from experience, it does get better!! Hope your next post is an extension to your streak!!

34
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: September 27, 2020, 06:42:30 PM »
Day 194...As mentioned in previous post...finally, less temptation to look up actresses and such. Till recently, the temptation was still quite strong.

Now, it's finally starting to subside. And while I wouldn't be happy about it, even if my wife cuts down our intimacy, I no longer have blue balls...

This week, was uneventful. Work, as most, cleaned the house a bit, huge garage clean up... can actually fit both our vehicles in there now.

The one thing that pisses me off right now about this reboot thing, as I mentioned it to Mr. Slurps on his blog...Youtube seems to know I'm fight and has recently posted a TON of runway models, bikini shows and lingerie...I had to sign out of my youtube account, and it seems to be better. Even my FB feed, Wish is advertising some Asian sex dolls...like what the actual hell. Even in my days of addiction, while tempting, it would never have materialized in my house. Besides, how the hell do you explain that one to your wife. "Hey hon...I'm expecting a woman in a box...for you know, the time's you're not in the mood, well, I still need it"...

I honestly think, while not ideal, and most women feel betrayed when they catch their man in the trap of PMO...I think they prefer it to their man indulging himself with a doll.

So there are 2 things that I find really encouraging right now. I was curious on how many people actually read my posts. Since only a couple, from time to time will actually reply. You guys have no idea how encouraging you are, even in this stage of the game, when I read it, I'm like "nice, someone actually does ready my journal besides me". I have also jotted down a date and how many views on my journal, and every day, seems to up by 20 - 40...sometimes less, sometimes more. But either way, if I can provide encouragement to anyone, that's a win.

The other thing I find extremely encouraging, I'm approaching 200 days...never in my life of addiction did I ever think this would happen. I still remember the "click bait" in the late 90's...on dial up...finally high speed came along. I still remember a couple of sites I would visit in the early 2000's...don't remember the site name, just the layout.

The internet has come a long, long way.

Glad to finally be rid of it, so far. While I'm not planning on going back, I really hope this reboot is not like "crap, did I forget the burner on the stove on?" and then you turn around to check. I'm seriously hoping and praying that this is a permanent thing.

I don't know that I'll have time to post anything till next Sunday. Weeks are flying by as of late and my wife and I are going away this weekend...love the going away part, hate the "paying for it" part...

35
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: September 21, 2020, 09:35:20 AM »
Hiya Rook,  Today will be #7.  I've hung on by the skin of my teeth today. This threshold has been a "swing state" as they say in U.S. politics. It can easily go either way. Probably psychological b.s. (Every day is the same.)
This morning I reviewed my year (Rosh Hashanah) and among the many, many positives was this reboot adventure--unequivocally! Despite the numerous falls/relapses, I don't regret taking on this challenge. It's not been a waste of time.
Also, on a purely factual basis, I'm spending much less time on pmo.
Also, on a purely emotional basis, I've met some wonderful people like you, that have been here for me through thick and thin.  Thanks and I hope you're doing as well as you desire.

I have passed the 6 months threshold. I will admit, there is still some temptation, and seems youtube knows this, and has loaded a bunch of runways with bikinis. And on my FB feed, wish is advertising sex dolls...what the actual hell!!!

A guy tries to make is live PMO free and see women as people, not as objects and that crap shows up...the evil is strong.

Glad to hear you have 8 days in!!! HUGE progress!!! Most people say it's between the 5 and 15 days that are the toughest. You're over halfway there bro. Unless you need the computer for work, this is when walking away from the electronics devices aside posting progress, will be hugely beneficial for you. Not judging, just giving some advice to keep the streak going.

Reading these recent replies has been a big encouragement for many of us I'm sure. Looking forward to the next post, heading north!!

36
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: September 21, 2020, 09:28:16 AM »
Day 188...Finally, it's getting "easier". Not actually "fighting" as much as I use to. Not saying there's no battle...just saying it's finally getting easier to walk away from the computer...turn off the tv..whatever.

Wife and I have a getaway planned for our anniversary soon. She's excited about the place we're staying at. I'm just seeing the stupid dollars go out the window. The weekend won't be less than $500...and that's the killer for me. I'm used to spending about $50 for a weekend.

I would list the resort here, however, if some of you misfits know me outside this board...it might disclose my identity, lol.

All that said, for the ones struggling to quit this pain in the ass sin / behavior / addiction / whatever you want to label it. There is hope.

I was an EVERY day, sometimes twice a day with some serious edging. I couldn't get 2 days under my belt.

The one part that still seems to linger, is when them good looking women in them Lululemon pants walk around, pisses me off. They all have that mentality of "I can wear what I want"...sure, but you have no idea what it does for some of us men. It's pure torture. Rumor has it that a guy actually invented them. Bastard.

Either way, time to get back to my daily life...check a tire for leaks today, oil change and tire rotation tomorrow for my beast, and the rest of the week has a heavy plan as well.

Keep fighting folks...there is SOOOOO much life to live once you finally get rid of an addiction. It's a fight, but when you can finally start "relaxing" and not think about it all the time, it's fantastic.

I can even admit, there must be hundreds of scenes I had in my head with certain actresses...there are still lots, but there are some that I don't remember anymore. This...is progress.

While I won't let my guard down, since I could still fall anytime...the fight is not completely over, I can say, the craving is starting to go down. Talk about a long freaking haul for that to finally go away.


37
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: September 19, 2020, 02:04:11 PM »
Slurps!!!! Great to hear that you have a 6 day streak!!! Don't let your guard down, and right now is the very crucial time to stay away from screens and monitors.

Read an actual paper book or something. Keep the fight!!!

38
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: September 14, 2020, 08:09:29 AM »
Day 181...loaded with everything and boredom today. I actually have time to go to the gym, or read, or go to dad's and help him with his upside down float (rotted frame). I do have to go vote. No way around that one. Weekend wasn't bad.

Wife went out with some friends from work Friday night, she bluntly told the host "we have to go home to have fun"...well, I had just got off work, and went to pick her up...that being said, it wasn't a long conversation.

And that was the only sexual episode this weekend. Discouraging, yep, very much. However, I could have had no relief and I always have to look at the point that, many marriages have much, much less sex than we do. And this sexual addiction I'm fighting, is not my wife's, it's mine.

Either way, 6 months...unbelievable it's still a fight....

39
**Forum Rules-Guidelines-Suggestions** / Stats
« on: September 10, 2020, 10:56:04 PM »
Any way to add in the statistics, how many people have viewed my journal per day? When ever you check your stats,  I would appreciate seeing each day, how many have read it.

You have that option in Blogspot in the dashboard for instance, it's very encouraging seeing the views you get and it pushes you do keep going.

40
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: September 06, 2020, 08:20:08 PM »
Day 173...I can honestly say I never thought I would be PMO free for this amount of time. This week flew by. No overtime, however, lots to do, and we went to a friend's house for a fire. Yesterday (Saturday) I told my wife that I would drop her off home from the gym (great workout together). She could start cleaning the house, since we were having a guest today (Sunday). And I would get some groceries.

Well, she had a HUGE meltdown / panic attack / anxiety attack or whatever you want to call it. Got a few texts saying "I'm overwhelmed, I can't clean, the house is too messy, my system just broke down, I had a crying / screaming fit, and by body shut down". What do you do with that, well, when you have seen it many times before...you keep running your errands, and reply back "go to my parents camp, away from everything, and I'll clean when I get home"...then she sends another text...I replied back "go for a nap, I'll take care of it"...


****possible trigger alert****
Get home...she had the whole house pretty near spotless. But, she didn't want to go out for the fire. Definitely not in the mood for sex, which what I was reeeaaaalllly hoping for, I was 2 weeks without relief...this sucked, bad.

We both had a nap, and went out with the friends. She had an awesome time, and even had some punch our friend made. I don't drink, so I have no idea. She had some, and said it was strong, and only had 2 drinks.

At about 11pm...she whispers in my ear "I think it's time to go home, and for me to make it up to you for screaming at you while I was cleaning"....cheque please!!!

She held to her promise...however, while it was awesome and somewhat short lived (which I told her, no relief for 2 weeks, it's like being a virgin again), either way, she loved it, me, it burned. Suspecting too long without relief??

Again today, great sex again, and much better, no burning. And apparently she's planning on waking me up in the morning for more. I love my weekends.

Then this evening, I had a conversation with my pastor, and told him I'm just a few days away from 6 months without PMO...he was very excited and thrilled. We had a great conversation. I also asked him for prayer for my wife's anxiety, and for my rabbit hole research in this stupid covid crap. That being said, everything I see, is coming to light, so I'm happy to see I'm not as crazy as I thought I was...however, very time consuming.

All this to say...the streak continues.

41
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: August 30, 2020, 07:33:18 PM »
Day 166...this, is going to be a long, and very, very tough week. Wife's monthly nemesis showed up, just in time for the weekend. No relief this weekend. And I'm too scared of my wife's tantrums to let her know I need help...Love her and she's a wonderful woman on many angles...however, bringing up sex...unless she's in the mood, it don't happen. So I was hoping for anything to give me relief. And she's working the complete opposite shift I am. I go to bed at 1:30 am...she gets up at 5:30 am for her shift. So unless I get a wake up call, which I think will be highly unlikely...this is going to be a 2 week stretch.

In other news...my father in law and I went out to hit a few golf balls at a local driving range. The way the guy is active (sure he's 69 yrs old, but you could never tell, he's always on the go) and has played very sport, including bodybuilding in his prime...I thought I was going to get my ass kicked at the range.

Low and behold, the first couple he hit, didn't make it to 100 yards...and I cranked out my first 3 at almost 200 yards. That pretty much set the pace. He got a good one from time to time, lined straight, and slightly increasing in altitude...reaching nearly 200...

Mine were at 175 + on a regular basis, and the odd one was below 100. Then I decided to look at his swing, he has a weak baseball swing, bends both arms, no break in the elbow, and the front knee doesn't bend on the upswing.

Then my moment of pride when he asked me, halfway..."how do you swing? You are reaching or clearing the fence at the 230 mark often"...so I told him, go in front of me, and watch...he saw that my front arm barely bent, my wrist is what broke, and that I could see the club in the corner of my eye...with my front knee bent a bit. And then when I come around, I let the club do the work.

I also tried a baseball swing...200+ yards and straight....not much difference.

Either way, great time this afternoon. Next we're doing the batting cages.

Anyway, this week, going to be a long one, she's working at the center 7-3....so that will leave me home all day...alone.

Must find something to do either at the house, or elsewhere.


42
Ages 40 and up / Re: My wife is worth it
« on: August 29, 2020, 07:16:18 PM »
It affects all of us differently. According to my wife, I could still perform. However, I was noticing that my wood was becoming softer and softer.

Since quitting PMO, my wife has told me that the sex is getting back to what it was when we first got married 16 yrs ago. I was 28 she was 31.

She claims it's getting rock hard again, I only confessed to quitting PMO last month or less. If you look at my journal, it's be a strong, strong struggle. But now, it's so worth it. We work somewhat opposite shifts, so we very much look forward to the weekends, and she's even admitted looking forward to them too.

All I can say, the longer you can fight it, the more you'll see the benefits.

43
Ages 40 and up / Re: Broken
« on: August 29, 2020, 07:10:26 PM »
Welcome to the board!!

Keep pushing the fight. Just keep focusing on the big picture. Don't believe the lie of "just one more time"...the remorse and guilt you will feel will far outweigh the reward of continuing your streak.

44
Ages 40 and up / Re: A Better Life
« on: August 25, 2020, 11:05:38 AM »
Getting to day 5 is crucial, and then day 10...those are huge. I'm not saying it's easy after...but those 2 seem to be big benchmarks in many recovery stories.

Keep fighting bro...once you have 10 days in, you life perspective seems to change, and you seem to find much more time to get things done, which in turn, also takes you away from the virtual world...

45
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: August 25, 2020, 07:29:31 AM »
Day 161...unbelievable, the battle still rages at this stage of the game. Some days, the ONLY thing keeping me going, is that I have finally built a long streak. I can promise you, if I was only a few days in, I would be restarting...very frequently.

I thank my wife for the weekend relief. She even jokes about it now "you seem to be looking forward to weekends now...". Well since I did confess to her about quitting porn and self relief, she's much more on board...her weekend alcoholic coolers seem to make her more "friendly" as well.

These next few weeks, are probably going to fly by. A daytime adviser is on vacation starting Friday...for 2 weeks. This job is hard enough when you're 2 during the day, my wife "approved" me putting in a few hours of overtime. I'm making half decent money for my town, so time and a half of that, will be a very nice pay.

I unfortunately don't have time to read all the progress some of the brothers are making on the forum. There are a couple I read, and seldom post. Heck, I only have time to post once every 7 - 10  - 20 days on my own. And personally, I would much rather it that way.

If I have tons of time to post...I have tons of time to possibly fall again.

All that being said, for the ones that are reading this and thinking "oh snap...this guy has it going for himself, 161 days...", it is STILL very much a fight. There are some days I just want to feel that PMO just one more time...especially since relief only comes once a week, the edging and the final climax would be huge. But at the same time....I know it's ALL a lie. The remorse, depression, guilt, everything will be even bigger than the climax.

There comes a time where you have to have the control and say enough...find a past time, gym (unless the women are half dressed and it's a trigger...then do calisthenics outside). Build models...anything, just get disconnected from the digital world.

46
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: August 24, 2020, 11:27:43 PM »
Bang on Rookie. Wise words.
Mr S - the incident with the journal must have been very painful for you and I can sense it still is.
As for my 'low point' - I am a worrier, a catastrophiser. Big time. The outside world wouldn't know but my wife knows and so do I. 9 years ago, we were living in Sydney. I had just started to explore the world of 'interactive' porn - in that I was communicating with others for the first time rather than just looking at pics/vids. Not necessarily chat, but messaging and responding to pictures posted by willing 3rd parties on amateur sites. One woman captivated me - I can't even remember what I did/said/sent now (honestly), but whatever it was, I became obsessed with the thought that I would somehow get into trouble for obscene communications. Of course I wouldn't (not least because what I did wasn't illegal, plus I now know that there are millions of 'dick pix' etc flying around the internet each hour of the day.) But the thought took root, and I became terrified that there would be consequences and even a visit from the police. Whilst this seems utterly ridiculous to write now, it was very real. To make matters worse, I was flying back to the UK to meet some friends for a big soccer game - first time my team had been in the FA Cup final for 30 years. What should have been a brilliant trip was utterly dominated by my rapidly increasing fear and paranoia, mixed with guilt and shame....but mostly the fear (of being found out). I'd also drunk a fair bit of alcohol throughout the trip, which didn't help, and I got to the point where I was completely frozen with worry, stress, anxiety etc. So what did I do?...I called my wife in Aus from the UK and confessed all. Problem solved (albeit somewhat selfishly). To be fair, she was brilliant (as she always is), but of course I still occasionally remember what happened and immediately feel that pang of embarrassment and humiliation - about my act, about my inability to deal with it, about how daft it seems now. It may be that you feel a similar way when you think back about what was exposed in that diary. Perhaps an added pain is that your situation was actually worse as it was born out of malice on the part of your wife, but as Rookie says...those words in the journal, whatever they were weren't YOU...they reflected an aspect of you, and I assume that they were written in a way that reflected your desire to improve that aspect of your life? Even though my wife forgave me and had immediate perspective, I had to forgive and accept myself (including for the many other occasions afterwards where the behaviour was repeated and became normalised for me).
You say "I'm asking for caring that I don't give myself, advice that I can't give others, and asking you guys to open your ears to someone that feels like he has nothing to offer." Let's assume this is true for the moment (I don't think the last part is, incidentally). Why do we indulge Mr Slurps? Well I can't speak for others, but I can speak for myself....
I believe in you. You are authentic. You have humility. You are a good man. (Plus you are smart and funny) I am willing to invest in you because I believe that even though the outcome is not guaranteed, there is a kernal of potential inside Mr Slurps and even though I've never met you, and most probably never will, seeing that kernal spark into life and become an unstoppably force of growth within you would make me very, very satisfied. In short, you are worth it. What you need to do now is start to believe that yourself, and learn to give yourself that caring that you currently withhold from yourself. Re-read Rookie's words. You are not porn, you are not those pages of your journal, you are not your past mistakes. Don't let them define you and limit your potential and happiness. That, if it happens, is a choice. Your choice. Choose better. You deserve it my friend.

I would have broken this down in a few paragraphs, lol

47
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: August 24, 2020, 07:07:45 AM »
Day # 0.   Hi Guys,   Warning.  This post is unfair and probably arrogant. I'm asking for caring that I don't give myself, advice that I can't give others, and asking you guys to open your ears to someone that feels like he has nothing to offer.
That's how I feel, clobbered and scared.  I'm even thinking of putting those awful words on myself like perv, weirdo, pathetic...
So, I'm asking this in sincerity, not voyeurism/entertainment. And please don't answer if you don't think it will help me or anyone else.
When you were feeling lost, dejected, hopeless, and empty after repeated relapses. What was the best and/or worst thing you've done? (This doesn't have to be an intentional action. It may be subconscious and only understood in retrospect.)
Again, I know this isn't being fair to you guys.  It's just that I'm feeling desperate.

I refused to let porn addiction define me. While yes, I'm a recovering addict, it doesn't define me. Same as a cancer patient we'll call "Bob". Bob has cancer, cancer doesn't have Bob. Cancer isn't the one married, doesn't have children, doesn't have a job, hobbies....cancer may be an unfortunate part of Bob, but Bob is still his own person.

Same as some people with diabetes 2...we call them diabetic...I see that as a wrong term. If they watch their diet and exercise, they can beat it. I know a few people that did. So they are people "with" diabetes"...

Same goes for this Mr. S...you are NOT "porn" or whatever you want to put here. You are a Mr. that is struggling with it, so you need a "diet", "exercise", and "discipline". Eventually, you will beat your diabetes.

It's going to take a lot of work and discipline to ignore the lies and to tell them to pound sand. And just because you get invited to a party in the midst of your fight, and you have a piece of cake, doesn't mean you're heading south (to refer back to my illustration of a few weeks ago), it means you took a break (whether you should have or not, not my call to judge), then pack up your tent, and keep moving north.

I have NEVER heard of someone getting diabetes with just one slice of cake. They got it by eating the entire cake, every day,for months. Then if they quit cake, and go keto, they can reduce their insulin resistance and kick diabetes to the curb. Discipline, is key.

You have to look at the end goal, not the frequent failures.

48
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: August 22, 2020, 07:50:00 AM »
It can still be you...an old Chinese proverb says "the best time to plant an oak seed is 50 yrs ago...the next best time, is today"...

Don't let my "success" be a discouragement for you. Let it be a motivation. "If Rookie can do it, anyone can do it".

I would also be lying if I said the temptations are gone. They most assuredly are NOT. But I had much more motivation going as soon as I hit the 30 day streak...I didn't want to relapse at that point.

49
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: August 21, 2020, 11:19:09 PM »
Day #5.  Hi guys,  Shade, I'm so glad you showed up.  I've been thinking re you and your loyalty and courage. We should re-name you, "Mr. Amazing grace".  I once was lost but now I'm...
You've been a good pal and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that.
Plus, Shade you may be a mystic.  I was just thinking re fear... That definitely pervades this crappy addiction. The flip-side of fear (hope) probably isn't much help, at least in my case. That is because I have relapses and they disappoint me. That starts the old vicious circle ending in relapse.
The Buddhists have a lot of wisdom when it comes to this stuff (present moment mindfulness...). I've been doing meditation and it does help.(UK is my guru. lol)
 I'll try to use that instead of my usual metaphor of the boxing match.
Dear Senor Rook, your "rant" felt pretty deep to me. Plus I'm forever indebted to you for the French lesson. I'm restraining myself from making more wise-ass comments.
Thanks guys

We're all here to help you Mr. S...obviously, we can't fight it for you. However, many of us at our age, bring different angles of wisdom and advice. Some of us are in sales, accounting, management, labor, janitors...and we all bring a different perspective to life and jobs. That's what makes this forum so great. We'll all think of idea to help a struggling brother, hoping it's going to be an angle they never thought of.

I'm not throwing the towel in your ring yet bro. You DID prove at the start of this fight that you could get some streaks going...it's just to find that fighter in you again.


50
Ages 40 and up / Re: Had enough
« on: August 21, 2020, 12:24:47 PM »
So are you 17 days free now? Hoping you hit 20 days soon...that is HUGE!!!

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