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Messages - TNM1978SLT

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Help...
« on: November 21, 2019, 05:24:06 AM »
Good morning,
It's been 6 days since I last acted out to pornography and since I last posted on here.
Its not been easy by any stretch of the imagination but I am pleased with what I have achieved so far.
I am trying to take it one day at a time and not attempt to beat previous lengths of time I have achieved previously but I find it difficult.
Going to try and keep posting on here to keep the motivation going...
Writing down thoughts and feelings helps

Ages 40 and up / Re: Help...
« on: November 15, 2019, 06:20:52 AM »
I've been reading others posts but do not appear to have any willpower at the moment.

Ages 40 and up / Help...
« on: November 15, 2019, 06:18:52 AM »
Morning everyone...
Things are difficult at the moment. I have just acted out after one week with no use of porn. The thoughts are all consuming and I have been unable to focus on anything else. Music, work, going out (away from my laptop) has not helped.
How do people cope when the darkness is all enveloping and they can think of nothing else?
I used to have K9 software but since that was sold off, I have nothing else to act as a fail safe.
What are people using now?
I hate this

Ages 40 and up / Struggling...
« on: February 12, 2019, 09:46:25 AM »
Hi Everyone,
Its been over a year since I last posted on here and I'm sorry to say that I have relapsed.
I am now 9 days since I last "acted out" whilst watching porn.
Not really sure what I'm asking for on here but writing it down seems to quell some of the thoughts associated with acting out.
I'm a married father and don't want to still using porn when my children grow up.
I think the difficulty is that as with other addictions, there are "tells" e.g. being drunk or high with alcohol or drug addiction. With this addiction there are no signs and nobody would know whether I've watched porn or not. How do others manage this?
Think I might need some moral support form others on here who are or have been in a similar position.

Porn Addiction / Re: Relapse
« on: November 01, 2017, 05:10:29 PM »
Thanks for the advice guys...managed to resist today and feeling better for it.

Porn Addiction / Relapse
« on: November 01, 2017, 04:29:18 AM »
Morning all,
I'm fearing I'm slipping into a relapse - cant think about anything else at the moment and really struggling to keep a handle on things.
Can anyone advise of any free software to use to put blocks on websites?
Would anyone in the UK be willing to be a sponsor? I don't have one presently.


Ages 30-39 / Re: My Story
« on: October 31, 2017, 11:14:28 AM »
Mood is a big trigger for me...If I'm low in mood then "black dog" rears its ugly head.

My office gives me the opportunity to act out if I wish too.

I don't have a sponsor but think it would be useful to have someone to call at those times of temptation

Ages 30-39 / My Story
« on: October 25, 2017, 06:51:28 AM »
I'm new here and want to start sharing my experiences of porn addiction. When I am talking about porn, I have used webcam sites as well as your usual porn film sites. I have been having counselling since January 2017 but I am slipping and beginning to struggle a bit with managing it. I want to use this journal as a means of having a community where I can share my thoughts, experiences and fears.

I’m a married father of 2 children, aged 6 & 4. I have a steady job and run my own business. I am a sex addict. It has taken me a long time to admit this fact and to find the help I need.

My first experience of porn was finding some magazines dumped in the woods when I was about 9 years old. I was with a group It was exciting to see all the pictures but the thrill of finding something which we knew was naughty was even more exciting.
I then followed the routes taken – buying magazines and films when I was 18 – all softcore things which I looked at when I was alone.
Then I discovered the wonders of the internet whilst at University. Initially, it was finding pictures of actresses in topless shots or using regular chatrooms to speak with people. If you were lucky, you would find someone like minded and talk about fantasies and what would happen if you were both together. I wasted hours in chatrooms on the internet.

Slowly, and almost unrecognisably, I was being snared by the pull of pornography online. I had bought hardcore films when I was at university in London but that meant trips into Soho which always felt sordid. I lived with a girlfriend when I started work and that was when I first discovered hardcore online. Initially I paid for it online but afterwards was always worried about having given my bank details.

I then discovered the free hardcore porn websites and this was when the problems really started. Anything and everything was there
and I didn’t have to spend money or give any details. I could spend time, usually hours, watching what I wanted, when I wanted. I didn’t think I had a problem and if someone had said to me I was addicted, I would have laughed at them. I wasn’t your typical sex addict (no friends, no job, no relationship, sitting alone in a darkened room), I was a young man with an interest in porn as most men are.

However, without realising, I had become addicted to it. I was spending more and more time watching and acting out and nothing could make me stop. I met the woman who would later become my wife and I stopped for a few months but then started watching again. I got married and vowed to stop but I was pulled back in. My daughter was born and I vowed again to stop but I didn’t. My son was born and I swore the same but whenever I was alone, I would turn the laptop on and type in the website and before I knew it I had spent 3 hours watching it.

I started my own business in 2015 and got my own office space. This gave me ideal opportunity to watch what I wanted when I wanted. I would get to the office, planning to do work but eventually I would type the website into the bar at the top of the page and I was away. Day or night, it didn’t matter. I was staying up later and not going to bed with my wife which impacted on our lives. My wife thought I had found someone else and as I was so tired, I was a horrible Dad to my children, either sitting in stony silence or shouting and screaming at them for the smallest thing. It was a horrible environment for them all to be in.

It all came to a head at the end of 2016 when I left my phone behind whilst taking the children out for dinner. While I was out, my wife had checked my internet history and found what I had been looking at. She had no idea and was devastated. My world came crashing down around me and I was faced with losing everything – my wife, my kids, my home, my job, my business.
My recovery started in January and it has been a revelation. The temptation is still there and there are some days when it is easier than others and up until recently I felt like I had control of it. However, things are beginning to slip and it is becoming more of a struggle again and I'm scared I the wheels will fall off pretty quickly.

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