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I thought I would start a new thread to talk about where I am/how I am doing with the reboot and recovery of my porn addiction.

I am 19 months plus removed from porn and masturbation (and it feels fantastic!).  I am married (my journal is over there in the 40's section) to a wonderful wonderful woman.  Throughout this process after her d-day we have struggled for the most part with my PIED.  Over the past 5-7 months say, I have been able to respond and we are able to be together - say once or twice a week.  But every so often, things don't work out at first and my wife and I try to deal with it the best we can, and sometimes we may eventually get there.

This last month or so, I have responded fairly well, but have not been fully hard - certainly hard enough to be with my wife, but just not all the way.

Here is what I have been experiencing lately:

The past several weeks I have felt more sexual than I have felt in the weeks prior - not sure if that is coming out of a flatline, increasing confidence, or simply the continuation of physical changes as my body and brain continue to heal/reboot/wake up.  I am at a point where I don't know how to determine if the quality of my responses is simply me continuing to heal or simply that I am 46 years old.  One of the issues is that when my wife and I would be together before she had her dday, we would be together and I would get hard, but not fully hard.  That unfortunately drives her back to where I was, what I was doing - and she starts to question whether I am doing it again.  I understand that - I am an addict and I lied about it, its going to take longer than 19 months to rebuild that trust.  That being said, I am wondering if over the 19 months, if I am getting 'back' to where I was before, have I truly turned a corner, and and still recovering/healing?  Guess I will have to let you know in a few months on that one.

So, I thought I would drop this thread here and see if anyone else is experiencing anything similar.

Again, I am in my 20th month - I still see the negative affects of what I have been doing to my body - both from a physical stance and certainly from a mental stance.  But I also see improvements from where I was to where I am.  And I have hope for where I want to go.

Anyone have any thoughts?


Porn Addiction / How do we as addicts, talk to our kids?
« on: September 18, 2014, 01:17:55 PM »
I have been with this forum for several months now - battling my addiction.  Successfully I would say - almost 9 months with no relapses, no urges, nothing.
I am 45, married with two children - a daughter almost 17 and a son 13.

Most of you know my story - and the damage that I have done to my family. 

While we are all so busy worried about putting our own lives back together, repair and heal relationships - my next question is how do you talk to your kids about the dangers of pornography in both a way that will be constructive and yet in a way that they don't draw a connection to the issues mom and dad are having?

Is there a site for assistance?  Has anyone any stories to share on what they did, what worked well, what didnt?  Where can I find information?

My assumption is at this point, this isnt an issue for my children, but I don't really know - I want to get to them before the porn does.  Forgive me, but I am a smart guy and it got to me!  After sharing with so many of you all, I know it can get to anyone.  We know things now that we didn't know then.  You have seen the shocking statistics - the largest group of males consuming ED meds are late teens and early 20's!  My responsibility to repair my life does not stop with me and my marriage - I need to protect my children!

Anyone have any thoughts, or stories to share?

Hi All,

I know I asked about this before in other threads, but I thought I would start a unique thread to allow others to put in their thoughts and theories.

I am 150 days into no P & and no M and now 15 days into no O.  Over the course of these 5 months I have had sporadic responses to my wife.  I have been much more 'successful' in the morning and dreadful in the evening.  I know that T levels are diurnal, and they typically are higher in the morning and then wane throughout the course of the day.   Prior to Dday I was able to respond any time during the day.  I would respond, but in looking back the quality wasn't there.  Morning wood has been pretty consistant over the past month or so, some days have better quality then others.

Has anyone else experienced this during their reboot?  Anyone have any thoughts as to why this may happen.

Ages 40 and up / SMS -
« on: April 04, 2014, 07:49:44 AM »
Hello to all,

I am 45, married to an amazing woman and have two wonderful children.

I am 93 days free from P&M, strong and vigilant - and not going back.  My wife has been supporting me in beating this addiction, but I am dealing with issue of PIED, and have had sporadic responses over the past couple months.  Anywhere from responding very well, to responding ok, responding and losing, and not responding at all.  I am generally more successful in the mornings, and nonexistant in the evening.  I have read much on this subject, but I trying to get some advice on how rebooting with a partner affects my overall rebooting and ultimately the amount of time to reboot.  To be honest, I sorta had 90 - 100 days pegged as a magic number, and that isnt going to work out.

Any others similar to my age, expericencing the same or been through something similar?

thanks - and praying for all of us to stay strong.

hello all,
I am looking for some help with my rebooting process and struggles with ED, due to my P & M.

I am now 92 days free from P & M, and I have been intimate with my wife many times since D-day.  I am finding now that I am very erratic in both getting erect and getting erect and staying there.  Mornings are much more positive than evenings, afternoons have mixed success.  However, the inconsistancey has placed an enormous additional strain on my wife.  I always feel wanting her, wanting to be with her, but times I don't measure up. 

Has our being intimate through this process caused my reboot to slow or caused it to derail.  There has been no P & M, and no fantazing about P when I with my wife.  I focus on her, and only her. 

I am 45, and the last 10 years looking at porn, the last 2 years uncontrollably.

Any thoughts from anyone?



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