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Topics - ruuddejong

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Porn Addiction / Rewiring in relationship or marriage
« on: December 30, 2018, 02:42:15 AM »
I am now almost 2 months into my reboot and I am starting to have questions if/when this will ever result in me having normal libido and desire to have sex with my wife. If you haven't read my thread or one of my other threads about feeling numb towards wife, the problem is that, I have no desire to have sex with my wife at all. When I force myself to get naked and just do it, I can do it, though not 100%.

And after doing lots of reading, it was kind of clear that porn was the reason so I quit porn with the hope that normal libido will come back.

Last night, my wife asked can we have sex? And I immediately felt no desire at all and told her I was tired and cut it off before it even started. Then this question came to my mind:

Two months into my reboot, should I make myself have sex with my wife even when I don't really have any libido or desire (which is always the case) to rewire my brain or should I just continue my reboot and wait for it to come naturally (will it?) and then focus on rewiring?

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Porn Addiction / Pills during reboot
« on: November 08, 2018, 02:19:25 AM »
I am doing my reboot and I am in Day 5 - it is going relatively easy and I feel like the flatline is coming. However, I have a problem:

Last night wife finally told me that she never feels wanted and even when we have sex, she feels I am not really there and I just do it because we need to do it. She is right. I only do it because I know I have to. I don't even get horny next to her, wanting her etc. I just told her that I think she is very beautiful and sexy (and she is, honestly, a 10/10).

I am hoping this is all because of porn and my senses will come back to life in a few months but I cannot just stop having sex - AND I cannot tell her about my addiction. First years of relationship and marriage, we were doing it 3-4 times a week at least, and sometimes multiple times a day and I wasn't doing porn in that period because it was all new and exciting, so I did not need porn I guess.

The problem now is, unless I truly want her and initiate sex and make her feel it is real (not because I have to), she will not be happy and she can easily see the difference between now and then. And THAT won't happen anytime soon.

So my question is would using pills work? I never used one, so I am not sure if it just makes your thingy hard (i.e. just physical effect) or does it also make you want sex much more than usual? I guess it may slow down the progress and cause chaser effects etc but I am ready for that.

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Porn Addiction / Feeling numb to gf or wife in general?
« on: November 04, 2018, 08:19:32 AM »
I am curious, do you guys also have this or did the successful ones observe it go away:

- I am married to a 10/10, but sexually or in life in general, I feel nothing sexual at all towards her, while I want to fuck every other girl who is even 5/10. And with wife, it is a real struggle to get hard, and once i am hard and we have sex, i have to try really hard to come. With a stranger, it is instant and I come in about 30 seconds, I believe this is because I am using strangers as a porn sub.

Also in general, I am quite uninterested towards my wife. I love her and I would never want to lose her, but also often I'd prefer to be alone (and watch porn!).

So I am trying to understand and hoping that the reason is porn, nothing else.

 

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Ages 30-39 / Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« on: November 04, 2018, 05:48:32 AM »
Hello,

I am 32, married for 4 years, have a son around 1 year old. Our sex life has been terrible in the last 2-3 years due to my addiction. She has no idea and she thinks I do not find her attractive. She is actually 10/10, while I am at best 7/10. Everyone is staring at her in street, in malls etc, but because of my addiction, I never initiate sex, if she eventually does it, it takes me a while get hard and then I can actually keep it and we can both cum, so while I can maintain erection, I cannot get hard by hugging her or kissing her etc.

I have been using porn since teenager years, I realized that it is an addiction about 2-3 years ago, I had period where I didn't use it at all for 2 months and things got considerably better but then I got back to it somehow. Since then max 2-3 weeks I can go. I have read many posts on this website, finally decided to join and start my own thread.

Since there is no one else in the world, that knows about my addiction, I need at least some thread to keep myself accountable.

So this is the attempt, and this is day 1.

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