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Topics - datkid93

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Porn Addiction / I am getting very frustrated...
« on: September 29, 2016, 12:11:52 PM »
So  I am back here again bc I have been getting very frustrated of recently. I have been attempting to rewire with girls whether it's kissing or having sex with them and I have Been able to finish granted I feel like it is more due to friction than anything else i have to admit i stil feel rather numb. Granted I've put effort into rewiring with girls I still notice myself havin dreams about the porn that i escalted into and having wet dreams over it. This is extremely frustrating bc I feel like I'm taking the right steps and having sex with girls but then a few days after having sex with a girl ill have a wet drram about something weird, something I don't really struggle with when I'm awake. Just to fill some in i escalated into gay porn  years back and watched it for a few years and by the end of my stint i found it very hard to get aroused to girls so Ive completely stopped reinforcin those pathways and it's been about 2 years now and it still lingers in my head especially in my dreams. I don't master bate anymore I and the only way Ill let myself reach orgasm is if I'm with a real life girl. I used to have vivid sex dreams about girls but now they are warped a staple of my dreams have been the girl transforming into a guy into which I immediately stop and wake myself up. Either that or the girl just happens to have a penis. Upon wakiny up from these dreams im thrown into an anxiety of how this can continue to happen and what it means in the reboot process which i feel like if i was making steps foward i would be having wet dreams about ACTUAL GIRLS not about stuff i havent looked at in 2 fucking years. The fact that it's been two years aND I'm still having these porn induced thoughts is extremely unnerving and frustrating I just want them to aline  with women like it used to. I really don't know what I can do better this the only thing I can think of is that I need a lot of time to rewire bc I haven't spent much time focusing on it until recently. In the past 2 years that Ive been working on this I've probably have only had sex with women only like 15 times which isn't enough to override my old pathways. Can anybody shed some light or input?

Porn Addiction / For those u who successfully rewired
« on: July 30, 2016, 08:07:49 AM »
I've been at this for a while I stopped watching porn back in like April 2014 stopped reinforcing those pathway's a while ago.. I count my last conscious relapse as Sept 2014. My story is the usual escalation to harder themes over the years I escalated to gay porn and was watching it for a few years. By the end of my stint I found it very hard to get aroused to girls which I still do. I havent to pmoed or anything since then..  I've noticed a dramatic decrease in this in unwanted thoughta and urges as they are just fleeting thoughts which I don't entertain.  I have started trying to rewire and have been really discouraged bc I barely get aroused with girls is frustrating some times..nevertheless I have ejaculated with girls thru friction which I'dk  if I should be doing I am having sex with real life girls so I guess ejaculations thru that should be okay. Anyway I still have these unwanted dreams which sneak up on me and are really weird. I hate to say it but the only wet dreams I have only reflect what I'm trying to rid myself of I have yet to have a wet dream to a woman and it's been almost 2 years, granted I have had dreams about women but haven't reached that statells of arousal yet. It's really deterring but I guess I havent really spent wlmuch time rewiring and it seems that it will take time to override these pathways I've created over many years. Is there anybody that could relate or could shed some light coming back from a fetish?

Porn Addiction / is this the way to rewire?
« on: March 03, 2016, 02:44:23 PM »
So Ive been at it for a while to keep things short I escalated into gay porn and was watching it for a while about 3 years anyway until I found that I could no longer get aroused by girls. I've been on a strict n no pMO in general as my only release has been in wet dreams which primarily have reflected the porn I was watching. Things have gotten tremendously better the hocd is still there the attraction has really diminished I could go an entire day without noticing it they areally really incomplete fleeting tHought's which I don't follow. So yes my goal is to rid me of my acquired taste for gay porn and to rewire with women. Recently I had finally found a girl who I can rewire with one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Now I didn't get hard right away but rather about 15 minutes into it to which I was finally able to cum. We ended up having sex 2 other times I didn't get 100% percent aroused but it was maybe like 80% which is astounding bc I remember trying before and nit even getting aroused. So these 3 orgasms I had were the first that I had outside of wet dreams on the past almost year and a half. They were great and it was awesome knowing I could do it.  Days after this experience my other obscure attractions were still faintly present. I actually had a wet dream last night regarding the stuff I was trying rid myself of I can barely remember how it happened   but it did happen which is frustrating because i just had managed to climax eith a girl the past week I know having sex with a woman once probably isn't gonna go ahead and easily override what I taught myself to get aroused to in the past so I guess I just gotta keep at it until my taste readjust to women. Just thinking about having sex with that girl I can get really hard but I refuse to let myself finish unless it's with an actual person. So Im guess what I'm asking here is that in order to overcome my obscure attractions what I have to do is have sex and orgasm with a women until my taste readjust? Or should I not be orgasmsing  with her?

Porn Addiction / 15 months and counting....
« on: January 07, 2016, 01:52:29 PM »
It's been along time since I watched porn  to say the least it was probably back in April 2014. It's about about 15 months since I started this journey and by that I mean no pmo or MO at all just wet dreams. Anyway my story is the typical escalated into gay porn story over about 3 years I became sensitized to it alno longer being able to feel the same way about regular porn with girls which through my world upside down I had no idea what I was doing.. 15 months down the line  no pmo doesn't really seematter to bother me Ive  gotten used it but yet I have noticed my newly acquired attraction to completely go away but rather die down significantly whereas my attraction to women isn't so apparent still. Most triggers have really died down tbh I am not really phased by them much anymore they are  fleeting incomplete  thoughts st this point..nevertheless if I sat there and focused on them it becomes apparent that it all comes back but will again dissipate.. Wet dreams are only things that seem to deter my  confidence . It is worrying nthinking about how much longer it will take  or if it can even be done at all but all those thoughta are just something I try to ignore these days..the anxiety isn't worth it. I have just started trying to rewire with women and I feel like it's could get better over time. Nevetthrless all my wet dreams are exclusively relates to the genre of porn that I escslated into they are so distorted and make me feel uncomfortable .. I too have sex dreams with women but they ARe not wet dreams and I don't always reach full arousal.. I really do think that If I start climaxing with girls I'll be eventually be able to readjust my taste but like I said I have yet to have an opportunity  until now..I don't know if I should start moing  to girls or just wait for the real thing honestly anything is better than having a wet dream to the porn that I escalated into because it is not something I wish to pursue and something I want to finally pUT to rest.

Porn Addiction / what can I do about this?
« on: May 18, 2015, 12:17:31 PM »
I'm 8 months in and have yet to descalate from extreme escalation but it's gotten better I struggle mostly with wet dreams stunting my progress at this point.  I'm not watching porn or acting out but they mostly resemble me normally going throughout my day and then something triggers me or I'm just remember the way I used to pmo and I then I'll feel that dopamine feel myself start to get aroused. Usually I can stop myself before it's two late but other times I don't notice it or don't regain consciousness fast enough to stop a wet dream. It's extremely frustrating bc after 8 months it jut gets by me sometimes I don't get it. How can I prevent this?

Porn Addiction / wtf? what the hell does this mean?
« on: May 14, 2015, 03:16:22 AM »
Coming around 8 months no o and 1 year no pmo and still feel like I'm having serious issues. I literally ejaculated twice again in one day just as I'm drifting off to sleep and it's still extremely representative to porm I was watching. This hasnt hapoened in months. I'm very concerned when I'm drifting of to sleep I'm in an unconscious state of mind where I'm partly conscious and I try to fight this and have it just happened. I don't want to think of this as a setback but like this is bs I don't know to make of it I'm scared to go to sleep. I feel like my sexuality is ducked because of my prior porn usage. I've haven't reinforced this pathway intentionally in over a year at this point and I haven't shown major signs of descalation yet. Can somebody please help me out here? Like when I go to sleep my guard is down and this shot just gets by. This can't mean anything good I'm just so ducking angry right now. I mean like wont will this eventually go away given what I'm doing?

Hey guys so to keep things short and simple im abouy 7.5 months into my reboot and hsve noticed things getting alot better. To keep things short i escalated into gay pon about 2 to 3 years ago and things got bsd but i had no odea what the hell i was doing. long storyy short my libido for women was totally and dwindled away and this pretty mich rewired my brain ehich is extremely frustrating. Anyway ive noticed alot of stuff get better in 7.5 months like less sexual thoughts and stidf the atyractiom is still there vut wU more manageable. Everyday i beat myself up aboit this because i just want fucking nightmare to be over and its already been 7 months and my brain sti hasnt forgotten it. Ahhh anyway i can sometimes get aroused by girls its gotten better but the dopamine isnt there yet which is extemely nnerving. Anyway i think Alot Of It Is Becasue I havent Attempted To Rewire At All Or At Least Show My Brain The Direction I want to Go In. At My Stage Woild This Be Feasible yet? like Rewiring Is Gonna Be Hard Because My Brain still Remembers The Way I ised To pmo.. i rrally Need Some Advise Guys This isnt Easy If Anybody Can Fill Me After A few Attempts of Tryig To Rewire Will Iy Become Easier To Get aroused?

I've been off these forums for a while bc I honestly hate thinking about this shit. Anyway I'm 6 months into my reboot and have been without porn for about 9 months. Anyway I just wanted to get input on my situation. I really hate talking about it bc these have the been the darkest moments of my life..but anyway this is my backstory. To keeps things short I escalated into gay oon over th course of the past 3 years and escalated with it while still watching plently of regular porn. Anyway due to tolerance and conditioning it eventually became really hard for me to get off to regular porn after a wHile. Hence I stopped because this was not the person I wanted to be but rather arrived at this point by shear stupidity.  Anyway Ive been off porn since last may/june..but relapsed to a chaser effect last September.  Since Sept I've been in total monk mode although recently I've been going through a few stints...a trigger which led to a wet dream which I haven't had in a while. Anyway almost 200 days in things have gotten alot better...less sexual thoughts which are less vivid in strength I even actually forget about thi altogether fo orolones periods of time but then ull get triggered and realize it's still there. My attraction to males is still there but really died down I still notice it but its way more manageable. it fucking sucks though I have feel so empty and just miserable at times nm having no idea how long this is gonna take...but I know it's possible because the brain is plastic and it's already gotten better. My dreams are still fucked up while my porn dream have rrally died down and arent as vivid as they used to be...they normally consist of me trying to bang every girl I can get my hands on but they  usually de materialize before my own eyes And it sucks like my brain wants me to go back after 6 months it hasn't forgotten this stimulus. I literslly still hsve dreams time to time about the way i used to pmo but usually im partlyconscious so I usually ignore it turn away from it and remind myself that I can't do that that anymore. There are times ive been uncomfortable drifting off to sleep because this addicted part o my mind starts playing images in my head. Im definately more capable of getting aroused by girls but thats not where the dopamine is at least yet. thing is I WILL NEVER go back bc I'm closing this door and never going back.. I've always been interested it girls have always complained about having a gf and find it to be a total mindfuck with what I'm going through rn.  This wasnt the person o was 2 -3 years ago. .Anyway I'm just looking for sone positive reinforcement and feedback. Thanks guys

Porn Addiction / gay porn addiction?
« on: November 22, 2014, 10:28:10 AM »
Hey guys so I really found myself started to delve off with porn 2.5 years ago and now I'm trying to pick up the pieces and get back to where I was. I honestly had no idea what I was doing was just trying to find a way to get off the hardest.  I'm experiencing feelings that stuff I've never experienced before so I'm extremely anxious. Just wanted to see if other people have struggled with this bc and if anyone can relate. Really appreciate it guys.

Porn Addiction / Avoding all sexual
« on: November 12, 2014, 04:06:56 PM »
This is by far where i struggle the most.  I get it the worst when Im studying, or in class given like a thought will pop into in my head every few minutes, I dont focus on them and dont get aroused but frankly I dont know how I can stop them without driving myself crazy.  I constantly tell myself NO! and dismiss the thought, but when they keep coming I get extremely frustrated to the point that I feel like Im driving myself crazy.  Given that Im a student in a competitive major I dont know how I can bring myself to study if I constantly have these thoughts pop into my head. Ill read a sentence and then a thought will pop into my head thats pretty much how it works. Having thoughts slow down your reboot and given that I wired to my sexuality to something I dont want to think about or pursue I find it extremely discouraging when these thoughts continue to pop into my head. Any advise?

Long story short identify as straight debeloved a happy fetish over the year and conotion ed myself to it for several years.  Now that I quit porn I see that my brain has rewred itself to this stuff which is scary.  Pretry sure it's just a case of sexual conditionon but anyway going with out pmo is easy it's more of the intrusive thoughts the anxiety the constant checking and imagining shit that's not there that has been slowing down my progress and it's been driving me crazy. Ive also read about st. Johns wort which is a natural antidepressant and can help with ocd and anxiety. Will these supplewowoments help with these compulsions?  Anybody with experience with it and if so how much should I start dosing.

Porn Addiction / I don't get it?
« on: October 21, 2014, 09:16:32 PM »
So as I continue with my reboot I've been noticing that at times I can fanatsize sex with a girl and get a viagra like boner that can take a few minutests to go down. Why is it that I cant consistently do this like once it goes down its not as easy to get back up again. Then there are days I cant even do it. Like you'd think that once u can start making that connection it would come consistently.

Porn Addiction / how have u brought this up to girls?
« on: October 11, 2014, 02:10:11 AM »
If this couldn't have gotten any worse I know find out th girl that I like likes me and wants to date.  its obvious to me that a relationship is oit of the question given that I don't know how long this going to take given that I spent 3 years conditioning myself to a porn that doesn't even match my godamn orientation. So right now idk what the hell to say other or ther than saying I can't have one rn..given that she'll be abroad next semester I  can push this off for 8 months but expecting the worst I don't what postions I'll be in then. This fucking sucks...

Porn Addiction / Hypnosis, lucid dreaming, dream control
« on: October 08, 2014, 09:09:10 PM »
Im wondering if anybody has experimented with any of the following and have seen any success.  Ive read that hypnosis while sleeping may help in addition to becoming an avid lucid dreamer.  I have lucid dreams from time to time and to an extent have had control in some of my dreams in which I have been able to further turn my back on my old PMO habits on a subconscious level, but this doesnt apply to every dream.  If I can work on this skill I feel like I can truly influence my dreams on a subconsious level to the fact that I have done so in several dreams.  Also I was reading about techniques on preventing discharge in your dreams and was wondering if anybody has done so. 

I've read up on several tips to reduce the the incidence of wet dreams and they include of exercise, sleeping less like 6hrs, eating garlic cloves before sleep, tumeric water, almond milk, avoiding certain foods like pork etc, and obviously not having sexual thoughts throughout the day.  Im going to try implementing these techniques in the hopes of reducing sexual dreams and increasing my control of them.

Porn Addiction / Can somebody explain? please help
« on: October 08, 2014, 01:28:15 AM »
So I keep finding that Im cumming my pants while sleeping it seems more than before than earlier in my reboot and I dont know what to make of it? I had an intense wet dream 2 nights ago and woke up again tonight to another nocturnal emission to something that I believe was porn induced.  Long story short I consider myself a straight male, but after too much porn usage I found myself escalating into gay stuff which I have developed an intense arousal for.  I literally drifted off to sleep for about 15 minutes and was awoken my this.  Had no hypersexual thoughts before going to bed, but I did awake after about 2 hours of sleep and then had this dream immediately once I tried to go to sleep again. I also did eat something like 30 minutes before going to bed. During the today I seem to be able to fend thoughts and keep them to a minimum but find that I keep orgasming very easily the further I get into my reboot. When I consciously awake I dont know know how to feel about what just happened and dont get much of a chaser effect because I have no desire to consciously engage in this activity or look at porn. What the hell is going on? Should I be worried about these emissions?I also notice that I dont really get that massive dopamine blast from these emission not like from PMO? Will these fade over time? Is this thwarting my progress because I started noticing my libido coming back with women during the first 69 days until I had my first wet dream, since then its flatlined.

So Ive finally decided to make a journal on here to keep myself motivated, to track my progress, and to get support from all you guys going through the same thing.  Anyways a heres a little about myself I'm 21 who has finally realized how much porn has totally warped my life.  My entire my life I've considered myself straight as Ive always been emotionally and physically attracted to girls, but my porn usage really led me to start questioning that.  Let me say that I've never had a physical or emotional attraction to a guy but gay porn just seemed liked something that really could get me off really hard bc of the taboo and foribbiden nature of it. Anyway finishing to it never seemed right just seemed weird and unnatural but the excitement of watching it seemed to weigh out the disgust I'd feel after.  Being a stupid teenager I had no idea that I was wiring up my sexuality with this new form of stimulation, I felt comfortable who I was knowing that I was straight and knowing that this was just something that got me off not something Id acutually partake in. I dont know exactly how long this went on for but I want to say for 3-4 years, but I cant comment on how long a reboot would take because I wasnt really using this everyday it was on and off and I really didnt start getting more into it until the past two years.  Anyway this entire time I was able to still get off to straight porn but it slowly began losing its novelty.  Fast foward to 20 when I lost my virginity and I could even get fully aroused let alone enjoy it.  I didnt quite understand it and thought it was PA but through more a few more sexual experiences I came to realize the problem was much deeper rooted than this.  It wasnt until July 2 2014 that I realized I had warped my sexuality and from that moment on Ive vowed to quite PMO for life.  What I soon discovered threw my world totally upside down.  I soon began crazving the porn while also having many fantanties making really uncomfortable around my male friends which scared the shit out of me.  Anyway the longer I went the little burst of libido towards woman became more frequent giving me hopes of recovery.  Anyway I had my first WD on day 69 which was gay fantasy related and  freaked out.  This led to series of 4 relapses over the next 3 weeks none of which I utlized porn or masterbation, just thoughts I couldnt control. I attribute these relapses to alcohol and weed, to substances which i know realize I have to avoid. Had a second wet dream on day 95 which was porn related but not as vivid as the one I had on day 69 with little to no chaser effect.  Today marks the 96th day, the day I finally decide to start a journal to keep myself motivated in this journey.  I feel like I should have been making better progress but obviously the relapses set me back a bit along with still struggling to avoid fantasizing which I think is triggered by HOCD.  Anyway Im confident in my efforts and I will continue this journey.  About a 1-1.5 year ago I actually abstained totally from PMO just to see if I could do it for 30 days and I vividly remember not having any urges and hell there was no questioning of my sexuality then it was just as if I felt like I had no libido towards anything, which I feel is indicative that what Im going through now isnt truly who I am. Id appreciate anybody with a similar experience or advice to comment on this thread..

Porn Addiction / in dire need of opinions and some positive feedback
« on: September 16, 2014, 01:11:31 PM »
So my entire life I've been attracted to girls never have I ever had any feelings about guys. So anyway when I first got started pmoing it was to regular porn and girls. Evenutally I escalated to gay porn and found it to be very exciting. Used it for on and off for about 3 years. Man I wish I never came across this shit but anyway I delved deeper into it eventually fantasing about it to the point that I thought I wanted to try to try it, especially when I was so caught up in the moment. Nevertheless whenever I would finish I would be really confused and disgusted with myself, but eventually the disgust faded away a bit.  I would have to finish to straight porn after to feel okay with myself.  Anyway when it finally came time to have sex go figure I couldnt even get aroused go figure i thought it was just PA. Anyway what i noticed about 3months ago was that I could only get hard to gay porn and even gay fantansies would give me a raging boner.  I freaked out when I realized this and promised myself never to pmo again.  I was 10 weeks in and had a gay wet dream to which I freaked out and later that day I even came my pants due to the chaser effect.  Anyway I was determined to get over this however a week after this I came my pants again just by a mere thought that I couldnt get out of my head. Im struggling with eliminating these thoughts, but have gotten progressively better at it. Deep down I know Im not gay but its as if my brain just wants be to give in and when I did my head starts feeling like really weird like totally imbalanced. Its almost like a sick fetish that gets me off that I imposed on myself.  Im so confused to what I am going through a total identity crisis, hell I wouldnt care as long as I could have sexual attraction towards a girl like I used to. Is the road to recovery possible for me? Im so detered by this that I have I dont know what to do. Im really scared that right now and just need some positive feedback. I'm currently in college in a competetive major and cant find myself able to focus on the work and am considering taking a leave of absence for the semester to see if I can figure things out.  There is one thing that Im sure about I will give this my all, theres no doubt that I know this is going to be difficult but at this point I refuse to let anything break me.

Porn Addiction / how to avoid wet dreams?
« on: September 11, 2014, 06:34:14 PM »
If rebooting enough wasn't hard enough it totally seems out of your control when u are unconsciously dreaming about something your trying to weaken and ultimately forget about. I had a porn induced dream the other night which left me craving pmo again and I was making great progress until this happened.  Now im somewhat detered especially if it happens again. Any insight?

Porn Addiction / what is wrong with me?
« on: August 01, 2014, 05:16:20 PM »
Okay So I Mr Entire Life As Long As I Could Remember I Have Liked Girls without a doubt. Despite this I've also been a shy when it comes to girls and never really have had any sort of relationship with them. Anyway when I started masterbaring it was to girls I jerk ed off to them and it was great.  Anyway throug hy out high school I developed this bad habit which I felt had really affected my urge to go out and approach girls. Anyway throught high school I always had crushes on girls but never did anything about iit.As I got older I started looking at different types of porn and out of all of them gay porn really tuned me on.  Anyway i would still jerk off to straight porn but gay porn was like something else. One thing that I had noticed as th at once I had came it had felt so wro ng like it wasn't me but anyway I kept masterbating. When I got to College there was no doubt that I liked girls but still due to my shyness I never really pursed them. At the same time my enjoyment of gay porn increased to the point that u started going on gay chats and jerk in off with other guys. I would fantasize about getting pentrated and being totally used by guys but once i  came i felt so wrong. It was just like i needed a my fix. At first I didn't think anything of it but then I soon startled to notice that I liked it more than straight porn. It came to the point that  couldnt even get hard to straight porn only gay porn would do it for me. Still once I came I felt disgusted with myself. Anyway i ended up losing my virginity when u hit 20 and to my surprise I couldn't even get hard. like it was pathetic I had this super hot naked girl all to myself and as much as u wanted to get hard I couldn't sex just feet weird I didn't even really enjoy ot. Anyway i had multiple attempts at sex and still it wasn't something that really excited me damn I couldn't even get hard. So then I started to wonder what the hell is wrong with me which was when I discovered ybop and so I decided no fap would solve it. Anyway I've been on this no fap no pmo for 30 days so far and u have noticed that I definately am attracted to women but at the same time my atttaction towards men as totally increased. When I would jerk off to other guys I would never like actually like check out other guys like u could never imagine just kissing a guy or having an emotional connection with one. But since I ve started this no fap I've been having ridiculous gay urges more than straight ones. Hell I barely get hard around girls but despite this I s till am horny for them. When I comes to guys now I relive that I'm checking then out and the thought of even kissing them pops into my head and bc I'm so horny on this no fap thing I feel driven to do so but I know how disgusted with myself I would be if I did.  Today which is my 30 day on this I came so hard to relapsing out of nowhere..I've been able to control the urges pretty easily but today out of nowhere I got a massive boner just thinking of havi ng sex with a guy. Getting penetrated ducking dick and even kissing a guy like it drove me crazy more than thinking about any girl would. I was able to control the urge but it really drives me crazy how I don't feel this way toward women like I don't want to be gay hell I've never even felt this way. I'm just so much more horny towards guys now that I've done this no fap but I really want to be with a girl. Is this hocd or what like I really want to be with a girl but tn e fact of the matter is that when I get really horny u want to act out on these gay urges. Is it the porn that has screwed with my mind or am I really gay? Just thinking about being gay really feels weird but at the same time really turns me on . I just want to feel this way towards girls.

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