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Messages - Brazyk

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Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: April 19, 2017, 04:26:44 PM »
Day 11

Taking the bull by its horns was a good approach: I have been having a great time since my last post: in particular I did not relapse and I am on my longest streak in a few months.

It is impressive to notice how everything in my life is connected: sleeping well, not MOing, working well, being satisfied, having a rich social life. When something starts going wrong in one of these areas it affects all the others negatively. And when I manage to improve something, all the rest starts going better.

The tools I recently started using helped on two of these fronts:
* strong porn blockers on all of my devices prevented being tempted
* I have been going to bed earlier with a bedtime reminder, and more energy during the day definitely helps having a more satisfactory day

Additionally, I started a psychotherapy to see if this can help. We have not been to the deep stuff yet, but she already helped me establishing a routine in my day, and that definitely helped as well.

Take the bull by its horns!

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: April 08, 2017, 09:27:17 AM »
Relapse - Day 0

I had a great month of February, and a catastrophic March. I MO'd very little in February, but relapsed many times in the last month and even watched some porn which I had not done for many months, probably to alleviate stress. I am restarting a reboot today and will do three things to improve my chances of success:
* install a porn blocker on all my devices (having to get rid of PMO is even worse than having to get rid of MO), since I have been using my smartphone to watch porn lately. I still have to write a post on porn blockers, since they helped me tremendously on my first nofap attempt.
* I noticed that I tend to masturbate late at night when I'm bored and not going to bed, and in the following mornings. I don't do it if I go to bed at a reasonable time. I put a bedtime reminder on my phone, let's see how it works for me.
* Finally, I have an appointment on Monday with a psychologist to discuss this issue (and others), let's hope he will be able to suggest new ways of getting rid of the addiction.

If you have any additional idea, I'm as always very interested.

Sleep well!

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: February 07, 2017, 08:05:30 PM »
Day 4

Quick post: I have been doing quite well in the last few days: kept a stable routine, especially got up at the same time every day. I have been working well, which is very satisfying and probably reduces the need to find satisfaction elsewhere: I had no urges at all in the last days. I will keep on feeding the virtuous circle!

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: February 03, 2017, 09:32:46 AM »
Relapse - Day 0

Relapsed yet again. Wow, that shit really is filling a void for me. I had no idea I was that addicted. This realization makes me even more motivated to stop MO.

Even though I have been relapsing regularly since I started the challenge one month ago, there is still an improvement since I have been fapping on average every five days or so instead of every second day, and I managed to avoid binging.

But I am a bit at a loss as to how to improve further. Willpower does not work that well on the long run. I should find a way to improve that morning routine to avoid spending time in my bed when I am half-awake. I will let you know.

Good morning to all, get your day started!

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: January 31, 2017, 09:54:44 AM »
Day 5

Had a great weekend skiing but a stressful beginning of the week, and I have strong urges today. I will do my best to make the next hours productive, this will make me feel better.

Stay strong!

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: January 24, 2017, 06:39:29 AM »
Relapse - Day 0

I relapsed again this morning, on day 7. I was very stressed yesterday, that must explain why my urge was so strong.
I feel frustrated that this attempt is so much more difficult so far than two years ago. Starting nofap when sick is definitely a great idea. Too bad I'm mostly in great health these days!..
Anyway, MO once a week is still an improvement and I will keep trying and be patient, as Vardan kindly said in the previous post.

Let's channel that energy into our lives!

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: January 17, 2017, 11:08:57 AM »
Relapse - Day 0

I relapsed this morning. This happened in exactly the same way as when I relapsed on day 78 of my attempt two years ago. I was still in my slumber, had some sexual thoughts I cannot remember, started edging, and came in a very short time with all the sexual tension I had these days.

I already caught myself edging on Sunday morning when I woke up but managed to stop and get up immediately. It is really annoying to do this while I am still mostly unconscious. The thought that I should not MO did not even occur to me!

I am restarting immediately to avoid going into a binge. This is the greatest danger in a relapse: if you MO once in several days, it is still a progress, the addiction will recede a bit, and the next attempt will be easier. Binging on the contrary reforms the habit with its original strength.

It also happened probably because I had a lot of stress to release. I was not very consistent in keeping my other good habits in the last days (sport 3 times a week, writing in my journal, going to bed before midnight, planning the next day every evening). This should have been a warning sign. These habits, including no PMO, form a virtuous circle.

So as not help me not to relapse again, I also planned to spend the weekend in 10 days with friends, this should help prevent a relapse when horniness returns.

Wish me luck!

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: January 12, 2017, 08:18:41 PM »
Day 8

Feeling horny tonight. It is painful in the evening because I have to fight the urges, but I hope to feel this during the day tomorrow: horniness can be a powerful motivator. The point is to learn to tap into the sexual energy, feel the anger and frustration, and "transmute" it into the change your life requires.

The urges are going to be strong in the evening for the next days, I will have to be careful during the weekend.

Have a great PMO-free weekend!

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: January 09, 2017, 12:28:45 PM »
Day 5

I finally went for that run on Friday, and it was a great idea. I had to force myself to put on my short and shoes and get down the stairs, but then I very much enjoyed myself. I like to run in my city in the evening, when people are going out: I always pass by interesting scenes.

Uneventful weekend, I had no strong urges, but I didn't do much either.

I need a bit more energy in my life. Looking forward to getting that boost from stopping MO.

Stay strong!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting Reboot.
« on: January 06, 2017, 10:46:33 AM »
Good luck with preparing your interview, Vardan!
Use the time and energy you have to work hard for now, relax on the day before the interview, have a balanced life, no PMO, and you'll be at your best for the important day.

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: January 06, 2017, 10:37:03 AM »
Day 2

Quick message, it's late already and I still have a lot to do before the end of the day.

Some urge this morning, but my decision to do a 100-day challenge and writing in this forum helped me to overcome it. I have to stay strong, and keep busy and active.

I know that the worst part will be in about one week, and then I will slowly start to reap the benefits.

I should go for a run to spend the energy that would usually go to a fap, but I'm feeling lazy and still have all that work to do... I'll see later.

A nice day to all, keep strong.

Ages 30-39 / Re: A new hope
« on: January 04, 2017, 11:56:10 AM »
Hey Vardan,

Thanks for your comments.

Same as for you, generally I fantasize now that I managed to get rid of P. It also happens that I relive past sexual experiences. This is absurd and shameful when you think about it, my past shows that I'm perfectly able to create very fulfilling experiences, yet I stay alone masturbating in my bed when I should be out in the world. But I generally don't think much when I'm MOing.

Sometimes also I don't even fantasize at all, the physical sensations are enough. This is the saddest, when I'm completely overwhelmed by my urges.

Best of luck with your reboot, keep it up (or down!)

Ages 30-39 / A new hope
« on: January 04, 2017, 07:51:07 AM »
Day 0

Hi, fellow rebooters,

I'm 30, started masturbating around 9 and I first noticed I had a problem around 14. This caused me a lot of problems in my teens. From 18 to 26 I was passionate about my studies and I had two very supportive girlfriends, so in spite of my addiction which was burning a lot of my energy, I managed to live a pretty decent life.

Life has been less exciting in recent years (changing this is my main goal for 2017, rebooting is just a means to an end) and I replaced many sources of enjoyment with PMO.

I made a first attempt at rebooting two years ago and relapsed on day 78. Actually, that attempt was easy since I was very ill when I started and had absolutely no energy nor libido for the first 20 days or so. I got out of flatline around day 65, and relapsed two weeks later. Even though I failed at reaching my goal, this first attempt had a lasting effect: while I was previously PMOing 10 times a week, I almost entirely cut porn use, and reduced MO to about 4 times a week.

Still, I cannot control my behavior and I feel that my MO is detrimental to my life: I suffer from the brain fog and general fatigue associated with excess MO. This is why I decided to completely stop MOing until I reboot. My goal is 100 days.

My MO trigger is mainly anxiety, which has two origins at the moment: failing relationship on the one hand, and under performance at work on the other hand, the latter being partially caused by my excess MO in a vicious circle.

This is part of a process so I will also share about some problems in my life related to MO:
* curing or going out of my relationship and doing the necessary healing
* restoring normal work performance
* finding passion again in my life

I plan to share useful readings or insights on the forum. The first three topics I will discuss, from the experience gained on my first attempt, are: porn blockers, tools to build good habits, and the importance of morning/evening routines.

Good luck to all, I appreciate your support.

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