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Messages - jjacks

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1
Ages 40 and up / Re: 6 YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: October 28, 2020, 06:37:20 AM »
Un petit coucou ... great to see you check in and doing well ... you were an inspiration to me and I just marked 4 years myself just a few days ago. These anniversaries are so important and proof positive of what happens when porn is not an option :-)

-jj

2
It was 4 years ago that I cancelled my sex webcam accounts and deleted the collection of videos and photos I had assembled over years. I remember thinking at the time that I was losing my “friends”, but in retrospect, I find this really pitiful (calling a photo of a naked stranger a friend), because my real friend -- my wife --  was the one who had been losing throughout. PIED had fully set in and I was a limp excuse for a husband and lover.

So I got rid of the triggers, I moved my home office to a less private location, and began counting days and logging my thoughts and feelings in this forum on a regular basis.  That is the formula – pretty simple. Along the way, I engaged with many others who were in similar situations and had the opportunity for dialogue with them to learn and for mutual support.

It took me just a few months to see some early results –morning woods after a couple of months for example – but it would be misleading to give a generic timetable to undo PIED, I am sure we are all different that way. The interim positive signs were encouraging, however, and the resulting self-confidence a contributing factor to the healing.

At first I had to fight to resist the urge, but it became easier over time. After a year in this program, I had eradicated any urge to PMO and regain a sexual ardor I had long thought impossible (and, apparently, re-awakened my wife after menopause and chemotherapy had slowed our conjugal life to a lifeless crawl). It is hard to compare the present to the past after all the life changes and our own aging bodies in the interim. However, looking back, 4 years later, I never expected that sex would be this good, or even possible, at 71 years old.

I have been a regular visitor to this forum to remind myself never to slip back – you have to be vigilant with addiction -- as well as to provide support to others when I can. So, my friends, thanks again to those who helped along the way. To all readers, please stick with the program. It works. As per our friend lyon03 – “porn is not an option!”

3
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 08, 2020, 06:04:25 AM »
Describe these triggers and then try to propose how you might eliminate them from your life. If you have to drive to them, the answer might not be that complex or difficult.

4
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 07, 2020, 06:18:36 AM »
Celebrating one week today at noon, not the longest of streaks but one I can already be much proud of though.

Keep counting, keep posting. There is plenty to be proud of.

5
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 04, 2020, 09:45:37 AM »
By the way your French does not have any typo, which is very good knowing how French people keep making mistakes all the time, to the point I almost can tell you're a foreigner

Canadien anglais ici. I have always  appreciated the French' regular use of niceties (bonjour m'sieur et dame, merci) and their appreciation of their agrarian heritage and good food (des racines et des ailes). Canada sometimes slips when it comes to that. So get rid of this addiction and focus your brain on what is really important!

6
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 03, 2020, 06:45:32 AM »
You quit smoking so you know what might be involved. This one is a different challenge from smoking because you cannot just say no thank you like when someone offers you a smoke -- PMO is a solo and private activity.

What helped me was writing in the journal, and writing often early in the process, so I could see my feelings in black and white and get really helpful feedback from others along the way. This forum is a super-safe place. And counting the days gave a measure of progress,even if it had to reset. Don't be shy. It worked for me. In 3 weeks from now I will reach 4 years no PMO, and I am proud that my sex life is pretty amazing now for a 71-year-old.

By the way, SW France is a very special place. Vous êtes très chanceux. (I would normally be in Biarritz enjoying pintxos and vin de Gascogne around this time if it weren't for the d*** COVID).

Looking forward to seeing more of your posts.

-jj

7
I appreciate your comments, thanks.

@i89 -- it's not about the frequency, rather, it is about being a man once again. i started getting morning woods a few month into the reboot. Now, well over 3 years later, I still celebrate it, whether daily or once in a week. At my age, that is a cause for celebration.

Oh, I also write about my experience. Writing a journal here, chronicling your thoughts and feelings as you go through the reboot process,  is one of the best things you can do. I come back to this site from time to time because I need a reminder once in a while of what I endured to get here today and to let others know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you stick with the program.

Cheers,

-jj

8
I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging hardon. Four years ago, I couldn't get past limp, no matter what. It has been 1350 days no PMO and that is a very small part of the reward. I went back to sleep with a smile.

Funny thing, I can't even masturbate now if I try, you know, the occasional extra soap in the shower thing just does seem to get it up any more. I never heard anyone else mention that. But the moment my wife and I share "that look", I spring to attention. The real reward of this program is getting back my married life like it once was. I don't miss jerking off.

Yeah, it took a few years to get here. But the healing started within 90 days of the reboot so there were early positive signs and the ability to sustain an erection started to return fairly soon after. Like any addiction, there is temptation to sway, but you have to fight it.

So stick with the program. it works! Whatever your age. I am 71 years old, going strong. Maybe we'll make a few fireworks later ...

-jj

9
Checking in at year 3.5.

In this terrible time of global confinement and self-isolation, the urge to slip from a reboot cannot be more difficult. But keep in mind that there is all the man you ever wanted to be at the other side of the tunnel.

It is a good fight. Keep writing about your thoughts, keep counting days and reset if you slip, there is only one direction to go. As lyon03 says, porn is not an option.

-jj

day 1290 no PMO.

10
Ages 40 and up / Re: 5.5 YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: April 29, 2020, 04:10:50 PM »
I missed your visit here. Milles felicitations, dude! You are a beacon of hope to all of us.

-jj (3 1/2 years no PMO)

11
Ages 40 and up / Re: 63 and not too late to become a better person
« on: November 13, 2019, 07:06:42 AM »
Buck,

It sounds like you want to to take control back and this is the first step. And it is never too late. I a 70 years old and have been PMO free for over three years now. I started, at 67, unable to get or sustain an erection for more than a minute or so. I have since regained full sexual performance now. It took a year or so but there were signs of recovery as early as 3 months  into the program. My journal describes the progress in great detail.

The process is simple (but not necessarily easy). Identify those things that trigger your porn activities. and try to remove them. Move your computer to a shared place or in front of a streetside window. Go for a walk or exercise when the urge happens. Listen to your peers here. And describe everything in your journal here, day by day. Count the days and accept any resets of your counter as part of the program.

Keep writing.

-jj (1117 days no PMO)

12
Ages 40 and up / Re: 5 YEARS PORN-FREE!
« on: October 29, 2019, 05:05:55 AM »
Congratulations and big hug, dude.  Your joy shows through in every sentence.

Your words helped me, as they surely helped many others. A mere "thank you" seems almost insufficient. I have just passed 3 years clean last week, saving my marriage and re-discovering a masculine rigour that belies my age.

Like you, I come back here from time to time, as much to reassure myself as to be there for others. And I quote you all the time because it is a great mantra ... porn is not an option.

Lots of happiness in your adventures and au revoir!

-jj

13
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ending an Insidious Addiction
« on: October 27, 2019, 06:21:24 AM »
Sounds like you are actively taking charge of this situation. When you mentioned working from home as a trigger, I thought immediately how that was my downfall and moving my home office to a more visible area of the house helped a lot.

Then you mentioned kitchen window, and I recalled how the temptation to go into the fridge or pantry arose when working near the kitchen. So I got into  a program of drinking as much water as I could to fight the urge to put anything and everything in my mouth. Bought a Brita and a Sodastream machine. Best investments I ever made. Just kept drinking water and peeing it out again, flushing out this insidious addiction  without putting on unnecessary weight.

Stick with the program, it works! (1098 days no PMO)

-jj


14
Day 1095 since I posted my first journal entry. That's three years today!

Three years ago I had no idea what today would look like. I could not imagine myself as free of performance anxiety, able to have and sustain an erection to my wife's (and my) renewed and maximum pleasure, and looking forward to celebrating my upcoming 71st birthday as all the man I ever wanted to be. Far cry from the guy who could hardly get it up 3 years. ago.

It was not easy, but it was simple. The trick - follow the program. I wrote often and in some detail in this journal on a regular basis, especially through the first crucial months. Listened to those who reached out to help. Counted days to keep a tangible target. Sought out and removed those things that triggered negative behavior. And revisiting this site from time to time for reassurance.

It works,  keep with the program. Quoting Lyon03 "Porn s not an option"


15
Ages 40 and up / Re: Just turned 40 so now I'm here.....
« on: October 15, 2019, 05:32:33 AM »
Welcome to the club, Matt. You re in the right place with the right people.

I think we all sort of hope for a fast reboot, but the reality is that it can take a little time and a lot of focus on your part. Your brain didn't gt rewired overnight and it won't undo overnight either.

The best advice I got was to get rid of anything that triggered PMO behavior for me, count the days of no PMO, and write in this journal what I was thinking as often as I could. It worked. It helped me keep focus on the journey, not the destination (which I reached in stages). I started to get morning woods soon enough and could stay hard long enough to have intercourse within a few months. It took several more months to have sex without any anxiety about PIED, and just focus on my partner's pleasure. Today, nearly three years later, it is all history. You can read my story at http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=11134.0

I still come back here from time to time because it is part of the cure. I reset my counter a few times, but I have gotten it to a point that was only a fantasy 3 years ago.

Stick with the program. it works.

-jj
1086 days no PMO

16
Ages 40 and up / Re: I always feel bad
« on: October 14, 2019, 07:56:06 AM »
Hi Wallie,

Two things at play here ... PMO (porn - masturbation) making you feel bad and looking for a relationship. For the first, you have to go cold turkey on the PMO -- cut the triggers, count the days, and keep writing about it in your journal. It takes a bit of time and energy, but it works. Share the failures and successes with this group and you will get all the support you need.

For the second, anonymous sex (online, cruising,etc) and relationships belong in two completely conversations. Relationships best start as friendships, but friendships do not happen over a drink, they happen over time. Check your friends .. are you keeping in touch with old friends? It wakes a bit of work too. Are you looking for non-sexual things to do - go to a film. dinner., play cards? Not being alone helps keep your mind off the PMO too.

Bottom line, the easiest way to get started is to write something here every day. It helps not to have to go it alone.

-jj
1085 days no PMO

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Ages 40 and up / Re: Journal of Jay
« on: July 22, 2019, 06:38:47 AM »
Hey, Jay,

Sounds like you are on the right track. The triggers that you cannot just turn off are hard to fight, but if you keep recognizing them and writing about them here, you may find them progressively easier to overcome (or ignore). Stay vigilant and keep journaling. It works.

-JJ (1000 days no PMO)

18
Great,Pete! Keep it up.

The morning wood makes me smile, too. As for the rest, it actually became quite easy and normal once my sexual performance with the missus was restored, somewhere in year 1. Beyond that, it is just maintenance (and vigilance).

-JJ

19
1000 days no PMO ... a moment to reflect

The fact that I am still counting says something. You have to stay vigilant when fighting an addiction, and that is a lifelong challenge. I have not PMO in 1000 days but I am still wary of the old triggers -- wife away for a few days, stuff like that. The intensity of the urge is gone -- it is just a memory now. Still, it is reassuring to come back to this site, where I learned how to take control over that addiction.

I read your posts and I know the pain and heartbreak in there and want to give you big hugs and reassure you that there is a way out. Looking at my old posts, I follow the path from a limp-dick 67 year-old who had been giving his wife second chair to some fake reality to a healthy 70 year old man with an active and healthy conjugal life and who wakes up with strong manhood almost every morning.

70, I never thought it would be possible. Every time I pass a mirror I look at it and say to myself "yeah, I beat it!". You all can, too. The program works. Stick with it!

-JJ

20
Ages 40 and up / Re: The Defeat of Porn
« on: July 17, 2019, 05:07:49 AM »
Welcome, Tom.  This is a safe place where you can ask anything and write down your innermost thoughts knowing they will not be challenged.

Keep writing your thoughts and feelings in this journal, day by day -- seeing them in black and white is therapeutic and watching the day count increase is encouraging.

It works.

-JJ

21
Ages 40 and up / Re: One Vision
« on: July 12, 2019, 05:00:08 AM »
Numbers 1, 2, 3 and 5 are PMO triggers. The trick is to eliminate them to your best ability.

1, 2, and 5 are easiest, if it is just a question of deleting login passwords or putting blockers on your computer. Another thing you can do is move your computer to an open area where there are others or beside a streetside window to get rid of the privacy of your computer time.

Number 3 is so familiar and eloquently echoes my own experience, where being alone is a trigger. I decided to plan other things for my wife's away time - call up old friends, try a new gym, anything to find a different kind of satisfaction while alone. Keep my head full of alternate plans. I wish I could say it was easy. That half of me that looked forward to the minute that the door was closed and her footsteps disappeared down the path was a strong enemy.

Keep fighting and keep writing and keep that count up.

-jj (990  days no PMO and still counting)


22
The "little fella" will tell you when he is ready.

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Ages 40 and up / Re: All for one goal: stop PMO for good
« on: July 11, 2019, 05:55:04 AM »
You are doing great, allforone.

What is going on (or not) "down there" brought us all here in the first place. In my experience,  the real healing did not come for months. Ninety days seems to be realistic for the first real gains, and longer for some, so, yes, patience is the key. Keep counting and keep writing it down here.

You might want to consider keeping your focus on the next calendar milestone, and remove any PMO triggers you can and replace nothing time with  things like exercise. Waiting for your dick to respond is like watching a kettle before the water boils. Your dick will tell you when your brain wiring is being restored.

-jj (989 days no PMO and still counting)

24
Ages 40 and up / Re: Question: Can we have sex when staying PMO free
« on: July 08, 2019, 05:50:38 AM »
I agree that sex can be part of the healing.

I wondered about having sex early in the reboot, too, and it risked becoming an anxiety issue for me, especially since my wife had no notion of the source of my frequent ED and what I was undertaking here.

She initiated sex on day 24 of my no PMO.  I was not cured by any means but the performance was better than it had been in a while, allowing for a short period of penetration. The key was to keep my focus on my wife and her sources of pleasure, thinking back to those things we did early on in our sexual life. Lots of foreplay - the tantric approach, I guess, to build up her pleasure. [Key here -- her pleasure, not some video stranger's]. Afterwards, a clear message -- nothing to be anxious about -- the healing had started.

Day 986 no PMO .. stick with the program ,.. it works!

25
A  unexpected benefit is that since I have rediscovered my masculinity and my performance has been restored, my wife has found a new level of horniness, absent for many years now (she just turned 68). We have sex now every week and I wake with morning woods a few times a week. It is 981 days and still counting.

As Lyon says, "Porn is not an option". Stick with the program.

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