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Messages - Epitaph

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Women / Unhealthy Visualizations
« on: April 19, 2016, 08:27:02 AM »
Hello.  For as long as I can remember, I've had a problem with unhealthy visualizations while masturbating.  I do not use porn or other artificial material to achieve an orgasm, but I do have visualizations that are humiliating to me.  In recent months it has escalated and I want to do something about it.  However, I am in a long distance relationship and am unsure how to go about this. 

Is it safe to continue to have phone sex when most of the time I end up using these visualizations to achieve orgasms?  On top of that, I'm quite certain that my boyfriend suffers from PIED (I just learned about this problem, which brought me to this website), so he could also benefit from a reboot.  But I can't push that on him; that's a personal decision he must make on his own.

My boyfriend and I spent a week together a couple of months ago.  It was the first time we were physically intimate with each other.  He was unable to maintain an erection, and that left me feeling inadequate and awful.  I believe I beat myself up over it to the point that my degrading visualizations during masturbation became much worse.  It's possible it was performance anxiety, but I believe it was related to PIED.  He is much younger than me, and I've never been with a younger man before.  All of my past partners have been my age or older, and I have never experienced anything during physical intimacy like I did with my current, younger boyfriend.

While he was visiting, I actually asked him if he was attracted to me or if I made him feel good.  He said yes and told me about a conversation he had with his male friend about how they always have to finish themselves off because women just don't do it as well.  I had never heard of that before, as I had always thought sex with an attractive partner was far superior to masturbation.  We are meeting again in 7 weeks, and I am so afraid that sex will be the exact same, especially if changes are not made, and that we will part leaving me feeling worse than I feel now.

So here I am.  I need to fix my visualizations, and I want to improve the physical intimacy with my long distance boyfriend.  It's a mess, I know.  A few days ago I discussed all of the above, in detail, with my boyfriend.  I believe that I am ready to stop cold turkey and fix things.  He is open to making changes, but I'm not sure he has the willpower to see it through.  Sometime before we met he committed to nofap for 21 days.  That was his own personal decision for reasons I don't really know, but I don't think his reasons had to do with PIED.  I would prefer we do it together, but I think I should do it on my own if he's not on board.  I'm afraid that may hurt our relationship, but I recognize that I have a problem that must be addressed.

Thanks for reading and I will appreciate any input.

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