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Messages - Will86

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Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: January 30, 2017, 06:21:46 PM »
Not this time...

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: January 22, 2017, 12:45:47 PM »
Last night I have a conversation with my partner. He told me that we need to solve my ED problem. We barely talk about this issue, but his time he wanted to talk and find a solution. Of course I am afraid to tell him about my problem.

It feels stupid saying that this time is THE TIME. I want to quit but I have tried so many times...Lets reset the counter and do it for me and him.

First attempt 72 days.
Second attempt 35 days.
Third attempt...

Good luck everyone.

Porn Addiction / Adictos en español
« on: January 12, 2017, 01:52:36 PM »
Buenas tardes a todos,

desconozco si ya hay abierto algún tema como este en español. He decido abrirlo para aquellos hispanohablantes que no hablan inglés o a los que les resulta más difícil expresarse en esa lengua.

Hablando en nuestro idioma natal nos resulta más fácil expresar lo que sentimos y todo nos suena más real, menos forzado.

Les cuento mi historia muy resumida ya que todas son similares.

Tengo 30 años, hace 2 que fui consciente de mi problema, aunque sufro de dificultades para mantener una erección en pareja desde los 19 años.

Pasé por una etapa en que el porno era mi vida, dejaba de ir a clase, llegaba tarde al trabajo y a citas con amigos por estarme masturbando. Lo hacía de media 3 veces al día.

Después pasé a hacerlo solo una vez al día, acabé mis estudios, conseguí un buen trabajo y actualmente tengo pareja desde hace más de un año. Pero la dicción sigue ahí.

Cuanto más consciente soy de ella, parece que más difícil me resulta dejarlo. Ahora he vuelto a una vez al día, lo que me parece muchísimo. Desearía no volver a sentir esta estúpida necesidad.

Espero que nos podamos ayudar poco a poco.

Hoy quiero comenzar de 0.

Mucha suerte compañeros.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: November 12, 2016, 02:29:07 PM »
I have just relapsed.

Negative thoughts turned me to do it. I was aware that I was doing things wrong. I watched and looked for pictures all thge time on instagram and fb.

After 35 days I relapsed because my brain made believe that as I was doing things wrong 35 days didn´t count.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: November 12, 2016, 12:12:21 PM »
Day 35

I am doing something wrong.

I havent watched porn masturbated and orgasmed in 35 days...but I have watched pictures. I have also masturbated with my partner and orgasmed. I have done things separately, but I still feel the need of PMO.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: November 07, 2016, 04:09:41 AM »
Day 30

Adter 30 days without masturbation while watching porn, not even with my imagination, I have to share some thoughts...

As I am a rebooter with a partner I find it really difficult to stop thinking about sex. I have to recognize that I have seen some pictures some days...just watching some seconds. I have managed to have one good sexual intercouse reaching orgasm through penetration. I feel some urges at the flatline nor low libido. I am just trying everyday to avoid sex in my mind. Sex is somethig that occurs just with my partner but some days I need to fantasize during sex to reach orgasm.

Some things to change:

-Stop watching random pictures on ig
-Stop objectifiying people.
-Focus on my partner while having sex.

I dont think I have progressed in ma ED but:

I haven PMO for 30 days.
I had one good sexual experience
I dont intend to watch porn and masturbate again

So in conclussion I feel good with my decission :)

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: November 03, 2016, 05:24:32 PM »
Day 27.

Stress at work made me crazy, I just wanted to get home and watch porn and relax. Fortunately I could handle the situation.

27 days seem a lot and I dont feel I have brain still wants to watch porn and stuff...

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 27, 2016, 01:23:28 PM »
Hi Phase2! I havent tried cold showers yet...maybe today at the gym will be the perfect moment :)...

Thanks for the advice

Hello rebooters.

I am on my day 20. I have PIED since I was 30. I am currently in a relationship for more than a year.

-I have some questions for you. How do you deal with a reboot while being in a relationship?

-Does your partner know about the addiction?

I am worried because I feel like I am going to be abandoned all the time because of my PIED

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 27, 2016, 07:08:35 AM »
Day 20.

Starting feeling nervous all I needed something...and I know what it is.

I have never felt these withdrawal symptoms so much....but I am not going to fall again. This afternoon I will go to the gym after work and the a little study at night.

Goog luck people!!

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 25, 2016, 03:37:53 PM »
Huge trigger today. Luckyly I am not home alone tonight...

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 25, 2016, 11:52:25 AM »
Day 18.

Save me from porn subs. Facebook is a big trigger for me...

Yesterday I had sex with my partner. I had a semi bonner and I could make it for a while, then my pennis got soft, but it was enogh for me...

The problem is that today I feel hornier...this always happens after sex...

Good luck guys.

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 24, 2016, 06:44:51 PM »
Hi 8radishes,

I spoke with him because he sees the problem. HE supports me and is trying to help me looking for a remedy.
Of course he doesnt know about the addiction, just the ED.

I think I am improving day by day. My pennis is still soft but my mind is clear, I dont want to watch porn :)

17 days!

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 23, 2016, 09:04:08 AM »
Day 15.

Today I felt aroused at the gym...but I ignored as much as I could.

Some days ago my partner told he felt like I didnt like him. I do...I love him and he is amazing...bit my dick doesnt respond...

By the way thanks for your advice Phase2!

Good luck everyone

Porn Addiction / Re: Gay Rebooters?
« on: October 23, 2016, 08:09:06 AM »
Thanks M. I guess it is just a matter of time. He is helping me a lot with my ED.

I would also like to comment here about something really stupid that has happened today...I went to the gym and just after I left the loocker room a hot guy entered...and my first thought was...damn it if I just had stayed there for 5 more minutes. I hate those authomatic thoughts...I am fighting them. But now I laugh...I can identify them and control them.

Have a nice day

Ages 30-39 / Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« on: October 22, 2016, 07:19:04 PM »
Hello everyone.

Guy from Spain, 30 years old and gay. I am looking for an accountability partner to help each other. You can send me a personal message.

Ages 40 and up / Re: please comment Gay male hard mode
« on: October 22, 2016, 05:53:46 PM »

3. Considering i am a gay male i believe it is hard to just date(so no sex = no dates)


I dont understand your 3rd point. I am gay and I dont date people. You date people because you need it, it does not matter your sexual orientation.

Apart from that, I think that you(and all of us here) must have clear what is our purpose and the dangers of porn. Stop masturbating, dating, looking for sex, flirting etc shouldnt be a problem unless your are addict. I think stop masturbating may be difficult, but stop dating? You can read a book, go to the gym, walk, go to the cinema or meet with some real friends. Stop dating guys for some months is a side effect which I dont consider very harmful.

Good luck

Porn Addiction / Re: Gay Rebooters?
« on: October 22, 2016, 05:04:25 PM »
Today, for the first time in a year, my boyfriend told me that he feels like he doesnt turn me on. And I didnt know what to do, he is really handsome and has a beautiful body, but this shit of porn killed my libido.

Porn Addiction / Re: Gay Rebooters?
« on: October 21, 2016, 07:33:44 PM »
Hi scorpiom1386,

My advice is that unless you are in a relationship now...ignore sex and everything. Dont even think about meeting someone or dating. Just think about your recovery. Think of it as a challenge. I am in a relationship and it is really difficult to bear with this...Delete all apps like grindr or so...those are triggers that eventually will lead you to watch or search for porn...

Porn Addiction / Re: Gay Rebooters?
« on: October 21, 2016, 06:36:44 AM »

I have been one year trying to reboot. You can send me a personal mesage iof you need something. We are all in the same situation.

Good luck

Ages 20-29 / Re: 24 Y.O. Reboot Journal
« on: October 20, 2016, 07:27:10 PM »

how are you doing. I understand your story, it is really frustrating when you want to have anal sex and your dick does not is really difficult. And it feels like your partner is expecting you to do it and you cant...

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 20, 2016, 05:18:50 PM »
Day 13.

Sex was better today. I could saty focused on my partner. Of course I could not penetrate but we touched and I got an orgasm. The problem is as usual, that my pennis gets soft when I stop touching it.

At least I didnt have to think about any other thing.

My mind was here all the time.

Porn Addiction / Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« on: October 20, 2016, 05:26:44 AM »
Hi jkkk, thanks for the post.  You raise some very interesting and relevant points, and I will give you my opinion. 

Yes, I think that for an addict quitting porn, they must walk the narrow way.  This means they must focus first on quitting/overcoming the addiction and worry about improving other aspect of their lives later.  I have been here and NoFap long enough to have debated it.  First, this is for guys who 1) know they are addicted, and 2) are dedicated to quitting it.  There are a lot of guys who don't conceive of themselves as addicted, or who do, but have not dedicated to quitting it.  There are a group of guys who love porn, but want to control it, to get it and their porn use under control and some of those guys take a sort of holistic approach to the problem, meaning they are not here to fix their porn problem per se but see getting it under control as one thing among many they are doing to "improve their lives."  Some of those guys are the greatest guys in the world, but I have pissed a few off by telling them to use the reboot to do one thing and one thing only--get clean.  Use the reboot narrowly to overcome your porn aka dopamine addiction first,  then, afterwards, once you have fixed this problem, if you want to address the overall quality of your life, you can do it, and I promise fixing your other problems will be much easier without this monkey on your back.  Guys have argued about this with me more than once, the reason being the same reason any addict argues about giving up their addiction:  They love it, and they hate quitting because quitting hurts.

Gary Wilson asks the million dollar question:  Why would any porn loving guy give up his porn?  There is only one reason to give up something we love that causes us so much pain in the process of giving it up, and that is it has caused deleterious side effects, the biggest of which are erectile dysfunction and delayed ejaculation (DE being code for you can't come unless you are sitting in front of a computer with porn on the screen and Mr. Righty doing all the work).  OK--I never really called my right hand Mr. Righty, that would just be weird. 

Your question about triggers and dopamine is an interesting one for porn addicts or those quitting porn. Let's start with a few simple basics.  Gary Wilson talks about our "primitive brain's reward system."  That is where the problem begins and ends for porn addicts.  Everyone on the planet has that brain system.  By everyone I mean every healthy mammal that reaches sexual maturity.  For humans that process of reaching sexual maturity starts about 10 years of age.  It is somewhat deceiving to call it a "reward" center because it really does not reward anything, rather, it might be better to conceive of it as an "encouragement" center; it encourages perpetuation of the species by encouraging us to seek sex.  That system, for porn addicts, gets hijacked by High Speed Internet Porn which the system cannot distinguish from sex, and due to the endless novelty, turns on the dopamine spout and keeps it running on high, no pun. 

During the reboot, especially during the reboot, I advise guys who are quitting to avoid sexual thoughts, which for a lot of us can become hypersexual thoughts, at all costs.  This translates to "avoid a dopamine high."  But after the reboot many of us want to "rewire".  If the reboot is taking a minimum 90 day period to avoid a dopamine high, the rewiring contemplates getting a normal dopamine spike from seeking sex, as in the real deal.  I have said it before and I will say it again, I think there is a beginning, a middle, and an end to quitting porn.  In the beginning of quitting and through the reboot all sexual thoughts should be avoided.  Of course, it is impossible to completely avoid them, but we should try.  This means avoiding triggers, and the biggest trigger of all would be high speed internet porn.  The thing we are actually avoiding, though, is a dopamine high.  And we always must remember, especially during the reboot, that porn is a chameleon; by the time a guy has determined he is going to quit porn he has often arrived at the porn categories that are so shocking he no longer sees any of his own natural sexuality in what is on the screen.  What is easy for those guys to forget is that during the reboot the brain will become so dopamine starved it will start to trigger on things other that that final porn category they were using.  Those guys will or can start to trigger on vanilla porn, or things that society does not even deem pornographic, say a swimsuit calendar.  Gabe talks about knowing you are addicted to porn when you cannot MO without it.  That is true, but a lot of porn addicts have reached the place where they cannot PMO to vanilla porn or just porn with two people having sex because they have, through desensitization, rewired the reward system to reward porn that is, even by their own standards, totally fucked up and weird.  By that time they have desensitized their brain reward pathways basic hardcore and have sensitized it to some pretty out-there porn.  The point of the reboot is to get our brains resenstized to what is normal.  And "normal" for most of us is two people having sex. 

Do I think you will reach a place where it is "safe" to look at pretty women?  Yes I do, it may not be just yet, and if you doubt it is, you should probably follow your instincts, but I think that looking at pretty women is normal.  Gawking at them--no--having spontaneous lascivious fantasies--no.  It is not just that gawking and spontaneous lascivious fantasies about women is generally not a good thing, but also, for guys like us, they can result in a dopamine spike, and we only want our spikes to come from the real deal.  Normal, natural, human sexuality does involve pursuing our sexuality AND enjoying it.  But our problem was never about looking at pretty girls, or if it was, it wasn't a problem until we met our real problem, High Speed Internet Porn.  During the reboot you should avoid anything that will trigger you, "trigger" being a word for anything that gives you a dopamine spike, and that usually means hypersexual thoughts.  Now, at this point, for me, I can look at a pretty girl and admire her, I may actually think the thought "pretty," but I am not having sex with her in my head.  Remember, quitting porn addiction is not only about giving up High Speed Internet Porn, it also about getting back to normal sexuality, and normal sexuality does involve normal dopamine spikes in response to normal stimulation.  Sexuality, normal sexuality, is not the enemy, the enemy is using HSIP to abuse the dopamine reward system.  I know that during the reboot it is easy to fear normal sexuality, and I encourage avoiding any sexual thoughts during that brief period, but there will be a time, after you have rebooted, where you will want to enjoy your sexuality, your life, the feeling of being alive, and you should not be afraid of that; that is one of the reasons you are here, to feel good about your normal sexuality. 

I hope this helps.  I enjoyed reading your post and replying; replying to posts are one of the things that keeps me writing here, so post anytime.  Who knows, maybe some guy at the very beginning, some guy who does not know what the problem is, or even if he has it, might read these posts and get something positive out of them.  Maybe you and I just helped that guy.  It would be nice to think so, wouldn't it?

Much love. 

Keep going, porn is not an option.

Hello William,

this post has definitely helped me. I was looking for some information about voyeurism, as my main trigger are guys at the gym. I almost dont consume porn, but pictures of guys. I even developed a strange behaviour I am ashamed of, I used to look for some guys I know on fb to masturbate. I see it ridiculous now but it was my most powerfull way of getting an orgasm, the feeling of spying someone...

So now, reading your post, I know that I have to avoid any kind of trigger, I should probably left the gym.

Thank you so much for helping people!

Ages 30-39 / Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 19, 2016, 06:51:05 PM »
Day 12.

I had sex with my partner and I was thinking about a trigger I had some days ago...I felt like I was watching porn.

Is this normal?

Ages 30-39 / Re: About to be 35yo gay rebooter, grateful for this site.
« on: October 18, 2016, 07:06:08 PM »
Hello Scorp81,

At the beginning I did the same. I was obssessed with reading all the material I could find because I wanted to solve the problem as soon as possible. takes time. I was 72 days without PMO...the relapsed many times. Now I am i my day 11...thats a lot for me.

Regarding what you say about assuming the role of bottom...I feel the same...but I need to be top...I want to do it and enjoy it. The only reason I dont is because my ED.

So dont give up. Write me any time you need. It is great to have someone to talk when you are desperate and your brain is telling you that you need to watch porn.

P.s. Sorry for my is not my first language. I am from Spain.

Good luck!

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