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Messages - datkid93

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1
Porn Addiction / I am getting very frustrated...
« on: September 29, 2016, 12:11:52 PM »
So  I am back here again bc I have been getting very frustrated of recently. I have been attempting to rewire with girls whether it's kissing or having sex with them and I have Been able to finish granted I feel like it is more due to friction than anything else i have to admit i stil feel rather numb. Granted I've put effort into rewiring with girls I still notice myself havin dreams about the porn that i escalted into and having wet dreams over it. This is extremely frustrating bc I feel like I'm taking the right steps and having sex with girls but then a few days after having sex with a girl ill have a wet drram about something weird, something I don't really struggle with when I'm awake. Just to fill some in i escalated into gay porn  years back and watched it for a few years and by the end of my stint i found it very hard to get aroused to girls so Ive completely stopped reinforcin those pathways and it's been about 2 years now and it still lingers in my head especially in my dreams. I don't master bate anymore I and the only way Ill let myself reach orgasm is if I'm with a real life girl. I used to have vivid sex dreams about girls but now they are warped a staple of my dreams have been the girl transforming into a guy into which I immediately stop and wake myself up. Either that or the girl just happens to have a penis. Upon wakiny up from these dreams im thrown into an anxiety of how this can continue to happen and what it means in the reboot process which i feel like if i was making steps foward i would be having wet dreams about ACTUAL GIRLS not about stuff i havent looked at in 2 fucking years. The fact that it's been two years aND I'm still having these porn induced thoughts is extremely unnerving and frustrating I just want them to aline  with women like it used to. I really don't know what I can do better this the only thing I can think of is that I need a lot of time to rewire bc I haven't spent much time focusing on it until recently. In the past 2 years that Ive been working on this I've probably have only had sex with women only like 15 times which isn't enough to override my old pathways. Can anybody shed some light or input?

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Porn Addiction / For those u who successfully rewired
« on: July 30, 2016, 08:07:49 AM »
I've been at this for a while I stopped watching porn back in like April 2014 stopped reinforcing those pathway's a while ago.. I count my last conscious relapse as Sept 2014. My story is the usual escalation to harder themes over the years I escalated to gay porn and was watching it for a few years. By the end of my stint I found it very hard to get aroused to girls which I still do. I havent to pmoed or anything since then..  I've noticed a dramatic decrease in this in unwanted thoughta and urges as they are just fleeting thoughts which I don't entertain.  I have started trying to rewire and have been really discouraged bc I barely get aroused with girls is frustrating some times..nevertheless I have ejaculated with girls thru friction which I'dk  if I should be doing I am having sex with real life girls so I guess ejaculations thru that should be okay. Anyway I still have these unwanted dreams which sneak up on me and are really weird. I hate to say it but the only wet dreams I have only reflect what I'm trying to rid myself of I have yet to have a wet dream to a woman and it's been almost 2 years, granted I have had dreams about women but haven't reached that statells of arousal yet. It's really deterring but I guess I havent really spent wlmuch time rewiring and it seems that it will take time to override these pathways I've created over many years. Is there anybody that could relate or could shed some light coming back from a fetish?

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Porn Addiction / is this the way to rewire?
« on: March 03, 2016, 02:44:23 PM »
So Ive been at it for a while to keep things short I escalated into gay porn and was watching it for a while about 3 years anyway until I found that I could no longer get aroused by girls. I've been on a strict n no pMO in general as my only release has been in wet dreams which primarily have reflected the porn I was watching. Things have gotten tremendously better the hocd is still there the attraction has really diminished I could go an entire day without noticing it they areally really incomplete fleeting tHought's which I don't follow. So yes my goal is to rid me of my acquired taste for gay porn and to rewire with women. Recently I had finally found a girl who I can rewire with one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Now I didn't get hard right away but rather about 15 minutes into it to which I was finally able to cum. We ended up having sex 2 other times I didn't get 100% percent aroused but it was maybe like 80% which is astounding bc I remember trying before and nit even getting aroused. So these 3 orgasms I had were the first that I had outside of wet dreams on the past almost year and a half. They were great and it was awesome knowing I could do it.  Days after this experience my other obscure attractions were still faintly present. I actually had a wet dream last night regarding the stuff I was trying rid myself of I can barely remember how it happened   but it did happen which is frustrating because i just had managed to climax eith a girl the past week I know having sex with a woman once probably isn't gonna go ahead and easily override what I taught myself to get aroused to in the past so I guess I just gotta keep at it until my taste readjust to women. Just thinking about having sex with that girl I can get really hard but I refuse to let myself finish unless it's with an actual person. So Im guess what I'm asking here is that in order to overcome my obscure attractions what I have to do is have sex and orgasm with a women until my taste readjust? Or should I not be orgasmsing  with her?

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Porn Addiction / 15 months and counting....
« on: January 07, 2016, 01:52:29 PM »
It's been along time since I watched porn  to say the least it was probably back in April 2014. It's about about 15 months since I started this journey and by that I mean no pmo or MO at all just wet dreams. Anyway my story is the typical escalated into gay porn story over about 3 years I became sensitized to it alno longer being able to feel the same way about regular porn with girls which through my world upside down I had no idea what I was doing.. 15 months down the line  no pmo doesn't really seematter to bother me Ive  gotten used it but yet I have noticed my newly acquired attraction to completely go away but rather die down significantly whereas my attraction to women isn't so apparent still. Most triggers have really died down tbh I am not really phased by them much anymore they are  fleeting incomplete  thoughts st this point..nevertheless if I sat there and focused on them it becomes apparent that it all comes back but will again dissipate.. Wet dreams are only things that seem to deter my  confidence . It is worrying nthinking about how much longer it will take  or if it can even be done at all but all those thoughta are just something I try to ignore these days..the anxiety isn't worth it. I have just started trying to rewire with women and I feel like it's could get better over time. Nevetthrless all my wet dreams are exclusively relates to the genre of porn that I escslated into they are so distorted and make me feel uncomfortable .. I too have sex dreams with women but they ARe not wet dreams and I don't always reach full arousal.. I really do think that If I start climaxing with girls I'll be eventually be able to readjust my taste but like I said I have yet to have an opportunity  until now..I don't know if I should start moing  to girls or just wait for the real thing honestly anything is better than having a wet dream to the porn that I escalated into because it is not something I wish to pursue and something I want to finally pUT to rest.

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I have been off this forum for a while but this is the epitome of my porn addiction....started off with regular porn and then after a few he Ara escalated to gay porn for what reason I don't know.  After about 3 Years I found it hard to get aroused by women and found myself attrscted to men.  I've been off porn and MO for almost a year now and still have issues with arousal with women still experience male attraction and gay dreams but the intensity is slowly wanting away.  I ve never questioned my sexuakitu but it i evident that porn had warped my original taste..im just waiting for this go disappear but it's been an awful long time... Any thoughts?

6
Porn Addiction / Re: Am I gay or It is just porn
« on: July 14, 2015, 04:57:27 AM »
I'm in the same boat myself St the end of the day I'd have to say that I'm straight despite the fact that I'm wired yo men rn.  Year of porn abuse and escalation led me here.  Before porn and everything  I was only interested  in girls started off with regular porn only crushed only on girls never guys but then I found gay porn extremely arousing bc of the taboo aspect.  Granted I didn't know what I was doing I stated using it on and off for about 3-4 years and St the end of my stint found that I could no longer get aroused by women. It all stemmed from the porn like I hav never had emotional  feelings for a guy never imagined myself with other guys or any of that shit it was emotionally attracted and physically to girls.  Even when I jerking off to this I only checked girl out never a guy bc i wasn't gay.  Now I'm 10 months into my reboot and am totally wired to men but it's not bc I'm gay it's bc i have formed these sexually habits over the past few years associating this stuff with arousal so that's all my body knows how to do right now.  Despite this I still have o desire to be in a relationship  with a man like i just don't get so Ive sworn myself to rebooting my Brain to rewiring to women.  Granted this is the hardest thing I've ever done it's seems that 3 Years o escalation doesn't go away over night and wil stick around for a while. I just wholehearted believing that if I conditioned myself into this I can recondition myself out of it....

7
Coming around the corner of 9 months have have to say that I feel like of recently I've been having a lot of setbacks
 I've had numerous wet dreams while taking naps or just sleeping within the past 2 months but I don't want to think about that in terms of progress. I also have yet to really rewire be of lack of Drive although I have put myself out there with a few girl and have to say that finding a girl will be much harder than I thought it would be. I did go on a date with a girl held her hand and everything even made oit with her for a bit but no sexual excitement was evident i did really enjoy being with her tho.The addiction is still there granted I could probably get aroused with a girl with some  effort my brain still remembers the way I'd pmo. There are days where I question to whether I can actually do this bc it's been 9 months ad I'm still wired to this stimulus it just amazes me I guess I really never realized how deep into this stuff I was it just doesn't make sense to me how this stick around for so long it's actually really depressing. What else can I possibly do than keep going this is a learned behavior I want to scrap and leave behind one which I no longer want to be part of my life.

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Gary, for people who have experienced extreme escalation in my my case outside of own sexuality I'm guessing rewiring with actual girls would take precedence over merely abstainting. I've abstained for a while now have yet to rewire bc I have no libido for girls it I have yet to notice any desescation from merely abstaining but I'm guessing it just patience and time while making an effort to active rewire?

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Porn Addiction / Re: what can I do about this?
« on: May 23, 2015, 04:18:12 AM »
Same thing just happened again while I was literally trying to drift off to sleep. I don't get it I wasn't conscious for it like I close my eyes drifted into a light sleep and then was in like a trance the addiction took over didn't even realize anything before I knew I came too what I don't even remember. Immediately came back to my senses like wtf if I don't fall straight into sleep I notice this is a usually what happens. 3 wet dreams within the past week can't be good ahhh I don't even remember what I came too eitheer .This sucks.... I went a period of no wet dream for 3 months ad he had 3 in the past week. They just like happen I don't even remember what there about like even after minutes after it happens. I don't even fully get aroused anymore I get like a semi enough to ejaculate and that's it. No chaser effect after this one.

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Porn Addiction / Re: wtf? what the hell does this mean?
« on: May 20, 2015, 06:19:29 PM »
I did suffer from low self esteem for a long period of my life so there are a lot of time but this seems to a bigger issue for me right now. Everything you seem to have said has truth other than the fact that the majority of the port I was watching was gay porn it wasnt It started off with regular stuff then i startws to lok for new waya to get off nd then over the past 3 years started to veer in that direction. I've never been attracted to guys only girls but I feel like I really got addicted about 1.5 years ago and I guess that's when things started to change. From a young age I've always been attracted to girls crushes and what not same throughout high school. The porn was just one thing. All my wet dreams have been regarding the porn but that never really used to be the case I've used to dream only about being with girls it wasn't until I quit pot. That this happened. Thing is is that I know for a fact I used to have a libido do girls I remember it it wasn't until I started screwing with r his stuff that my world turned upside down. It's a ducking addiction I refuse to admit defeat I mean if I conditioning myself into this I don't see why I can't condition myself out.

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Porn Addiction / Re: what can I do about this?
« on: May 19, 2015, 12:23:40 PM »
Yeah I guess I can't control them they're still representative of the port I was wwatching and like I said I haven't Descalated yet still no libido for girls I have to rewire but have no drive.  I just have obscure attractions from the porn I was watching this guess It just takes time....

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Porn Addiction / what can I do about this?
« on: May 18, 2015, 12:17:31 PM »
I'm 8 months in and have yet to descalate from extreme escalation but it's gotten better I struggle mostly with wet dreams stunting my progress at this point.  I'm not watching porn or acting out but they mostly resemble me normally going throughout my day and then something triggers me or I'm just remember the way I used to pmo and I then I'll feel that dopamine feel myself start to get aroused. Usually I can stop myself before it's two late but other times I don't notice it or don't regain consciousness fast enough to stop a wet dream. It's extremely frustrating bc after 8 months it jut gets by me sometimes I don't get it. How can I prevent this?

13
Porn Addiction / Re: sexual confusion
« on: May 15, 2015, 03:40:48 PM »
Occasionally I also don't get turned on anymore like I used to. I remember I used to go erections to girls but after abusing porn it really messed me up. Just stop now!  Don't go any further you'll be fine. Had I Stopped 2 Yeats Ago I Wouldnt be in this postion.

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Porn Addiction / Re: sexual confusion
« on: May 15, 2015, 01:40:11 PM »
I'm In the same position as you man. I feel the same way. I escalated to this shit and it threw my world upside down. I have been attempting to reboot for almost a year now 8 months monk mode and my brain still remember a thin shit. I have no attraction for girls it's ducking frustrating because I like you grew up adoring girls crushes and everything. 3 years of porn escalation and to extreme material has left me extremely unhappy and confused. It's the ducking porn man we taught our brains to associate this shit with our a sexuality and we have to break that connection.  It takes a long fucking time and a lot of willpower you just have to be comfortable with your thoughts and accept them....for now the brain can rewire itself.

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8 ducking months.. feel like I've hit a real low I reached a point where I was doing great really didn't think much about this for a few weeks and it wasn't apparent in my dreams either. Then ml out I now where I had another wet dream like usually I can easily dismiss this in dreams but this time it was as if I didn't realize what I was doing. Then that same night I went to bed and within like 30 kin of drifting off to sleep had another wet dream this time the orgasm was very powerful. I woke up extremely angry and concerned because this hasn't happened in months and I don't know what the hell to make of it. I haven't really noticed any signs of major decalation and it's been 8 fucking months. It's become way more manageable like I don't pay attention to the attraction dismiss the thoughts and just cry on with my life I haven't really been thinking too much into my reboot until this happened bc I ret like I was snooth sailing.  Right now I'm extremely frustrated a have no idea what's going on but i can't let this break me I have to keep going I will not settle until I have reached my goal.. no way. I haven't attempted to rewire with girls yet bc I have no libido for them but I guess I have to push myself. I really hate that I have go through all of this........

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Porn Addiction / wtf? what the hell does this mean?
« on: May 14, 2015, 03:16:22 AM »
Coming around 8 months no o and 1 year no pmo and still feel like I'm having serious issues. I literally ejaculated twice again in one day just as I'm drifting off to sleep and it's still extremely representative to porm I was watching. This hasnt hapoened in months. I'm very concerned when I'm drifting of to sleep I'm in an unconscious state of mind where I'm partly conscious and I try to fight this and have it just happened. I don't want to think of this as a setback but like this is bs I don't know to make of it I'm scared to go to sleep. I feel like my sexuality is ducked because of my prior porn usage. I've haven't reinforced this pathway intentionally in over a year at this point and I haven't shown major signs of descalation yet. Can somebody please help me out here? Like when I go to sleep my guard is down and this shot just gets by. This can't mean anything good I'm just so ducking angry right now. I mean like wont will this eventually go away given what I'm doing?

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I am well read on all of those articles ad I've spent the first few months of my reboot trying to find understand what the hell happened. Unlike many I necessarily wire my libido to pixels but instead to a different stimulus which led to a total transfer of libido rendering my innate taste Useless. I understand that by checking my arousal with pixels is bad thing but when your libido is so far out and u notice your feeling a little something representing your Innate Taste I Am A Little reassured. The dopamine I describe is not a secular rush but instead miniscule in comparison like I noted before I still struggle to get aroused by women. I know the only rush I get is from the way I used to pmo but I've avoided it for a long Time now it's been about 11months since I actually intentionally reinforced that pathway.  I just wish there was a better understood time parameter on this bc after a period of time u really start to realize this is no joke  90 days is bs especially I u escalated were  talking fucking years man which is extremely daunting. I appreciate all the feedback as I no longer will check my arousal with women it just sucks you really gotta push yourself I you want it.

18
Okay yeah I guess it's best not check out girl nudes even if that's not what I'm wired to atm. Why is it that I can feel dopamine to nude pics of girls but nothing to actual clothed girls? Doesn't make any sense to me by I'm not even wired to girls at atm.

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Just another question on the topic....should I look at girl only nudes? I've tested myself a few times and can feel the dopamine it's just not strong enough to get an erection. I remember 7 months ago id feel absolutely nothing but now i definateky feel some dopamine. Would this hurt me given this is the direction I'm trying to move in. I mean as long as it's not the porn I used to watch would it be fine or no?

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Thank you for the response grayz. I'm reaching that stage in my reboot where I feel like I should start rewiring the thing is that I have no libido for women. Even after 7months my brain is wired to this stimulus but it's like died down.  It just sucks to attempt to rewire when u have no drive for women but it is where I want to be so I'll just have to push myself. I can occasionally get aroused and feel the some dopamine especiallu when i fanasize about girls but then other times i feel nothing. Anything remotely related to the porn i used to watch can still arouse me but i never focus on it and let it get to that point i just ignore it and move on. I don't even know how to approach this rewiring with a girl when it's still hard for me to get fully aroused. I guess start slow and take baby steps.  The hardest part is going to be finding an understanding girl that will understand my current sexual hangups. I'd Really Appreciate Anyone Else's Input On this or anybody in a similar situation.

21
This post is the epitome of my porn addiction that spun out of control.  This shut can really take a long time I wish it only took 45 days.....

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Hey guys so to keep things short and simple im abouy 7.5 months into my reboot and hsve noticed things getting alot better. To keep things short i escalated into gay pon about 2 to 3 years ago and things got bsd but i had no odea what the hell i was doing. long storyy short my libido for women was totally and dwindled away and this pretty mich rewired my brain ehich is extremely frustrating. Anyway ive noticed alot of stuff get better in 7.5 months like less sexual thoughts and stidf the atyractiom is still there vut wU more manageable. Everyday i beat myself up aboit this because i just want fucking nightmare to be over and its already been 7 months and my brain sti hasnt forgotten it. Ahhh anyway i can sometimes get aroused by girls its gotten better but the dopamine isnt there yet which is extemely nnerving. Anyway i think Alot Of It Is Becasue I havent Attempted To Rewire At All Or At Least Show My Brain The Direction I want to Go In. At My Stage Woild This Be Feasible yet? like Rewiring Is Gonna Be Hard Because My Brain still Remembers The Way I ised To pmo.. i rrally Need Some Advise Guys This isnt Easy If Anybody Can Fill Me In..like After A few Attempts of Tryig To Rewire Will Iy Become Easier To Get aroused?

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Thank you for your response Promise! I really put alot stress on myself with this all and I guess your right about not worrying about my dreams and what goes on when I go to sleep.  Its just really frustrating to have these dreams, but it could be a sign of progress. Like I said alot of my dreams consist of me having sex with women but at times they just tend to disppear or I just dont really get aroused enough or their genitals morph into male genitals. I guess its just my brain trying to figure everything out, I shouldnt really stress about it...On other note I did just recently have a sex dream with a woman in which I was extremely aroused and even finished in the dream, wasnt a wet dream though.  Im coming around on 7 months now and literally I hate to say it but overthinking it and worrying is the reason why people fail, and is the reason why I got really worked up over it because I started thinking too much about my dreams. Truth is despite having these dreams I never wake up aroused by them anymore. And like I said my arousal with girls is improving I just dont feel comfortable yet to begin rewiring but all in good time.

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I've been off these forums for a while bc I honestly hate thinking about this shit. Anyway I'm 6 months into my reboot and have been without porn for about 9 months. Anyway I just wanted to get input on my situation. I really hate talking about it bc these have the been the darkest moments of my life..but anyway this is my backstory. To keeps things short I escalated into gay oon over th course of the past 3 years and escalated with it while still watching plently of regular porn. Anyway due to tolerance and conditioning it eventually became really hard for me to get off to regular porn after a wHile. Hence I stopped because this was not the person I wanted to be but rather arrived at this point by shear stupidity.  Anyway Ive been off porn since last may/june..but relapsed to a chaser effect last September.  Since Sept I've been in total monk mode although recently I've been going through a few stints...a trigger which led to a wet dream which I haven't had in a while. Anyway almost 200 days in things have gotten alot better...less sexual thoughts which are less vivid in strength I even actually forget about thi altogether fo orolones periods of time but then ull get triggered and realize it's still there. My attraction to males is still there but really died down I still notice it but its way more manageable. it fucking sucks though I have feel so empty and just miserable at times nm having no idea how long this is gonna take...but I know it's possible because the brain is plastic and it's already gotten better. My dreams are still fucked up while my porn dream have rrally died down and arent as vivid as they used to be...they normally consist of me trying to bang every girl I can get my hands on but they  usually de materialize before my own eyes And it sucks like my brain wants me to go back after 6 months it hasn't forgotten this stimulus. I literslly still hsve dreams time to time about the way i used to pmo but usually im partlyconscious so I usually ignore it turn away from it and remind myself that I can't do that that anymore. There are times ive been uncomfortable drifting off to sleep because this addicted part o my mind starts playing images in my head. Im definately more capable of getting aroused by girls but thats not where the dopamine is at least yet. thing is I WILL NEVER go back bc I'm closing this door and never going back.. I've always been interested it girls have always complained about having a gf and find it to be a total mindfuck with what I'm going through rn.  This wasnt the person o was 2 -3 years ago. .Anyway I'm just looking for sone positive reinforcement and feedback. Thanks guys

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Porn Addiction / Re: Avoding all sexual thoughts...help
« on: March 30, 2015, 01:52:54 PM »
I haven't been on this forum for a while but...to answer why I had wanted to avoid all sexual thoughts was because my porn abuse has led me somewhere nobody wants to go..I escalated and didn't no What I was doing and after about 3 to 2.5 years of escalating to gay porn could no longer get aroused by a woman Despite the fact that this was where I started off. Hell I didn't even like the porn I was watching all I cared was that it got be off extremely hard. While that arousal pathway had really died down over 6 months Ive yet again come acroas stint in the process as I was triggered and then had a wet dream later that night. The though ts are no where as strong as they were months ago and have died afterms distracting myself and not thinking about it but are non the less still there. Porn escalation is a terrible thing especially when u have no idea what you are doing to your brain. Recovery for me is possible bit will take much longer than most people as I've totally jumped to the other side of the spectrum and am trying to get myself back. It just sucks knowing this isn't the person I've known my entire life and the person I was 2 to 3 years ago......

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