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Journals => Ages 40 and up => Topic started by: davesaint86 on December 24, 2014, 01:49:18 PM

Title: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on December 24, 2014, 01:49:18 PM
My Father introduced me to porn when I was six.  He threw a Playboy at me and told me to look at the naked broads.  From that point I loved looking a naked women.  I was introduced to Internet porn in my 20's.  Internet Porn (first pictures than videos) change everything for me.  I could not get enough.  I had a real high sex drive at the time even though I was married and was getting it a lot at home.  I wanted more mainly different women.  I could have these different women by watching porn.  Fast-forward 20 years.  I have a new GF that I'm actually in love with.  I want to marry her.  I've been able to mask my porn induced ED by using viagara and other medicines.  My new GF has a insatiable sex drive.  I love her so much I do not want to lose her.  In the past I made it almost 3 months without viewing porn.  I got stressed out and started up again.  I'm now to the point where I feel empty inside and I do not what to feel this way.  I need support getting through this.  Thank you!  Any suggestions for those that have been going through this will be appreciated.

Day 1 - So far so good.  I'm not stressed.  It's Christmas Eve.  I will be spending Christmas Eve with my GF.  I know hard times are coming and I will have withdrawals and I pray to God that he helps me through the withdrawals.  I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. 
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Steve on December 24, 2014, 02:50:23 PM
David.....the first steps to freedom are choosing a direction and moving ahead despite the unpleasant obstacles ahead. Addictions are not fun and there are no shortcuts. You ARE heading in the right direction.

One thing that I have learned from those that post here and the experts is that the dopamine high gives you a false sense of horniness. It is not your body naturally telling you to be aroused it's the artificial stimulus of porn (the Pavlovian effect) that makes you think you are horny...really you are just looking for that dopamine fix.  The touch, smell and taste of a woman should be the only thing that excites your senses and brings the rise in horniness. (Easy for me to say as the guy who isn't getting any...lol)

Stopping PMO are about doing what is right for YOU first and then through this healing and recovery process will benefit your gf too. I've struggled with the thoughts of taking meds to get me hard to be with a girl...it seems to mask my problem and I'm not sure if my confidence will go down because I'm not doing it on my own drug-free.  Tough decisions but individual to each of us, no right or wrong answer.

Be present, tender, loving and caring in your relationship and you will capture her heart forever regardless of the strength of your penis. In time it will come back around but take your time to discover the true pleasures that you have missed out on since being introduced to porn. Withdrawls are inevitable and on many different levels but stay strong, committed and purposeful in your journey. Merry Christmas, Dave!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on December 26, 2014, 11:40:58 AM
Thank you Steve!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on December 26, 2014, 11:42:41 AM
Day 3 - I'm doing great so far.  Spent Christmas with my GF.  I'm feeling a little antsy.  However, I do not feel the urge to watch porn.  I'm going Skiing tomorrow.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on December 29, 2014, 06:11:10 PM
Day 6 - Still doing great.  I went skiing in the mountains Sat and Sun.  I've just been trying to keep busy and concentrate on the love I have for my GF.  I plan on proposing to her New Years Eve or New Years Day.  I had successful sex with last night and this morning.  Twice in less than 8 hours.  I like where this is going.  I haven't been able to have sex two times within a 24 hour period in geez I do not know how many years.  I'm going skiing by myself tomorrow and my New Fiance and I will plan on going again on New Years Day and then Sunday.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  Thanks everyone.  This site does help.  I don't feel alone with this.

Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on December 30, 2014, 07:48:42 PM
Day 7 - Woke up with MW this morning which is awesome.  Kept busy and took my last ski lesson today.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on January 03, 2015, 01:30:25 PM
Jan 3 - Day 11-I've been a little stressed out.  Yesterday PMO entered my mind and I quickly exited it out of my mind.  I've been wondering why I'm able to sexually function now 75% of the time without the blue pill.  I'm wondering if it is because even though I'm on Day 11 I had about a two week relapse.  I was PMO free from about 9/25 or so up until a couple of weeks before Christmas.  Before that I would go a month with it and 3 or so months without it.  The one thing I noticed is that the PMO seemed to be stressed-induced.  I think that is why it's so important to keep busy and do positive things and even use self-talk and clear your mind of PMO when it enters it.  I'm being tested right now.  I love this group.  Stay positive and PMO free.  I also think what has helped me is my fiance.  Even though this is my addiction and I own it, I want to be everything to her.  I never loved someone as much as I love her.  I know PMO is destructive.  My Father and brother are alcoholics.  I've seen them destroyed their families.  I do not want to destroy what I have.  It's time to step up and beat this thing once in for all.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: lyon03 on January 03, 2015, 02:42:13 PM
Hey brother. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to following your journey. During my early recovery, for the first month I was obsessed with my d*ck, morning wood, will it work again etc. Love and intimacy are all about being 100% present for your partner. She's marrying you, not your c*ck. Focus on staying PMO free and being a better man and your junk will heal/follow. Be well. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on January 03, 2015, 03:09:58 PM
Thank you Lyon!!!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: lyon03 on January 03, 2015, 03:23:04 PM
My pleasure. When you start obsessing about porn or your penis, counter it by reading Gary Wilson's excellent book, 'Your Brain on Porn'. Stay strong.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on January 13, 2015, 09:11:10 PM
Day 20 - Life is awesome right now.  Why?  Because I'm still porn free.  I'm pretty sure I'm going through the flatlining process.  It started around day 14.  My fiance and I have sex normally almost every day.  A few days ago is the first time sex hasn't worked with Viagra.  Either of us were disappointed.  I did have sex yesterday.  However the erection was not strong as normal.  This is why I think I might be flatlining a bit.  From what I think I read it usually lasts a couple of weeks.  Now on to how I'm feeling.  My fiance put her house up for sale so we are in the process of getting her house ready to sell and me making room for her stuff.  Things are a little stressful right now.  It seems like when I'm stressed porn enters my mind easily.  As soon as I think of porn I change my though pattern and usually think loving thoughts of my fiance or something work related.  This helps me a lot.  Porn is negative so I try to squash the negative thoughts.  Anyways, still porn free.  By the way when I was cleaning out my desk I found about 5 porn CD's that I received in the mail years ago.  I threw them right in the trash after bending them in two.  Thank you all!!!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Poker on January 14, 2015, 02:42:23 AM
This is one of the journals that has affected me...  I want you beat this.  I am happy to hear you're in a great relationship.

I have tons I want to add but its late here...  Can't stay awake.

Be strong...  Eye on the prize, always!

Cheers,

p.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: lyon03 on January 14, 2015, 05:19:19 AM
Thanks for sharing Dave. How refreshing to read about new love and couples growing closer. Don't worry too much about your equipment: I tend to the think obsession feeds addiction. Good luck with the move and sharing your space! Be strong brother. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on January 19, 2015, 05:54:07 PM
Day 26 - I've had a real strong urge to PMO today.  That is why I've accessed this site today.  I haven't and don't plan on falling.  I'm telling you all for me it's all stress related.  Just like others with other addictions we feel we need our fix to makes things better.  However, things do not get better.  You just crave more and more.  Anyways, I will not falter today.

Dave
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Dharmabum on January 22, 2015, 08:05:59 AM
Keep going, Dave.  Temptations will always be there, but each time we say "no thanks", they get a little weaker. 

Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on January 30, 2015, 08:15:36 PM
Day 37 - No change with my situation.  Still PMO free.  Question - I'm engaged to be married and will be getting married in May.  My fiance wanted to know if I wanted to play around and take pictures of her.  Nudes of course.  I love and only have eyes for her.  We are intimate virtually on a daily basis.  Would taking and looking at the pictures affect my recovery?

Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: ready2go on January 31, 2015, 02:39:39 AM
Dave I don't now the answer to your question, but I have one for you.  Does your fiancĂ© know of your addiction and recovery?  My guess is that having those photos around could trigger something more serious.  I think it would for me anyway.  You may be differerntly wired.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on February 03, 2015, 08:01:05 PM
Ready to Go - I just told her last night.  She says she totally supports me and doesn't want to setback my progress.  Truthfully I'm totally 100% committed to her and her only.  If I even catch myself glancing at another woman I immediately look away and picture my lady.


D
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on February 03, 2015, 08:07:52 PM
Day 41 - Still PMO free.  When I was young I felt like I had a mind/penis connection.  That fell by the wayside.  Was it due to porn?  Probably didn't help.  Anyways it has really been stirring in my pants over the last week so I'm cautiously optimistic that my libido/erections are improving.  I even had sex twice within 5 hours last night and I was hard both times.  I like where this is going.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on February 17, 2015, 09:03:54 PM
Day 55 - Still PMO free.  I feel like I've run into a minor setback.  It seems like I might be flatlining again.  Is this normal at day 55.  A few weeks ago I felt like I was getting my mojo back.  The last week I've been having trouble getting and keeping erections. 
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Jimmy James on February 18, 2015, 06:21:57 AM
A flatline is not a setback.  It's all part of the non-linear recovery process.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on March 02, 2015, 09:49:54 PM
Day 68 - Still PMO free.  I do not even have urges to PMO it seems.  I'm still just concentrating on my relationship with me finance.  She just texted me, "You have exceeded all of my expectations that I could ever have, you are the most wonderful man in the world, I love you so much!!!.  My response, "It's called love and me giving more of myself than taking in order to make you happy is the new unselfish David who loves you dearly and who desperately wants to fly right.  Join me babe and we can fly right together as one."  I'm a very happy man.  I feel truly blessed. 

Dave
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Jimmy James on March 03, 2015, 06:21:52 AM
That's great, Dave.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on March 23, 2015, 09:14:13 PM
Day 89 - Still PMO free.  I haven't had any urges for PMO since day 68.   I'm still just concentrating on my relationship with me finance.  I'm getting married in May.  I now pray everyday to stay PMO and pray God leads me to be the man he wants me to be.  I do not believe in shoving religion down someones throat.  However, with that said I'm the happiest by far I've ever been in my life since I've recommitted myself to God.  I'm trying to fly right.  I was a scumbag for so long I lost my way.  You people are the best.  I commend both of those that are succeeding and ones who have failed but are trying to get back on track.  My best advice still is think once for change about how your actions affect others and yourself.  Step up and do something about it.  Ask for help.  When you get the urge, jump on this site.  Immediately get porn out of your mind.  Think of doing something else positive like exercising or something.  Stay the course and beat this thing not your meat, lol (Sorry had to say it).

Dave
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Dharmabum on March 26, 2015, 05:10:28 AM
Great work, Dave.  Keep going - you're doing it! 
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on April 25, 2015, 04:25:26 PM
Day - 121 - Still PMO free.  However, I thought about porn on the way home from the gym.  Why?  I maybe a little stressed.  I'm getting married in 10 days so maybe that's the reason.  I thought I should jump on here an journal my thoughts.  My libido has still not recovered.  I know it's still early.  I wish it would get better.  My desire is there.  I have a hard time keeping an erection without Viagra.  It's frustrating.  Anyways, hang in there everyone and if thoughts of PMO come in your mind, jump on here and journal it and then go  do something positive.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on May 18, 2015, 07:10:16 PM
Day 144 - Still PMO free - I got married a few weeks ago.  The truth now I rarely ever think about or watching porn.  I have sex frequently with my wife so I'm lucky that she keeps me satisfied their is no need for PMO.  Anyways, I still plan I frequenting this site.  Hang in there everyone.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: unchained on May 18, 2015, 10:16:15 PM
Congratulations.  Stay away for porn and claim your prize every chance you get.  Way to go!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: 53nomorepmo on May 20, 2015, 09:34:02 AM
David S. thanks for your journal, it is a real inspiration!  No more PMO for me.  It sure sounds like your good choices have had very positive results.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on May 21, 2015, 09:14:04 PM
Day 147 - Still PMO free.  Thanks everyone for the positive comments.  When I quit PMO on December I was rarely ever getting MW.  Now it's happening almost every day.  I hope that is a good sign to come.  I've made so many changes.  I'm almost 51.  I lost 20 pounds since December due to a change in diet.  I do over 1000 pushups and 300 pullups per week, plus cardio.  I'm taking a lot of vitamins.  My wife is feeding me organic food.  I'm so blessed.  I can't tell for sure but I think things are slowly coming back.  I want everyone out there that reads my journal to not give up.  When you think of PMO do something positive.  Change your thought process immediately away from porn.   Find someone who loves and supports you and concentrate only on them.  Center them, not porn.

David
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on May 29, 2015, 09:37:41 PM
Day 155 - Still PMO free.  I'm feeling really good.  My erection seem like they are becoming harder.  For 4 weeks now I been staying hard throughout the act of sex.  This is a big improvement. I'm almost always waking up with morning wood now also.  Why?  Could be many factors.  I've been PMO free .  My wife is a Pharmacist and she feeds me an assortment of vitamins each morning.  She also feeds me mostly organic low-fat/sugar meals.  She swears that the chemicals (nitrates), etc are also causing ED problems.  Anyways, everything is going well and I hope my good fortune continues. 
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: notgivinup on June 02, 2015, 09:17:42 AM
Hey David....just found your journal today. What an inspiration. Thank you for your posts and thank you for staying strong.
You're a huge encouragement.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you in your journey.

Thanks,
NGU
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on June 18, 2015, 09:19:15 PM
Day 175 - Still PMO free.  Over the last two weeks it seems like I've had a setback with the firmness of my erections.  Stress seems to be the culprit.  Things were better last night.   Stress definitely seems to play a part and it messes with my head.  I need to get the stress under control.  Anyways just checking in.  Hope everyone is doing well.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on June 16, 2016, 08:05:58 PM
The last time I posted something was on June 18, 2015.  I was at day 175 being PMO free.  I had a relapse and I'm starting over.
Day 27 - Today is day 27 of my relapse.  I just finish reading the YourBrainOnPorn book.  So why did I relapse.  In my opinion, stress once again.  I let it get the best of me.  I thought I had it beat.  I'm glad to be back.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on June 18, 2016, 10:51:34 AM
Day 28 - No morning wood, I'm irritable, depressed and I have stomach pains.  Man I screwed up.  Sucks starting over.  This reboot seems worst than the last one.  I did not understand the harm of edging and did not know how it is much worse.  I have to suck it up and stay on top of things and manage my stress.  I let myself down and I feel I let you all down.  I really felt like I was on top of the world and it this beat.  It shows you all fast you can fall with one slip up. One slip up becomes 2 and then three and then you fall down the rabbit hole again.  Sorry!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: TK-421 on June 20, 2016, 09:11:45 PM
Hey Dave. Welcome back to the board, and sorry to hear that you're struggling. Do you mind sharing a bit about what happened after 175 days. It would probably be good for many of the guys here (myself included) to understand that mindset and how this can sneak up on you.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on June 23, 2016, 06:17:19 PM
Day 33

TK421-So what happened?  Why did I fall.  I think the reason I was successful was during those 175 days I was planning my wedding.  I think that became my dopamine rush or at least it help keep me busy.  We got married on Maui.  After we got back I was doing good until mid-June.  Looking back I remember getting depressed.  It felt like a let down.  It is like when you are a kid and the minute Christmas ends and you have to go back to school.  Well I had to go back to life.  I starting edging because I thought doing so wouldn't not harm me much.  I did not read back then how harmful edging is.  It snowballed from there.  During the last year I did not PMO near has much so I have to admit I do not understand why I'm having a harder time getting through the flatline.  I know it's only day 33 but I thought I would be further ahead in my recovery.  My anxiety has not been bad over the last few days.  However, I'm dead and have no libido whatsoever.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Gabriel1960 on June 23, 2016, 09:48:52 PM
Yo.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: aslowturning on June 24, 2016, 12:09:35 PM
  It felt like a let down. 

I think this is  huge problem for me too. I have had times in my life where circumstances (in your case planning for the wedding) forced me to man up and invest in the relationship. But, then when the mission is accomplished look out. The first year of my marriage was horrible. I had a difficult time after the births of our children as well. Thank you for observing that dynamic. It is helpful to me!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on June 26, 2016, 08:54:03 AM
Hello Guys!

Day 36 - Feeling pretty good so far this morning.  Don't laugh.  Friday was the fourth day in a row without having sex. Yesterday morning I woke up with weak MW.  Yesterday afternoon I took a nap and woke up with rock-hard w and had mind-blowing sex with my wife.  No pills either.  This morning though, no MW.  The good news is hopefully this is a sign of me starting to come out of my flatline.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on June 28, 2016, 07:46:54 PM
Day 38 - My wife yesterday told me my porn addiction was by Dad's fault.  I told her that it is 100% my fault even though my Dad got me started at 6.  I have to accept full responsibility for my actions.  Anyways, there are signs that I may be coming out of my flatline.  Below tv show I watched on addictions on Sunday.  I'll post Pt 2 once it plays on TV.

How Addictions Affect the Brain Pt . 1 | Manna-Fest with Perry Stone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gEuzuDqiPk
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: notgivinup on June 29, 2016, 02:28:32 PM
Hey Dave...thanks for your posts.
Thanks for getting back in, and thank for posting the video.
good stuff.
NGU
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on June 29, 2016, 07:43:03 PM
Thank you.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: notgivinup on June 30, 2016, 12:31:31 PM
Dave...thanks, again, for the video.
I'm looking forward to seeing part 2.

I know how it feels to be "on top of the world" and doing great...and then BAM...you're on your face again because of pmo.....and whatever led up to it.

It sucks.

I know you are well back into the reboot...but don't think about where you WOULD HAVE been.....that's already done. It's history. It's not a total loss. You are WAY ahead of where you were before you had the 175 days of no pmo.

And you are that much further now. But you are today over 27 days...and that is really cool.

I wish you well today. Thanks for your toughness and your resolve here. Your journey is encouraging.

don't forget to post the link for the next video.

Thanks
NGU
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on June 30, 2016, 07:23:44 PM
Day 40 - Thank you all.  I'm feeling better as far as not having the anxiety.  I had three straight days of MW also.  I'm doing better this reboot also because I'm more knowledgeable now.  I have a great life now.  My goal is to make it one year. 
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: notgivinup on July 01, 2016, 11:07:57 AM
Congrats on day 40. That's awesome.

NGU
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Chip on July 22, 2016, 02:21:11 PM
Day 40 - Thank you all.  I'm feeling better as far as not having the anxiety.  I had three straight days of MW also.  I'm doing better this reboot also because I'm more knowledgeable now.  I have a great life now.  My goal is to make it one year.
haven't heard from you in a bit, how's it going?  Should be up around 62 if my math is right.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on August 14, 2020, 06:34:49 PM
Starting over for the third time.  It's been 2016 since I posted last.  I failed.  That is why you have not heard from me.  Day 1 was on August 6, 2020.  Today is Day 9 of being porn free.  I was flatlining and still flatlining from day 1.  I can't tell you what happen why I went back to porn other than it's been a habit that I could fully never break.  I have a high sex drive when not on porn so maybe that's it.  I'm 56 now and I started working out hard again.  Doing P90X at my age, which is hard.  Working out is keeping my mind off porn.  I'm hoping starting up the log again will not only help me but help others.  Currently I have no libido, MW, nothing, nada.  I'm going to post my workout status also to keep track of my progress.

Yesterday 200 pushups, 10-2 Min Rounds Bas Rutten Boxing, 1500 Jump Rope Skips/4 miles of Walking
Today - 2 mile walk, 300 Jump Rope Skips, P90X Yoga X and Ab Ripper X - I start week 4 today of P90X which is a recovery week
Tomorrow - P90X Core Synergistics,  Probably will be doing a walk or hike along with skipping rope
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Georgos on August 14, 2020, 06:50:25 PM
Hi Dave, it's great to see you're grasping the philosophy of work, I know when I work I feel really good, but sometimes when I try to hard it get's confusing, I'm really ashamed of my PMO habit, but I've cut it down to less than ten times a year so that's a start, last time I saw my old RE teacher he said I'd be "a student for life", I guess maybe he was right, he was one of my favourite teachers along with Mr. Williams who was only rude to me once when I told him I was "half-,Cypriot", he said "how unfortunate" :( Still I got to do whatever I wanted in maths class with no teacher, had some great friends too, maths can be really beautiful once you get the hang of it, it's just proving stuff that stumps me, always been more of an interpreter I'm afraid, anyway, I'm straying from the point, just wanted to say we're here for you, keep it up, peace.

Qi Yuan divined for Sun Ra: it is best to separate before humiliation sets in.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: jixu on August 15, 2020, 06:16:56 AM
Hi Dave-maybe what you described is more like a temporary setback as opposed to failure.  Failure would be more like not doing anything positive to change the situation.  Looking forward to hearing about your restart.  That is one crazy workout regimen-I got tired just reading it!  Best wishes and good job getting back on track.     
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on August 17, 2020, 01:44:14 PM
Day 11 - Today is Day 11 of being porn free. I woke up in the middle of the night (Day 9th) with a woody.  I was surprised.  I'll take it.  No urges. 

Staying positive
Did my - P90X Core Synergistics,  along with a 2 1/4 walk.  Did 2000 skips with the the job rope along with abs and stretching.
Yesterday boxed 10 rounds, abs an stretched
Today, road my Rogue bike 1 hour.  Still need to skip rope.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: TheNorman on August 17, 2020, 08:05:22 PM
Once I'm back from vacation I plan on hitting the heavy bag a lot more but man does it gas me out quickly! Good for you on the double digit streak and for the intense workouts!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on August 18, 2020, 08:17:52 AM
Day 13 - Had some minor urges yesterday and today.  I did not take the bait.  I tell myself no, not interested.  I woke up yesterday with extreme back pain so did light exercise yesterday trying to let my back recover.  Plus it was hot as hell yesterday.  I just need to stay busy and positive and channel my energy into positive things.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on August 20, 2020, 07:09:24 PM
Yay - made it to day 15.  My libido is low.  I did wake up a few times with a half-ass erection each time last night.  Right now this is easy.  My big concern is can I handle having my libido back and still stay in control.   That will be the hard part.  Staying positive.

Exercise Today
Rogue Air Bike - 30 Minutes
P90X Yoga X
Bas Rutten - 10 2-Minute Rounds Boxing
Skipping Rope - 1,000 skips 17 minutes
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on September 02, 2020, 02:02:16 PM
Day 28 -   My libido is low. Really no change since Day 15.  Sex with my wife has been a lot better (Sindenifil Assisted) .  She notices. 

Exercise Today
Rogue Air Bike - 10 HIIT Rounds
Bas Rutten - 10 2-Minute Rounds Boxing
Stretching - Still need to do
Abs - Still need to do
Will be doing a HIIT routine after work - Still need to do
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: jixu on September 03, 2020, 01:32:02 PM
Great job on the near 30 days!  That is huge!
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on September 08, 2020, 02:23:00 PM
Thanks Jixu!  Even though the libido is not there I feel I'm missing something.  I think that something is the habit of viewing porn.  Staying busy and productive.  Had s*x with my wife yesterday and noticed a big improvement with the feeling, hardness, etc.  I don't want to go back.  It's a bad habit and is so negative.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on September 14, 2020, 09:16:37 AM
Day 40 - libido still low.  Strong thoughts came into my head the last couple of days of wanting to view porn (just pictures).  I stopped myself both times.  With all the craziness in the world I don't want go back to the old me.  It's a struggle.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on October 06, 2020, 04:57:30 PM
Day 62 - Still doing great so far.  Low libido still.  It's actually peaceful and do not feel as much stress.
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: Jayd on October 07, 2020, 07:16:24 AM
Keep it going
Title: Re: David S Journal
Post by: davesaint86 on November 14, 2020, 04:04:45 PM
Day 101.  Still good.  Libido still low. A lot of stress at work.  A few weeks ago for two days straight was getting morning wood.  Don't know why it went away after that.