Partingglass
Member
So, A little bit about myself:
I am 21 years old. I am a month away from graduating a college that has changed me in so many ways, it has been the defining point in my life. It is a regimented school, meaning I have to wear a uniform and attend formations, I am in a leadership position that has been one of the most draining things I have ever done due to the fact it is more like a babysitter, but the school gives me money for doing it so it works out. I am fit and I am already very active. I have been a swimmer all my life, and when I got to college really became serious about lifting, and packed on solid muscle on top of my leaner body. That being said I also gained a lot of fat when I got to school, partially due to what I am going to tell you guys about later, and its been a struggle the last two years to lose that fat. I can build muscle like the best of them but losing fat for me is extremely hard without a massive caloric deficit. I am excited to see if this new journey can return my hormones to more manageable levels and without PMO multiple times a day I can lose this stubborn fat that has been with me for too long.
I want this change, specially after my eyes have been opened these last few days. A little background of my sexual history and PMO use will get you up to speed so you can better understand what I personally have gone through and let my story help anyone out there see that this is serious but curable.
History:
I started PMO when I was 11 or 12, starting with pictures I printed and then moving onto the internet when we got it. Part of a blessing of this whole thing is that I didn't actually damage myself too bad in high school, mainly due to the fact that our internet was so slow it took hours to load one video, so I would pick the video I wanted to watch and then come back to it later in the night. It was my guilty pleasure and I loved it. I got my first girlfriend when I was 14 and that didn't last long but it opened me up to a new world and after a few months of being single I met another girl and we began to date, I was 15 at the time, still using PMO but not as frequently, couple times a week. I lost my virginity to her four months after we started dating at the age 15. We enjoyed a healthy sex life and loved to explore and try new things. Together we learned how amazing sex could be and how much fun you can have. Around the time that relationship ended (she cheated on me while I was away a state level swim meet) I discovered what has been my main kink for the last 6 years, Bondage. We tried some power games but it never progressed into anything else because she ended it (too guilty). I went through a rough period, some drug use and started drinking (age 16 now).
By my 17th birthday and my senior year of school I was talking to a new girl, one who would become another major part of my life. We began dating and soon had sex, this time it was me taking her virginity. The sex with this girl was wild, she was much more attractive than my previous girlfriends, with an insane body, the money for fancy lingerie and the likes. It was amazing, but around this time I discovered erotica and became engulfed. Now my kinks were Bondage and erotica. Two dangerous things for a young mind, especially when mixed.
We continued our relationship into college, where it quickly became apparent that I couldn't keep up with her. She joined a sorority and was getting drunk five times a week, while I was in a strict regiment program and wasn't allowed to leave school. I quickly turned to porn to satisfy my needs and make myself feel better that the love of my life was getting drunk and grinding on other dudes multiple times a week. We broke up once and got back together during my first year of school, before ending it because she couldn't except the fact that I had to deploy over the summer.
My first deployment I had no P and would just MO off of imagination. I was still healthy at this point, a champ in my own opinion. When I returned from my deployment I hooked up with the girl again and took her on nice expensive dates, my confidence was through the roof, I felt great with my recent life experiences. Within four weeks of being home she drops a bomb on me, texts me to "look at Facebook" and the first thing I see is that she is in a relationship with another guy. I was crushed, my whole world shattered, this was the girl who got my through the death of a close friend, and was almost the mother of my child. I went cold turkey on her, cut her off completely, despite getting drunk calls almost every night of the week even though she was till dating the other guy.
This was the start of my downward spiral, I turned to porn and lots of it, school was harder and harder and I used it as stress relief. I started putting on the weight, getting huge for my size, I was deeply depressed, pushed all my friends away and isolated myself. During this dark time I found two things that would turn out to save my life: Photography and Cars. Two things that helped pull me out of my depression. I have since made a decently full recovery and started repairing relationships with my friends that I pushed away when I fell. Two bad things remain from that depression though, the weight I added (now with hard muscle underneath) and my PMO habits.
I first realized that I had a problem a year and a half ago, when I was hooking up with a new girl and had trouble getting it up, which had never happened before. At first I blamed it on her and just said she wasn't hot enough, or wasn't as good as my last girlfriend. But after we stopped hooking up I stopped caring. I went back to PMO as there aren't many girls at my school. That lasted a few months then a new girl came into the picture. Same thing happened, I blamed my problem on her, and I wasn't too concerned because she had sexual issues of her own so I said fuck it. Another deployment came and went and then that brings us to pretty much two months ago when my habits took an even bigger hit.
The same porn just wasn't enough anymore, I needed more. I started turning to things I didn't agree with. I didm't think much of it because I had always been kinky, but this stuff was something else. I turned to darker erotica, I turned to different genres, and some foul things to get off.
I started to lose my drive, before I would get horny but not anymore, I wouldn't get turned on by anything but the most kinky of sites. It was getting bad and I still thought everything was decently fine.
Fastforward to four days ago, I reunited with the girl I was seeing six months ago, we got drunk and tried to hook up and for the first time ever it was nothing, limp. So I played it off like I didn't want to have sex and wanted to make sure we were sober if we did, had to fight her off for a bit because she was pretty wasted lol but dodged it. That was the straw that broke the camels back, I knew I was screwed and I needed help. So I started researching and quickly found YourBrainonPorn.com and my world was shattered. I read everything I could in two days and realized the damage I had been doing to myself.
So now comes change, I am off PMO, its day four. I told the girl I have been with, mostly because we were very close before we started hooking up and I felt comfortable with her. She says she wants to help and will work through it with me, but I can tell she doesn't really understand fully. I have felt dead down there for awhile now, and I almost feel like I'm flatlined at day 3 lol but last night she came over an for the first time in a while I got half hard just from kissing and curling, something that in high school would have left me hard as a rock. Last night I also woke up to a really erotic dream and I was hard as a rock, something that never happens to me. And all this on day 4, I am positive I will make a full recovery.
This will be hard for me though, as I loved porn. Ask most cigarette smokers why they don't quit, they will tell you "I could if I want to, but I don't want to, I love smoking" That was me, I loved porn, I loved the girls, I loved the culture of it, I thought it was great. I also write erotic fiction, I was deep into that. I don't know whats going to happen to my writing but I am not trying to worry about it too much. I am hoping to make a full recovery and then stay off of Porn and learn how to put more moderation in my life.
Thanks for reading and I will keep Y'all posted!
I am 21 years old. I am a month away from graduating a college that has changed me in so many ways, it has been the defining point in my life. It is a regimented school, meaning I have to wear a uniform and attend formations, I am in a leadership position that has been one of the most draining things I have ever done due to the fact it is more like a babysitter, but the school gives me money for doing it so it works out. I am fit and I am already very active. I have been a swimmer all my life, and when I got to college really became serious about lifting, and packed on solid muscle on top of my leaner body. That being said I also gained a lot of fat when I got to school, partially due to what I am going to tell you guys about later, and its been a struggle the last two years to lose that fat. I can build muscle like the best of them but losing fat for me is extremely hard without a massive caloric deficit. I am excited to see if this new journey can return my hormones to more manageable levels and without PMO multiple times a day I can lose this stubborn fat that has been with me for too long.
I want this change, specially after my eyes have been opened these last few days. A little background of my sexual history and PMO use will get you up to speed so you can better understand what I personally have gone through and let my story help anyone out there see that this is serious but curable.
History:
I started PMO when I was 11 or 12, starting with pictures I printed and then moving onto the internet when we got it. Part of a blessing of this whole thing is that I didn't actually damage myself too bad in high school, mainly due to the fact that our internet was so slow it took hours to load one video, so I would pick the video I wanted to watch and then come back to it later in the night. It was my guilty pleasure and I loved it. I got my first girlfriend when I was 14 and that didn't last long but it opened me up to a new world and after a few months of being single I met another girl and we began to date, I was 15 at the time, still using PMO but not as frequently, couple times a week. I lost my virginity to her four months after we started dating at the age 15. We enjoyed a healthy sex life and loved to explore and try new things. Together we learned how amazing sex could be and how much fun you can have. Around the time that relationship ended (she cheated on me while I was away a state level swim meet) I discovered what has been my main kink for the last 6 years, Bondage. We tried some power games but it never progressed into anything else because she ended it (too guilty). I went through a rough period, some drug use and started drinking (age 16 now).
By my 17th birthday and my senior year of school I was talking to a new girl, one who would become another major part of my life. We began dating and soon had sex, this time it was me taking her virginity. The sex with this girl was wild, she was much more attractive than my previous girlfriends, with an insane body, the money for fancy lingerie and the likes. It was amazing, but around this time I discovered erotica and became engulfed. Now my kinks were Bondage and erotica. Two dangerous things for a young mind, especially when mixed.
We continued our relationship into college, where it quickly became apparent that I couldn't keep up with her. She joined a sorority and was getting drunk five times a week, while I was in a strict regiment program and wasn't allowed to leave school. I quickly turned to porn to satisfy my needs and make myself feel better that the love of my life was getting drunk and grinding on other dudes multiple times a week. We broke up once and got back together during my first year of school, before ending it because she couldn't except the fact that I had to deploy over the summer.
My first deployment I had no P and would just MO off of imagination. I was still healthy at this point, a champ in my own opinion. When I returned from my deployment I hooked up with the girl again and took her on nice expensive dates, my confidence was through the roof, I felt great with my recent life experiences. Within four weeks of being home she drops a bomb on me, texts me to "look at Facebook" and the first thing I see is that she is in a relationship with another guy. I was crushed, my whole world shattered, this was the girl who got my through the death of a close friend, and was almost the mother of my child. I went cold turkey on her, cut her off completely, despite getting drunk calls almost every night of the week even though she was till dating the other guy.
This was the start of my downward spiral, I turned to porn and lots of it, school was harder and harder and I used it as stress relief. I started putting on the weight, getting huge for my size, I was deeply depressed, pushed all my friends away and isolated myself. During this dark time I found two things that would turn out to save my life: Photography and Cars. Two things that helped pull me out of my depression. I have since made a decently full recovery and started repairing relationships with my friends that I pushed away when I fell. Two bad things remain from that depression though, the weight I added (now with hard muscle underneath) and my PMO habits.
I first realized that I had a problem a year and a half ago, when I was hooking up with a new girl and had trouble getting it up, which had never happened before. At first I blamed it on her and just said she wasn't hot enough, or wasn't as good as my last girlfriend. But after we stopped hooking up I stopped caring. I went back to PMO as there aren't many girls at my school. That lasted a few months then a new girl came into the picture. Same thing happened, I blamed my problem on her, and I wasn't too concerned because she had sexual issues of her own so I said fuck it. Another deployment came and went and then that brings us to pretty much two months ago when my habits took an even bigger hit.
The same porn just wasn't enough anymore, I needed more. I started turning to things I didn't agree with. I didm't think much of it because I had always been kinky, but this stuff was something else. I turned to darker erotica, I turned to different genres, and some foul things to get off.
I started to lose my drive, before I would get horny but not anymore, I wouldn't get turned on by anything but the most kinky of sites. It was getting bad and I still thought everything was decently fine.
Fastforward to four days ago, I reunited with the girl I was seeing six months ago, we got drunk and tried to hook up and for the first time ever it was nothing, limp. So I played it off like I didn't want to have sex and wanted to make sure we were sober if we did, had to fight her off for a bit because she was pretty wasted lol but dodged it. That was the straw that broke the camels back, I knew I was screwed and I needed help. So I started researching and quickly found YourBrainonPorn.com and my world was shattered. I read everything I could in two days and realized the damage I had been doing to myself.
So now comes change, I am off PMO, its day four. I told the girl I have been with, mostly because we were very close before we started hooking up and I felt comfortable with her. She says she wants to help and will work through it with me, but I can tell she doesn't really understand fully. I have felt dead down there for awhile now, and I almost feel like I'm flatlined at day 3 lol but last night she came over an for the first time in a while I got half hard just from kissing and curling, something that in high school would have left me hard as a rock. Last night I also woke up to a really erotic dream and I was hard as a rock, something that never happens to me. And all this on day 4, I am positive I will make a full recovery.
This will be hard for me though, as I loved porn. Ask most cigarette smokers why they don't quit, they will tell you "I could if I want to, but I don't want to, I love smoking" That was me, I loved porn, I loved the girls, I loved the culture of it, I thought it was great. I also write erotic fiction, I was deep into that. I don't know whats going to happen to my writing but I am not trying to worry about it too much. I am hoping to make a full recovery and then stay off of Porn and learn how to put more moderation in my life.
Thanks for reading and I will keep Y'all posted!
We seem to have quite a similar taste. 